We Lesha married six years ago, and soon the seven years since we live together. The worst thing is that almost all those who were married at the same time with us — or later — already divorced. Almost all have children. And the reasons are different.
Some went because he wanted the joys of life on the side. With mom has a little girl.
Other divorced, when they realized that marriage aerial any good will not. More precisely, can result if this is something to do. Again, my mother is raising her daughter alone.
Third divorced because his wife is tired of her husband's softness. Which, actually, and was always so. And my mother is now a son who calls the Pope has for another man.
Fourth just decided that the love has gone. Tired of life, children, and each other … and again with his mother — a son and a daughter.
From this news every time I happen to shock. I do remember these people 3-7 years ago when they loved each other, and made plans, waiting children.
My family also had a few situations where we were one step away from that decision. And every time the cost of enormous effort to stay on the edge of a cliff.
According to the statistics in the world every second marriage breaks up. In Russia, 80% of marriages falls. And the most part — in the first three years. Once a video operator shared that began to take one hundred percent advance for the video after the time ready video — family was gone. And pick up a report on the early families that no longer exists, no one wanted.
I have the depressing statistics, and enters a state of shock. I understand that in this situation, no one wins.
Why create a family
If you ask people why they are getting married, then some options:
To be happy (-ies)
Because the time
Because they want a holiday
To have someone to grow old
To be together with your loved one
To have a child (often women)
To arrange life and have regular sexual partner (usually male)
Some do not think — just get married and everything. But if you do not know where you want to go, any road will lead you the wrong way. And with family life.
Oleg G. Torsunov says that the family is created for children. And I'm with him on this agree. In this case, a lot gets to the field. That explains why, in the Vedic culture there was no divorce. Moreover, in the Indian language and 60 years of the twentieth century that word did not even exist — and later it was borrowed from the Arabic. That explains why the divorce is always the deterioration of karma.
The point of this approach is not to wish the children were in first place. Just did the opposite. Education of children — it is primarily service to them. Service means that we need to implement them, but we can limit their desires.
What are the needs of the child?
Concern — both for the physical body (feed, clothe, wash) and the soul (to listen, to help, to calm)
Love — as its physical manifestation (hugging, kissing) and emotional (praise, attention)
Education — the child must be taught how to live in this world. Where children learn not only in words, but in the image of their parents (at first), teachers and other important people
Acceptance and support in the way of growth. Our mission as parents — to see in the future of this small little seed tree and help it grow — water it, fertilize, prune branches, create conditions that are necessary to that variety. We should see the little bones of its potential — it can be a cherry tree, or maybe apricot. The most important thing is it is already mortgaged, and we can not grow apples of garnet — can only hurt apple granatovskimi fertilizers.
Identity — the child is important to have both "roots" — mom and dad. Then his life can be stable and harmonious
Security — The child must be sure that he always has a place where he can relax — be yourself, and it is for nothing will.
And if the parents are divorced?
When parents divorce, it helps implement the child's needs? Becomes whether his world with safer? Does it appear more love and care? Can a child in this situation is to gain knowledge on how to live in this world? Easier if he aspire to self-realization? Whether it becomes possible — in most cases — to keep both roots? ..
In moments of crisis, the marital relationship, we somehow forget what one of the main goals of the family. We think only of themselves — the suffering that we feel close to that person. At this point, we do not think about the children — and let this place honestly admit to ourselves.
No child wants to father and mother lived separately. To have one more "near-dad" and one "almost-mother." That there children were born, and then everyone will have to explain — what is this brother a man that is a different mother, and my father is the same. Dad came to visit from time to time, and quarreled with his mother. Both of them to tell the child shit about each other. No child wants that. He can not explain myself in the age — with the result that it was positive and all that. But statistics children of divorced parents divorced in 80% of cases.
When a woman divorces a saying: "My children should not grow in these conditions" — she does not talk about children, but about himself. She did not ask them, they may or not. Take care of their mind for some reason does not consider the impact of the huge stress of divorce. Does your child really is better "does not see his father rag that he himself was not so"? And will the happy child, when he would explain, mom and dad got divorced because of you — that you were better off?
There are, of course, the other extreme is when the parents are married "for the sake of children." But it also can not be called a true service to the children. Because the needs of the children of the marriage is also not taken into account. Because parents do not change anything in itself, does not grow. They just emotionally "die" — are bio-robots that eat, sleep, go to the store. Parents are afraid to take a step and change something in your life. They do not want to take responsibility for his family, and dump all the children. And the children of such parents often do not understand, why do we need marriage — that this positive — because Mom and Dad it was deeply unhappy.
No child can bear such a burden of responsibility — to be a cause of unhappiness of his mother or his father.
Why do people get divorced
Most often, the reasons articulated by the following:
Nothing to do
Disadvantages of the second half (and spineless, and alcoholism)
And very often say that love has gone, dead, sunk into oblivion …
But according to Vedic knowledge, love does not die. It never stops! Just in such marriages, it just does not have time to be born. The relationship did not have time to grow to love, and the people gave up early.
Family — is an escalator going down down. And love — on the top floor. If we stand still — we fall down. Even to remain in place, you need to move forward, to get to the top platform — you need to put a lot of effort.
Divorce easier. Especially for women. Then you are "poor, poor", and he — "goat." You owed child support, children, and flat (if any). And also pity and attention of others. Of course, you will now have to work — and work hard. But after a huge number of modern women to work and realized the male pattern is easier than raising children and being a woman (she feel about this type of woman). And surely find another man would be more difficult, but still — it is possible. With it you can be happy again, 1-3 years, after which, when "love" is dead, you can search for a new one.
Men also advantageous to divorce, because the family is more a woman needs. Planida such. Need of someone to care, someone to defend. The man needs a life arranged, sex. And basically, that's enough for many. One man — well. It is free, can work hard, have fun, meet with various women. That's just one problem — a very rare man in this way of life develops.
It turns out that in a divorce and a man and a woman lose the opportunity for personal growth. She is busy, it — no need. The children lose faith. Faith in God, Love, Happiness in the Family.
And where is the exit?
According to the Vedas, you must:
Meet with your partner — to see him as a person, his dignity and individuality.
Stop feeding his ego — and, finally, to see its flaws. Usually after that immediately becomes wildly ashamed
Not demand from a partner, so he made us happy. Cease to expect that he will guess and fulfill all our desires
Understand what my responsibilities to the partner. Start executing them. And do not think at this point that the other party does not perform its own.
Start giving him a love — selfless. In the form in which he or she is waiting for her.
Even if the relationship is already in a very, very poor condition — there are many examples of how to use the Service-to-people and restoring family ties become truly happy there, where it seemed that it was impossible.
My very good friend started "save the family", when it was all very, very sad. Now — her husband for more than two years did not drink, the family added comfort, warmth and love.
On a personal note, I would recommend to do one or more constellations — to see their tendencies, what prevents keep the relationship, which is in the family dynamics. It really helps to see the situation "by"
I really, really want to see families living in the Love that children grow up in an atmosphere of love, the word divorce ever missed of all languages.