As a pregnant woman imagines the future? Here she is leaning over the baby crib, where it sleeps peacefully dear boy, dreaming of how it will grow and, of course, will be playing music. And figure skating. And learn in art school …
Alas, the reality is, as always, is not quite the same dream. Often during pregnancy, a woman thinks that it will take a couple of months after giving birth — and everything will return to normal, will enter into a regular rhythm. In fact, the birth of a child is a life changing dramatically and irrevocably. From now on, every step you will be balanced against the needs of the little man, when to get up and go to bed like a vacation when meeting friends how to build your career.
If you get tired, both physically and mentally, due to this constant fatigue can be two things: aggression and apathy. Sometimes they exist in parallel, alternating one after another.
On this side of motherhood we somehow do not talk. However, this does not mean that such conditions do not exist. Parents distraught child crying, sometimes completely cease to control themselves, they are willing to do anything to the baby fell silent. And, unfortunately, do. In pediatrics, there is even a concept: the trauma of a concussion. Such a child may get injured if its with the power to rock in a fit of anger. Sad consequences: among them, dyslexia, attention deficit disorder, mental retardation, and even death.
Turns out, it is impossible to take everything under strict parental control and place in a rigid framework of "good practice". It was then that parent and feels helpless, and as a result — it covers anger, irritation, anger. But how do you cope with her own internal stress and anxiety? How to stop the aggression against a child?
What to do?
- If a child has brought you into hysterics, you feel that you cease to control themselves and are ready to hit it, tell yourself STOP. Transfer the child to someone from home and go to drink tea, take a shower, or call a friend. Suitable hike to the nearest store or just a walk. It's better than shaking with anger, diligently performing maternal duties.
- Imagine yourself in a color that would be if you did not resist and beat the child, yell at him, or did something else that you would like at the moment. Presented? Does not that broken cup you with all the fluff thrown against the wall, a much smaller loss?
- When you come into yourself, go back to the kid.
Reassured, try to analyze its condition. One thing is clear: you are really tired and need a rest. Try to arrange the mode of the day, it was found that in at least some space for your personal time. If your child is already more than three years, since it is possible to try to agree that at some point you need to be alone, and then you're sure to come back to it. You can say that my mother temporarily "sick" and we have to wait until the passions subside.
For the child, such a home therapy would be useful, too, he learns to respect other people's feelings. The child may well understand that each person — and a large and small — must be time for yourself, your inner space that no one can break it. Gradually, the child produced a sense of respect for your studies and your time.
Perhaps you will soon hear from him, "Mommy, I'm busy right now, talk later" or "I'm drawing now, and I want to be alone." Do not be afraid and do not worry! This indicates that the child grows up, he becomes aware of itself an independent person — with his inner world, interests and needs. Also, in your example, it learns to express in words what is happening to him, he feels at the moment, so it is easy to be able to tell you about their experiences. From the point of view of psychology, it is a very important skill — not to drive deep into his feelings, and to be able to share them.
The other side of fatigue may be apathy. Probably there is no man who does not know the feeling. The word "apathy" in Greek means "detachment" is a state of emotional passivity, indifference, and indifference to the events surrounding reality. But the apathy of young mothers is complicated by the fact that it is responsible not only for themselves but also for the child. It needs to be fed, put to bed, watching him with different useful things, and no strength for anything.
What to do?
- Re-read some witty book, it is advisable not directly related to the topic of children.
- Think about your hobby. If you remember nothing, find a new hobby for yourself. One of my friends sitting on maternity leave, suddenly find themselves attracted to interior design. Now it has become her main profession.
- Get more active. This is a classic remedy for apathy, along with the shape in order introduce.
- Socialize and make new acquaintances. Even if it's not professional and business relationships and friendships with the mums in the playground, it's still way out of morbid introspection.
- Travel. Of course, with a small child is not very easy to do, but, in practice, nothing daunting about it. Travel help for a fresh look at ordinary things, bring a fresh approach to relationships, and develop the idea.
"I'll be the best mom!"
In psychology, there is the concept of "complex an excellent pupil." It is believed that this complex is characterized mainly for successful business woman, all of which tend to make life in the top five. However, the passion for perfectionism occurs in young mothers who devoted herself to raising a child.
First of all give an account of the fact that even a beloved child can be tiring! The phrase "You can not get tired of the one you love" — a beautiful words and nothing more. And it is those who are constantly worried about your child tends to give him as much as possible — that they reach their emotional resources faster than parents who do not think too much about higher matters.
Early development will not run away, and who knows, perhaps much more good and my mother and the baby will slow walk in the autumn park or a week doing nothing, not darkened by remorse.
Just think, there will always be mothers who will be engaged in the development of your child more than you. And there are others — the ones that will do a lot less than you. So should constantly look at those and others?
Who can help?
When it comes to maternal depression in numerous publications for parents are about the same advice: a lot of sleep, stop worrying, stop feeling sorry for yourself, take the child with gratitude. However, my mother being in depression, these tips will only cause irritation. She really hard, and she needs real help — both physical and psychological.
Who can help in this situation?
- Husband. Just do not expect that he would guess about everything, if he is not clairvoyant. Tell him everything that happens to you. Think together as the general daily schedule to carve out a couple of hours for your vacation. It is important that it be regularly rather than occasionally, then you will be clear on what time can spend on themselves.
- Sister or girlfriend. It is required to listen to you, and to comfort. Fine, if your confidante had a similar experience, then it is well able to understand you. In fact, you are not alone in their feelings. Through this state have been so many women. And safely out of it!
- My mother-in-law. Sometimes my mom complain about life — is more expensive, because it begins to experience more of yours. But here's the trust for a while child beloved grandmother until you come to yourself — why not?
- A professional therapist. Of course, this option requires a certain material costs, but usua
lly they are justified.
- If you feel that you do not deal with housekeeping Find Assistant. And do not blame yourself that you are lazy and incompetent, and all the rest, unlike you somehow manage. On closer examination it appears that the rest of the way or else someone will still help: even the most independent neighbor ran for groceries, bridesmaids released in the cinema, and the grandmother took the children for the summer.
Do not doubt that you are a great mom. But even the most beautiful mom in the world sometimes you need a rest. And not just for its own sake. And the child, and her husband need a healthy and happy mom and a wife, not a gray, tormented creature.
According matrialam magazine "Good Housekeeping"