Christmas Party

This is quite clever, though a bit sad, the article is written as a series of advertisements being given on behalf of the organizer of the corporate Christmas party — Patty Lewis, Chief of Staff of some firms that decided on the current, multi-year tradition to entertain their employees a holiday party, and at the same time More and rally them around his employer. However, this is, in general, it is a normal and useful event right on the stage of organization is facing strong opposition from certain forces, as expressed in the best traditions of democracy hysterical. Of course, in every joke there is a joke, but in our lives today democracy, brazenly imposed on us with all sorts of characters, paid by the "enlightened" West, takes terrifying shapes and sizes …

By: Patty Lewis, Head of HR

To: To all the staff of the company

Date: October 1

Theme: Christmas Party

We are pleased to inform you that our company will organize a Christmas party on December 23 at noon in the banquet hall of the restaurant’s Grill House, which will be organized by cash bar (alcoholic beverages for cash) with a large selection of liquor! We also invited a small musical ensemble that performs traditional Christmas songs. Feel free to sing along with them. And do not be surprised to see our Executive Director dressed as Santa Claus! We light the Christmas tree at 13:00. Followed by an exchange of gifts among employees. Value of the gift should not exceed $ 10, to purchase a gift turned out to be afforded by many. Are invited to a party only employees of the company!

Our Executive Director will make a special announcement!

I wish you and your families a Merry Christmas.

Patty.

***

By: Patty Lewis, Head of HR

To: To all the staff of the company

Date: October 2,

Subject: Holiday Party

Yesterday’s message in any way does not aim to deny the employees of our company celebration of Jewish nationality. We recognize that Hanukkah — an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, which, unfortunately, did not happen this year. However, from now on, "Christmas party" will be called "holiday party." The same policy will be carried out in respect of all other employees who are not Christians and to those who are still celebrating the "Day of Atonement." Christmas Tree canceled. Christmas songs, too, will not be executed. We will have other types of music, so everyone can have fun. Happy?

I wish you and your families a Happy Holidays.

Patty

***

By: Patty Lewis, Head of HR

To: To all the staff of the company

Date: October 3

Subject: Holiday Party

About the message that I received from a member of the Society of Alcoholics Anonymous — You are not signed up … I was just happy to satisfy your request, but if you put a plate on the table "only to members of the Society of Alcoholics Anonymous," you can no longer maintain their anonymity. And how am I supposed to do in this case? Got any ideas?

And I’m sorry, but we have to forget about the exchange of gifts between employees. No gifts will not be, since the union members feel that $ 10 — too much money, and the management team believes that the $ 10 — very little.

I repeat: the exchange of gifts is prohibited.

***

By: Patty Lewis, Chief of Staff

To: To all the staff of the company

Date: October 4,

Topic: Universal festive party

What we did different! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, during which do not eat or drink during the day. Now, we can imagine how our employees-Muslims should feel uncomfortable at lunchtime at this time of the year. Perhaps the restaurant The Grill House will agree to serve you in the very end of the party, or simply to collect your food in the package, so you can eat it at home. So you will be comfortable?

I also arranged things so that the members of Weight Watchers («Watch your weight"), sitting as far away from the dessert buffet and pregnant women — as close as possible to the restrooms.

Gay men can sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each group will sit at a separate table. Yes, on the table for gays will be sure to stand arrangement of fresh flowers.

In response to a request to allow cross-dressing, restaurant administration urges the visitors were dressed in clothing suitable for the floor, apparently because of possible confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will order special seating for employees of small stature.

Yes, those who are on a diet, will be ordered special low-calorie dishes.

Unfortunately, I have to inform you that we can not control the amount of salt used in the food. Administration advises restaurant employees with hypertension to try every dish, biting off a small piece of it.

For diabetics for dessert will be fresh fruit, low-sugar, but the restaurant can not provide absolutely no desserts do not contain sugar. Sorry, those!

Did I miss something???

Patty

***

By: Patty Lewis, Head of HR

Who: The whole freaking company personnel

Date: October 5,

Topic: Fucking a festive party

You got me, vegetarian bastards! Our party will still be held at the restaurant The Grill House, whether you want it or not. So you can just sit down at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you called them gracefully, and choke your fucking salad with organic tomatoes. Did you know that tomatoes too feel? They scream when you slice them! I hear them scream! Even now I can hear them scream!

The rest of the freaking freaks can kiss my ass. I wish you all a shitty holidays. Get drunk as hell, sit behind the wheel and die!

Bitch from hell.

***

From: Joan Bishop, Deputy Chief of Staff

To: To all the staff of the company

Date: October 6

Subject: Patty Lewis and festive party

From all of us I wish Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and will definitely continue to transfer her to the hospital all of your emails.

The company’s management has decided to cancel the holiday party on December 23 to provide an output to all the staff in the second half of the day with saving salary.

Happy Holidays!

Joan.

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