In the sixties, it was fashionable to raise children "on Spock." In the seventies and eighties came the fashion for early intellectualization, it was started by the famous Glenn Doman, founder of the Institute of Child Development in Philadelphia. Now, under the influence of four William and Martha Serz, author of "Your Child" (publishers called it the new "Bible" for the parents of the nineties), many parents tend to be the so-called "Natural" style of parenting.
Now imagine a young mother, diligently take notes or that teaching Tome and checks every action with the "letter of the law." Extreme, you say? Alas, it is not so far removed from reality.
So what do they say about feeding your baby educational authorities?
Dr. Spock — a supporter of strict regime
Let's start with Dr. Spock — pediatrician, who for a time looked very liberal. Spock was not a psychologist, but for some reason in his pedagogical ideas often distinguish the psychological aspect of it. In fairness, we note that by preaching the streamlined regime, Spock is constantly in the definitions of "approximately," "reasonable," etc. The "softness" Spock suggests that a child should not cry for hours waiting for food. In the book "Baby and Child Care for him," the doctor formulates the following rule of feeding the baby:
"If a child is crying much more than 15 minutes and it took more than two hours since the last feeding or less than two hours, but after such a feeding when the baby ate very little, then feed him. If he is satisfied, and fell asleep again, you've found the right answer. If it is less than two hours after a normal feeding, it is unlikely due to hunger cries. Let her cry for 15-20 minutes, if you can stand it, or give him a pacifier and see if he falls asleep again. If he is crying more than usual, there's nothing wrong with that, to feed him. "
Phew! Well, as've read? Is not it, like a computer program algorithm with adherence to strict? Let's try to figure out the meaning of the infant cry 15-20 minutes that Spock has to sustain, if feeding time has not come yet.
While the baby is in the womb, he was completely comfortable, no need to worry about anything, ask anything, he is never hungry, cold or hot. But here the child was born, and his first encounter with the outside world — a severe shock. The kid in the world meets the cold, pain, bright light. The first cry, so that all are waiting and which means normal birth of a new man for the child associated with severe pain and therefore is not joyful. Imagine, for example, that a cool evening under the harsh, biting wind you get out of the warm, gentle sea. Is not it true, is not the most pleasant sensations? However, the newborn they are much stronger. After parting with the family, cozy and affectionate "house", having an incredibly difficult path of birth, the baby gets in a strange world where everything is too bright, too loud, cold, and even painful because the lungs are developed.
In pediatrics concept of "birth trauma" associated with a particular pathology of birth. But there is a psychological concept of birth trauma, which is present in all children, and is not associated with any pathology, but suggests that the first encounter with the world for a child in one way or another traumatic.
The only consolation in this situation — my mother's warmth, colostrum, which is established to have similar in taste to the amniotic fluid. A newborn has no concept of time, he knows nothing about the sequence of events. If he wants to eat, it should happen "here and now". He is not yet known no modes, feeding ideas and pediatricians about "how it should be." All he knows is that he now wanted to.
Was there a situation in your life when you were bad and you want to get support from your loved ones? Imagine that you walk up to her husband and ask you a hug and kiss, and he tells you: "The time has not yet come. Kiss you only four hours and still have patience, my dear! "
Renowned psychologist E.Erikson writes that in infancy permitted conflict of basic trust and basic mistrust of the world. What is stronger? If you listen closely to the needs of the baby, it is produced by a certain pattern of behavior: if I called my mother, she will come, I can trust her. But this will happen only if the mother pays attention to the calls of their particular offspring, rather than the average child in this age group, which exists only in textbooks of pediatrics. Four-hour interval between feedings may not be suitable for one child, but will not allow for another. And for the 10-12 minutes that Dr. Spock announces the optimal time for the duration of feeding, the baby can manage to get the milk, but do not have time to enjoy the proximity of the mother, get the pleasure of sucking, to feel secure, calm, happy.
The food in hard mode
Do you meet the children whom no efforts of parents and grandparents could not eat? There just are not taking ingenious contrivances relatives! In the course is the ignition of matches, knock spoons, television, songs and dances of older children …
Now try to imagine that right now in front of you is a plate of food, you must (!) To eat. Is it easy for adults to sustain a diet in which the amount of food calibrated to the nearest gram?
Children of different temperaments need different rhythm of food. If there is little phlegmatic comfortably through 3.5-4 hours, this rhythm is not suitable for an active toddler, choleric, who need to eat more often, but in small portions.
When a child is, by all means, forced to eat, because that's the doctor ordered, or written in a book, the results are usually disastrous. Often deal ends habitual vomiting, chronic diseases of the gastrointestinal tract, eating disorders, anorexia or obesity. The child, as recorded on the problem of food will not be able to treat it safely.
Style convergence — back to nature
The complete opposite of the hard mode is now fashionable natural parenting style that arose in opposition to the official pediatrics. The origins of this style lies in the very nature of which has been studied and described by scientists and ethologists. Parent-child relationship were viewed through the prism of animal communities, particularly communities of monkeys. Scientists have noted that the relationship of parent and offspring are complex, and in many ways they resemble the attitude of the people. For example, the mechanisms of innate affection of mother and child are very similar, with the same instincts in monkeys.
As a mom with a monkey caring for her cub? The kid always hanging on the mother and sucks her whenever he has a such a need.
The approach proposed for the education of children is very similar to the kind of lifestyle. This style is very attractive because it is as close to nature, and nature is known to be wise and just. This style existed in many tribes, standing on a low stage of civilization (and therefore closest to nature). Take, for example, describes the education of children in the tribe of mountain Arapesh from New Guinea: "The mother takes the child on her knees, allowing it to suckle as he wants to run again to take the breast, play with it, doing everything to restore his confidence. All this gives the same pleasure mother as a child. "
William and Martha Serz
Perhaps the best-known proponents of this style in contemporary culture are Serz pediatrician William and his wife, a nurse in March, the parents of eight children. At the heart of "style approach is common sense that we would all listen to, if relied on the inherent nature of the instincts in us." Serzy formulate five rules of this style:
- As soon as possible Naladte contact with the child.
- Recognize the sign
als given by the baby, and respond to them.
- Feed your baby.
- Carry your baby with you.
- Sleep with your child.
Fans of the natural style of education as much as possible try to carry the baby in her arms, "kengurushka" or sling prefer a wheelchair, feed the baby at his first peep. These parents stand up for long-term (two to three years) breastfeeding, late introduction of complementary foods.
At first glance, this style seems to be just perfect. And apparently, for the beginning of life, he really fits best. Fine, when the mother listens to her child and tries to satisfy his needs, which he in despair she says.
But day after day passed, gradually growing baby, and now he can gradually adapt to the world and the society in which he lives, to match its needs with a specific sequence of events.
Baby cry, at first a shrill and desperate, acquires other features. When baby Calling his mother, he first cries, and then waits for a response: the all-powerful mother will come or not? Then he shouts louder and waits again. So the child allows his "companion" to join in the first dialogue.
In psychology, there is the concept of frustration — a condition that occurs in a situation of frustration, non-exercise of any meaningful for human goals, needs. It manifests itself in the oppressive tension, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness. Imagine the frustration familiar and nursing infant. Of course, when it occurs too often, baby feels deeply unhappy, unwanted in this cruel world. However, the minimum 'dose' frustration is needed. If the mother rushes to feed the baby for the first peep, smashing everything in its path breaking barriers and furniture (by the way, is not the fact that every time he squeaks, he needs just breasts!), Then baby deprived of the experience of waiting.
It is better that the baby is gradually getting used to some of the preparations (mom takes it out of the crib, is a diaper, which is arranged in a chair or on the couch, etc.). Preparation is accompanied by calm comments: "We are with you all cook, and then you will eat." Of course, initially demanding cry will cease only after the mother's breasts will be at the mouth of the baby. But gradually the crumbs out some stereotype, and crying will subside even during your preparation. Here is one such example.
My baby is now 2 months old. She has learned to understand that she would soon be fed. I spread them out on the couch diaper, put her book (it turned out, very easy to read while nursing). And when I lay down next to her daughter and lift the T-shirt, girl falls silent, though full of anticipation — it's all in anticipation of a delicious jelly. We were with her very well together. First she sucks, thankfully looking at me (and I whisper to her at this time of sweet words, stroked her on the head, the whole tiny fingers), and then her eyes cloud over, she falls asleep, continuing to suck. At this time you can relax and read a book.
Moms who are used to feed the baby at his first peep, often when the baby grows up, as quickly tend to guess and to fulfill his other desires, do not settle their needs or the needs of others.
Kate six years. She — the center of the family, the most important person for the parents and grandparents. Recently, she was presented with a kitten. That just did not have to endure the poor animal! Kate then threw it on the table, then squeezed to distraction. Parents who practice the democratic parenting style, considered that they have no right to interfere — it's Katin kitten, then she can do with it whatever you want.
When visitors come, then tea or juice for everyone chooses Kate, and she did not even occur to relate their choices to the desires of others. And when she comes to visit, flatly declares, "I'll have that."
It is not only that such a child's behavior is not very comfortable to be around. The main thing — the problems created for the child. Girl sincerely do not understand why the cat is killed, why not play with her other children, she does not want to share his toys, why, in the end, other adults are dissatisfied. In the meantime, the problem is not understood — and no way to solve it.
Prolonged breastfeeding — Pros and Cons
Now it is no secret that the baby through breast milk is not only food, but also comforting. After a year and a half in most cases it is suitable to suck my mother, not when hungry, and when he was uncomfortable. On the one hand it is a good idea, my mother will always be able to comfort your baby. But we must bear in mind that comfort at the breast inherent nature as one of the earliest stages of emotional development. The older the child, the more he has a ways to cope with the emerging challenges. And it should be taught to deal with them, because when he goes to kindergarten, the breast will not be next.
Grown baby can already talk about what happened to him, he feels ("I feel hurt, I'm angry, I'm hurt"), actively respond (eg, knock back a table or a sharp corner). And my mother, too, there is more room for comfort (you can pet, blow on the sore spot, switch the baby's attention.) If the child has only consolation — my mother's chest, then without it he is completely defenseless in some difficult situations.
So, in all good measure and naturalness. The golden mean is that the mother feeds the baby on demand, but it does not put an end to their own needs and desires.
Inessa Smyk, Daria Golubeva