How well do you live now in your family? Many are not even the same question. It is considered that if the family has no apparent conflict, then everyone is satisfied with the situation. Therefore, many put up with a life that seems to them more or less successful, and do not assume that the family situation can change at once. Many see their family life do not like spending time with friends, but as a battlefield or heavy, unbearable burden. Hundreds of family types can be divided into two great classes: mature and problematic.
The atmosphere of the problem of family feel very quickly. It seems that these people live friend other solely on duty. Sometimes I was able to notice flashes of light from one of the family members, but all attempts to defuse the situation were met with deaf resistance. Humor in such families often turns into irony, sarcasm or mockery. Adults are so busy, because no end dictate to children and to each other, what should and should not do, they simply have no room for joyful communion. Often, members of dysfunctional families genuinely amazed that you can enjoy each other's company. Some people are troubled families cling to the slightest hope, they can yell, finding fault with each other, to harass their neighbors. In the other — people given up over the years and bear his cross, suffering and bringing misery to their relatives.
In mature families completely different atmosphere. There feels natural, honesty and love. Getting into such a family, it is felt that if there live with you would be considered, one would openly show their emotions, and telling about the failure, do not be afraid, that will raise a laugh: in such a family family understands that, together with risk, with attempts to try something new in life, and are bound to be mistakes that growth and development. In such a family feel being a complete human being: a valued and necessary. In affluent families to easily see and hear the manifestation of a special life force. People who live happily with each other, even look in a special way. Their movements are not held down, people look at each other, not through each other or on the floor, they are sincere and natural in a relationship friend other. When the family peace of mind, peace of mind is, and not disturbing the silence, or the silence of fear, this is not a cautionary silence. When the storm in the house — a sign of a very important, significant activity, not an attempt to drown the rest. Each member of the family is sure that at home he can be heard. If for some reason now the family is not up to him, he is well aware that the case is a lack of time, not a lack of love.
People in these families happy to touch each other openly while expressing their feelings, quite regardless of age. Evidence of love and care is not limited to the imposition of debris, preparing food or income. People show their love openly talking to each other and listening very carefully, they can be direct, open and honest, may be what they are, and enjoy the fact that they can be together.
Mature members of the family feel so freely with each other, do not hesitate to talk about their feelings. All that they feel may be expressed — frustration, fear, pain, anger, criticism, just as a joke, and praise.
Mature family capable of productive and coherent planning of your life, but if something is broken in the plan, it can be easy to accept and appreciate these changes. Members of the family are able to mature without panic react to different situations in life. For example, imagine that baby broken cup. In troubled family this episode may end in a half-hour lecture, spanking the child in tears will be taken to your room. In a mature family probably one of the parents said: "You broke my cup. You do not cut myself? All you have gathered himself, take a broom and a rag, wipe the puddle and assemble the pieces. And I'll give you a glass. " Then if one of the parents notice that the child incorrectly or carelessly holding a cup, he can say: "I think the cup was broken because you're not holding it with both hands." Thus, this incident will be used as an opportunity to teach a child that will raise his self-esteem, and will not turn back penalty that put into question the child's self-worth. In a mature family clearly shows that human life and feelings of the people — is the most important thing, more important than anything else.
Parents feel that they are the leaders-inspired, not by authoritarian leaders. They see their task is to teach children to be human in any situation. They are willing to report negative assessments of their children as well as positive, they are ready to be upset, angry, frustrated just like to have fun and enjoy … Their behavior is not at odds with the words.
In troubled families, the opposite is true: the parents urge children not to offend or upset with each other, and themselves spanked or hit them for what they did not say "please" or impolite response to the comments.
Parents are only human, and they do not automatically become teachers at a time when their baby is born. They learn an important truth that a good teacher knows how to select the appropriate situation and the time to talk with your child when he is really willing to listen to parent. When baby misbehaves, the father or mother trying to understand the cause of this behavior and show their full attention, trying to help him your support. Child becomes easier to overcome your fear and guilt, which significantly strengthens the position of the parents.
Family life, perhaps the most difficult type of activity in the world. Family relationships resemble the organization of joint activities of the two companies combined their efforts to produce a single product. When an adult woman and an adult male with raising a child from infancy to adulthood, they are faced with all the problems that mankind has ever known. The parents of a mature families understand that the problems will necessarily occur, though, if only because life itself is to put them, but they will each time to find creative problem solving. In contrast, the problem of the family are trying to put all your energy on a hopeless attempt to live so as to not to have problems. When problems arise, and they are bound to arise, it appears that the ability to deal with them have been exhausted.
Mature family differ from the problem that parents believe: change is inevitable — children move from one stage of development to another, and adults never stop in their development, and constantly moving from one state to another. After all, the world around us is constantly changing. Adults take change as an integral part of life, trying to creatively use them in your life to make the family more mature.
Based on the book of Virginia Satir, "How to build yourself and your family"