HOW COPS NAIL YOU

The first step is an array of field sobriety tests, which includes sniffing your breath. If your performance is at par with a baby learning- to walk, either through intoxication or a God-given lack of motor skills, then you will go through a breath analyzer exam to determine the alcohol content of your blood. However, the legal limit is not yet set. The Department of Transport and Communications, Department of Health, and National Police Commission are still banging their heads together to figure it out (which is anytime in the next three months).

If there is cause to believe that one is under the influence of drugs, say you were incredibly-suspiciously-chillax or on the flipside, a raging mess, then a drug test at the closest police station awaits you. This, despite the fact that Pinoys are hella good at pissing on the side of the road.

The cops will be on the lookout for the following signs to stop you for probable cause: over-speeding, weaving, lane straddling, sudden stops, swerving, poor coordination, and other similar shenanigans (in other words, normal behavior for many Pinoy drivers). Involvement in a vehicular accident that kills or injures a person is automatic grounds for a test as well.

The law says nothing about being a passenger—just the driver. So even if you were driving a bus filled with 50 stoners, as long as the wheelman is sober, it’s all good. Start assigning a designated driver who abstains during inuman or, if taking a cab isn’t an option, try a service like Lifeline’s Driver on Call (16-911, lifeline, com.ph)—which sends a driver to take your car home. You’re too smashed to care about a stranger at the wheel, anyway. Make it a professional.

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