Results of the week. You have brains in your head or Kyu?

Part I. "Human rights must be protected from"

"Blockages" interfere with "Roskosmos"

Debriefing upon another non-deployment of satellites in orbit launch vehicle "Proton-M" turned out to be short-lived. After the Russian prime minister appeals urgently to find somebody to blame for the tragedy and gallakticheskoy about such punishment, was immediately found guilty and, in fact saying punished. It is surprising that they were not welders and technicals, as assumed in the past, "results" … We have a lamb to the slaughter was 63-year-old Vladimir Nesterov, who ran gallakticheskim Khrunichev center. So who else would could call the guilty if in the near future by Dmitry Medvedev openly criticized the activities of Nesterov in his post?

It is worth recalling that the carrier rocket "Proton-M" Curb upper stage "Breeze-M", failed to bring the desired orbit satellite "Express-MD2" and «Telcom-3". In this regard, an emergency meeting was convened, and in what has been tasked to find out the cause of failures and look for a man who for these failures must answer. While the premise gallakticheskoy trouble to find out, it was reported that the Indonesian spices, fabricate «Telcom-3", suddenly came out with his "brainchild" of the relationship … In the "Roskosmos" apparently broke off immediately search for thoughts on who and what povinet to do, and immediately set their sights in the starry sky, in which here and there wandered lonely Indonesian "Telkom-3." All had hoped that if the connection to the device gallakticheskim install succeeded, means you can not talk about the failure, and even the opposite — to rely on quarterly bonuses. But Indonesian partners have disappointed management "Roscosmos", stating that the connection with the satellite they could get something, but the relationship is such that "my yours do not understand," because the satellite is not on the calculated orbit, and through the universe in which- it elsewhere.

After that, "Roskosmos" had to go back to the search for the perpetrators and determine the circumstances of trouble. At the end of a long exhausting debates the head of "Roskosmos" Vladimir Popovkin announced that he supposedly knows that after all was the premise of the tragedy. It turns out that the whole problem of a clogged highway … clogged fuel tank — that's satellites and stuck somewhere in the depths of gallakticheskih. With all this Popovkin said that this conclusion did not come himself, and the commission, which somehow almost over a few days was able to put your own only a clear diagnosis. In this regard, the question arises why no other commission before the start of the launch vehicle with the booster module has not been concluded that one path may become clogged with something? .. It would seem that this question still remains unanswered, but Vladimir Popovkin and found the answer here.

It turns out that in order to pursue a tragedy ended the Russian astronautics, you need to … no, not to speak Russian ships from damage and the evil eye, but simply reincarnate "Roscosmos" to the state corporation … Popovkin sure that the root of the evil lies specifically in the fact that the government has not very intense takes, "Roskosmos" under his wing. Like, look at the "Rosatom", which has long been a state corporation — there silence yes grace, and what have we? Sorry, mess with …

Maybe offer to take Popovkin well and rename "Roscosmos", so things went more successfully. There are many options: for example, "Goskosmos" — only one bukovku paint, but the meaning is completely different: a closer look to the state, close to the budget …

Tomatoes on the march

Events marked with signs to Moldova. In the so-called "northern capital" of the country, the town of Balti, in which live about 20% of the ethnic Russian and the vast majority of Russian and Orthodox people who have given permission for a rally pro-Romanian unionists. With all this the city government with the court tried to obstruct the march who urged the local population to unite with Romania and undeniably condemn "hateful influence Russian henchmen." Yet, the "march of millions", organized by the movement «Actiunea 2012", the tribunal allowed.

On the one hand, it may seem that such a Makarov met all democratic norms: any force in a democratic country of Moldova has the opportunity to express their point of view. But in this case, the march was a provocation of clean water.

Speech, the main motto is about following: "Down with the occupation," and "Russian, get to discover in Siberia!", Of course, were the apogee of the principles of democracy, which came to power new Moldovan leaders.

If we draw any analogy, the march of unionists in Balti could take a walk on the hypothetical march through the South Kuril supporters joining the Kuril Islands to the land of the rising sun or presentations, for example, in Petrozavodsk with calls to expel all Russian out and make a part of Finnish Karelia. By his own actions resonance could be around the 1st scale.

For obvious reasons, proponents of integration with Romania, suffering from delusions of undisguised Russophobia, local residents were not given "turn around" in Balti. In people chanting "Bessarabia — part of Romania!" Flew a variety of gifts peasant farmsteads, from tomatoes to eggs, many of which greatly marred acting as their posters, costumes and civilized. Eggnog so heated up a lot, even coming from different cities of the country police force and Special Forces teams were not able to prevent clashes in Balti.

Now the Moldovan authorities are trying to find somebody to blame for street fights. And you can most likely provide a little bit of that to be found guilty, and only among those who tried to prevent the march, which heard appeals that smack of revanchism painful. This is a victory for democracy …

«Mortal Kombat» in Russian: Federal Drug Control Service against the FSB

In the week it was reported that from November 1 this year, each member of the FSB, all candidates for "KGB" posts as civilian personnel departments will undergo a mandatory test for probable drug use. With all of this testing are reported to be carried out in several ways: "fence liquids" and "polygraph."

Why specifically now had an idea posherstiv "soldier", not reported. But, as you know, smoke, there's fire … Neuzh is one of Muscovites vigilant, passing by the world-famous buildings in the Lubyanka, fished its narrow scent smell that in the near future more and more caught in the nightclubs of the city? And, perhaps, some superfluous suspicious pharmacist decided to go on a "better safe than nedobdet", sold over the counter person with a "crust" Major FSB illegal pills "Codelac" and "Pentalgin" and then saying "where to" …

Ultimately longish clawed hands reached out to anti-drug committee holy of holies — the Federal Security Service. Now the life of thousands and thousands of employees, headed by Alexander Bortnikov can transform into a real horror. Just imagine: Alexander comes to work for themselves, and they say to him: "Come on fluid intake." The head, of course, will try to reply to the objection, which, they say, the fence, as I now do not even have time to drink t
ea, but there it was … he passed the wide-open door of the office of head of the FSB's office to the place of the "fence", Alexander sees own subordinates, who are undergoing validation function to the "polygraph" of the latest models. After the words of the "polygraph" "You're my everything you say, hidden addict!" Many legs give way FSB generals, the generals and the add urgently admitted to a city hospital …

Let us not forget that the check on the use of touch not only the officers and candidates, and civilian "employees." Well this is what a number of Tajik artists, laying out the tiles in the courts of the regional centers of the Federal Security Service could be harmed by such brutal anti-drug policy service? ..

So the servants of the FSB and applicants for positions of trust so necessary to immediately warn any, you know, bread rolls with poppy seeds, no herbal infusions, no trips on mushrooms whole family: you never know what these "fences liquids" with "Polygraph" will show later of the Federal Drug Control Service not wriggle …

"I'll be a long drive a bicycle …"

A couple of years back it was safe to state that if you are wearing earrings and allow yourself to ride a bike, you are obviously not the North Korean lady. The fact is that the sacred laws of this country, no self-respecting representative of a socialist society would not perforate their ears and insert them in iron objects, and even more will not be let down to sinful thoughts North Korean guys driving around the streets of Pyongyang and other cities in North Korea skirt on my bike. But times are changing, go Kima old, come Kima new, and therefore in the DPRK are observed almost epoch-making changes relating including ladies' sex.

If anyone happen to now build pedaling great citizen of the DPRK Pyongyang on the road — Wonsan, glittering earrings in his ears, he should make of this conclusion is that Kim Jong Un has already gone towards promoted decaying West sexy revolution.

Kim, which is the third, not counting the lifting of the ban on women riding a bike and lifting of the ban on the wearing of jewelry, I decided to go even further and allow what is considered the symbol of the real enemy, the head of every self-respecting North Korean — namely, jeans.

If it goes further, and at the same rate, then soon it will be possible not to wonder if he is the son of Kim (aka Kim-grandson) will appear in front of TV cameras and a stars-and-striped shorts, embroidered Mickey Mouse. The corrupting influence of the West -and still got to the head of the citadel of world socialism …

Let us hope that at least the phrase "the Pyongyang gay pride" and is not embodied in reality. And that in fact the world is now such a difficult, such as right-and-a-tive …

Father Ivan and his party

From now officially the most right-wing policies of the Russian Federation became an actor and, at very most rare combination, the priest Ivan Ohlobystin. In the week Ivan headed the Supreme Council of the political party "just cause." But like so — utter savvy reader — in fact representatives of the church as it is forbidden to engage in politics, because politics in law from the Church still divided. But unless it can put a star television series and large Okhlobystin dad? Of course not! Ivan made a move that to him in our country has already done some notorious policy — the supreme party council he would like and led, but to join in the party itself did not. But such an option, it appears, for the priest's illegal to serve us is completely applicable.

In this regard, already on the next regional elections face (otherwise there and you can not read) Ivan Ohlobystina may be central to the campaign posters of the "right things", which should encourage the Russians to come to the land and to vote specifically for this party.

If we consider that not so long ago the favorites "PD" was considered such a man as Misha Prokhorov, then for the party line is somehow afraid. Then hot, then cold rolls of party …

The billionaire, who fought in the main for the good of the flesh, gave way to the person who must sow faith in the spiritual benefits. In the game, as you can see, can not ustakanilos policies: where exactly to go to its supporters — hope for the powers of heaven or else stay with 2 feet on the vicious world …

Part II. "Ideas can be cleared only ideas"

"Glory — the product unprofitable. Is not cheap, poorly maintained "

The Holy Trinity

Panketkam of «Pussy Riot» Khamovnicheskiy Tribunal gave two years of the colony. In general, the terrible decision may be appealed. Hardly scandalous girls after serving two years, much less that 2-of them have small kids, and the second tribunal must take into account the event. In general, this article is no room for discussion, it is extremely tough or, on the contrary, fair verdict.

Exaggerated, the true geopolitical attention to the three best girls naughty in the church caused by the epidemic throughout the entire planet imitation "pusyam." Under the guise of fighting for freedom and democracy protesters from numerous different countries, pulled on her dress (or, conversely, removing them) and wearing a balaclava on his head or mesh stockings, have announced their vital rave standards.

In Kiev, party girl of «Femen» in the name of «PR» chainsaw cut down a tree with a cross October Palace, on Maidan Nezalezhnosti (by mistake "Reuters" reported sawing cross victims of Stalinist repression, but the cross — stone). Feminists pushed the cross, set during the "orange" revolution 2004-2005, calling on "all the forces of society robust mercilessly cut out from the brain rotten religious prejudices, which supports dictatorship and prevent the development of democracy and freedom of women."

In the Finnish capital, too, there is a struggle for freedom «PR», headed by Dr. Helsinki Institute of World Politics Teivo Teivaynen. Under the freedom-loving teacher a few women repeated punk prayer «Pussy Riot», being on the porch of the Cathedral of the Dormition. Finnish punks tried to pour the urine into the temple from the canister, which brought with them, but they take a crap in the church is not allowed, there simply is not empty. August 15 hot Finnish rally supporters «Pussy Riot» took place and before the Russian Embassy in Helsinki three ladies in Balaclava undressed, demanding the release of the defendants.

In Germany against the sentence «PR» made recognizable with its open homosexuality minister of foreign affairs Guido Westerwelle.

A wave of protection "pusek" sunk even to Iceland. August 11, Jon Gnarr, mayor of Reykjavik, put on a dress, pulled on balaclava and embodied in the image of the participants «Pussy Riot», rode through the town. He rode in the back of pickup truck, which was attached a poster: «Free Pussy Riot». On the hood of the car wearing the other poster: «Gayor» («Gay Mayor").

Freedom-loving and democratic sovereign Gnarra action was part of the usual gay festival held in Reykjavik from 7 to 12 August. "Gay Mayor" and had shown sympathy for the LGBT community. For example, in 2010, he supported gays
and lesbians, said at a gay pride parade in the women's dress and make-up.

Protests August 17, a day trial, passed at the Russian Embassy in London. In Paris, a few 10-s people were at the Pompidou Centre. In Berlin, the activists were to share with placards: "Mother of God, Putin Put." One of the fans' pusek "put on a mask instead of balaclavas Vladimir Putin. In Brussels, about 100 protesters held a rally in front of the Russian consulate in Belgium. In Riga «Pussy Riot» supported 30 participants. They chanted: "Release, release," and "Putin, releasing women to be free, they have no place in your judicial system!" Rigan One held a sign: "ROC, you have confused. Putin — not God. " In Melbourne, supporters of convicted punk girls made the inscription «Pussy Riot» of the candle. In Warsaw, 70 members of the organization "Eighth of March" in Balaclava met Patriarch Cyril and expressed their solidarity with the "Puska."

Having acquired a geopolitical scale, the protection of the rights of disadvantaged "muzykantok" made them good publicity. In support of the «Pussy Riot» acted as a huge number of celebrities around the world, including rock musicians: Madonna, Sting, Peter Gabriel, Pete Townshend, Bjork, the group «Franz Ferdinand», «Red Hot Chili Peppers», etc.

In Russia «PR» supported in Novosibirsk, Samara, Kurgan, St. Petersburg, Pskov and other towns.

In Moscow monuments to Pushkin and Lomonosov champions huliganok pulled colored hats balaclavas. The same balaclavas three lads tried to put on a sculpture partisans at the metro station "Belarus". This rotten young people were detained, and then gave passengers the police station.

Other fans of punk and western freedom defiled Russian warriors monument in Sofia, pulling on the heads of statues colored stockings.

So what is taught panketki of «PR» own fans? If freedom, then from what?

And who stands in their defense? "Madonna"? Guido? Finnish doctor with a canister of urine? Icelandic gay mayor, who had put on her bra and women's dress? .. Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are!

And finally, if panketki staged a riot in the church for the sake of self-promotion (counting a maximum penalty of 15 days), then they did not work: in a year and a half, that girls can take place in the colony, global democracy they simply forget. Short her memory.

Three meals a day

Bosnian minister knows how to overcome the economic crisis

Prime Minister of the Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina Nermin Niksic found a reason in order to send to the resignation of the Minister of Commerce, Milorad shoe covers.

Initiate the function of dismissal — in this case the sovereign minister did not write the statement "voluntarily" — as the Prime Minister wished the Emperor gave the shoe covers direct advice to citizens of the country about how they survive the steady increase in prices. Specifically, this shoe covers on the days of the journalists asked. And he answered with a sweet smile: "Save, do not eat."

Nermin Niksic, learning about such a specific message to the citizens, angry, and in an interview with the Sarajevo radio station RSG said"This can not go unanswered. Unforgivable, even if we say it as a joke. "

Shoe covers, in turn, explained himself and to the Prime Minister, and to the general public: "On the contrary, I am a minister and ordinary people incorrectly interpreted this statement to the citizens demonstrated their vision of a complex social situation where people are left to save and not to eat, as they have each month to pay gas, electricity , water and other payments of mandatory ".

Dismiss the minister? The decision is incorrect. On the contrary, the prime minister — a specific boss — had to support the idea of his own subordinates. It was necessary to immediately use the municipal information radio and television stations, Web — and start promoting the progressive thoughts of Commerce. And ministers of Greece, Spain, Italy and other crisis countries in Europe should take the example of Bosnia.

But, in total propaganda worked so completely, the ministers would have to start the implementation of anti-crisis ideas themselves. No, we are not inclined to recommend to the gentlemen of the ministries at once finish eating grouse and pineapples and go on a hunger strike. First, let's move to three meals a day — on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

By the way, this is the "three meals a day," and then the mass hunger strike yavyatsya direct factors of product oversupply in the country — just as Marx. Overstock together with the fall in demand will cause deflation and currency appreciation. From now on, you can start eating again. Bon appetit!

Swim "Shark" in the Gulf of Mexico

Russian nuclear submarine off the coast of America

In NATO, and especially in America, so fear Russian submarines that our "Pike" called "Shark". And that is correct: in the Gulf of Mexico pike are not found.

Just that's the Gulf and spent some time Russian nuclear submarine of project 971 "Pike-B" (which, by the way, can carry on board a long-range cruise missiles). Time Spent nuclear submarine in the waters of the Gulf, for obvious reasons, is not exactly specified, either this month or 5-6 weeks. Not so in June she was doing there some hidden things, not in July — and not even in June and July, at the height of the summer season. Nobody knows anything, as is usually the case with Russian submarines off the coast of America. And if it were not for Mr. Bill Gertz (Not to be confused with Bill Gates), journalist, leading a friendship with the Pentagon and the South American secret services and collaborating with electric publication of the "Washington fries beacon", belonging to the so-called "the Center for American freedom", the information about the boat in the Gulf and would not hit the press . Agree, do not find out about the Russian boat off the coast of the United States would be a great pity. So give a big hand to someone Hertz and his informants from the Pentagon!

Americans learned that the Russian submarine spent some time in the Gulf of Mexico, only upon its departure home. Summed up the Yankees their advanced technology: radar reacted too late. Maybe even Russian purposely brought his boat on the radar outlandish — not to hint at the brutal words Romney the "enemy number one", not on the incorrect policy States in Syria. South American officials admitted only in one"The fact that it did not see in the Gulf of Mexico, is a concern."

By the way, those workers Pentagon that friendship with Hertz, do not drive, on "Shark" exactly know nothing and the presence of a boat off the coast of the majestic democratic country flatly deny. For example, a Pentagon spokeswoman Wendy Snyder said"I do not know, based on what the information is, but it is not true."

It is possible, of course, that with the help of Hertz Pentagon ushlogo fellow campaigners have just come up with Russian nuclear submarine in the Gulf of Mexico — to ask Mr. Obama to increment or at least I do not reduce the military budget of the Ministry of Defence. (And in fact the budget for the construction of new warships for the Navy planned to reduce on 1300000000. dollars).

It is entirely possible, and that the Pentagon and intelligence agencies in full, including close to them B. Hertz came to destroy one shot 2-hares. Composing the myth of the Russian danger, they gave into the hands of opponents of Obama — Mitt Romney — a trump card. Now Mr. Republican, for whom our homeland — the geopolitical enemy number one, will be able to manipulate the "pike", I mean "shark", is in an unsafe proximity to the South American coast, in campaign speeches, blaming the fact Barack Obama alternately in the helplessness of foreign policy, the of pacifism and attempts to disarm his native country, in the entry level to the Kremlin.

If a submarine in the Gulf did not come up, then it would be quite trump card in the election deck Romney.

On the days of Mr. Republican, already promised U.S. Army soldier as much as 100 thousand. Perhaps these 100 thousand brave men on military ships (ships Romney has always preferred the tanks) after Romney wins the election will surf on the Gulf of Mexico, finding there the Russian submarine and Russian sailors are serving in full gear, from a bottle of vodka to a fur cap. And maybe 100 thousand warriors Romney will travel to the Gulf in the hope of finding in one of the Russian submarines Comrade Obama, who treats fellow Putin's own proprietary mead welded on Pennsylvania Avenue, 1600.

Amateur mead

About Obama and Romney

From time to time we are surprised utterances South American president. He say about Polish concentration camp, something about the fact that in America — 57 states, then blurt out about his own uncle, liberates Auschwitz, the openly gay support, even in the Pentagon acted on this slippery subject.

But if you find out what does Mr. Obama's own residence and that he takes with him to the pre-election tour of the majestic democratic country, all questions will disappear.

The fact that Mr. President had acquired its assets and already quite a while set residence in the capital on Pennsylvania Avenue, 1600, mini-brewery. He brews beer there is not only in order to drink up on the spot, and so take with you.

Consume alcoholic drink with him his wife Michelle. It also happens that Mr. Obama treats sip a beer or a well-deserved man of the voter. For example, last fall with the president drank a South American sergeant, who was awarded the Medal of Honor. And this week one of the inhabitants of Knoxville in Ohio, where Obama met with voters and asked how things in the brewery, and the President presented him a bottle labeled "honey ale of white houses."

Obama and drinks with colleagues. For example, a spokesman for the snow-white House spokesman Jay Carney has recently admitted to reporters that the president prefers light grades of beer: "I've only tried a light, refreshing normal."

All the president's beer on Pennsylvania Avenue is brewed with honey. Honey is extracted directly from the hive in the garden, dig in the garden of white houses wife of the President. They say that in the vegetable garden and the mother often behold the Obama administration. Must be able to figure out the company for three. So it should be no surprise that the number of U.S. states after another mead reception in the main control head of America begins to divide in two.

Rival Barack Obama in the upcoming fall election Mitt Romney, a Mormon, hardly envious of the sweet life of the incumbent. Amateur warships, unless he breaks into the presidency, may propose to the "normal refreshment" clean water. Statements about it — against the background of political advertisements brewery Obama — should be expected in the coming days are.

Why do we think so? Yes, as Mr. Romney seems to us a man whose mind is a shame it did not sound, your own ideas is not able to give birth. All that is in the pre-election campaign has spoken in the ears of his constituents, Mr. Republican, built on the ideas of the incumbent.

Judge for yourself. If Obama — the adherent of another power, the days of Romney made condemning the wind and sun. Competitor brewer said becoming president, he was at the end of the second four-year term of his own free the U.S. from having to take the oil abroad. The politician said: "We must use our own energy resources — our coal, gas, oil, nuclear and renewable energy sources." Initiative is Obama on Romney's beliefs, are harmful to the classical energy, but at the same time lead to job losses.

If Barack Obama plans to cut the military budget and the size of the military, then Mitt Romney, arguing "on the contrary", all plans to build up. If Obama believes that the defense strategy should be aimed at the Asia-Pacific region, the Romney calls other vectors of foreign policy regarding such adversaries the U.S. and world democracy like Syria, Iran, and our homeland. If Obama takes some social program from then Romney, already seeing himself as president (and for two terms), here's claims of future suspension. If Obama supports homosexual marriage, then Mitt Romney has no choice but to accept the opposite view.

In short, it is hard to find in the statements of Mr. Republican independent something born out of co-authorship with Barack Obama. We dare to imagine: the problem of the poor in the imagination of Romney is that he does not drink.

* "You have brains in your head or kyu?" — A phrase from the movie "Kin-dza-dza!"

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