What do you think about when you are born feeling of motherhood? When your kid call you mom or gave you your first smile? Or when you put red on the belly, screaming newborn creature, which is more expensive for you there is nothing in the world? Or maybe when you first felt within himself a barely perceptible motion, and someone still unknown, in the depths of your body stretched and straightened his tiny legs?
In fact, the feeling of motherhood is born much earlier. The famous British psychologist D. Winnicott came to the conclusion that this sense of life forms, from its very beginning, even in the womb. Together, let us see how this is happening and maybe you'll understand better themselves and their young daughter, who also will ever become a mother.
Infancy: Mom, you're happy?
From how relations develop baby with his mother, depends very much. As far as mom and daughter attached to each other? Does not cause rejection of the parents the sex of their offspring? In psychology, there is even the concept of "sexual racism" — when parents want only child of a particular sex. How much effort is applied to it, how much invented a variety of ways to conceive a boy or only girls only! Diet phase of the menstrual cycle, the lunar calendar, multiple calendars … Finally, pregnancy occurs. And the first question that the parents ask the doctor for an ultrasound — is the question of the field.
Is it important to know? After all, it often happens that a child who has sexual organs not the configuration you want to see parents, often feels rejected even in the womb.
If a future parent categorical target only daughter and only son, it is said that, most likely, at the time of his "rejected" parents because he failed them. Here is an interesting example.
Nina 28 years, waiting for the firstborn. Went to the doctor complaining of violent (sometimes painful) wiggling "Girls", poor sleep, irritability, loss of appetite. These symptoms appeared after Nina ultrasound, which showed that she is a girl. Nina — the third, the youngest daughter in the family. She has two older sisters, and parents in his time dreaming about the boy. But born girl, whose somewhere deep down inside living insult to the parents (not that why she so often quarreled with them, especially with my mom?). With the help of the psychodrama Nina understood and forgiven my mother, and that forgiveness has given her the strength to take their own are not "little girl", but "my daughter." The tears have dried up, appetite, and movements a little girl inside Nina 's body became soft and touching. And six years Nina was already two lovely little daughter, whom she dearly loves. By the way, and the relationship with her mother became much warmer, because Nina let go of an old children's injuries.
What do you call your baby? She — your sweetheart, beauty, star, princess, swallow or asexual "svintus", which again is time to change a diaper? As a mother teaches her child to motherhood — as joy and happiness, or as severe thankless task? Of course, the baby is not yet able to understand the exact meaning of your words, but he had a "catch" emotions, mood, tone, which at times can even say more than words. On a subconscious level, crumb decide for themselves the question: "Have the children — is it good or bad?" At the tender infancy baby aware of your own worth, at this age the foundations of personality and attitude to the world.
Childhood: Play Mothers and Daughters
Pay attention to how your baby plays. In the game, as if in a mirror, reflects the world which surrounds the child plays the child-parent relationship. Look to the game and you will see how parents talk to each other, as appeal to kids as they are laid to sleep. Of course, particularly revealing in this respect play with dolls.
Speaking of dolls. If your daughter from three to five years, it is best to choose for her doll-baby, not a doll, a woman (such as Barbie, Cindy, and their ilk). The fact is that during this period the girl is trying to try on the role of a mother, and a doll announces to his daughter. But can it be considered a daughter sexy babe with long legs and emphasized feminine forms? Getting to know Barbie is better to postpone at least six years. By this age, in games with dolls, girls toddlers usually have time to build a model of family child-parent relationship, and the time has come to move beyond the family circle. Then doll-woman, doll-girlfriend will be more appropriate.
Now one can often hear the opinion that toys for boys and girls should be the same — no, they say, sexual discrimination. Among the successful women even become fashionable to say that as a child they do not play with dolls, and were instigators in boyish "hide and seek", already showing outstanding leadership skills. But do not you think that the traditional girls' games, there is something very important and valuable for a small woman?
Here's another example of life.
In courses to prepare for childbirth instructor shows future mums how to deal with a baby on the example of a large doll with a soft belly and the almost "vsamdelishnye" trusting eyes. "Remember, as a child you were playing with dolls," — he said. And then Sasha, one of the pregnant women, burst into tears: "I never played with dolls!"
Sasha had an awkward relationship with men. She says of himself: "I have a friend, but not his wife, or even a lover. Decided to have a child, that is, "for himself" because I was thirty eight. And the dolls were a party. Both my childhood was a patsanskoe. "
It turned out that Sasha — the only child in the family. Her parents had a lifetime dream of his son with a proud name of Alexander, but the girl was born, and more at Sasha's mom's pregnancy does not occur. Bought toys for the baby boy's only — and machine guns, clothing — in the style of "unisex" (and still Sasha almost never wears skirts and dresses). And from the very childhood, she felt that the parent does not live up to expectations, and in my heart continued itching, "I'm not as it should. I have no one really does not like and do not take. "
Sad story, right?
If your little girl for some reason ignores dolls, try to play with her doll in a baby. By the way, if you are expecting a second child, then these games will fall at a more useful: they will develop a sense of maternal and at the same time will be the best prevention of children's jealousy.
"First, a nurse, then — Roly"
Since about 4.5 years the child has a real interest in infants, and a new stage — a stage nyanchenya. It ends with the onset of puberty. The highlight of this period was the age of six to ten years. At this age children are eager to participate in the "real" adult activities, really want a brother or sister. If your family is the question, when will give birth to a second child, psychologists are advised to do so when the eldest of six to ten years. This is especially true, of course, the girls. But the boys at this age often touching concern for the baby.
If in this period, the child did not get a real experience with the baby, then the future is often a fear of small children. Teenagers and even adults are sometimes afraid to take the crumbs on his hands, "to make him something was wrong." This fear gradually disappears only in the interaction with your own child.
Adolescence: a step towards adulthood
Teenager already want to step out of the circle of family in their lives. If you decide it's time to have a second child, in any case, do not force the older baby-sit her brother or sister. He is not up to the kid, and that's fine. Respect his opinion. O
therwise, the older the child is formed in relation to the baby as a burden and a hindrance. Interests teens are now focused on the intimate personal communication with peers. Let mom tells her grown-up daughter about the mystery of love, the amazing sensations of pregnancy, the joy of motherhood, and she will decide with whom and when she wants to experience it.
According to the magazine "Aistenok"