About the German army, or as I have served in the Bundeswehr

About the German army, or as I have served in the Bundeswehr

Introduction:

I had the pleasure to spend 9 months in kindergarten with pay, allowances and with the outfit. This kindergarten proudly called the Bundeswehr and the rest of the house is combined with a playground for the young and not-so, and even the children of old times. The German army, gee. After three months, you get the title of uchebki gefrayter (such as corporal), regardless of winning or behavior or the level of intellectual development, and after 6 months of service become obergefrayterom. Each title brings about hundreds of unwanted euros per month.

In general this is the case with payment luxuriously .. In the 2-words: the so called wage is about 400 euros per month. Ezhli barracks is more than stopisyat km from the house, then charge a day for three euros for separation from home. If you refuse when equipped from underwear (panties Homer Simpson Style, T-shirts and two blue pajamas), then you pay for it tridtsatnik such as for the fact that saved the fatherland costs pants. Later the same again if not zhresh in the barracks (many of laziness shall be removed from breakfast) receive for each unit of food is not accepted for 1.30 euros.
Well, plus weaving per month for each title, plus a "muster" prize of 900 euros.

The service also — heavy and hard. Many recruits are very tormented and miss my mom and stroll to the barracks to the priest who performs the role of the psychologist and sees all the fighter regardless of profession. He has a voice and can achieve that or the other, for example to another razgildyaya released home for a week due to a psychological disorder (and this despite the fact that every weekend "soldiers" to go home — Friday at twelve "end of life" and the start of on Mon at 6 am, travel paid by the state). Immediately must state that bullying is prohibited and subject to prosecution as a nightmare, but what there is hazing if the overall service life of nine months? None of the commanders are not allowed to touch the men (of course in extreme cases it is possible, all in the statute), not to mention peel or more. Permission is granted only to scream loudly, and then, without personal insults, otherwise the report and sobbed career. For example, some sort of ordinary Dodik, not sparkling mind can not clap right on your tower hat and looks like a Turk or a chef in his beret. Unter yells at him: "You (the form of mandatory appeals) look like a baker! At the same time put a hat right! Perform! "Brake crawl their claws on a pumpkin with no visible of success, and yet little petty poorat approaches him and asks, can touch you and improve your take? If hoopoe answers yes, then the non lovingly corrects beret. If the hoopoe not be longs to touch Unther, he says, is not (there were such cases, it is just awful), while non goes down the line and chooses what some fool who takes looks great and gives him orders to take to correct the hoopoe. These are the pies.

At one point, the exercise, when we played in Zarnitsa, some dunce behind and risked being "shot dead" enemy, our noncommissioned not stand shouted — "drag their obkakanye same assholes here." After announcing a smoke apologized "kameradami", referring to the fact that he was in the effect of stimulation and so blurted it spur of the moment and do not get angry if they are on it because of this. They pronounced that there is no and he was overjoyed.

Under these criteria, and simple enough that one e — Ian from my room (the room was for 6 — eight people) from time to time crying at night and wanted to mother, interrupting her nagging words that go into the army very bad decision in his life and that he had to endure can not myself for it and wants to go home. Other comforted him.

On uchebke we ran, jumped, played sports together with noncommissioned for fatigued says Unter can not seek from any fighter or sports activities, they do not do … So if the poor fellow noncommissioned so we wanted to be wrung out 20 times or ran three miles at the time of he had to do the same thing. Taking into account that the noncommissioned not that I was dragged away from the sport, we are not strained. We also trained to disassemble and assemble machines and crawl. And of course learned the theory of strategy and strategy. It's been more flowers .. And although it was a horror as hard, it turned out that after uchebki even worse. Call day looked like this: from 5 am breakfast who wants to go who does not want to sleep. The main thing that the construction, which is 6:00 all rose. After the roll call followed the order: the rooms and expect further orders from time to time had to wait for weeks. All the sprawling and doing nonsense. Who was asleep, who watched telly, who played in the top box (all you can bring to the barracks), who read the who … And just one Valiant equivalent of ensign (Spies) crept down the hall, burst into the room like a hurricane and sowed nightmare, punishing all who did not behave appropriately order — sitting in a chair at the table wait the order. Forced to sweep and wash the stairs or hallway, collect candy wrappers on the parade ground, etc. But his imagination was not much, so that the corridor and staircase light, and candy wrappers were at a premium.

Later, at 17:00 followed the order: the end of life! And kamerady funny rushed in all directions. Who's disco, who in the movie who bought booze. The only highly suppressed what you can not smoke in the room and plump. It was necessary to go either in a special room on our floor — with billiards and table tennis, or it's — out in a bar, located on the ground barracks.

That's a hardship and have been 9 months, 21 of which day of the official release, which was ordered to take up to Christmas.

The result will tell the story of how it all slovens Germans with my room had the good fortune to become the carriers of tanks and other garbage and drove off to the courses in Bavaria, and I was left all alone and slept at one point, a long-awaited order built and go to wash and clean the tanks (we have a tank rocket — antiaircraft part with old Roland 60s). It just so happens that all went to scrub the tanks and I slept another hour awoke and saw that one of my batteries in a building there. It will go nuts! I thought about it and I was right. After weighing it worse, taritsya in a room until they come back, or try to get into the hangar to the tanks unnoticed, I chose the second, and almost brilliantly executed campaign, but the approach I had lit a petty bastard. He asked me why I did not come together with everyone, I am the person that answered Svejk not heard the order to leave. He read me a little lecture on how to behave as a soldier and ordered (on the mountain!) After the end of the service to linger for an hour at the orderly and write an essay on "how to correctly use an afternoon break", which I did, scribbled shit report that the fighter has to clean his damn outfit and all the garbage but can not sleep during their own breaks.

After reading this creation of non relented and let me go.

I am so far with emotion recall when I was in the Bundeswehr and grieve for the nerd Germans who do not know how lucky it.

Prologue

I was asked for a medical examination in which the army I'd be willing to serve. I said that in the landing, to which I uttered that the very best troops in Germany and serve it will be hard, to which I replied that do boxing and general athlete and I answered — and well,
then of course! Two months later, I was assigned to the Third Tank Missile anti-aircraft batteries.

Start

With a knapsack and the order in the book I was coming by train to a place of his own life. The agenda was written that I should come to the station by 18:00 the town in which I will pass military service and I will be picked up and taken to the barracks. It was a well that I need a double change of linen and two fasteners to lock your own locker.
Coming out of the station at 17:00 I saw an army truck and pepper to form around him. With his willingness to put forth its agenda, I realized that fate is not so favorable disposition towards me as I thought. He said that he was on the other side and that my part of all long since drove off …
Yes … — I said. — What did I do?
Wait another may be presently come again.
After waiting until 18:00 I began to worry evenly … The army is still not junior school, you can not be late … In general I found the phone number and started calling orderlies. He told me that he was not aware of that and connect me with someone who is aware of it, too, can not, and encourages me to get to the barracks of their own. To the question "how do I get there?" He hung up. Conducting a survey of the local Aboriginal people, I came to my aunt who was on the way and she said that I will pronounce on what the bus stop to go. So I finally got to the barracks. Gefraytery standing on the clock at the entrance, checked my agenda and passport and treated me goodwill, and explained to how and where to go.

Having come into the building with the third battery I saw the fear that my future brother-soldiers are dressed in blue — blue sportswear Bundeswehr with Nazi falcon already run panting and stomping down the corridor to and fro, and their shouts loudly that of non small, about me on the shoulder . Malicious glance at me, he shouted athletes: Halt! tsuryuk! nohmal! Dust was rising.

Stationery bloke in uniform rudely asked me where I came. I showed resourcefulness said that with the station. He was taken aback, but a little reflection told that nothing can do for me, because I apparently did not get there because of the battery fully staffed and all the recruits in place with a 12-day or hours. Examined the contents of the summons, he was taken aback even more. It's amazing — he told me — it says here that you should come to us. I tactfully silent. Khmyr hovered for a while, and later said to me to wait and disappeared for a few minutes reappeared, bringing with him more 1st bloke in uniform, which they began to argue about what de mess, why we do not know anything about him, and it sent to us, and so on. Nothing is decided, they decided to continue the discussion in private, and sent me to a room number 168, assuring me that they were in all sorted out.

Thus began the story of my nine-month ordeal … By the way, it is curious why exactly nine months? This is an allegory? Type then becomes a man or are born anew? I do not know. It was like that send me into a room sent, but to understand where I come from and why have not the number of them in the papers did not seem tired to think, so we headed for the next day on the outfit, all caused by surname, until I was one. Later bloke from the warehouse hard wondered how so? What should have received a uniform 52 people, and why it came to 53 … In the end I got all natural, but it lasted an hour longer than planned …

The next day at morning roll call, there was the first military incident. We stood in the hallway and shouted "here" Unter shouting out names, when between systems and NCOs was a young man of our appeal, but in the civilian world and with hands in pockets. Unter, for the time lost the power of speech yet mastered himself and loudly yelled at him say that such construction is that it is not for you, hands out of pockets, rapidly change into a form that two minutes, move!, A valiant warrior otvetsvoval proudly " I do not want to be a soldier. " In Sergeant's jaw dropped. "What is?" He asked almost sentimental. "I just walked into the office of the captain and has applied for conscientious objection to military service, as I do not like to be a soldier" — already posted last fighter now. "But this is simply the second day of service, you are still not got everything right" — stammered warrant. "No" — said firmly conscientious objector — "a soldier I will not," and walked away down the corridor. After 20 minutes, he left the barracks with things forever so step up alternative service in some sort of crazy for the clinic or nursing home.

The morale of batteries reeled … Unter quietly mourned.

Where it's been 10 days of service. Poobvykli. Acquainted. In my room there were 6 people along with me. One big inflated friendly simpleton, two frail whiner, one wearing glasses — an intellectual and a Pole, which we immediately found a common language. In the morning, before breakfast, playing sports — going out into the hallway to do exercises — push-ups, coupled with Unther squatted, beloved exercise was pressed against his back to the wall as if sitting on a chair, so that your knees are bent at a right angle and so stand entire platoon (NCO course too) while despite the harsh cries of sergeant first falls to the floor. With the habit naturally weary legs and shaking, but dropped the first one and the same — the fat man with the face of a down an adjoining room, which later had to misfortune to get into the room to me, and has greatly tormented by my Russian nature.

After charging — cleaning rooms and entrusted to the cleaning area (our room it was a corridor and a staircase), after breakfast, after which either the theory is long and tedious as it were in charge and had to fight with sleep or practice — or crawling across the field begane in a gas mask and without automatic G3 — assembly and disassembly, and other hours to 10 pm with a break for lunch and dinner, and later re-cleaning and rebound.

The Germans were suffering. "They can not scream when their … No personal life at any moment may be ordered to do something, and you should do it, "they complained. I laughed and read it all the toys … They sulked.

When we once again cleaned machines — standing in the hallway with his back to the wall, lay the parts on the chair in front of each one of our whiners leaned back against the wall, not seeing the sergeant walking down the hall, and started here. As in the South American cinema right, I could hardly contain laughter. The sergeant-major went to the soldier, brought very own fighting a grin to his face sad and scared and started shout, they say the wall itself is, it does not need to prop up, where are you from such can bring to you a cocktail, as well, do not start back without orders, myrrh! Screamed to say artistically. Loudly and angrily, hanging over a fighter until he put his head back into the wall, then spoke freely and went on. We whiner face was painted animal nightmare, shaking hands and knees, it seemed to me that he is currently cry. But he only cried NIGHT MODE. I woke up sobbing and excited whisper. Ghanaians huddled around his bed comforted him and asked what was wrong, he said that he did not sustain itself, so that with him had never been treated that he wishes to home or die. I was bursting, but I held back from humanity, so as not to injure the soul of a sensitive fighter his hysterical giggle even more.

The next day was the theory … We were in charge of the first charter law — kameradshavt. All types of Komrad should respect each other, help, etc. Told the fascinating fact that everyone is responsible for state property given to him by a car, and that one should always keep your own locker shut, even when he is in the room and unlock it only when necessary. If for sloppiness you forgot to lock the cabinet, it is a sin in the army, known a
s "incitement to theft," and that if you swipe something, then povinet not the one who stole, and those who had not locked his own locker at the matter seduced .

At this time, we were in the training room looked sergeant, he called leytnanta, reveals to us the startling depth of the German statute, to discover and something whispered in his ear. Lieutenant loudly exclaimed: how? can not be! But look again at the half-hearted sergeant's face should be decided that maybe because we said sit and wait and quickly ran away. He ran a few minutes, and it was not the face, and said that all full alles, terrorists attacked the Pentagon and World Trade Center, and we were running a lively dinner at all about all fifteen minutes later back again and there we utter it on.

Rapidly and excitedly, we tried something to eat in 10 minutes, while the entire barracks was panic and chaos. Crowds soldier ran up and down the court, and the parade ground, someone that is incessantly shouted, and above all this wound condensed cloud of cawing crows. Germans were in the middle of the oppression … All war — sadly said one. (Oh very picturesque all running and screaming, probably because the case when the war begins.)
— I'm not going to make war! — Said one.
— Yes, I have nothing more to do. — Other.
— And I also … If war, then a descent on the train and home, take away the parents and Greenland, there will be nothing. — Said confidently third
— And you, Russia? — I was asked.
— I'm human, that will give the order that will I do. — I answered honestly — though even if the war will be, we will not otpravlyut.
But the gallant defenders of their own fatherland uttered all this garbage, not otpravlyut immediately so later, and in general they all in a coffin seen and what you need to bring down a descent.

Not dozhrav we ran to the TV room, where a non-stop synchronous Ahan military personnel demonstrated how the plane flies into a skyscraper. Cling. Scattered, frightened faces around.

Shouted noncommissioned, saying that in 5 minutes total construction battalion in the yard, form: beret and overcoat. Lieutenant colonel, commander of the battalion pushed fiery speech about global terrorism, which seeps into civilian life and ruining the lives of thousands of civilians, and that so it will not go with him to fight. There, you see! — Whispered excitedly around. Also Colonel told us that Chancellor Schroeder has already responded and promised to help any potential South American allies in the fight against terrorism in a televised statement. Sweeps through the ranks sigh.

After the speech, we were ordered to go back to the training room and wait there. 20 minutes later, when the poor soldiers already groaning under the ignorance that still more will come as a lieutenant and not how it happened, continued to lecture. On the other side of the window was still running, but not so fast, and did not scream so loudly … Later I thought about it that maybe the officers competed in agility, who quickly gather their own and pushes his fiery speech.

The lecture was another two hours, traffic on the other side of the window a little run out and did not stop the peaceful sight of ordinary German barracks, which stood on the protection of the global society of the world as terrorism and filled with soldiers, ready for any loss in the name of peace and defense of the fatherland.

In about a week all the excitement subsided, about terrorists all forgotten, only ordinary as we were suffering from this unprecedented terrorist act, as had to carry sandbags, raising about PPC parapet height of five feet, and even doubled all the posts, because the enemy does not sleep . Were suffering from that, we watch as the old one was carried by 20 people, but all the posts were doubled, so that during the watch could take a nap in the half, three hours per night.

Bundeswehr soldier should look cleanly. Allowed to have hair, if they do not hang down over his ears and collar, bangs should not fall on the eyes. You can have a beard, but you can not walk with the bristles, so if you come with a beard, you can throw it, or grow a beard during the holidays.

Bundeswehr soldier must be disciplined and obey orders. We long and tedious to chew on the need of orders and what orders fighter should do, but from what may turn away. Every now and then ignite the debate fighter with unterofitserami that they have to do to give the order or not, poor fellow noncommissioned screaming and sweating, but the sense of this is not enough. The soldiers know their rights. Every day they go on the ears, telling that the fighter is also a first person inviolable and how to protect that person from izymatelstva by superiors or nonexistent hazing. In the hallway hangs a box for anonymous complaints to the command staff or other persons, the key to which the captain, "chief" battery. To it is also possible to go any time of chat about this and that.

Unter yet also not fool, they invented a chip to force a soldier to do something they should not. In the hallway is petty and yells that every room needs one volunteer. In the form of an order. Later, volunteers are sent to their needs — one in kafeshku for hamburger buns or someone in their own offices to get out … As is typical of volunteers is usually not observed shortcomings.

The first two months — it uchebka. Service up to 10 or up to eleven at night, up at 5, charging, cleaning, breakfast, later "formal service." This is when you are preparing to swear. Drill. Putting on his coat and beret, brush your boots, on the orders of running away from the third floor at the front of the building. As long as you run up the stairs, which then begins to freak you on the cleaned boots. The toe of his boot viciously kicked him in the shin hissing curses, he apologizes, but nothing to do, trying to jam track sleeves can be seen anyway. On the construction of Sergeant carefully look around every recruit from head to toe, require a permit to correct or take the hood and send perechischat boots. It looks like this: are you running on the third floor, unlocks the cabinet, took out a brush and cream, lockers, running away down there clean boots, running to the top, lockable brush and cream, you run down to stand before his eyes bright sergeant. He meticulously examines boots and if you want to send it again. Some ran for three — four times. Once I "ran" twice — ran into the building, around the corner, it looked for a moment stands with tanks on the walls, got out of the pocket brush, cleaning boots and ran out. Later ran back around the corner, resting, hiding brush, ran, presented the boots. But it was punished. At one point, the same clever catch and long-yelling at him for a long time … After inspecting the march. Many problems with turns to the left or to the right. Feral clicks, stupid jokes when things turn to the left, and some sort of sheep to the right and found himself face to face with the other. Unter gratifying ram runs up and asks, if he wanted another kiss. He is laughing. March for two to three hours, but every half-hour break, good discipline does not allow noncommissioned smoking when we march. And they want to smoke often. A month uchebki about the first time since the end of the service hours at 6 pm. You can go to town to buy beer. Drink in the room is strictly prohibited. Can be in the TV room or "room free time." Well, either at the bar on the ground barracks.

Pole buys bubble "bison" and we go to the room Buhanov. Without a snack and a cigarette sticks tightly, my pint buhie, even on the days are left on two fingers. At 10 screaming retreat, we are arguing about a Pole remains — he says, and pour a bottle thrown from the window, I propose to put away in my locker and drink up later. All anxiously trying to persuade me not to fool around, say storage is prohibited, and get caught us all a setup. I am prou
d to send my all away, saying that vodka does not allow me to pour my confession. One scholar respectfully asks, "and what have you got?"

I put my spare bottle in his coat pocket, a locker, and in the following days of drink to sip on a dream the future. The Germans were shocked because I'm doing it.

On Tuesdays we run a circle around the barracks — about 6 km. Dumb fanyunker — future lieutenant, running round screaming with us — "the peasants, the Russian behind us, yielding to go!" (Curiously, all Russian skedaddle associated with the word?) I succumbed to the move, catch it and yell: "Russian is here!" He stumbles. After jogging warm-up, during which our Turk — platoon jester podsirala smoothly and pukes for themselves under the legs at the expense fanyunkera. At times leaned puked a bit sensitive, two straightened, took two half-turn body, bent at times, even puked. Fanyunker yelling at him to "come down! Blyuyte elsewhere! Over in the bushes go away! "After the workout, he invited me back to the side and looking at my face, says that he did not want to offend her cry about the Russian, and that he is deeply sorry about this, and asks for forgiveness. I forgive him honorably.

On Friday, after breakfast jog three miles in top form. The oldest with our call — Mommsen, he is 25 years old and he seems to have not a little inside. On a run, he is amazing and scares people, I'm a Pole in ecstasy. Ordered to run, note the time — a circle of 400 meters. Mommsen runs through the first round, is equated with at Unter stopwatch and ran screaming: "I. ..! No ….! I can not …! Run …! More! "Unter in three words encourages him to keep quiet and run on, and Mommsen runs, and suddenly begins to just cry. Right on the run, and it looks quite amazing, like running, long-drawn sob after drawn-s-s-s-s-s-s, and later again sob and s-s-s-s-s-s. And runs a lap, sobbing in the voice, and is equated with Unther again. While non disbelieving and disgusted his ears staring at him, he's running on. Unter wakes up from lethargy and yells: "Mommsen, do not run if you can not!". But Mommsen hard runs on. And crying. Unter rushes in pursuit, catching up with him, running side by side and yells: "Mommsen, stop, 'and so they run peacefully shoulder on shoulder half a turn until the NCO in the end does not realize that it can last long and Myagenko gesture Mommsen takes the elbow and drags him away from the treadmill, and carefully removes the room. Balance Mommsen day or lying on the bed in his room, and no one speaks. Compassionate Germans offered him a drink or talk, but he just shakes his head.

By the way when Mommsen first time arrived at the barracks, he immediately told everyone that he did not now tomorrow will be born son and all the care that will give him a couple of days time off when it happens. Every week, when Mommsen vorachivalsya the barracks, he was asked whether he was in the end the Pope, and every week he invariably replied that yet, but this week for sure … Above him jeered, cackled and whooped when six months have passed, and he also read what the doctor said this week and just smiled like a nerd … Later, tired, but after 9 months of service it so no one was born, and the views were divided. Someone will read it just down, people are also mildly thought that he had probably played out some sort of a disaster, but the truth, we never found out.

After jogging up to 12-day or room cleaning and entrusted to the cleaning area. Our territory — a corridor and staircase — I participated in cleaning only once in two months uchebki. HANS every day at twice the swept and washed the floor, and blamed the fact that I'm not helping … Well, I'm cleaning conscience and more to mind once pretended to wipe the dust off the railing. What sort of dust?

Whenever a Friday, the same bike, but the Germans with my room whenever she firmly believe and almost reach the hysterics, go all out. The bike is that up to 12 hours in the day or the room should not be left debris or dust, then we will be sent home just right. If, however, where there will be dust, then woe to all, because then be forced to get out and detain us for an hour longer. The problem is that as you do not try, there is dust. In any case. And every time I played the same performance — about eleven is to check in the face of usually 2-NCOs and seek out the dust, and find that pretty quickly. Master — on the ceiling of the ceiling, or lint on the chair leg, between the frames in a window or on the windowsill outside, on the door hinges, a trash can, on the soles of his boots, and so on. They know a lot of hiding places, and even if the long-suffering Germans remember them all and carefully wipe all, Unter effortlessly find more. Later to be perfectly played hurt NCOs. They're just in shock, what's the pigsty and Minutka two yelling and resent that out for us now the whole battery is delayed for another hour.

Germans in the middle of a panic, bordering on despair. They blame each other, and in the main me, because I do not show when cleaning is particularly interesting is that here we are, but because of us and the whole battery miss the train. I say that they are one and the same thing they say in every room, and let us go as usual, regardless of whether the dust is found or not, but I do not believe … The performance is repeated once more. The Germans almost cry. And in the end exactly at twelve test again, with the approval of the Unter they say "would have long since," and after a few minutes of yelling that the service is completed.

All gratifying change into civilian life and rush to the bus stop. On my "well, what I read?" No one directs attention.

In the subsequent Friday all over again. Is that the episode with Momzenom inimitable, as he is released from jogging.

Poorly fed here. According to German standards.

Breakfast and dinner consists of bread, rolls and several kinds of cheese and sausages. Well and vegetables such as tomatoes — cucumbers threaded and weight of fruit: apples, pears, bananas, occasionally melons. Every Thursday, a hot dinner — either fried potatoes with onions, or a slice of pizza, or baked Hawaiian toast with ham, pineapple and cheese plate. For lunch, a standard set — a piece of meat with sauce diluted, boiled potatoes and what some boiled or steamed vegetables. Well, from time to time there is natural pasta or rice … Every Wednesday soup day — give ayntopf thick with sausage, usually salted.

But it is in the barracks. In the same fed differently. Bivouac — a beautiful, Eseninskiy word. On the fourth week, we're going into the woods to "fight." On Monday NIGHT MODE us wakes large inflated simpleton with our room and whispered excitedly, that something is wrong, that certainly is an upgrade on alert since the corridor is not glowing light, as usual, and the dark and the corners are small svechechki. People begin to worry and panic. I'm indignant, saying that did not prevent sleep, that if the anxiety, we did not miss her to shut up. Muscled says that he will not sleep more, and will be expected … I tell him that he looked silently and not sheburshal and fall asleep again.

In an effort ears unbearable howl. Siren. Awake jump up on the bed, do not understand. Muscled turns on the light and tossed across the room. No one knows what to do, because we have concern about and never heard of before, much less how to behave. Someone yells, "ABC-Alarm!" (Atomic-biological-chemical alarm) and we all as a grab masks — they benefit from a locker at the edge — and get into them. At this time the door swings open with a crash and a scream "alarm, all built!" Flies warrant. At first, he was still screaming that nothing that we have included the light, but stops in mid-sentence, as sees five idiots in shorts and masks and 1st in uniform but also
in a gas mask (shy jock is clothed form tucked in bed and was sitting waiting until all the other sleeping). NCO is trying to do the stern face, but it is clear that it was bursting with laughter. Building! — He yells and takes off. Flies and other shouts: "Building! Turn off the light! Anxiety, "but also notes the comic situations and begins to laugh openly, though shyly covering his face unterofitserskuyu palm. Runs out. We are still in a stupor, standing in gas masks and can not move. It runs shtabsunterofitser Schroeder, deputy commander of the platoon, completely devoid of humor and imagination, and begins to scream loudly and angrily that it's a mess, what are we to pull on the masks, when it is not ABC-alarm and alarm, promptly remove the masks, dress form, construction soon. And no light thing! Slams the door.

The only place I know what's wrong and start to laugh, strip off the mask, feverishly to pull on his pants and boots. Give orders to the construction, the shirt I puts on the run. In the hallway is a motley mass. Who is in the same pants and sneakers, who in shape but with bare feet, there is even a special one in a tunic and boots but no trousers. Schroeder glumly pacing down the line. "Such a shame I have not beheld!" Ruined it. "It is not the soldiers and the mass of the farmers! Rapidly from room to room, put on the form, as expected, take paper and pencil! Who turned on the light, spare! One minute, let's go! "With this anger he shouts.

After a moment all dressed in form, are worth. Schroeder yelling that at the moment he will read a disposition, just once, to record all silent, he later everyone personally inspect. Disposition such that X country that borders our state Y, pulls troops to the common border on the River Z, may be a violation of the border, our battery ordered to take a position on the right bank of the river, and Z is embattled. Try to write down anything standing in formation on a sheet of paper with a pencil. I do not even try to rely on memory. Will write later.

Schroeder commanded to disperse the rooms, just hear the order "to prepare for the construction before the armory," pause, "to be built armory!". Stomp the stairs. Our armory on the floor above. Stand in front of her, in turn, go, tell the machine room, we give a card with the same number, he hung up on the spot where stood the machine. For record-keeping. When you return machine, you get the card back. My machine '64 release, a well-worn. At the shooting range, where we were taken earlier, there was a hitch: to find the point of impact (no machine does not shoot because I have to, and little to the side, at least in our country) with 100 meters to produce three bullets on the big one and a half to one and a half meters target, aiming for top-10. If all the bullets went over mene heap, such as the seven left of the 10's, the aiming point (which is labeled to get one of 10), respectively, for the seven on the right. I released all three bullets, aiming at the bull's-eye, but the target is not a single hole has been found. They asked me where I was labeled, I said that the 10-ke, as it should. Unter pouhmylyalsya, palnut ordered three more times. I fired with the same result. Unter, on the face of which was clearly written that he thinks about me, facing machine took advantages, and carelessly took three shots, said, "Now that's gone, I will show this point." When we got to the target, it's my time to smirk. On the target was not a single hole. Unter pear-scratched his head. In the end, this point was found — it was necessary to aim at the ground below the right lower corner of the target to even get into it.

Once we got the machines were ordered to go back to their rooms and wait for orders. Expect long had. The alarm was four in the morning, about half past four we went from room to room with machine guns, combat gear pinned (two pouches with cages, shovel, a bag with a gas mask, rubber cape and rubber gloves, a bag with a bowler hat, a flask — a belt and backpack with extra stuff and strapped him a sleeping bag), and sat down to expect. Made a sortie into the hallway — a smoke. Everything is quiet. Evenly dawn. At 6 am the order was built, we were ordered to go to the canteen for breakfast, just so laden and went, pushing, crowding, clung to each other, with tables, chairs and other household items at gunpoint and satchels. After breakfast, we sat for another half an hour later and was ordered built in front of the building, in the end what have filed such a bright green Icarus. Were taken.

Each fighter has a half tent. Choosing for yourself mate with his own department, in conjunction with it raise this building and you rejoice. Rejoice, because one was unnecessary and it is only half a tent. When asked what he should do, it is reasonable notice — bet half! He put on half a poor man, but as luck would have it in the evening began to drizzle rain and bad north and walked the next four day or that we stuck out there and he could not sleep, respectively, was very wet, so it was not given to play in men (NIGHT MODE lying in a pool in ambush for two hours, get with the gun at the ready position, etc.), and to put to the fire, after which he had to watch. Round day. So he was sitting there, by the fire, and it was very, very harmful and bad people, so that kameradshavt all spit and no he did not offer his tent. On the third night, he fell asleep and fell into the fire and would probably terribly burned, if not held by another change at the clock, which he promptly took it for himself only singed eyebrows, eyelashes and visor cap.

Send fighting everyday — day or four. In the afternoon we were taught masked grass and broken branches the wind — not a rip off of the tree, faces smeared with black paint, crawling, running, jumping, shooting blanks, gas masks and rubber poncho shot — clothed, trained capture and disarm suspicious individuals (who played in the main I either Pole — go with a gun under his shirt, to meet you patrol, yelling "Stop, hands up," and you yelling "Fuck you all there is and there is" on Russian natural. Patrol opeshivaet and stands agape, and you at this time kroesh mate them, theirs commander, the entire German army, and in general, all that you see. Later, a gun aiming at you (as if, in general, it aims at the people can not be, because he just pretends that aims at you, and he aims in the ground) and the other is suitable searches, confiscate the gun and you gone. resist categorically forbade me, and the script was always the same thing), well, just sharilis around with a gun at the ready and when Unter, the commander of the department that it occurred to me he gave a special character, all hiding in the bushes or behind a tree gunpoint and drove back here — say the enemy does not sleep. Once pretended to fight. At first, we were sitting in the forest, and the other branch through clearing for us to run, we shot blanks and was removed later in front. A NIGHT MODE had two jobs or two o'clock patrol — bypassing the bivouac in a circle — together, the noncommissioned simulated attack from time to time, and it was necessary to respond correctly — shots to raise the alarm and all wake, seized weapons and fled in all directions, scorching blanks, and shoot without ear to ear was banned — defacing state property, which is a fighter, so walking on patrol with ears to shut up (issued special plugs), and there were three stations where you had to stop, pull the plugs out of your ears and listen, if not stolen enemy. Later again, plugging his ears and on. Another task — just ambush — lying and looking in the direction of the perceived enemy, if you see it, you raise an alarm shots.

Not far from the clearing with tents were two Reds transportable plastic outhouse in which it was necessary to go with the cover. Sneak in general the two fighters — to sorting, later one knocks off the machine, and now is w
ith the equipment, while the other sits on his haunches and keep looking around, protecting the rest of the first.

With food was also very romantic. There was an order to find a longish strong stick, making her the number nadpily fighter in the room and hang on a stick pots, wrapped in scarves to keep rattled. Truck came with grub and starts the motion of two soldiers from the compartment, with the bowlers on a stick snuck into the car, which was among the fields. Next to sneak at least two with guns at the ready, covered those with a stick. Approached the car, get the grub, snuck back and ate, and later were sitting at a huge fire and smoke.

Every day we lose approximately two — three men in the platoon unhealthy. They were taken to the barracks.

On the third day bivouac, on Wednesday we were loaded onto a bus and taken to the barracks to wash, and then as a day or three without a shower? At the same time there have taken a second pair of boots, as the first does not dry out because of the rain. By the way in the barracks also reigned romance — those patients who are not sick (there is the concept of an internal service, this is when you serve inside, into the room, and you can not go out), set up tents in the corridor, stretching them as something on the tape and slept in them, they brought piles of grass from the street, so they disguised themselves, they smeared themselves to muzzle black NIGHT MODE and also patrolled the corridor, where they waited for a while non hazardous, or lay on the clock around the room with a gun. Only now it was impossible to shoot them in the hallway, so they just pretended that shoot. Also, two of them with the bowlers on the handle of a mop walked to the canteen and brought to devour the rest. In general equality. Everyone has to go through camp during uchebki and everyone passed it, just some of the building.

When we went into the shower and dressed in spotless (each had three sets of forms), we were taken back to the forest and we continued a heavy field service. If not for the September rain lingering, ever-wet things, sleeping bags and legs, it would be generally fine.

On Thursday we had a little prazdnichek — brought stacks and pickled sausages from eight o'clock in the evening was the grill — each on a stack and two sausages and two small containers of beer Faxe. Who did not want a beer could get two bottles of cola, respectively, or forfeits. Later bed at 5 am on Friday, the last alarm — Unter were running, shouting, shooting and throwing firecrackers foam in the shape of a pomegranate, we fired back and recaptured reptiles.

And later dismantled the tents, packed up and march to the barracks — eleven miles in full battle regalia and with a gun on his shoulder — and bivouac behind.

After the march — bloody blisters. Boots — new, of good leather, hard and unusual, wash his feet in the blood. There is a big bubble bursting here, later a new, in a subsequent layer of the skin, breaks, too, later running out of skin and then washed herself heel. But nothing, eleven kilometers is nonsense, and reach almost everything. Those who they say they can no longer receive orders to the brakes and wait for a truck that runs on the road. Do not yell at them, but hinted that they are weaklings. I put up with. Russia can not be a wimp.

When I'm at the end of the barracks of relief rented boots, both in the brown sock blood above the heel and up to about the middle of the foot. Carefully take off from their body — it looks bad, but it's better than I thought. The Germans were staring at me, asking why I did not go on the truck. I proudly chuckled, shaking their heads, they chuckled. After cleaning and cleaning uniforms end of the service. Beware the lame walk in sneakers to the bus stop.

On Monday, many go to the infirmary — show calluses, they are washed, give out special "corn plasters" and provide relief from the boots. Specialists from such an exemption or stroll in slippers or sneakers. Above them laugh — still Vidocq still that — in uniform and sneakers. On the drill on the parade ground, where we are preparing for the upcoming inauguration and then heard screams filled with pain. March can not stomp like a flock of sheep on the heels, and the people who are in trouble with sneakers. Boots still slightly soften the pain, but did not enjoy much. Turks coming from behind me one of those. After he kicked me in the heel of the second time I turn to him and say, "keep your distance!" After the third time I turn and push him in the chest, angrily hissing "tread again — get right there in the face!" It keeps in the background, his expression shows that he does not waver in my words. Shout at me petty. Turk behind by step system breaks down, yelling at him, but I'm for it scarier than non. So he clicks and a notation is half a step further from me than it should and looks longingly at the screaming his noncommissioned eyes.

Before the oath — the so-called conscription examination. We again raised the alarm at four in the morning, but at this time our restless and suspicious jock sets the alarm for a quarter to four, out into the hallway, sees the light is not burning, and the corners are svechechki and wakes us up. Then he pulls out his own locker stockpiled in advance of the same svechechki, lights them, puts on the table, so it was quite light, and we dress neatly, making the beds and sit down at the table. When the siren starts to roar, the door swings open, noncommissioned officer runs his mouth agape, and to click "siren, to the construction of" slamming her again, shakes his head and goes again. Runs the other, yelling that the disorder, confiscate all the candles and leaves. We sit in the dark until they hear the order to the construction. Again, yes same disposition, but immediately upon receipt of machines and vestments in combat gear we take away …

The essence of the exam that the department of 10 people, under the command of the 1st of our own elected "vice squad" does march with orientation on the ground, having a compass. Map gives exactly this very moment the deputy named Tyurman (he still kamerad, sassy, confident) and blind luck to me. At this moment we must understand the map, later it was taken away, give a piece of paper to distribute what they see. Order — is the direction. Department — in full gear, with blanks in vending machines, march. Each compartment of the truck chafing at various places and the exam began. Compare the maps drawn earlier. They are quite different. I am a long dispute with the factory councils about which of them truly and where do we go, then he sends me to be closing.

The military situation. This means black paint to paint the face bristling with helmet grass and twigs and stealthily move in this direction (in response to orders blunt Tyurmana who felt the power and then sees suspicious movement or hears something), and every now and then, jumping into the bushes, bristles at gunpoint. I get bored quickly. Firstly, I believe that we are not quite there, where necessary, in the second dawn, and we have to be in place after 2-hours wandering about in the woods. Because when he once again ordered to hide in the bushes, I cheerfully releasing three shots in the direction of the edge. Knotted brisk skirmish. Each shoots five or six rounds, later calm … The enemy can not see. I say that it seemed to me, do not hide a smile.

Come on. In the end, we come to a fenced field where cattle graze peacefully. Tyurman reports that we need on the other side of the field, they say we climb over the fence, I resist, I say that it is forbidden doctrines and teachings, and the owner of the field will not be happy if armed fighters will put stress cattle. In the end, climb, step over a wide cow dung, I'm back in full voice moody tone notifies all about what this most Tyurman in my beliefs nerd that of fiction is, I am, on the 1st of 2 persons who had seen a map
sends reversed, so that instead of me for advice, and eventually we shlyaemsya on the manure, instead of so long ago to be in place. Tyurman angry, yelling to me, "Shut up," I say — "what is true after all! Is not that right, comrades? "Comrades are silent, but I feel that the truth is on my side. After three minutes of broaching deliberately whining, Tyurman broken voice yells, "Shut up, that's an order!"

I answer — "their orders can for yourself …. you tell me no, do not be rude and better."

It breaks down to squeal — "I'll tell noncommissioned officer Vitshtruku — what did you shoot without the need that you do not fulfill the orders."

And here I am, enjoying, telling him that Vitshtruku will naturally be without interest to find out that his chosen his deputy utter idiot, ordered us to climb over personal property, led by personal well field and proving own cretinism ordered us to keep quiet and do not tell him made to them by mistake. He is silent.

On the other side of the fence eventually manifested situation — we made a small detour — just three or four kilometers, and came to the first checkpoint in the rear, a lot of surprising the sergeant, who was lying in wait with a machine gun and was preparing to arrange our field conditions, where we show you. At this pt we had to collect — to disassemble the machine guns for a while, but this is not just right on the horizon, there is another section (scheduled takeoff was about an hour — a half, but as long as we wandered, they caught up with us) and non entices us to create a military test. We hide in the bushes, and after letting them closer, opening fire on a quick unsuspecting enemy. Hammering them into the dusty ground at the edge of the forest for its idle bursts, we're having fun with might and main. All the same, much more tempting to ambush than to get them. It looks very impressive. Machine gun chirps and growls, machine-gun fire department plunged into panic, the men rushing, zapamyatyvaya that you have to fall down and shoot. When they finally begin to occur and volleys, fire from our side subsides team noncommissioned officer, and he yells, "which department and who is your deputy commander?" — "I, the second branch» ¬ — moderate voice is heard from the highest yellowed grass. "Stand up!" Yells noncommissioned. Poor guy gets up, and falls again under the cheerful laughter of sergeant, which releases on it pretty long bursts. Later, he reads a little lecture on what the enemy does not sleep, the separation is broken, devoid of command and almost destroyed.

Then he says to us that we have successfully demonstrated their ability to assemble and disassemble the machine gun and gives us a new direction. On the subsequent control Fri we get into a zone of atomic-biological-chemical attack. Requires hold your breath, get up on one knee, and put the machine to rest on the shoulder, remove the helmet, fasten it on his knee, and get to wear a gas mask (this was given 20 seconds — who had not declared killed) remove the rubber poncho and to put on a hermetically tighten the hood, on top of a gas mask and a hood to fasten the helmet, and finally pull the rubber gloves with a separate index finger — so you can shoot. Half of the department is not fit to cutting and non tedious knows that in war they could be dead, it's a mess, what a shame, and so on. Later shows us the direction — about three hundred meters further subsequent check point and the case ends in the same place infested area. Move!

Run in a gas mask and rubber poncho is very unpleasant — and terribly out of breath sweating form for two minutes just moist. Having reached the end of the saving the forest's edge, we get a command to remove protective gear. Neatly spread out all longish strips, we are back to the wind. Noncommissioned officer holds out each bag with white powder, it is reassuring that the decontamination agent and pour it offers richly all things, especially the mask. I mus powder in the fingers, sniff and suddenly realize that it is torture. Another joke for educational purposes — a little mound of flour in a wet gas mask and later, in the barracks, pick out from it dried up the dough to bring you a lot of pleasure. I dip your fingers in flour, spend their gas mask on top and sprinkle with a poncho. We are saved. You can add up all over again in a bag and follow along.

We will have the following items: assembly-disassembly of machine guns and pistols, a group on the defensive, stop and search suspicious persons, orientation on the map with a compass and a ferry across the narrow channel on the rope, stretched between the trees with 2 — naturally with insurance. All that we go through easily, but Mommsen during the crossing began to cry again, hovering at about the center of the cable, and saying that he feared heights. He was invited to move on, because half of it is gone, but he still sobbing harder, just opened his arms and hung on the insurance — meters in 2-above the water surface. Of all persuasions and he answered the cries of hysterical sobbing. Followed by a grandiose event of salvation Mommsen. The most common and logical method was to throw him a rope and pull him to the ground, but he clung with both hands convulsively for safety rope, which hung and therefore could not catch the rope. A brave rescuer had to climb a rope in order to reach Mommsen to saving the earth, but Mommsen made in this plan a lot of complications, because the rope just right to let go and grabbed his own rescue, having achieved that in the end they were hanging next to tether a lifesaver has been firmly embraced by the dead soldier's tenacious. But of even hands-free, so that he was able to catch the end of the rope and eventually stretched to the land. Yet even after that long Mommsen had to be persuaded to let go of the other, he just sobbed and shook his head. Unhooking, he was taken away.

Along the way, we had lunch in the order of battle — the cool fried chicken thighs wrapped in foil, mashed potatoes and stewed fruit, rest for half an hour and moved on.

Trips between Fri complicated raids militant petty officers, to arrange an ambush at times. I had to shoot. When the ambush was not for long, I did not lose office to care, they imitated. He started to shoot and arranged in such a makarom shake his comrades, but they do not quite like it was valued and sulked.

Beating all items platoon gathered for a large meadow, held a roll call. The platoon commander, Lieutenant ordered the deputy commander of the offices to hand over the remaining rounds. Our Tyurman went to him and has reported that his office no bullets left, then came back to us and said that we bury them. Because I was with him in a kind of confrontation, I said that I will not bury the ammunition and invited him to come and tell the lieutenant that patrons still remained. Others, meanwhile dug his own. Tyurman came up to me and tied me after casual conversation:

— "You'll bury them!"
— "No."
— "Dig in!"
— "No."
— "That's an order!"
— "Fuck you with your orders"
— "I complain that you do not follow my orders!"
— "Go on, go ahead. Heard about the damage to state property? "
— "Bury your ammo!"
— "No."
— "Please, bury, and I have already said that we do not have" — in the voice of anguish.
— "There is. Who are you pulling the tongue? "
— "But why?"
— "It's a pity. Well, bad for the environment "
— "You'll bury them!"
— "No."
— To "bury" — with danger. Takes a step towards me, grabs my rifle with 2 hands. I critically look around him, wondering where to punch — in the jaw or simply pit of my stomach. The Germans are a warning shout, "Hey, hey," are around, they say, "
Leave it."

"What did do?" Insulting Tyurman asks, letting my rifle.

"Go to a report that the branch delivers ammunition in such a number."

It comes with the cartridges to the lieutenant, who for a long time knows him about discipline, kindergarten and responsibility. Vorachivaetsya paly with anger — "I flew out for you!". "Own fault" — I replied laconically.

Comes exalted grandfather — a lieutenant colonel, commander of the battalion. Running around in the middle of a fighter, shakes hands, asks how it went, do not we tired, there are no blisters, and more. A lot of what they say, yes, tired, well, corn is. Grandfather pushing it that the plan we had to march eleven miles to the barracks, but because we have shown themselves well and coped very well with all the difficulties, he decided that we deserved a little comfort and at the moment will arrive trucks.

Funny, we are perched on the car and drive to the barracks. The following week oath.

After a successful "conscription examination," we are preparing for the inauguration. March, Training synchronously execute the command "left," "right," and "Circle!" Bolshennymi encountering difficulties. But commanders are not losing hope and still screaming still teaches fighter where the left, where the right and what's all the same left shoulder, so that through it to create a "circle!".

During the day before the oath dress rehearsal. 6 reprezentantov selected from the battery, which will have the honor to come to the flag, to touch a pole and read the formula of the oath, which by the way is very small, and, as it should in a democratic country, not a vow, but "a solemn promise." It sounds like this: I solemnly promise to properly serve the Federal Republic of Germany and courageously defend the rights and freedom of the German people. Our battery commander progressive people and friendship is there to protect people, because of the 6 reprezentantov real Germans only three. Other — I Teuton Russian, Polish and Italian Shodrok Impagnatello. All battery solemnly marching to the parade ground, built on the space provided, and costs about half an hour for exercise. Later on the team, six honorable fighter (that's us) fails, follow the center of the parade ground, where is our corporals with the flag of our battery, touch him, say the text of the oath, and later sing the National Anthem. After that, go back to the ranks, stand still for half an hour and the battery solemnly marching back to the barracks …

On the morning of Friday — the day of the oath — a church service. In the Catholic Church naturally. Turks began to swing right, he is a Muslim and can not and does not wish to church. At first, it is reasonable to try to persuade, they say you can not pray and just sit there, nothing will happen, but he rested. Then the lieutenant says Stealther him that he respects other people's religion, but then he, a Muslim, will have to stay in the barracks and scrubbing the stairs and hallway under the constant supervision of noncommissioned officer Steinke, who can not endure a Turk. And all the others in this time after sitting in a church, later popyut coffee with biscuits and arrive two hours later, when he had the Turks just finished cleaning. Turks immediately goes back down, says that nothing terrible if he went to church, how much more he has always been curious about how the church service.

Near the church is a minister, gives little books and hymns, prayers and songs. We ceremoniously go and take their seats. The priest is long and tedious knows that "we are a peaceful people, but our train is on the siding," get up later, Our Father, and later he rants about the important role played by the German army for peace in Europe and throughout the world later get up and sing the song "Thank you for this beautiful morning, Thank you for this day," and so on. After the service we drink coffee with biscuits and go back to the barracks, where there are going to relatives and friends — strolling, consider tanks and manual arms, staring at us. We march to its own building and we dismiss half an hour to talk with visitors, show them the barracks, introduce comrades, etc..

Later the building, we march to the parade ground, and grow as it should stand. At first, it pushes the mayor of the town, a military band played a march, and later the commander of the battalion march again later commandant of the barracks, march, later General, etc.. It goes for about an hour. Muggy and windless. First begin to fall — standing motionless hour, blood circulation is disturbed and should be a little faint. Behind series are ready medics with stretchers, water and first aid suitcases. Lucky for those who fall back, they pick up and carry. Those who fall forward lay himself to himself noses and hands, a broken jaw. The greatest loss is the guard of honor — those who do not participate in the oath, but just look great, twisting machine guns and helmets gleaming in the sun. Until the end of all the ceremonies of them was carried out about half of our battery fell only three.

But we, the noble reprezentantov lucky — after an hour without traffic we m willing to march to the flag, it is tilted, everyone lays down a gloved hand on the shaft, a battalion commander in microphone reads the formula of the oath, all of them are repeated. Sing the national anthem, after congratulating the six of us, shaking hands with the mayor, general, commander of the barracks, and invite us to take part in the banquet of honor at the end of the oath. We march backwards into operation, carefully measured pace, stretching his legs and waving his arms.

Later, another hour of speeches, marches and in the end we congratulate, after taking the oath battery beeps three times, "Feuer Frei!" — The battle cry of artillery, to which we belong. Let's go to the parade ground and all. The oath taken, we give reddish's stripes military supplies and recruits from now on we do not — we Bundeswehr soldiers.

We go to the officers' club at the banquet — noncommissioned officers in plaid pinafores tray of champagne on trays, snacks, we congratulate, once again pushing the speech is rapidly becoming bored, we're leaving, after drinking several glasses of champagne. Not every day so treated.

***

Shooting range. Shooting range — it is always good. Shoot at targets. When not shooting, sitting smoke, converse with kameradami. Shot with almost everything. And with a lot of pleasure. Shot with a pistol, with Uzi machine with an old brand — G3 and a new, G36. Burst and. Lying down, kneeling, standing freely or at a wall, putting her arm. Shot even with the Panzerfaust. Grenades were thrown fighting, fragmentation. Only now with the gun was not possible. In general — the shooting range is a pleasant fullness in the viscous and lazy service.

Here we go, after breakfast at the shooting range, our chief lieutenant. We arrived and set up a target, spread coconut matting to shoot lying down, got in line. First approach the booth, get ammo. Delay. Where's the ammo? No ammo. Forgotten to grab. Chief lieutenant in a panic. Calls to the battery commander — what to do? The one that is yelling into the phone. What is not a lot of pleasant, judging by the puckered face of our brave platoon commander. It goes somewhere. We're sitting.

After about half an hour brought ammunition. In the end it! Are back in the queue. Delay! No shopping for vending machines. Not given … Chief lieutenant is white, later turning crimson. Uncertain twists phone in hand, cautiously dials …

After another two hours brought shops. Now do not stand in the queue. Lunch — after lunch hour break. Can not shoot. Afternoon "quiet time." Sitting. Hour stretches — boring, sleep hunt. In the end, becoming in turn, receive the fi
rst stores of ammunition, go to the mats, lay down. Ready to shoot, expect the team, but there comes a caretaker shooting, says — that they say you are staged? You only have till noon is reserved … Change came to collect. We're leaving …

We have been such Tipoca — Kruger. With the lack of communication, well, did not quite inside. Militarist such. Ponakupal for yourself rubbish. Poncho bought special — in camouflage spots, for 70 euros. And wear it did not allow it — stand out from the masses, and it is necessary that all were monotonous. Grayish. Or buy it for yourself two pistols — a model. Vozdushki. And every morning under their shirt hanging in holsters like febeerovtsev. At the foot of a pair of trousers worn in a sheath knife desantsky. Bought for myself even for something Kevlar helmet for 200 euros. Fool. But in its own way. His dream was to serve in the army — applied for unterofitsera stay — refused. Without specifying the circumstances. Although the premise that if it is completely turned by the army and weapons? These are not even in the Bundeswehr needed. Not enough who spoke to him at all, more laughing, opaquely alluding to his poloumie. The woman left him, that he is limp.

At one point during the afternoon break — all slept in the main — the sudden order to build the corridor. Gloomy non commanded divisions: first — the attic, the second — in the basement, the third — to walk around the building, and so on. Well, I'm with my office in the basement. Came from. Stand. What to do? They stood for half an hour and back. And there passions. They say — Kruger is not a walk at lunch, with its rooms Germans came back into the room — and then his farewell letter. Say I leave this life, I ask no one to blame, and so on. Well, they're in a panic to the authorities — say Krueger voluntarily from a life away … What to do. That's us, and sent him to find in the basement — but did not say anything about the subject of the search, so as not to panic. Say if we find themselves on the site a look. But we found it — was sitting in the TV room with a knife in his hand. How to sergeant went ¬ — he threw the knife aside and ran to open the window. The fourth floor. But did not. Was seized by the collar and sent to a psychiatric hospital bundesverovskuyu. A month later, returned as healed. As is typical — no impact — just went with all the shooting range — shooting … I read to him when he received 30 battle — "you say crazy, if we shoot down here, I wring the neck for you." He lybitsya and looking slyly at me, and the Germans hiss at me — you're human, fool? And he really can! "Well, that's why I warn you, as it is crazy" — I say. 5 persons were frightened and ran to the captain, they say do not want to be here when Kruger armed. He tried to persuade them for a long time … But nothing happened.

And then there's "Vahe." This is when the day hanging around the checkpoint. Happy easier — two o'clock in standing with a gun and a bullet-proof vest at the gate or at the gate where personnel are on foot, or else for fear of terrorists who inspects documents strahuesh — you sit in the bushes or behind a tremendous stone (monument in honor of the dead-air defense during route runner the first 2-global wars) with a gun and a walkie-talkie. They say if the one who inspects the documents zamochut, open the vault fire for effect. Two hours defended, an hour later break. You can eat or lie down, but without losing the combat readiness. A NIGHT MODE worse. There's still a need to go to a night patrol. Shlyaeshsya the barracks in the dark, looking for criminals. Or sit on duty if the car goes, the two pop — one inspects the documents and opens the gate if anything, the other for the parapet of sandbags yawns. Managed to doze off for a night on the strength of three hours and then in fits and starts, in half an hour.

Under the charter between these watches for a fighter at least a day respite should be, but it turned out that all the barracks where it parted, and we stayed. The people did not have enough … I was sitting there for three days in a row. Served. From lack of sleep and clear stupidity of what is happening is sensitive roof is not moved out. On the second day, I still had fun — an old scared to death, to curry favor with Lieutenant sergeant. He rides a bike — I'm standing at the gate. The first time I am applying it to a symbol, he braked, and he is not looking past the rides. Well guess. On the second day I stand up, he was going. I raise my hand in it by. And here I feral voice "haaaaalt!" And unbuttoned his holster. As he catapulted great, just beautiful. Threw it, ran over, pulls out a document. I scolded him severely so — say, if a fighter carrying a watch tells the brakes, you should do it in order to avoid similar misunderstandings. He assents. Ran away. And the mood was better.

And on the third day very aggravated, well, incomprehensible success. It began with that defended required two hours from 10 am to 12, I pulled the bullet-proof vest, looking forward to lunch hour and rest … But here comes up to me and the attendant says — "you that it is located? You order at the moment on the gate — to insure for the stone "

— "No, I have a lunch"
— "No, you outfit!"
— "Yes, just came to me right now relies lunch"
— "I order to get up and walk!"

Here, I got angry. What the fuck? All nervous, all tired, but what's so what? I said: "I do not care. Lunch and everything. " He has balls on his forehead — "it is disobedience to order" yells! And I'm still a hurdy-gurdy — "I do not care, I have lunch." He ran, rustling, yells say you'll be sorry you do not know what actually it is, disobedience, but during the watch, but it will go on disciplinary stripes! And I'm sitting, I prepare dinner. I think hell for you, nothing I will not. Hazing me here three days to go, even without lunch to send two shifts in a row to stand. Shish! As I harchevatsya be?

Well here noncommissioned ran away. Complain. To the most important thing — the chief sergeant-major on duty watch barracks. He came, summoned me into the hallway. I think — still have … And he nahamlyu, let them put on the lip, but the rest. But the man — apparently a man cunning. Immediately to me — I know I was tired, did not put no lunch break, and so relies, I know they say, corporals on you did not have to yell, it was necessary to talk normally and be done with it, I understand, do not get mad say, at the moment to give you fifteen minutes for lunch, eat quickly and then a substitution of sludge and later we for you for two-hour rest period. All right? Please … So I touched it please — I say good. I will go. All right. They do not blame the people that are missing. I see. It is necessary that some sort of stupid standing there behind the rock. I see. Army — a delicate matter. I understand everything. But it makes it no easier. Come for the stone, and the machine took off the radio, put on the grass. Sat down, leaned against the stone back, I think it all fire blaze. So great was — but I feel that I sleep. And this excess. Come to unwind stood there like here … Lyrical attacked. Took out a pencil and on the stone carefully, bolshennymi printed characters brought "leaving not worry, be happy is not coming." Renders 40 minutes. I think that's for you, greetings from the Russian (by the way, I'm lucky as it turns out — a week about one style with our battery standing near the ill-fated stone spat on him, and what that officer saw it and it is started! Sacrilege, disrespect, desecration — it a three day at the lip and three euro fine … I do not want to know what would have happened if I catch for those, like me, sticking his tongue deduce Russian bukovkoy)

Later still two o'clock I was
given a rest. And then I went to the gate of the car with General braked, so check your documents. And should have been unconditionally pass, if stopped, tell him … But what? Yes, I was exhausted. Tormozhu this mercedes, pops such brash driver — the captain and began to shout at me: what is it you stop the car, check boxes that you do not see the future? I see — I say (in general, I have these boxes are just a day or three saw and realized what they needed). He yells — if you see why stop? I say, 'so! There is no need to yell at me. Come out to the window if you have the problem and talk to the duty noncommissioned officer. " Showing his hand on the window and see what was on duty that gives me a desperate signs. That hand around the larynx leads, the direction of the gate waving. Here, I thought, looked into the Merc, and there is the general's face. Frowning like that. It to us every day in the photo showed, so we know whom to bow, to see if all of a sudden. It dawned on me. Since then, General Well-father is ours! Well, I'm not the captain of the carcass said: "Thank you, you will be able to follow on." He turned and followed a clear step to your own post in the booth. Captain, what is grumbling, slammed the door Meurs. The poor sergeant on duty so tormented … Shame. It was replaced by stop. Sad walking all day, until the evening. And in the evening I have the same general braked again. Once he was traveling on a different machine … Where should I know? It is foolish to stand … Machine. Raise your hand, it stops. Trumps. The driver specifies the documents, despite flourishes, the subsequent. But the general mercy, to see realized that I did not insignificant in itself. He opened the window, even to me his general's identity revealed. Here again, the situation is unusual. Well, I looked fleetingly at the license, and there is the same picture as in the hanging wall in the duty room. It struck me as a shock, looked more closely — specifically, the general again. And he sits, lybitsya, looking at me. And I thought feverishly, you need to tell him now or not? I just checked his documents, is already too late to convey? But I must, according to the ordinance. But you stupid … While I was thinking, he asked whether it is possible to go. Move, I say.

In the Bundeswehr is the total dismantling and merging parts. Not enough staff. Despite the fact that unemployment and mass of young people do not know where to start your adult life is less and less sign contracts. The reason is clear. If will sign the contract — to be six months in the so-called hot point where our pro-American government happy to send peacekeeping troops to clean up after a valiant Yankees. Case, the death finals, and it is quite unpresentable, despite a lot of money.

We are in our part of the last call. After that, the battalion ceased to exist, and command of the material and distribute to other parts of the defense. Because we go out and do nothing. And why try, if it is still all down the drain? Throughout the battalion so-called apocalyptic mood. Whole days of sitting in the basement or in a tank hangar and check the staffing tools, weapons and other material, which should go away in a month for the intended purpose. As usual half is missing. Sergeant sluggish steal each other's missing, so to say exactly where what is missing is not considered probable. So goes another month. All honor to create a Ober gefrayterov (Senior Corporal), give straps with 2 oblique stripes. This means that left to serve another three months.

Discouragement … But then comes the news fun! In Germany come for a friendly visit several U.S. warships led by what is hidden there a staff new super liner. They arrive in the port city of Kiel, where the German military? Naval base. Well, because the Americans are afraid of the passion for all sorts of different terrorists and other disturbers of the peace tranquility that country — the owner has kindly arrange safe roads and pochetaemyh guests. And because we still have nothing to do, then decide to send us. Report to the guests that we have specially trained security unit hastily conducted exercises with us — learn to push aside the mass of unarmed — in case the pacifists in protest will be on the ground to break the base, and are sent to Kiel.

Everything is ready. We arrived in the morning, the Americans arrive in the evening. Our mission: we are so-called cannon fodder. On the basis of the two checkpoints. That's right in front of the gate are such houses out of sandbags with porthole in which sits along with two of our machines. 20 rounds of ammunition, gun loaded and cocked, but it's worth the fuse. In the case of the so-called break-out (if anyone? Then will try to break into the terrain base forcible means) there is an order to open fire without warning. Another four were sitting in the booth itself PPC ready. This is the first strip.

Second band is already experienced noncommissioned officers who have been in Kosovo for six months and in the districts. They are specific to a stop at the pier, popular among the Yankees. Houses made of sand in them there, but there are three rows of fences stabbing metal wire twisted spiral and folded pyramid. And two machine guns.

Well, then already settled themselves Americans. Blocked the entire pier, and announced its own territory, and no one Teuton can not go in there. There are big negros in flak jackets with guns and great big mirror glasses in front of them instructed what? Barrage that there are two shields and armored personnel carriers with machine guns mnogokalibernymi. Such is the security.

Well, our business tiny. Dress helmet and vest for protection from splinters racy, take guns and follow the on position. Proceeds service as four hours a cabin checkpoint, two hours in the sand at the lodge. Later break 6:00 and again 6:00 Watch. At night boring and hard. Must be secured so as not to fall asleep. Exciting entertainment are outlandish men, who, it appears, after four months on board the first time out and got very interested in the German beer.

Inquire about a little, and then can not walk straight. One instance caused a lot of positive feelings when about 20 minutes could not get through the gate. The gate is on the occasion of the late hour, were closed. At first, he is 2-feet tried to take a wicket and taxied on the run, but it led to one side, he grabbed the bars and gates some time going with ideas. Later made a second visit, but he again made it to the other side and he buried the body in a flower bed. After lying for a little romance in the colors, he tried to get up but could not. Then it apparently struck a happy idea. It is gratifying to hihkaya he went to the side entrance on all fours. But the various limbs do not want to work in sync. Then tucks one arm and he rested his head on the pavement and shoulder, the legs do not follow lusted after and remained behind and he stretched to his full height. Surprisingly, the idea to move on their bellies had not appeared. But the wicket he? Still took of attrition. Crept to the window, even got his license and handed it up, but could not raise his head, that represented a challenge to control because they could not match it to a person from a photo. But nothing happened, and he went on, still on all fours, and we looked for a long time he followed suit, keeping his tortuous bumpy ride on the ship home.

Not without its excesses on the part of the valiant, I mean us. One gay man, exhausted to stand in a bad house of sandbags, decided to vary its own leisure that pushed the safety lever to position "turn", put his finger on the trigger and began to carefully aim at people outside the gate, seeing them neatly gunpoint, until they were hidden from sight. His partner noticed this and gave up their own battle station with machine gun and walkie-talkie and ran to complain to our lieutenant, arguing that he did not
lust to stand next to an insecure idiot and generally said that he had a shock, and he refuses to continue to participate in the watch. As usual, they were removed from the watch, and me and the Pole, instead of lunch and the remaining three-hour rest was sent to replace them. We are slightly distressed and began to forge dangerous plans, how to get revenge this very fun person who so clever method evaded service. He incidentally as psychological instability rebuked touch to arms, but without the guns on the watch did not come out because the rest of the time he was lying and resting in the barracks, and kicks ass and plywood obtained surreptitiously from us at a meeting in the hall razed fun and proudly as befits a soldier.

The logical result of this accident was the decision not to cock the machine to intercede with the service, because very insecure and ill-fated event can happen, as we were told by our sergeant.

Fascinating confusion also occurred with our militarist Krueger. Take over the watch to the house, he found that it would not hurt to retire on small need, but because he was a disciplined soldier, he decided to bravely endure the vicissitudes of this little service. That was doing well, and within a half hour. Later it became nevmoch endure what he said on the radio at the gate, asking to swap it for a few minutes, but was laconic refusal. They say patience half an hour later, we change, and if it absolutely can not, then tighten say it all up and spit it out, gee gee gee gee! Kruger bravely endured another fifteen minutes, and then valiantly naprudil for himself in the pants, because discipline is more important than just a military post and leave without permission for such details is simply absurd and unworthy of the Bundeswehr soldier. This disaster was over the fact that our commander found out about it through complex reasoning concluded that psychological imbalance Kruger and the consequential fact a ban on the wearing of guns.

Despite all the difficulties, we have continued to reliably protect our allies until they finally deigned to leave our friendly dock, then we with new supplies of energy and zeal of service back to our native barracks to continue to carry a heavy bundesverovskuyu share.

But we had to be bored for long. At the end of our life we have welcomed in the end a two-week exercise. And we moved a longish column on teaching. We arrived at the former barracks gedeerovskoy People's Army, where everything was status respectively. And dilapidated facilities and furnishings antediluvian and fed as in socialism. But to shoot his heart's content. Night shooting tracer, Department of protection when in the rising mass of automatic moving target all closer and closer, and the department for firing him from the trenches.

And combing the forest chain when rising target all fall down and thrown into it from the machine — by the way I shot in the heat of battle 2-techs — raised the target with a huge reddish cross, and I was in her single bam, bam, bam and no medic … chided me. It was funny … Patrons were hassled a lot, frightened the local residents — there is a mass of armed to the teeth with black paint izmalevannyh fighter through the village of? For heat at all according to the order of rolled up sleeves and a vending machine on the neck, for all the invading Nazis take — "go to Ukraine fighters of center. " And after each day of shooting beer … such service, what do you want

In general, the conditions close to the military. And yes noncommissioned officers officers, because of separation from loved us running into melancholy and human interest in us. That captain will put a case of beer, then lieutenant for those wishing to foray into the public house arranges delivery to and fro, the lieutenant conversation is who will be what to do in the civilian world … But I offended him deeply when he asked me what I do I will … I say go to college, and later kicked me back into the army, Lieutenant go on. With me he did not conduct more interviews, that is fine, and the beer is no longer put that bad. We vacationed there with such makarom week and back to his native barracks.

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