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YOUR PENIS VS HER DILDO.

How long is the longest dildo, and how short is the shortest dipstick? We pit her favorite battery-operated toys with seasoned manoy. Someone else has to decide who wins, through…

DIMENSIONS

DILDO

Two things pretend-penises don’t cover in the length and girth departments: 1. They don’t have optional flaccid modes; 2. And—not counting dildos packaged as “first timer” toys (5.5” by 1.5”)—they don’t make them small. On average, they’re a clean 6 to 8 inches (excluding grip/suction base), and at their commercially available longest, can run the stretch of 11.5 to 12 inches with 1.5-to 2.5-inch girths (long whilst unproportional

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YOUR BED IN THE BRANCHES

The brides team visits some of the world’s most beautiful love nests, because who doesn’t love a treehouse?

THE TREEHOTEL

Harads, Sweden

The best thing about travel? I can let you become a child again. That’s what happened as we arrived Harad’s The Treehotel by night, guided along an atmospherically lit, winding pathway, where the outlines of silver birch trees were just visible against a moonlit sky. The Treehotel, part-hotel, part-art-project, needs to be seen to be believed: it consists of five treehouses (The Gabin, Mirrorcube, Bird’s Nest, UFO and Blue Cone), which are private but close enough to let

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Your Parents Are Racist. What About You?

You’d think it would take an awful lot to threaten a 19-year-long friendship, but for Johannesburg assistant events coordinator Balelwa*, 24, and her copywriter BFF and flatmate, Busi, 25, it took just a few words from Busi in defence of the new guy in her life. Balelwa didn’t trust him. Just as the friends always had, she voiced her misgivings. And Busi responded: ‘You don’t trust him because he’s coloured.’

ME? PREJUDICED? NEVER!

‘She basically called me a racist!’ recalls Balelwa. ‘She knows I went to inter-racial schools. After school I took a gap year with her, and I dated

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YOUR NEXT STEP?

With a huge choice of entry- to mid-level DSLRs currently on the market I’m often skeptical about any manufacturer’s claims, but can the new 700D from Canon really stand out in a crowd?

Admittedly having seen and used so many cameras throughout my career I’m rarely impressed by much these days, other than actual results. The 700D is aimed as an entry-level camera but I wanted to put it to the test throughout my working week, piggybacking my 5D Mark II, not to test it in comparison with, but it’s just the best way for me to gauge it as

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Your essential system set-ups

BEST BUYS

Home Cinema Systems

BLU-RAY PLAYERS

Budget system

SONY BDP-S5100 ★★★★★ £140

Simply astonishing performance and pictures for less than £150. Smart functionality too: you can’t go wrong…

Mid-range system

SONY BDP-S790 ★★★★★ £200

What a bargain! Not only is this a superb 2D and 3D Blu-ray player, it is also the first to upscale to 4K ultra high definition.

Hi-End system

SONY BDP-S790 ★★★★★ £200

It’s testament to this player’s ability that a deck costing just £200 can also work in a full jazz-hands system like this one.

RECEIVERS

Budget system

ONKYO TX-NR515 ★★★★★ £250

Now available for

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Your future life… now

HIGH-TECH IS EASIER, AND CHEAPER, THAN YOU THINK

IMAGINE A DAY WHEN everything we shoot will be automatically backed up and offloaded without our help, when all our images will automatically contain all the metadata we need to identify them, and we will have access to all our photos, all the time, from anywhere. Think it’s far off? You’re wrong. That day is here, and it’s cheaper and easier to set up than you ever would have imagined.

I wanted to know what it was like to live as much in the future as possible. So I rounded up some

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