Results of the week. Oh, these tales! Oh, these storytellers!

Part I. "I believe that a man can only believe in the latter case"

Hidden Romanian copper

Two years in handy Romanian side to find "decent" response to the announcement by Moscow in 2010, a person non grata by the Romanian diplomatic, employee by the name of the Greeks. This monarch was once detained in the Russian capital at the time of disk imaging principle of military character.

So here, the Romanians, as can be seen, for a long time breaking open the head to generate ideas of revenge in the address "damned Russian." In the end, came out completely in Romanian … Press this "brotherly" countries reported that the Bucharest airport all the same was arrested Russian spy. Apparently, for two years the Romanian secret services were sleeping and beheld how they will conduct an instant operation under this title "Unbreakable Carpathians." And now the time has come X.

How did you know that he's a spy? So it's simple: if a person were to myself Tipo "secret" documents and topographic maps "supersekretnogo" Romanian object — a copper mine … How did you know that the Russian spy? It turns out that now our Russian spies moved to foreign countries only in their passports. It is not clear whether the alert found a Romanian airport officials have detained a passenger to the same labor book, in whatever contains the entry "of Russian Spy", the authenticity of which is duly stamped, stored in Lubyanka …

In general, there seems to be no, now the Romanian Prosecutor's Office accuses detained in industrial espionage. According to the Romanian laws of Russian citizen sentenced to up to seven years in prison.

By the way, in the present case there is another oddity. "The Spy"-that was detained in the second decade of October, and issued a "staggering" information Romanians only this week. It's not just not consistent with international standards, but in general it is difficult to give concealed unprofessional. Although where international standards and professionalism, and is now Romania …

Spy announced Russian citizen, and so far no reports that he really has Russian citizenship. Or does the passport was not until the end of the Romanian secret services were transferred, or passport with him were not there, but a man in broken Russian to Polish or Croatian accent said he was just out of Russia …

In general, if the "spy" our, somehow our small industrial exploration began to work: a copper mine in Romania, a … If I could preparing a base for a missile defense system at the same time drawn again, that is …

At this rate, will soon begin to incriminate spying Russians who are from Turkey "took the memory" of hotel slippers with a towel …

Traffic jams on the clouds

But we have already begun to forget that in our country there have been times when the phrase "plug on the Avenue" could cause confusion. Cork? So what? Janitor throw in the trash — great misfortune! But now there is no such "caretaker" who could cope with the traffic congestion is so directly. But many want to experience.

Namely, on the next turn against "traffic jams" in the week said in Moscow. Was information that now Russian top political ranks can not move on the ground and in the sky, which, in principle, consistent with the feelings of their own status representatives of Russian authorities … The movement will be performed by helicopters, so as not to inconvenience motorists. With all of this, of course, until the motorcade escort helicopters will not change … And if there is no means of countless security as before will move the most ordinary way — that is to say on the ground.

But the catch is that the motorcade on the roads, for example, Moscow will move without flashing lights, and this is, you realize, "kortezhistam" will obviously spoil the nerves. You only judge for yourself: Chef in the sky, and a dozen dark "Mercedes" stuck somewhere in Kapotnya repaired roads in the area. Chef has arrived, and an hour shifting from foot to foot on the helipad, and cropped short guys and the rest of the accompanying nervously smoking in traffic and heed chanson — no flashing lights can not be helped.

Of such a situation there are several exits. Exit 1st: spetssoprovozhdenie state officials also transplanted to helicopters, well, or at least hang gliders. Then lift your head up, and the sky pomigivaya colored lights, moving "flock", and satisfied car owners are a friendly wave with his hand, exposed to the open window of the driver's door. However, in such a situation bureaucrats smaller caliber may also wish to soar over traffic jams, but because when counting the number of officials in Russia even in workers Rosstat nervous breakdowns occur, the sky over Moscow alone can transform the picture of "The Fifth Element".

Output second: to buy from U.S. Army helicopters "Chinook" or else use their improved imperative for the needs of the Mi-12, so place during flights missed by all. The Meeting of the Government — all ministers were loaded into one large helicopter, and of the houses have carried together with protection. A day again loaded all back — and forward to work on the development of the country and fight traffic jams. Yes, in such a helicopter, if desired, can also all the State Duma with Sovfeda pack, if, of course, arrange the interior folding chairs and an overhead particularly tired …

Revelations from Alexander Lukashenko

This week one of the major newsmakers from the standpoint of unusual news is including Belarus. It began with the Belarusian favorite gave an interview to the English weekly magazine «Independent», in which for some reason is quite impressive part ordained own personal sultry towards minorities. With all this the President of Belarus began his concoctions on same-sex love with the words, "Holy, holy," and "The Lord is with them!"

Whom the Lord there is hard to say, but judging by the statements of the upcoming Alexander G., came about subsequent. Gay favorite Belarusian civilization does not tolerate and accept this phenomenon is very bad. However, an explanation of his own thoughts Lukashenko has led quite amusing. According to him, the whole abnormality gay, speak out so abnormal contact between the guys that do not appear in gay babies. It turns out that if, God forbid, were born, the Alexander G. to his attitude to these slippery intimate affairs softened …

In addition, the Belarusian president accuses not same-sex couples, made up of women, although they, too, as you know, without the help of other kids have not learned to give birth … His worldview in this case boils down to the fact that for some ladies' men have failed. " The conversation ended with the phrase that Alexander G. "regretfully accepts lesbianism."

In all this history with same-sex relationships, details of which are already stuffed nauseam most Russians, it is striking that even the Belarusian favorite Western journalists are prone to such discussion. Now-in the West obviously relish the episodes in which Lukashenko says almost that lesbian couples, anyway, it's better pairs made up of gay men. Oh, dad, dad … Mogilevich you these damned Western journalists to sin …

And, apparently, that once put in place and the West to distract him from close attention to the gay community, Alexander G. decided to pay a surprise blow below the belt. Blow was a fact that representatives of the Belarusian delegation to the OSCE sud
denly told the audience to many of the harsh shortcomings in the organization of elections in the United States. Belarusians declared that the laws of the states 46 years, which is not allowed by the presence of the elections in the U.S. foreign observers, obviously undermine the democratic foundations nor consistent with the concept of an advanced democratic state. In addition, Belarusian diplomats said the inadequacy of most of the electoral system in the United States, because in some cases, the president would probably people who voted for the least number of people than the opponent.

In general, here Alexander Lukashenko has shown throughout the West, the fact that his "gayest flourishes" it from the correct understanding of geopolitics is not distracted.

An old plate newest Georgian authorities

Do not have time to form a new government of Georgia, as many felt as if government gramophone Bidzina Ivanishvili was an old scroll sizzling plate. One of these plates is a speech the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Georgia, Mrs. Pandzhikidze. The minister is new, but these are the words she seems leased from the Minister of the predecessor. The fact that Maya Guramovna immediately sat down in a ministerial seat, said that Georgia is not even going to restore diplomatic affairs with Russia, since that "occupying" 29% of the Georgian countryside.

An idea that may have some special seats are installed in the government of Georgia. Here you are only for yourself: a couple of weeks back the same Mrs. Pandzhikidze reservation, that, they say, should begin to establish business with its northern neighbor. But as she plopped down in a soft chair the Foreign Ministry, so there is something in her diplomatic head locked, his eyes dimmed with happiness stay in the mandatory offices, but the lips themselves, almost spontaneously, given the phrase "Russian occupation of Georgia." Maybe it's Misha Saakashvili's own hand laid on all ministerial seats buttons, which traces its biomaterial …

Would be logical if the poison will spread through blood of the new Georgian ministers and reaches the brain, which in at least some of the Georgian authorities are responsible for the need for a military solution to the Abkhaz and South Ossetian issues with the active support of the "brothers of NATO." So what if he just now Bidzina G. accused Saakashvili and his party in the preparation and conduct of large-scale military provocation … The words in today's Georgia is rapidly forgotten, even more so if the United States announced another major Georgian people for all time.

And if the friendship is forever, the West tsyknet and Ivanishvili also try to "restore constitutional order". And will live: each new favorite Georgian civilization will be at the instigation of "friends" to experience the strength of the Russian army, and the territory of Georgia will collapse and may even one day to shrink the front garden at the house of another sovereign Vashingtonoshvili.

Play in town

In the week distinguished experts of the United Nations to prepare a report on more rapidly, "endangered" campuses in the world. The list was 28 cities, with 11 cities of that number are on the ground specifically Russian Federation, 5 — in the Ukraine. The remaining 12 cities belong to countries such as Liberia, Georgia, Hungary, Romania, Italy, Armenia, Cuba and South Korea.

Following the publication of the report, many representatives designated in the list of villages Fri were very surprised.

Here is a list of Russian "endangered" cities, according to the views of "the UN investigators: Omsk, Novorossiysk, Chelyabinsk, Ufa, Volgograd, Voronezh, Saratov, Samara, Perm, Nizhny Novgorod and St. Petersburg.

What is striking is that the statistics indicated no towns in the United Nations and not intended to take into account. Experts themselves were not able to explain the principles through which the study was conducted. How could prove to be among the "endangered" cities, such as Voronezh or St. Petersburg, if the population of the first since 2002 grown to 151 a thousand, and the second — nearly 300 thousand inhabitants. But the UN professionals such data is not enough to motivate. They argue that even if at the moment the population grows the designated cities, here in 2025, it just starts to wane … But if it grew a bit faster, then, suddenly, the list would be different … As the saying goes, if b grandmother had something, then it would be a grandfather.

We, of course, on their own demographic dilemmas themselves know very well, but then there is a trivial misinformation from the UN. Of course, the people who prepared this research, it is unlikely their feet stomping through the streets of the cities identified and studied the data of district registry offices. Apparently, the situation looked like this:

— Hey, Johnny, we are given n millions of dollars, so we are led to "endangered" town. Maybe you're taking a walk through the world and considered urban residents?
— Billy, what are you trusting? Why go? Give me a globe and spin the harder it. How many of you say, cities need to calculate? .. Look, Saratov … Write some. Now you do.
— Volgograd! .. Good for you, it works! In the evening the accounting department will need to go for advance …

Part II. "Who knows how to do — do. Those who can not — teach. Those who can not teach — controls "

The beds in the gym

In front of the whole planet

The United States is the world record detain the bar on the number of prisoners falling for every 100 thousand inhabitants of this blessed country — with its "dream factory," Yablokov pies, Christmas turkey and the standard of democracy with all its attendant rights and freedoms.

South American prison system destroys itself. No, not particularly democratic discourse and even miserable solitary confinement in what is now languishing around 50 thousand prisoners held there incommunicado, without access to. The reason for the collapse of the system of the future — not in fear of imprisonment, and that the inmates in the prison … is not included.

In 1980 in the United States in the conclusion contained 220 persons per 100 thousand inhabitants, while in 2010 the number of prisoners rate per capita has tripled — 741 persons per 100 thousand. Here is fraught with social explosion, and in the coming years the most (other analysts call the exact date: 2018). The fact that the number of prisoners of U.S. prisons are not just high in absolute terms — six million people, representing 25% of all prisoners in the world, and that this number exceeds the capacity of prisons 2 million hospital beds. In fact, the U.S. correctional system is bursting at the seams.

More crowded, according to Steve Nolan («The Daily Mail»), the California institution — in the slammer for 33 adults, designed for 80,000 people, has 140,000 prisoners. By 2018, "excess" number of inmates projected to be 45%. At the moment, according to the Bureau of Prisons Network, prison overcrowding is 39%.

The Supreme Tribunal decided that it is unconstitutional, and ordered California to release 30,000 captors. In general, this does not solve the problem of. What to do with the rest? Well, those 30 thousand will be issued no tomorrow: the process will extend at least until the summer of next year, and even for several years.

Instead of cameras prisoners asleep in the classroom, "gymnasium", on the beds in gyms, in laundries, in different time spaces. One prisoner in the slammer San Diego napping in the phone room: near a day is all of those wishing to call home, there are hanging on the walls
of public telephones. A young man listening to a captive millions of words, after his release or amnesty would be able to write a few novels, stories which would completely developed from phone conversations. In the meantime, he has terrible headache, and he had to plug our ears.

U.S. penal system is overloaded and more since the last 5 years has increased the influx of prisoners. Western journalists have written about the "en masse" admission of prisoners in jail. Chamber cells, calculated on the 1st, became a haven for three, and bunk rise in three tiers.

So as not to stimulate the conflicts inevitable in such crowded conditions and overcrowding, prison authorities were required to reduce the number of hours that residents of institutions can spend on walks. Themselves walking areas in the bullpen, too often turned into beds. In the bullpen Chino between beds simply is no empty space. Inmates live practically on top of each other.

In the West, there is a perception that the overcrowding of prisons — it is even good, let the thieves, pedophiles and murderers pomuchayutsya. "They do not like the terms? They should not have to commit crimes "- that worldview 1st commentator for the material« The Daily Mail », which because of such words jumped sharply" rating ". "… Remember, they did the crime, and are there for that reason! This should be a punishment. This should not be a holiday camp "- says another, simply bathing in the pros. Another collector pros expressed in the sense that such conditions — this is the least of what bad men deserve.

Lows earned from fellow Canadian, who called America "the best country in the world" (yes, in quotes), and the Yankees from the neighborhood of Columbia, which "affects that in the United States each year, taxpayers are willing to waste billions of dollars just in order to plant a person in jail for many years … "

But none of the commentators did not ask for ourselves the question: why is the unlimited number of prisoners is marked not just anywhere, but in an advanced democratic country, one that every day is teaching the world how to live it faithfully, and publishes recipes that very good life ? Why complete overpopulation of prisons in the United States lasts for eight years? Something is rotten in the Danish kingdom?

Oh, yes. U.S. and previously decaying imperialist cesspool, and after the collapse of the USSR, with its highest exemplary morality, to take a positive example to them was just not with anyone.

But the disintegration of society — only one reason. Second — this legislation passed in the U.S. after September 11, 2001. South American citizens wishing to be listened to discussions, that being watched, that the FBI monitored the Web, and the Department of Homeland Security has purchased millions of rounds of ammunition, including an expansive and sniper rifles. South American citizens are very afraid of terrorists, and are willing to put up with the kind of infringement of rights and freedoms. They agree on the application of the "Patriot Act", invented in 2001, by which government agents can track citizens to have access to their personal records, to block money bills, to get into files with educational, medical information and what you want, listen to telephone discussions and etc.. The population of the United States and in accordance with the "Act authorizes the National Defence" from 2011, what passes various "anti-state affairs" in the hands of representatives of the army or security services, allowing completely removed from their legal function. This law allows for life to be detained at least some people: you only need approval of the South American governments that here these and those comrades — they are terrorists or even Russian spies.

These formidable and fast-laws used the FBI on a scenario developed for triples NKVD allow authorities to fabricate spies and terrorists in a very large and constantly increasing numbers, and then send them to the South American Gulag — at such times that I would have admired Stalin .

Trembling for his safety Americans approve of these laws — but only until such time as the bloated prison system does not cop it and do not sit down for 100 years themselves.

Pre-election applets for every taste

From the state of the "iron curtain" to gay proletarian revolution

If Obama offers to the voters to continue the "reset" with Russia fraternal and Romney wants to play in boats on the world map and blow up the Pentagon budget, it is still May 20 candidates running for president from his own party, put forward competing programs from: from the establishment of the country's "Iron Curtain" like Russian to complete landscaping America.

Merlin Miller from the party, "American third way» (A3P) advocates for the revival of the American Dream, which will be achieved through hard work, honesty and humility. And that dream is not going to interfere with a variety of aliens, illegal immigrants will be deported to the southern borders of the United States will be delivered by "an impenetrable barrier," the immigration moratorium will be imposed for life, and those who entered the U.S. before, the new government will offer "generous benefits" — to these people are forever left the promised land. With the practice of granting political asylum Miller also promises to end it.

In foreign policy, Mr. Miller condemns imperialism and promotes hands-off approach:

"The American third way does not believe that the U.S. has a moral obligation to spread their culture, values and universities in non-Western countries, especially in the Middle East. A3P believes that the position of non-interference — the only method of international policies of America … We have to get out of the UN and NATO, and shut a huge part of our zabugornyh hundreds of military bases … We reject the idea that the U.S. should like forever subsidize incompetence and corruption in the Third the world, providing them with financial assistance. Charity must begin and end at home … "

The economy in the U.S. Miller will correct closing of the Federal reserve system. Education at it will be aimed at restoring an old American school. Teachers will again begin to teach that has a practical use in daily life, including arithmetic and the classic story of America. About the Miller family values goes completely clear: A3P stands for classic marriages.

At the same time, Mr. Miller called for America to pure white. Snow-white person as a result of multiculturalism has lost the right to be proud of their own race, tradition, heritage, and because A3P «advocates of white American interests."

Another highly popular candidate, a favorite of the Constitutional Party Virgil Gyud, takes the position monotonous "Third Way." He speaks about the tough illegal immigration and proposes to introduce a moratorium on the issuance of "Green Card" — to such time as the U.S. unemployment rate is reduced to 5%.

Candidate is from the "Green Party" Jill Stein Prof. Dr., appears immediately below with 2 mottos: combating unemployment and environment protection. Stein America promises to plant trees and shrubs to reduce the military budget for the third part, and guarantees all U.S. citizens to employment and medical care.

Subsequent candidate Libertarian Party nominee, former Governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson earned for himself a small electoral success that was made for the legalization of marijuana. This man says that it is "no more unsafe than alcohol." Exit from NATO and the United Nations — also libertarian thought. At the same time preached the re
moval of the country from all walks of private life. Gay marriage, feminism, multiculturalism, and other liberal beauty right up to their wives in common here in full ammunition: Comrade Marx and Engels had detected a fellow in the American liberals brothers in spirit.

Sushi Party for Socialism and Liberation goes to the polls under the traditional slogan of struggle against imperialism (South American, by the way) and the world revolution. Party members respect Fidel Castro and nostalgically recall the old days when the political map of the world could behold the colossus of the USSR and the countries of the CMEA. As president of the party nominated 28-year-old antimilitarist activist Peta Lindsdey.

Free Socialist Party prompts you to proletarian revolution hands of minorities, to which her favorites include not only gay men, and women. Candidate Stephen Durham, a Trotskyist in his convictions and the man on the floor, oratory on the streets to defend the principles of gender equality and social justice.

The Reform Party put forward as a candidate fitness model Andrew Barnett — African-American from New York. This fellow nationalist, but not an absolute type as Miller: against blacks, he has nothing but wants to fight the dominance of Mexicans. Another Reform Party opposes the Electoral Institute.

The regional party of ordinary people Minnesota Presidential candidate Jim Carlson, a merchant hemp advocates for the real power of the people and the freedom to practice — and the first and the second will be supported legalization of marijuana and hashish.

Opposes possible Hemp President Jack Fellyur — a candidate for the ban. This party is ready to ban all tobacco, alcohol, porn, gambling, drugs, and stands on the just principles of the South American fundamentalism.

The diversity of candidates at a certain consonance party programs says that the U.S. government is very popular idea, based on the benefit of a snow-white race (Option — Black), closing the borders of the castle and the ceiling once and for all immigrant flows. This idea merges with the election platform, which includes the principal item on the complete withdrawal of U.S. troops from all the places where they have previously failed sowed democracy, to be exact — the poppy fields, death, Islamism and corruption. The house is worth programm fellow Durham, dreaming about how his loyal proletarians are going to storm the white houses: turners, fitters, laborers and hauzkipery, and at the head of the revolutionary crowd — the brave gay.

Hard to be a Yankee

Egyptian commandments and other annotations

As you know, Obama has decided that after the events of September 11, 2012 Egypt over America are not aligned. Through the President's decision in life, State Department bureaucrats put their employees tasks and delegated responsibilities. But the administrative machine has a mechanism of slow, and only a week back at the U.S. Embassy in Cairo were written annotations to respect the personal safety of those Yankees that were foolish in Egypt.

To the Egyptians, led by the ruthless fellow Mursi not eaten alive by the Yankees — at least for the fact that he was the Yankees — dignified citizen of a democratic country is prescribed every day to comply with a complex set of rules.

Each day a U.S. citizen, by fate found himself in Cairo, will have to change not only their own routes of movement through the city streets, and their time. If yesterday Stars and Stripes tourist walking on the beach at 10 in the morning, but now he will have to go to another beach and the NIGHT MODE. By the way, there are no stars and stripes is not allowed — no T-shirt, no pants on bathing or on the shoes. Is strictly prohibited and flags on the car. State symbols should be carefully avoided, otherwise the proper person to hold fast identification.

If you are a South American citizen, keep your car windows closed and doors locked. Sitting in the car or leaving it, do not waste your care all the time observe what is happening around you. Maybe someone thought that you are the Yankees.

If your car began to chase the enemies of the South American nation, begin zooming sparingly, trying to attract the attention of police. 50 to 50, it would work.

And in fact you a tourist? In such a case, you often have to change the time and sitting area. This is necessary in order to Egyptian attackers have not formed a pattern of your behavior, and then did not trace it. Be convinced that you are being watched.

By the way, anyone about anything for themselves do not tell, do not give phone numbers, names of relatives and friends.

Terrorists have distorted the gates of the AK-47 and something fluttering in his own way? Last resort: call the U.S. Mission to the department by phone 2797-3300. Do not worry, for you will give more tips in at least some time in this room are on duty 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Although Americans and it does not understand, but the Egyptian annotations can be projected onto any country in which South American State Department has conducted the "Arab spring." Where Hillary Clinton and her associates is democracy, the Yankees are urgently needed life-saving annotations.

In general, U.S. citizens are not easier to live and at home.

If the State Department instructs the Yankees on the global level, about the dangers of representatives of the advanced civilization of the house, to report to traders and manufacturers.

On the bottle of champagne adorned warning: "Before you put in the microwave, remove the label." On a pack of batteries stamped: "swallow? Immediately consult a doctor. " On the bottle with the liquid for cleaning the toilet is placed advice: "Safe for use in the presence of kids and animals, but to drink from the toilet is not recommended." A pack of needles for sewing machine warns: "Do not stick to the penis." On the box from under the iron is said: "Do not iron out the laundry in the inserted form." A Superman costume and quite frustrating: "Wearing a suit does not mean that you can fly."

Victor Friedman, who has lived a long time in the United States and returned to Russia, says: "I would not want my kids were as dumb as Americans. The state of education is simply terrible. School graduates can not write his own name without error. Institute graduates do not know simple geography. A friend of my wife asked me: "Europe — is in France? .."

Hard to be the Yankees.

* "Oh, these tales! Oh, these storytellers "- a phrase from the cartoon" Falling under the bridge "

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