Fish on laughter
As our South American satellite of the drive
Another masterful operation is not provable gallakticheskogo unit into orbit spent Russian specialists from RSC "Energia". This time the launch rocket "Zenit-3SL» from a floating platform in the Pacific ended with the rocket itself with South American companion «Intelsat-27" from the company «Boeing SSI» after a moment, "bathed" in the waters of the the ocean.
How many of our readers will remember, well before the start spetsy not taken satellites into orbit very different geographical origin: to feed the fish were Belarus, Dutch, Australian and including own units large satellite constellation. But, as it turns out now, they were only successful dress rehearsal ahead of the huge start. In fact our rocket scientists were preparing to is not provable gallakticheskie given to American technology.
The preparation for this momentous event was conducted on two fronts. First — purely South American. Representatives of the company «Boeing SSI» cog collected by its own 6-ton satellite is calculated by as much as 15 years of experience to provide services for U.S. and European media, the government also needs to ensure (claimed by the management itself the American firm).
South American media and government needs, say … 15 years, say … Well, well … So, rubbing his hands and with a smirk on his lips, apparently whispering Russian spices, intonation its activities in the second direction — the preparation of unrest in the waters of the Pacific Ocean that could shake up launching pad "Odyssey." At this time, oiled hands and something else to tighten up in the "Zenith", so they'd be sure …
Ultimately, all grown together: ocean storm, the platform with the rocket and the satellite rolling from side to side, stabilizing the engines did not provide resistance … At this crucial moment, and sounded the command "key to the start!"
"One, two, three … — considered employees of RSC" Energia "- … forty nine, fifty …"
"You are what you are doing, stop!" — Shouted South American counterparts, but far already heard a big splash …
"We serve the Fatherland!" — Swept over the raging Pacific latitudes. And anyone on a mobile phone ringtone softly strummed Russian anthem … At home they vorachivalis heroes …
Beat the meat
Gennady Onishchenko rages
His coming to our American "partners" had also Rosselhoznadzor. On February 1, the agency introduced a total ban on meat imports from the United States of America. It is a question of the ban on importation of beef and pork.
Naturally, for this prohibition is the figure of Generalissimo health Troops Gennady Onishchenko. This time, Gennady G. made me think that in the "Stars and Stripes meat" content found ractopamine — a substance that stimulates the active growth. With all this the chief sanitary doctor said that Washington takes Russia, quote, "a third-rate country, as some Papuans." Such resentment Gennady Onishchenko has shown after it was revealed that the same States delivers to Europe meat and meat products, in which this very ractopamine is not contained.
Onishchenko has now changed South American protein that does not cross over our borders, our home-grown products, which you can find everything, apart from this, as it is there, ractopamine …
It is still unknown how the words Onishchenko responded meat suppliers from the United States and the government of the country such as Papua — Bimbo Guinea (according to our head sanvracha, "Papua women"), but you can definitely assert that the response of the United States will be more slyunobryzgatelnoy .
South American "friends" seems to have forgotten much of what in Russia, except for the nuclear triad, there is at least one more defender of her people from foreign tyranny. And this patron — Gennady G. Onishchenko. By the way, why has not the Hero of the Russian Federation? Mind-boggling mistake!
"He was a good guy …"
From the speeches of politicians today about the role of Hitler and Mussolini
Last week marked the release date of another Russian army prisoners of the concentration camp "Auschwitz" ("Auschwitz"). The same day at one time was declared the internationality of Holocaust Remembrance Day. And to several modern politicians members of the public in connection with these events, there were some issues.
Namely, the critical arrows at the address received numerous own former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who is quite flattering spoke about the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini. Berlusconi, namely stated that Mussolini, of course, were the typical racial mistakes, but that in other respects the principal to begin fascism is, according to the worshiper hilarious adventure with underage girls in the style of "bunga-bunga" very amazing politician. Silvio Berlusconi announced that Mussolini had done, quote, "a lot of good," and so, apparently, worthy of all respect of the inhabitants of the peninsula. Well, in general, Mussolini personally insulted not even fly. That's what a great spiritual goodness and decency, it appears, was Benito "Alessandrovich", again according to the owner of the football club, studios, newspapers and other ships.
As Berlusconi sounded from the lips of such "inflammatory" words on the positive role of Mussolini's history, several public organizations immediately subjected to the words of former Italian Prime Minister trashing. Say, Silvio, you apparently after being hit on the head from a statue of the "furious fan", as they say, rickety shed …
But Berlusconi in the plan for the week was not alone. Talking about the fight against fascism and Nazism, remembered something and another one now notorious policy — and specifically remembered his expression that he deigned to allow some previously Berlusconi.
We are talking about the current Belarusian President Lukashenko, who in 1995 (almost at the dawn of his own long and tumultuous presidential career) said that, they say, between the development of Belarus and Germany hunts down some parallels. According to the views of the then Lukashenko, Germany for centuries tried to order, which is, after all, she was able to give only the person who represented a strong power. As if everything is fine and reasonable, except that the person in authority in the awareness of Alexander G. was … Adolf Hitler. Lukashenko also draws attention to the fact that with the name of Hitler in Germany is not only a bad thing … What are strikingly identical speech, separated by a 18-years, descended from the lips of 2-politicians, who at first glance it is difficult to suspect of piety to so odious figures of the past!
Many years have passed since the time when the Belarusian president has permitted itself to such words. He himself of his speech on the occasion of Hitler's role in German history and some parallels with the development of Germany and Belarus, perhaps forgotten, but his great "friends" of the opposition did not even completely forgotten. Now that we Lukashenko presented at a very spicy sauce, a specific flavor which can cause heartburn obvious even the adherents of "father."
As the referee fell into the arms of Morpheus
No, there are, of cou
rse, trials worthy of attention, and there are — so for themselves. And not even the fact that the "so-so", and so completely "rotten" meeting happen. Sits, it happened, the referee in his chair and his nose starts nicking. All around thinking that he so Makar expresses unequivocal endorsement to the prosecutor or lawyer and judge, it turns out, tends to sleep. That's such an incident happened in the week and with the minister of Themis from Blagoveshchensk named Makhno. Soft chair, the prosecutor "case sews" perfectly, MC lies flat on the table — in general, worn out by the referee full program there: he, heart, and indulged in the sweet embrace of Morpheus. Well, like in the movie "Big Break" — remember the …
Closing his eyes, sir Makhno probably dreamed about new increases: from urban to judge the judges over top flight, and there are even higher and higher and higher … But there was a setback. Some people, who included the most cowardly way to meeting its own mobile camera, the referee decided to capture — particularly at a time when color dreams comrade Makhno succeeded each other out, and breathing apparatus slightly held back so as not to nap …
Video, as it is now usual, went to the Web, and "delve into the essence of things" Makhno saw the thousands of spectators. And then the arbitrator with loud surname was two ways: first — to swear that he did not sleep, and specifically thoughtfully versed in the intricacies of the case, immersed in a special court trance that is not prohibited by laws of the Russian Federation, and the second — write "on their own". Makhno apparently realized that the "trans" will not pass, and so decided to choose the second way, and his brilliant judicial career was cut short at the take-off …
But, as the guardian of his own desire to satisfy the rule of law in Blagoveshchensk, in the name of "satisfactory" fell furious complaints. Say, fiends! What are you Makhno fired? Maybe he was sick in general. Maybe he had the temperature on which the courthouse kondyuk had to "full cold" include? Or maybe, he did not sleep at night — moonlighting for unloading wagons because of their own low wages!
But such criticism has remained unaccounted for. But appeared some clarity as to why the U.S. courts banned video, but the graphic court very welcome. Apparently, they have decided as follows: if the arbitrator and "zakemaril," that while the whole scene painter draws, he is a 5 time to time to wake up. We do this by providing full outrage against referees get …
And by and large that bill, the fact is that the arbitrator Makhno was the victim of events. Well, tell me, that he — legal professionals (of course, with great bukovkoy) — naiskuchneyshee charged to conduct a meeting? For what? For any such infraction? Would not sleep Makhno, if instructed him to make decisions, for example, about Eugenia Vasilyeva, or do any of Anatoly Serdyukov? Which there would be a dream! Yes Makhno would such a process, a leather chair with his backside to the springs rubbed.
After that episode arbitrators who work for naiskuchneyshih courts would do well to allocate additional assistant who every 5 minutes would be appropriate to the judges' table and would create a sonorous voice, "Khe-khe!" — Just in case …
As a way to lose
Serious inflame passions about the "road" of the case, in which There is name of former defense minister. The press has published once held that an elite holiday camp "Rye", which in the Volga delta, at the expense of the Ministry of Defence and the active fighter verbovanii different military units of the road was built at a total cost of 100 million rubles. The situation turned into a particularly special after it was found that the "Rye" belongs to his wife's sister, Anatoly Serdyukov — a man who himself had acted vigorously to rid the military of "non-core" work.
Many wanted to further their own eyes behold the one path which led to the opportunity to rest center. Arrived at the journalists who apparently were going to behold the broadband highway, saw the everyday primer, which was fortified with rubble somewhere. Began to find in other places, but the 8-kilometer stretch of paved road markings and other facilities have not found a.
This led to the fact that once appeared conspiracy theories: they say, came almost Serdyukov himself after his own visit to the Investigative Committee and the way that sryli (apparently, with the active assistance of the former Chief of the General Staff Nikolai Makarov). As they say, decided to kill the clues …
But later, from interviews with local residents revealed that the primer that is the "Serdyukovskaya path" that the former minister was asked by investigators. It would seem, Anatoly Eduardovich could begin to show good spirits: they say, no asphalt — no matter … But … The same local residents confirmed that the primer to upgrading and strengthening the hands of bridges, indeed, applied military … Not outsourcers something …
Yes, the truth is that it is difficult to understand the people who were going to behold in Russia 8km road the equipped with 2 bridges at the costs of their building at 100 million rubles. These 100 million rubles have on today's prices can be built unless a very average 500-600 meters of the roadway. And there are lots (or the Third Transport Ring, for example), where the asphalt kilometer cost of all 110 million bucks! So at the designated 100 Russian "Lyamov" no other way, except for 8-km-long primer mixed with crushed stone, and build-it was not.
Apparently, the son-in-sovereign Serdyukov upbraided his own kin: heigh-ho, Anatoly! I somehow thought about what you told me here asphalt paved highway, and you only sand and gravel with enough … Well, it really could not you are there still any non-core zdanitse in central Moscow on spetstsene realize, that your sister's husband had a profound moral gratification from riding on equal asphalt, and did not suffer from these bumps here …
Part II. "Until then walked progress"
The magic of engineering in the service of the law
Six-fingered thief and adulterer
On Monday in Iran was publicly tested brand new progressive technique: machine for cutting off fingers. Some thief, he is an adulterer, and before that had been in court, was the first "guinea", which was to lose four fingers of his right hand. Public amputation accomplished one of the squares of the town of Shiraz.
In the web there are many comments about it. First we need to note the general bewilderment. Readers media wonder: why did the thief left fifth finger? Which of these needs? What a place Kolupaev? In the nose, the nose or not?
It must be assumed that the instrument of execution still undergoing initial testing stage. The beta version of the machine cuts only four fingers. One can also imagine that the fifth (big) toe by the offender, which underwent public awesome experience, in order that he could finger poking known gesture showing butchers how great work they and their machine.
Discussions are on the Web and what it would be like machines introduced in operation in Russia. According to the views of anonymous network, the device must operate in the country without interruption. Others object: say, in this case, line up a
longish queue for disability and adequate pensions. Third, with their black humor write that after such innovations in the State Duma should have to Pedal. To vote. In general, these commentators must not remember that laws — including about new penalties — are developed and adopted in this very Duma. Fourth they say that it is impossible in Russia to import these machines all 142 million people, including babies and old women, fingerless remain. In the middle of the creators of reviews were found as original, ready to stand up for the Iranian type of machine and work freely and overtime.
What did become of the man punished in Iran? If for theft he had severed four fingers, then what punishment he was prescribed for adultery?
No, you wonder about that loaf. Bimbo gilotinka cuts only the fingers, the tips of cigars and cuts nails. Version 2.0 (export version), according to rumors, will also be circumcised — four at once. Iranian thief for adultery was sentenced to ninety-nine lashes and three years in jail.
Shibab-Eddim, an expert on American mythology
Between truth and ignorance
Not so long ago, it became clear that the government of Egypt there is a perception: the Holocaust — is a myth, composed by … no, not the Jews — the Yankees. For what it is needed — to invent? To realize their own political purposes. And what about the 6 million Jews who were killed by the Nazis? And was not that of all these Jews simply packed their belongings and moved to permanent residence in the United States.
Approximately a view of history posted Egyptian sovereign Fathi Shibab-Eddim, the person close to the president Mursi, also responsible for the destiny of all municipal editors of newspapers. For presenting to the audience's own interpretation of the stories he chose a day of memory of victims of the Holocaust. The other day, he reminded the masses Mursi recognizable thesis that Jews — is "the descendants of apes and pigs", that seems to be giving the command to his followers.
Shibab-Eddim, this trendsetter in the Egyptian media, with pathos, said that the Holocaust — not an ordinary myth, but a whole mythological South American industry, which operates under the management of U.S. intelligence.
But why was the Yankees build a similar myth? On it Shibaba also found the answer. It turns out that America is adept to manipulate the mind of the public as early as the forties. That was the image-attack: Americans have started to damage its own kind of fascist enemies excuse damage civilian objects during the war and in particular the nuclear attack on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Efraim Zuroff, Israel director of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Jerusalem, familiarizing themselves with these "arguments", shook his head in shame. He was willing to use art style and put it in the sense that the eyes of the Egyptian favorites, especially Shibab-Eddima, based on a denial of the tortoise and the three pillars of ignorance, but changed his mind and said simply:
A terrible geopolitical advertising
Britain has committed itself to scare away visitors
— So he Bulgarians.
— What's the difference?
From the film
Fearing that the next year in Britain en masse gush Bulgarians and Romanians, the Government of Albion has decided to clarify the future of popular guest workers that live in London and the counties not sweet.
According to the forecast Control Organization immigration «Migration Watch», in the coming five years in England with the purpose of employment can welcome about 50 thousand people of Bulgaria and Romania. The fact that the 2014 canceled limit their access to work in England, in effect since 2007, when the two countries joined the EU.
And if there was a threat of mass influx of migrants and the final strangulation title of civilization, the British authorities, and already I'm thinking about the country's withdrawal from the EU decided to launch a special advertising of their own country in Bulgaria and Romania. The creators of movies meant to denigrate their homeland so that no Bulgarians did not want to exchange the beauty of Shipka, or, say, the unemployment office in Sofia, in need of overhaul Westminster Abbey or a soup kitchen for the vagrants in the proletarian slums of London.
Writers and editors can be recommended not to strain the imagination. In the video clip for the Romanian and Bulgarian television to be shown how the British themselves seek out "New home" in other countries. Almost two-thirds of British households longs to emigrate — due to the disgusting climate coarseness officials, very high taxes, unbearable stupidity of popular culture and public pessimism. Every week in Britain leaves approximately fifteen hundred managers — "in search of the best life." You should try to explain to an incredulous Romanians in Britain so bad that the British are unwound from there to Australia, where he still remembers what a "good old British values" and "the spirit of community." Show on TV at the same time thriving Adelaide would give the Bulgarians realize where the real paradise on earth — and no fog for you, or flood, or has lost the confidence of the electorate Mr Cameron.
In parallel running stories should focus on prospective guests of London so called food banks, without which the British would have died out in droves. In the past year, the country has significantly increased the number of these "banks" — charities, handing out food poor. Those who get up in Britain in the hungry queue for the last year was twice more. The new soup kitchens open every day or three. Number of Englishmen living in this capitalist country below the poverty line, is about to be over 13 million. The results of the survey nedavneshnego shown, that for every ten families in England hunger — a daily reality.
Those malovospriimchivyh to the truth of people from Romania and Bulgaria, who will break into Britain via the awesome advertisements in London are going to crucify special tests: workers will be offered pass "entrance exam" questions which, as they say in the Ministry of the Interior, will be based on "values and principles that lie at the basis of English life. " And this despite the fact that the English spirit has long moved to Australia.
Applicants for immigration will have to show remarkable zaniya in sports, music, stories, and even England. In the exam will include questions: "Who was the admiral, who was killed in a naval battle in 1805, which established the monument in Trafalgar Square in London?&q
uot;, "What a prehistoric monument still stands in Wiltshire?" And others.
It is not clear, would pass a similar test by the members of the British government. In line with the working people of the Bulgarians would be good to put, for example, David Cameron.
Not so long ago, in September last year, the British prime minister had to answer questions fairly common South American TV host David Letterman. Last asked First of who wrote the patriotic song "Rule, Britannia!" and what is "Magna Carta." Unlike the vast majority of future Romanian migrants, Mr Cameron finished Eton and Oxford. Yet he did not know who wrote the patriotic song marked. Transfer to the British «Magna Carta» («the great charter"), this man also could not. Failing the test, Cameron said: "You catch me! Now my career is over. "
America lacks Onishchenko
World enveloped the international drug fever. It all started in America — and echo through Colombia, reaching as far as Russia.
In the past year, as you know, in some states in America have legalized marijuana. And now, in the run-up in December 2013, when Washington should start legal trade in marijuana, the local authorities started thinking: What about consumer protection and everything else, including the properties of the product supplied?
Washington has already began to search professionals who have made it clear to the authorities, it is true the grass grow, as it is dry, store. The authorities also interested in the Dutch recipes cupcakes. January 30 at Tahoma hosted a forum made up of wanting to get narkodolzhnosti. Responsible for the development of a set of rules that will work, "Hemp Industry", has been appointed to monitor the Bureau of alcohol. Not quite the profile, but it's a start.
Now this office requires expert in four areas: the entire production cycle of marijuana (refer require people with experience of more than three years), safety of consumption of "grass" and its effects on the human body, the definition of product properties and the amount desired to please the market needs; laws and legal processes that accompany the hemp revolution at the federal and local level.
Meanwhile, the police began to occur mysterious incident with marijuana, lying there in the form of material evidence. In Wichita (Kansas) mouse as if nibbled bags of marijuana. According to investigators, a mouse (option: one rodent) have found a place to burrow devices and food. Marijuana came up and in order for the other.
In the deduction of Kansas police can not refuse, but, after the contents of a packet diminished, the heads of law enforcement began to come out of Wichita unusual ideas. The police got down to drawing up an identikit alleged robber. The staff of a department who is behind the artist, who, tongue hanging out, for the first time in my life instead of narrow-minded unshaven thug with close-set eyes round with inspiration to create images of the mouse-Thief.
In short, it is hard to tell who has used marijuana more — mice or police.
A visit to Russia 1st holy father from Colombia international drug fever took shape.
Padre Fabio Ricardo Rodriguez, who kept in his stomach eighteen condom with cocaine, flying in the friendly Russian transit through Paris. But here is a failure: it was late in the connecting flight, and he had to expect a subsequent aircraft. As he arrived at Sheremetyevo, he fell ill. From the infamous being in Russia cure almost Hasek: No, not wrapping it in a wet sheet, but a more effective method — gastric lavage.
Freed from the heavy load of the priest, who settled in the Khimki insulator told, that he arrived in Russia with missionary goals. Take drugs, obviously, it forced the mafia group.
Hard to say what it did for the band. Is not this the most, January 29, suggested in his home country to legalize not only marijuana and cocaine, and "ecstasy" and methamphetamine?
It turned out that this initiative comes from … the government of Colombia. The relevant sentence is meant to bring to Congress in March 2013. The development of the document will be engaged — as in the corresponding case in the U.S. — experts and scientists. They will join and past president Cesar Gaviria.
In the base idea of legalization put popular idea that the decriminalization of drug trafficking is allowed to do away with drug trafficking. You can add to this that the legalization services killers, poisoners, rapists, killers, cannibals, terrorists, gangsters and corrupt officials, too, a broker would do away with the proper kinds of criminal business. The world is one hundred percent cleared to from criminals.
As usual and excellent idea does not reach the Russians. At least, it does not reach up to 1 alert inhabitant of Orenburg, who sees in every corner of the ambush drug dealers who had gathered to destroy his native Russia.
Citizen Vladimir Savinkov writing addressed Federal Antimonopoly Service of the Orenburg region. In a statement friend pointed out that the sculpture fountain "Friendship of Peoples" ("Sheaf of Plenty"), along with a pavilion of "Geology" VVC promote the use of cannabis. Marked objects to carry, so that they are not troubled youth.
Not a lot of that, as the companion Savinkov advertise narkoproduktsiyu and large companies with global names. For example, «Coca-Cola» reminds people of the spinner. As for the perfume "Opium", that with regard to him and clarifications are required. But the worst thing — candy "Red Poppy" …
What reminds people to roll with poppy seeds in a bread shop, Comrade Savinkov did not elaborate.
Soprano baritone replaced
Hillary Clinton has retired
Friday was the last working day of Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton says she was replaced by John Kerry. And why is there a correct sentence to remember this lady uncommon good word. If you think you will remember nothing, you are wrong.
Hillary outstanding during the fruitful activity in the State Department became famous for 20 months in the chorale sang the "Assad must go." Agree, it's not everyone can do. The voice can break.
As throughout the "Arab Spring" Hillary lucidly explained to the world that where there is oil, the United States usually find flaw of democracy. Speaking in May last year at the institute campus of Syracuse (State of New-york), Hillary Clinton put it very bluntly: "Diplomacy in the energy sector is a critically important factor of our national security, and not just from the standpoint of pleasing the energy needs of the United States at an affordable cost, but also from the standpoint of the role that energy plays in our relations with other regions of the world. "
No one else but unforgettable Hillary exclaimed, "Wow" when I got the phone on the news of the capture of Muammar Gaddafi. Hearing that Gaddafi is dead, she said: "They came, beheld, he was dead."
Specifically, Clinton, preaching democracy to the South American way, but in the off-duty advertising services company, "Westinghouse", toured the 112 countries for which colleagues gave her a t-shirt with that number, and along with a helmet player in South American football — not to fell and shook their own precious brain.
In December, being in Dublin as part of the 38th tour, Clinton told the world of the future "resovetizatsii" Central Asia — under the guise of the Customs or the Eurasian Unio
n — and gave it to understand that America majestic develop "effective methods" and "resovetizatsii "does not allow it. This is for you not to clap flies — stand up to totalitarian ways of Comrade Putin.
On the democratic path of Mrs. Clinton accompanied everywhere constant success. In countries where was the "Arab Spring", the Yankees and previously could not stand, but since 2012 has become a fierce hatred of the population. "Al-Qaeda", which today embodies the standards of democracy in Syria, said that the next item after Damascus jihad — Washington. In Libya killed Ambassador C. Stevens and three other Yankees. From the spring of friendship with Egypt enveloped America has had to turn away. Iraq's prime minister, Comrade al-Maliki gave realize crisp white house that his country — not somebody's "patrimony". Even in Russia have grown bolder and forced NGOs — the capital of the conductors Overseas mind — to register yourself as a paid "foreign agents." After all of this South American senators praised the secretary of state — for the fact that her efforts significantly improved U.S. style in the world and a trusting business with many countries.
In general, the senators — not for these, and other, — and tried to scold Clinton for example, because of the death of Ambassador Stevens in Benghazi. But in response, she threw a fit professionally. For any other ladies that would be a political failure, but not for Hillary. After questioning by the Senate, her "favorability rating" headed for 67% («Washington Post» / «ABC News»). This means that the sixty-seven percent of the Yankees' positive about the activities of Secretary of State. Hillary Clinton is now considered a specific winner in the presidential race in 2016 for the Democratic Party. Not the fact that she goes to prezidentki, but it is clear that she considers herself a catchy role model for women leaders around the world. Immodestly? Probably not.
After all, Hillary Clinton headed for what to her in a white house no one sought: the American press wrote that the main roundness in the office — she, not the president. A few days back Hillary went on the air, "C-PBS" with Obama, who previously did not give joint interviews with anyone except his wife. Barack Hussein has not stinted on honey: Hillary referred to his friend and "one of the best Secretaries of State" in the history of the country.
In the end, the former South American Secretary of State, as though what an intelligent man, can not refuse to self-criticism. Hillary once said: "The essence of smart power — smart people!" And another time admitted: "Everyone would like me to sit at home, baking cakes and serve tea."
Not every wife and mother, even in the name of a bright future own country, can abandon bake cakes and make tea.
* "All of the cage. Everything. Only in their own "- a phrase from the movie" 12 "