Having a child, even desirable, to the parents makes serious demands. Baby completely changes the old rhythm of life of parents and takes it time, they used to devote to each other. Those spouses who even before the birth of the baby were able to establish peaceful, healthy relationship, it is easier to cope with these requirements. And parents who have not yet managed to do so, such a change is a daunting task, and baby becomes the cause of their stress.
Young parents who are at a loss because of nagryanuvshaya changes, you can give some advice.
— Try to briefly entrust your child to someone from the family and find a quiet place away from home where you could chat and talk openly friend other. Share what feels every one of you tell me about all their grievances and frustrations, feelings of helplessness and fear. This time can be particularly difficult for fathers who do not have such a close bond with the child's mother. Father, too, want to feel that it is necessary and useful. And the woman who plays the main role in this situation, should give him a place nearby.
— Speak, what do you expect from the other. It may make you reconsider the relation to himself and to his wife and give you the strength for future life together. After a frank conversation try if not daily, regularly set aside time to discuss their problems, and for each week of the planned some fun activities for the two of you. This will promote more harmonious relations.
— Another difficulty that may arise during this period — it is the fear of losing their independence and autonomy, "When I will have a little time for yourself?" This question often asked by young parents to not feel at the mercy of a child, it is worth wonder: is it possible to rationally arrange a time? And for that tell about your needs and ask for help from his wife (and later in other family members). For sure the situation will change as soon as you discuss this issue and be able to plan their time together.
— Think you do not contradict themselves or each other's feelings and actions. If so, try to understand the reasons for this. Many perceive the crisis associated with the birth of a child, as a test of endurance. However it is better to consider it as a problem to be solved: how two people who love people to devote their energies to working for the benefit of everyone, in the interests of friend other and their children? Do not forget that when we are calm and attentive, we can do much to solve.
— Often parental responsibilities become so serious and consuming so much energy that married life is secondary. If parents do not realize it, the child had a hard time. He is the only reason that the parents are not divorced. Child directly or indirectly to blame all family difficulties, "If it were not for you, we all would have turned out more successfully."
With the birth of a child of one of the spouses may receive emotional attachments outside the family. This usually happens with a father who feels that a child is completely robbed him of the love and attention of his wife.
Despite how busy, stop and think about what happens to you, your spouse how your relationships affect other family members. What would you like to do now or changed? After all, marriage and the birth of a child to bring joy.
— We are often discouraged when we feel that most attempts to change something or to have no effect. If you are willing to honestly admit the futility of your actions in the future will be easier. You have to learn to do many things differently, no matter what you are doing wrong before. The possibility of change depends on the change in your mind and your willingness to seek new paths.
First you need to understand what is happening and understand what we should learn. And how to do it. Life — ego your now look at things: it is necessary to change the point of view of how to change your life. There is a parable about a man which constantly complained about the darkness. But one day, walking along the road, he lost his footing and fell. During a fall from the dark glasses fell off, and that allowed him to see the world in color.
To realize that we have to bow sunglasses, sometimes requires a strong jolt. An honest confession of our ignorance — a big win over the other.
If you feel that your family something goes wrong, try to correct the situation — in fact you immediately take up the repairs, if your Car knocks. Share your observations with her husband, friends, and decide what to do. If you can not change the situation on their own, ask for help from a person you trust. For no matter what you take, never waste your time on appeal: "Have pity on me," "He's so bad …"
Try to turn the family of the "society of the accused" to "study group." And you'll see how much you can change, if start treating negative, unpleasant events in the life of the family as to the signals of distress. No need to blame everything on myself. Be glad that finally the signal, whatever it was, understood and accepted by you. It may not be pleasant, but it will reflect the reality. And this signal needs to react immediately.
Based on the book of Virginia Satir, "How to build yourself and your family"