Parents need to know how to behave baby in a group, whether plays with other children, how easy is it converges with peers, is able to fulfill the basic requirements? What a child needs help to correct that at home? In most cases, teachers are always willing to share this information with parents. Only by the parents is not always fun … It's too bad. After all, the most successful final formation of the personality with the help of kindergarten is only when and to the group, and family demands are the same.
For example, if governess Teach your children to clean up after themselves, and my mother said the child home, "Leave it, then I'll take" — the child and the garden will behave the same way, referring to the fact that he was so authorized Mom. If the group has taken careful behavior for food, but at home the child is allowed to have almost no hands, in this case conflicts with the teacher and with bandmates child provided. Then he will start soon, "I do not want to kindergarten", moods and so on …
Or another situation. The teacher in the kindergarten children actively instilled a conflict communication skills, in particular, were not allowed to settle disputes with their fists. Strictly speaking, it is at least dangerous — the fight could end up injured, but it is not useful either children or caregiver, as the person responsible, is not necessary. And in a boy band (rather large build), who started all bullying. Someone of his obzovet (which in the garden happens all the time) — he did not say a word, turns around and pushes or punches in the face.
And once he's on an evening walk just to "deal" with a boy from the younger group. that he accidentally pushed — turned and pointed to the kid in the eye with his fist. The kid fell and cried; teacher severely chastised the offender and put it in the side of one of the boys.
And then, they say, like in the movies, is the child of this grandmother fighter sees his beloved grandson in tears — and a kite on the governess, "What have you done, you are a child was brought to tears, he's a nervous, sensitive, it can not be him how dare you, I have to complain to the head … "
Here it should be noted that the grandmother was a youthful, athletic — and all of this, so to speak, intense and aggressive. In conversation, it became clear that it was the grandmother to learn a little grandson to respond with his fists on all the insults (even unintentional): "Of course, you have here in the garden one can hurt a child. So I am learning it for themselves!" The teacher said it is reasonable that it is not enough that the uncivilized in principle — the words to answer his fists, and even a child does not learn to communicate adequately to the same big boy, his power can not be calculated, and be responsible for the injuries they inflicted on the teacher is not going to … On that my grandmother started shouting that for this educator pay the money, and the grandmother did not allow her grandson to offend! Took the child and proudly walked away.
It is clear that the grandmother was frankly wrong. It then emerged that she had a "rebellious" daughter, the boy's mother, who with her husband does not want to go on about his overly domineering mother. So my grandmother and moved on to his grandson — and all its internal proactive aggression as a passed him by teaching the boy to beat, not understanding. It is clear that the educator will be very difficult to re-educate the boy — except that frankly disciplinary methods, but because the child may well be the grandmother to complain that he was in a group of oppressed and everything will go according to the new … In addition, it is clear that good about this child, and soon cease to band mates, and (with all its educational objective) — the teacher herself. By the way, the conflict over the fact that my grandmother took the child out of all of this garden — say, sometime before the school will live without you! But what will happen to this child in the school, grandmother prefers not to think …
Actually … is a very important indicator of the child's adaptation to the group — that it does not stand out in a negative way from the crowd. In this case, I do not call to ensure that the children were brought up as the same screws (as in the garden, where all the kids were sitting — the handle on his knees): Every child has every right to stand out in a group, but in its own way. Someone knows how to dance, some sing, some paint, and someone puts the fastest … As a rule, such a good teacher does not suppress and egalitarianism is not engaged. But that's become an outcast or a universal silent Quiet Man — this is not good for the child. In the end, it was for this he was brought into the garden, so he learned to actively communicate!
An example that seems to be laughable: one fairly respectable father gave her child in an ordinary kindergarten. One can not help a child treated a little differently than the other children in the group, but the Pope is the ratio of actively suppressed, "Do not give out my baby, please do not oppose it to the team!" In fact, teachers themselves have realized this soon. Nevertheless, baby, being a bit younger than the other kids in the group, not too quickly poured into the collective. And one spring evening dad comes for a child in the garden. Kids are out for a walk exploring the first puddle, and it costs about child educators and examines his own shoes. A parent came up and playfully presented "claim": "Well here you have done, all the kids poking around in the mud, and my why it is worth? Tell me, why do not poking around in the mud, along with the others?"
By the way, the other child's parents initially parting words, "Stay out of the mud!" But please note that transported absolutely like dirt teacher will not allow a child to become a mama's good boy who does not play with the kids because he is afraid dirty hands, too, for the child is not helpful.
And again — just because it is recommended to give garden child is "talking" that after kindergarten with a child should discuss what happened to him in the group. Are primarily interested in the successes of the child, his new knowledge and achievements. Praise him for any displayed results. The lesson learned in kindergarten song and sing it to you baby — well, the group put up some pictures of children or application — see where the work of your child, show interest in his work. Not to mention the fact that often the children in the classroom give gifts to parents — something to draw, sculpt, glue. And do not immediately in front of the child, having received such a gift, throw it in the trash …
Talk to your child and about the possible problems that were in the garden. It is clear that it is not necessary to "collect dirt" on the kindergarten workers, but if the child something to complain — it is worth paying attention to it. Naturally, the children set out their views on what is happening is not always objective, sometimes kids can openly slander teacher (well, that's not going to want to dityati garden, because it lost its exclusivity and spoiled, and he does everything. to mom took it from there), sometimes fantasize children — just for the sake of fantasy. And sometimes pose the incident seems to be right, but let's say, not quite adequate, that's it "childish." Therefore it is always worth finding out details of the teachers (not directly to blame, namely to find out.)
One girl after "working day" in the garden told her parents that she had today, "the teacher lunch taken away." Fortunately, my mother had enough sense of humor to not immediately dash back to the group and not to attack the teacher — first asked the child: "So, she wanted to eat so much?" Of co
urse, it turned out that the case was different: a girl basically eats very slowly (the teachers always allow her to take the time), but that day the meal was delayed child absolutely impermissible, and the leftovers just cleaned along with the rest of the dishes, when it was time to go for a quiet hour …
And it is by the way: it may be wise to give educators (if you trust them enough) good for some pedagogical experiments, especially if you are at home doing the same thing. Let's say if your child does not eat in the garden, and the teacher has to force-feed him, you can "afford" not to feed them. Do not eat — you did not want. Let starve, then there will be …
The coming of the child, watch over not only to the person with whom and how your child plays, but also how to communicate with children and teacher. Can a few times to come for the child "at an inopportune time" — and if at times the door is heard shouting teacher, and not just once or twice, and besides, it is reinforced by repeated complaints substantiated child — make your conclusions.
Naritsyn Nicholas, psychotherapist, psychoanalyst
On this Site http://www.materinstvo.ru/