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WE HAVENT HAD THIS MUCH FUN IN A LONG TIME. THANKS JINRI PARK.

Two words: Nongshim noodles.

This is not an endorsement. We’re just trying to junk a cliche by substituting something else. And here’s how the old trick goes: we find a woman from another country, of some exotic mix or ethnicity, and we scramble for a kind of food or drink so obviously from their place of origin as metaphor for what they are. So Russian women are like vodka. Korean women are—forgive us for even thinking we were so clever—hotter than kimchi.

So no, Jinri Park is not fermented cabbage. She is Nongshim noodles, those flaming packs of processed ramen that can go as red as you want it to be the less water you pour in, and therefore as hellishly hot as it can get, that genuine food heat that begins with sweat beading right on top of your scalp. If you have any regard for the pop culture value of Korea these days, from their girl groups to their movies, then you know that Nongshim noodles is the drug.

Jinri is now hot as Nongshim because her hotness is slowly working into you, what with her doing DJ work on the radio, claiming FHM as her own online (on her Instagram; we don’t mind), and becoming Bossing Vic Sotto’s new girl in his new sitcom. If bossing Vic says she’s hot, the nation follows.

We got right back to the cliche. Sorry, couldn’t help it. But now it’s tastier. Love all that MSG.

— Granted that you will never dance ever, do you think you can go back to Korea and become a really huge star? Sandara Park did that.

— Here’s the thing: Sandara never went sexy. She was always wholesome. I have a sexy image, because of FHM and The Jinri Experience [a photo book by Summit Media, FHMs publisher] and I don’t think Korea is ready for that. Kasi they’re medyo conservative. There are sexy singers and dancers in Korea, but not to my extent.

— It would be strange to think that Korea wouldn’t be ready for a sexy star like you, when all the К-Pop girl groups have that strong hint of sex underneath all that cuteness. We mean, that’s how the obsession stays strong!

— I guess. Maybe it’s because of that kind of cuteness that can’t be found in other races. Non- Asian women can be cute but not that kind of cute. Western women, when they’re beautiful, really beautiful, they’re goddesses. With Korean and Japanese women, there’s still an imperfection, and yet there’s something’ about them.

— So are they in favor of the things that you do here, or- please dad, don’t do it-have they already disowned you?

— At first they were really against it because they just wanted me to study and do business. But as time passed, they saw me really enjoying my job so they just said, “Do what you like.” Still, I took a pre-med course in Korea for two years, but I realized I didn’t want to pursue that so I moved here and took up Hotel Administration. I finished school last year.

— What will you be using the degree for?

— I do have a small franchised business now, a buko shake kiosk at Metrowalk and two more stalls coming. I’m hoping to get into other businesses as well. I’m preparing for when I won’t be doing showbiz anymore because I know this is all short-lived.

— What about joining the movies?

— Why not? Pero I also want to produce. I want to be behind the scenes also. I actually have a project to be produced in the works but it’s not yet confirmed.

— You have a lot of things on your bucket list.

— Because I know this [celebrity] will not last. My looks will go.

My body will go. I have to get ready for it.

— Is this why you’re very comfortable doing sexy shoots? Because you know your looks and body will go, it means you also know you have them.

— Yeah, because I really think that if you have it, you flaunt it.

If you don’t, it’s useless—why would you want to flaunt it when you’re old? It’ll look bad. Some people might say, “Why is she being too sexy?” I worked for it, this is what I got. I want to look back when I’m old and say, “This was me back then.” I want to be proud!

— Going back to the obsession thing, have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

— No. I’m into non-fiction, I like a lot of self-help books, some science and history. Medyo boring, ha ha ha!.

— Well, it’s supposed to be required reading for women. In the pursuit of research, we read the damned thing— actually just skipped to the part where the girl has sex, at least-and found out that when women talk about what it feels like to have sex, it’s “tingly” and all that.

— I think so. It’s because with men they have all these magazines to let it all out, but with women it’s hard to find the kind. The book I guess is where women can let it all out.

— Would there ever be a man in your life that you would become a sex slave for a la Fifty Shades?

— As of now I don’t think so, maybe because I haven’t met such a guy yet. I wouldn’t know if there’s a dark side in me because there’s no one nga to bring it out. If there is a guy who could do that to me, I’m sure I would, ha ha ha!

— We haven’t had this much fun in a cover shoot in a long time. Proof of which we actually brought pink socks with us, and we think the goldfish had fun as well. Do you think we should do more of this kind of sexy?

— Well, I can say that I loved this shoot. I’ve noticed a lot of sexy shoots now are fun, girls being happy, colorful, not too posed.

I wanted to bring that because that’s also my personality. I think people now find fun sexier than the made-up glamour. I have guy friends who tell me that they find girls wearing, say, a guy’s polo shirt and not much makeup sexier. She’s just like your girlfriend, someone you could actually date, not someone up there like an artista.

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