Proximity child

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In a world sometimes children are very comfortable. They are obedient, most of all love to be near his mother, and in the company of other adults feel quite good. They like to sit at home is clearly more than a walk. And if they have to go out, they usually bypass the sandbox and my mother gone away from playgrounds.

At times my mother tell my child leads to the site, but it does not show any enthusiasm, the child afraid of the noise and the crowd pressed to saving his mother's knee. The other children quickly taken away from the beginner to explore harvested toys, and he, as if spellbound, watching them and do nothing.

"Oh well! These children — bad, aggressive! Come on, baby, here "- is the first line of her mother's behavior. The second, "Something not. My child does not go to the contact, it is necessary with this something to do. Maybe it's time to see a specialist? "However, not even all professional psychologists shared parental anxiety. Often, testing the child through a variety of methods, they report: "You, Mom, worried for nothing. All your baby in order, intelligence is normal (and at times — and above normal). "
And really, is there a problem here? So whether your child should communicate with their peers?

Why do children communicate?

The first social experience of the child is still in the family. By the way, quite often, in this enlightened age, parents, fascinated by the new-fangled theories of early development, forget about the simple games like "ladushek" "cuckoo, "About the most simple game story. But our ancestors have left us a legacy of these simple fun to be wise. It was an emotional game and the emotional communication is most important in this age for the further development of the child. You have seen in our society a man who can not read? If you do not take into account the lower social strata, then there are very few. And whether you have met people who have difficulty to communicate? Yes, every second there are problems with communication!

Of course, the baby in the cradle with no need to constantly communicate with their peers. He is quite enough parent company. But after the a half to two years, his world expands. And the more, the more he needs to be, and contacts, and conflicts with other children.

The first experience of the relationship largely determines how a person will continue to build them, how will treat myself to other people. Only in communion with each other kids can express vivid emotions, plenty to shout, laugh, tease, finally. They learn themselves out of the conflict, to put up and included in the new game. Adult with a height of its authority to establish relations with the child rigid rules. And children, communicating with each other, each time to find creative solutions, because the behavior of peers is unpredictable.

But why do some children can easily come into contact with, and the other is extremely difficult to do?

Narrow circle …

If a child spends all his time alone with his mother (grandmother, nanny, etc.), there is a feeling that he was "no longer necessary". Alas, my mother often supports this illusion. So nice to know that there is a small helpless creature to whom you vital … Sometimes words describe this feeling: "I feel him as thyself." Psychologists call this symbiotic relationship, mother and child, both during pregnancy, feel like one body.

In this case, the mother is very difficult to let go of the grown chicks from under its warm wing. Andyet it should be done, because he will not be able to hold him under the rest of my life.

By the way, noticed a curious thing. When the child's social circle is too narrow (at venues mom sad, friends are not enough, the house rarely have guests), quiet and docile child, hitting a peer groups, suddenly begins to fight. And the thing is, he just does not know how to communicate differently. He knows how to ask an adult how to show their interest and what to do with a peer, it simply is not.

The strategy and tactics of your actions

  • Try to gradually expand the circle of friends (like his own, and children). After all, these problems usually arise when the mother herself somewhat closed. A personal example in this case — the best way to "bring the baby into the light."
  • More likely to choose a child to new places. It is not necessary that those places were crowded (just the opposite: a large concentration of people is not conducive to close communication). And just in the big collective child can feel more uncomfortable. It is often not so much a kid afraid of communication, how much aggression, loud screams. For example, when a child first enters the nursery, it is very difficult to carry tumult large children's group. He seems to be turned off, turned, sings his own songs, trying to ignore the one next to the other.
  • Try to make friends families, as would say the unforgettable Ghosh of "Moscow does not believe that the tears." Choose a calm, non-aggressive, "classmate", your most handsome heir. Call him a visit, come for a visit yourself. And gradually try to organize a children's game. On its territory, your "non-contact child" will feel more confident.
  • Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya, employee center "Education in Development", says: "If at first your son or daughter did not wish to be included in the game, start out playing with another child. Just do not openly oppose the children: "If you do not want to play, then I will do so only with Vanya"! Give your baby safely enjoy watching the action. He will watch as much as he needs. And then insome time and he wants to take part in such an interesting activity. "

Which is good I am!

Communication difficulties often occur in children who have grown up in the "iron fist." Such children are often abused and little praise. From early childhood, theyshould (See, to do, to know, to be able — underline). These requirements are almost always too high, and as a result the child withdraws into himself, because only by himself, he does not hear the constant shouts and does not receive another confirmation of their lack of success. And how people evaluate themselves, as it is perceived in society. The higher levels of anxiety and the lower self-esteem, taking the smaller of the child in the child. Any proposal something to do with such a child is ready to answer: "I can not!". In fact, "can not" means "I need your help."

The strategy and tactics of your actions

  • Feel free as often as possible to praise the child. Especially in a society.
  • Before you give your baby some job, give first task of the same type, but certainly easier to which it most definitely can handle it. Note how well the child carried it out! The next stage — a little more difficult, and only with your support, "I know you're sure to make it. Think a little more, as it is better to do. "
  • To take the initiative in the game, you need to be able to play, to know how to do it. Teach your son or daughter to new games, and in the old show some A new twist of the plot, an unusual move, etc. His success among peers certainly increase!

Behind the Glass

This is the most sophisticated version of the "non-contact the child." He is so closed that shuts itself off if a glass wall from the outside world. In psychology, a condition called RDA — early infantile autism (from the Greek word autos — myself, so autism — it is self-absorbed). Psychiatrists diagnosed with autism in the first year of life, and sometimes — in the age two or three< /nobr> years.

Meets the RDA is not so rare: 4 to 15 cases per 10,000 children, with boys more often than girls. In this disease there are some bright signs, which, unfortunately, parents are often mistaken for a particular character and do not pay them much attention. And, if this is the only child in the family, parents simply can not compare the behavior of their offspring.

Such a child is not a problem, does not give unnecessary trouble, he is comfortable again — all the while sitting in a corner: it blocks from place to place shifts, the machine hither and thither carries. Five times. Ten. Hundred. And one is not afraid to stay, but on the contrary, is very fond of.
It was only when a child enters the children's group, it becomes clear that he is very different from other children.

What behaviors should alert parents?

  1. The child does not seek to communicate. Still in its infancy, he is not happy mom, not enlivened when it appears.
  2. When he was taken up, he does not stretch readily handle, does not try to answer grab the neck adult, and hangs like a sack of flour.
  3. The kid does not like the look in his eyes. Instead, it looks as if through people.
  4. These children later, and it is difficult to develop. They are capable of a lot of time to chant the same phrase. And they repeat the same action can be a long time to swing, shake rattle clap palm, etc.
  5. In autistic special gait then tiptoe, then skipping. The usual expression on their faces — pensive detachment.

The strategy and tactics of your actions

  • Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya recommends: "If you look at your child's some signs of autism, show it neuropsychiatrist. He will direct the baby on the electroencephalogram. After her diagnosis of autism can be placed or removed entirely accurate. In the case of confirmation of the diagnosis in any case, do not panic. Your child — not crazy! This disease is quite amenable to correction. However, be prepared for a long-term co-operation with the psychologist. "
  • Little autistic is very important to get out of the world of dreams into a real date. So bring him to household chores, let's simple instructions, accustom to help weaker. Well, if it will help you to take care of "smaller brothers" (and it is better not to choose fish or turtles, andsomeone warm and fluffy puppy, kitten, hamster). These animals can cause an emotional response, and live to be taken care of, "we are responsible for those who have tamed."

Step Forward

The first children's contacts are often aggressive — Kids take away each other's toys, beating "colleagues in the construction of miles from anywhere" blades on the head. Such a debut in the sandbox does not imply that these kids will always communicate only aggressive, it's only the first and simplest form of communication.

However, the appearance of aggression — an important stage in the development of communication. The child becomes aware of the concept of "mine — someone else," he tries to stand up for themselves and take the initiative in their hands, to be active.

For example, Vera has always been uncooperative child. And suddenly, at the age of five years, it has become aggressive towards other children. It scared parents, they turned to a psychologist. However, aggression was the transition to a qualitatively new stage in the development of the Faith. The child became more active, began to notice the children, paying attention to them so, yet primitive way.

Comment psychologist:

"Indeed, aggression — one of the most common ways to" out into the world. " Like it or not, the child has to go to all the stages of its development, the nature of not-argue.

Sometimes (children without serious irregularities in the emotional development) willingness to communicate appears to seven years, when they are able to control their actions (in psychology this is called behavior). Sometimes parents complain that although the school of their problem child behaves perfectly at home as if it "flies off the rails": shouting, worn, like mad, does not want to listen to anyone. In fact, this behavior is quite natural. Such a child is very difficult to keep themselves within the "proper behavior", but he is struggling to do so. Of course, then he needs a discharge. If that is the case — think aboutsome sports activities after school, where the child would be able to throw out the accumulated energy. Just do not throw the man who has a problem with communication, once in a great team. You can start with the "single" sports, such as swimming. The next step — Pair sport with a steady partner. And then with some caution you can try to work out a great team, if your child's need arises. "

The main thing — an active part in your baby's life, your help and support, your love and confidence that all the difficulties you will be able to overcome together. So be it!

Inessa Smyk

According to the magazine, "Kutuzov Avenue"

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