What to do with sibling rivalry

Games for little jealous.  Photo from http://creative.gettyimages.com

It seems, there is not now such a publication for parents, which would have addressed the topic of children's jealousy. And, nevertheless, questions continue to arise.

Everywhere says that an older child to be prepared for the appearance of the baby, talk about what a newborn looks like a pipsqueak, offer feel his palm as yet unborn baby kicking in my mother's belly. All this, of course, absolutely necessary, but do not forget that your offspring, which is preparing to become a brother or sister, there is another, equally important way of understanding the world — game. It is in this activity children lose their experiences and impressions, and even, surprisingly, their behavior is programmed into reality.

We are waiting for the stork together

Thus, the child learns that he has a brother or sister. Perhaps he even he asked you about this and sincerely waiting for the happy event, imagining, if not a new playmate, but, in any case, a new living doll. Often, however, after the birth of a sibling, or shortly before, during the mother's pregnancy, the older children have unexpected problems at school or kindergarten, possible psychosomatic reactions — an aggravation of chronic diseases, constant colds "out of the blue." Easygoing and cheerful baby becomes irritable and stubborn.

Do not rush to scold him, he is not to blame for his condition!

To avoid these problems, or at least mitigate them, try to advance closer to the baby near future, because the cause of this behavior is unconscious fear of things to come. Certainly, during maternity leave, you will have more time that can be devoted eldest. Pick up with the baby toys (dolls or men from the designer "Lego"), representing your family. They can be given names such as these and family members, and the other can come. And now act out with toys approximation birth.

Without going into anatomical details (if, in your opinion, the child is not up to them), Mom, let's say: "I think our baby will be born very soon, I have to be going to the hospital."

It is advisable not to focus on the pain the child. First, so you, one way or another, ask yourself the pain program, and secondly, inspire his first-born, that little sister or brother is to blame for her mother's agony.

And then with all its artistry you lose to development. What do the Pope and the older the child until the mother in the hospital? Will the Pope helped my mother in childbirth? If you are going at this time to instruct their child cares grandmother or friend, be sure to warn him about it — also in the game. Let him come, let him knows for sure what to expect, and, more importantly, what it'll take you home afterwards.

If you are planning a home birth, in advance, choose whether to attend them your senior.

The first meeting

Decide how you will inform the child's birth brother or sister, try to imagine their meeting. Keep an optimistic attitude during the game. The first meeting of your children — one of the most difficult and important issues in their relationship. And play it to as close as possible to reality.

No need to entertain the illusion that the oldest child in the first moments imbued with deep fraternal feelings. Quite the contrary — he needs to make sure that after the little alien mother loves him still. Let him feel that confidence in the game, and "in fact"!

In the old days in the family, especially the peasant has always been a lot of children — if not his, then the next of kin, neighbors, and children are usually well imagine the look of newborns, as they scream, and even that women in childbirth requires special care. Our kids living in anthills-metropolitan areas, it is necessary to teach it on purpose. The son of a friend of mine once said of his younger brother: "I knew, of course, that little can be loud cry, but to the one-and-a loud …".

So, the child to know what to expect, it would be good to introduce him to this baby, but if you do not succeed, one can and most desperate attempt to portray children's roar. Let it be occur often enough — seriously, as they say, to learn, easy in battle! With your child, try to understand what are your wants new pipsqueak, consult with him about the care of the baby.

Well, now that little happy and calm, he falls asleep, and the doll with her mother works as a senior. On this point, too, the child needs to know in advance — so mom reveals that she has not ceased to love him. They can read together or do some interesting work, enjoyable for both of them. Let the family (and in the game, and in reality!) Remain relevant for the child tradition — pancakes on Sundays, dinner together, reading bedtime stories. After all, children — the biggest conservative in the world, and in the preservation of the usual rituals they feel the stability of their position.

And another important point: the child should not get the impression that the life of a family after the birth of a brother or sister will turn into an endless series of endurance tests. Be sure to lose and positive things — like your little will rejoice adult, how it will be possible to play different games infant. For example, my six year old eldest daughter in a heartbeat, "recalled youth" and played hide and seek behind the famous diaper or salochki on all fours.

I want to warn you that the game "in the birth of the baby" will be repeated more than once. And not even five. In order to survive an event in the game, the child will need to play it with you many, many times. But do not take the time for it — it will pay off handsomely after the birth of the little one.

Now we have become more — a tactic further action

But here's the long-awaited event happened — baby was born. You managed to a greater or lesser degree, to prepare for his senior. However, not all the way latter-day brothers and sisters paved with straw, and in any case, do not blame yourself or the child in that the reality has turned out not as rosy as we had imagined. It is better to try to analyze what have difficulties, and solve them, as always, in the game.

The most common problem little jealous — it is a manifestation of aggression towards the baby. Very often it occurs when a child becomes more independent and active, begins to crawl, showing intense interest in toys and books older brother or sister. At the first sign of aggression in older did not scold or blame the child's aggression by that you do not shoot, but just pound the deeper.

Of course, open aggression, which can cause physical or psychological harm to small, should be prevented, but this alone is not enough.

First, try to understand who your the eldest child addresses his negative message — younger or you parents? Often, pushing, kicking, biting defiantly occur only in the presence of their parents, so that they finally paid attention to the older one. It may be worth more to embrace him, to listen to his voice in the family. Let your child know that some (albeit not very much!) Part of parental time and attention devoted to him alone.

If you feel that aggression is directed at the baby, try to convert it to a peaceful course. Explain to older, that in each of us there is a "quiet, kind" part is the "evil". In order to "calm" won "cruel boy", you need to throw out his anger somewhere. A lot of options, select or search for the most appropriate for your child. You can tear the paper into small pieces, you can sculpt in clay — to press, knead, smear with full force — Clay has a very strong psychotherapeutic effect. You can jump from the top of the steps the sports complex on a soft mat spread on the floor (so the child is distracted by the "evil" of thoughts, internally collects himself and overcome his own fear). This method is suitable, however, for a fairly athletic kids.

Be prepared for
the fact that in the development of your older child may be some setbacks: he can start writing again in his pants, cry for diapers, breastfeed. My eldest, looking at the way I carry in a sling her newborn sister, asked her wrapped in a sheet and vilified in the rug thrown over his shoulder. Take sympathetic to these requests: it is so child checks whether there was a place in your heart for him.

Let's play together!

Well, if the baby will be able to connect to your co-op. It is, for example, is well suited to the role of "patient", while senior will portray the "doctor." Mom can come up with a toddler in the "clinic" and get "doctor" a number of valuable tips for the care and education of children today. And when it comes time to do the little massage, senior baby may repeat the steps to her mother's large doll — then you get a real massage at home.

If the eldest child — a girl who can play the real "Mothers and Daughters." Play the daily situations: a meeting of young mothers with toddlers for a walk, going to the pool, to the guests. Share with your daughter-girlfriend problems of current infant, complain to the poor appetite of your crumbs, discuss erupting teeth. This play is, among other things, very useful for the development of maternal instincts, and his eldest daughter will feel the importance and significance for Mom.

In short, play and create. The game will help the older child feel that he is safe, that his love still, and that he is needed at home. And then it will be for his little brother or sister of this support and the support.

Inessa Smyk

According to the magazine "Aistenok"

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