— What Americans are stupid — yes, stupid — tells me American. — We were stupid, had not been. But when I was told that the Americans stink, I'm cursed, because it is not. So stupid — right and stink — no!
American gave me an appointment in the "national bar" along the walls hung with wooden spoons and Soviet posters. American's name is Tim Kirby, he has lived in Russia for seven years, considers himself a patriot it with a soft, gentle accent — but totally free — talking in Russian and regularly puts on YouTube (www.youtube.com/user/tkirby3679) and in its "Learn" small energetic videos in English about the sights of Russia.
"Excuse me, do you know where the Red Square?" — Asked Tim. "Go to the s …, no no Red Square" — is responsible alcoholic kind man. This is the beginning of a series of first roller Tsar Podcast, about the Kremlin. There are about Arbat, Exhibition Center, Space Museum, Suzdal, Kirov — episodes are about a dozen. Tim shows and tells, and directing a journalist and blogger Paul Cartan.
— Do you know that the quote you have obtained a Kremlin? — I asked Tim.
— I said, but I forgot.
— It's "Moscow — Petushki", the main Russian book!
— Well, I, as an American, do not like literature. Although I had read Chekhov … But I prefer facts and news.
Tim is going to show you his Russia … Historic … Tasty … Beautiful … on screen krovavoalom consistently emerge St. Basil's Cathedral, painted pelvis with dumplings, carnivorous beauty in fur hat. "Tim will show you his Russia … Historical … yummy … beautiful …"
— I originally did my podcasts for Westerners. Them to see that in Russia people are not evil and do not want to kill them. And then I started getting comments from Russian. And these comments! .. That is, imagine that the Russian is coming to America, and said: "I love your country, I want to show the world what America is cool." All he would have answered, "Sure, fine, so be it!" This is all in response to send me videos, which in Russia shit. One wrote: "In Russia playgrounds bad!" I wrote to him, "Look, here are pictures of it, my wife and the children's playground in America. You see, no one? "Golf is good, but the kids do not walk on it because it is dangerous. America, especially in Cleveland, where I come from, is much more dangerous than Russia … or so I'm going in my trailer on the street. I write: "See, what we have lousy street in America street better!" This mentality is killing Russia. And in his podcast I want to fight it.
The second project of Tim Kirby — is in Russian. Actually, this is one of the areas of its struggle. Find in YouTube: "The war of words" Episode 8 "It's time to win." Artistic Team on the screen — a good-natured round face, round eyes with astonishment, "This site has been created by the Russian people — how and why it is necessary to leave Russia. And in the "Learn" I found a community called "Time to get out" … I can not imagine that America was the site made by the Americans, which shows that it is necessary to get away from America for good … I created antisoobschestvo in the "Learn". If you want to discuss, not as an escape from Russia and how to be a leader, let's sit here in my community and discuss how to make Russia a better! "
— That's what makes the site so that all people have gone from Russia to other countries? What is their purpose? — Tim is amazed at the bar.
— Probably, it is those who are not satisfied and the Russian government created by this power state model … And you, Tim, how to relate to our government? It managed democracy?
— Well, democracy does not exist anywhere ever. Talk about democracy — is talk of goblins. A main problem of the Russian government — they are not ideologues, they can not create a dream. They have no passion — that is what is killing the country. However, I acknowledge that Putin and Medvedev are better than all the American presidents in my life. Just below them — a cloud, the crowd debris. Inefficient, stealing. Now, no one believes the government. Now, if Putin had executed Gorbachev area! ..
— For what?
— Oh, very much to blame Gorbachev. He — Western spy.
I have the feeling that I'm going crazy. With an effort to save face secular expression:
— Do you mean that he seems to be a spy? According to his own beliefs?
— No, in the literal sense. Gorbachev in Reykjavik in 86th year organizing his pension. Here is a man kissed western ass — and it hurt my all now! ..
The last time something like that I hear from older distant cousin, and me, these statements did not shocked. But when the same is said thirty man with a soft American accent at the table in the "Golden roach," I am aware of what still is a fine line that separates us from the madness.
— Do not forget, as was Gorbachev's birthday recently, and gave him millions in the West for his birthday! He lives well, the person who sold the country and destroyed the Soviet Union … If Andropov died, and now would be the Soviet Union. But Gorbachev launched perestroika that idiotic! What was it — "stupid Russian, stupid plan"? No! Smart Americans excellent plans! So, if I were to Gorbachev in the same room, I would have spat in his face.
Surprisingly, my older relatives also tried on a ride "in the same room with Gorbachev." True, he saw himself in the room with a loaded gun. And going from this very gun counterpart dunk. The truth is, in both rooms I former Soviet president somehow sorry.
— Nowhere is passion! — Continues debriefing Tim Kirby. — Zhirinovsky — false passion, it is a step forward, but if it were the actual passion, it would be even better. Or Zyuganov — much of what he says, I like it, but he never wins. Right now there will be elections — even I could do better candidate than Zyuganov, and yet he has so many people who have the resources, he could arrange some second revolution. But no, he is, he is satisfied with the second place! Unrealistic because of what he said — said openly! — He hates the new world order. Can you imagine what his eggs … — in the word "eggs" Tim touching puts accent on the first syllable — … such talk! But to become president — no. He is an interesting man, but he is a coward.
— Maybe he just did not give the presidency.
— As they say in America, if the game is not fair, do not play that game. So he needed something out of the system to organize. And do other propaganda. Elections — the emotions and faith. If the fight on YouTube, if you use a different technology! ..
— If you fight, and you can be in jail.
— Well, if the man wants to be president, you have to be prepared for that. Hitler was in prison, Mandela was in prison …
By the way, about the proper promotion and technology Tim Kirby recently spoke at a rally of popular bloggers (yes, there is such) in Istoben in connection with a different theme. He was there presented a paper entitled "Why Russian do not rest at home, and the Americans — just at home."
Were in the report and plain historical digressions (in the 50's in the USA — the perfect American family and a lot of money in the Soviet Union, Khrushchev was thinking about food), and "kulturna difference" (a white American from birth knows that it came from somewhere, where were depression, hunger, war, America, which is best of all countries, and Russian in 90 years went to the West and saw the tape, chips, and rock and roll), and some platitudes (in America, good roads, roads are bad in Russia), attract naive (to get rid of corruption), and reasonably interesting observations "from outside". For example, Tim pointed to the screen image on the left — Ohio U.S. site (one of the more boring places in the U.S.), right — Russian site Perm (of which try to do almost the second capital). As a result, the left was drew some juicy "Murzilka" with a screaming headline Too Much Fun for Just One Day («Too much fun for one day"), and on the right — the so-called HS (for those who are not familiar with the acronym — "sad shit") with the weather forecast, a gallery of portraits of local officials and news feeds such as "Governor Oleg Chirkunov's message to the Forum" Sawmill-2011 '. " But the most entertaining in the report was not for that, and the fact that an American blogger Tim Kirby attended to the problem of Russian domestic tourism and has made on this issue in a sensible report a slide show.
— Russian stereotypes of American cities know better than their own. In Los Angeles — Hollywood, Las Vegas — Casino … And what we have stereotypes? Is that because of the "Our Rasche," we now know that the most severe in our city — Chelyabinsk. I do not like "Our Rush." The anti-Russian propaganda …
— You keep saying "we."
— Oh, yes. I remember the first day I started to be a Russian. Three years ago. We had lunch with the boss and the boss began to swear at the Pindos and America. And I said, 'Well, man, I is not guilty, that in America such a government. " And he replied: "No, you're then our …" For me, Russia — the birthplace of the mother, and the U.S. — a stepmother.
— How so? You say yourself, Americans have always come from the fact that their country is the best.
— Initially, I too was American patriotism. I was a typical liberal fascist, tolerant, politically correct. I felt that white people are to blame, and I had the self-loathing. White wine and self-loathing — the core of Western liberalism. As a child, I really wanted to be a Negro. I grew up in a black neighborhood, and I have all the clothes were so, and posters were some negros. But it did not. And then my patriotism gradually collapsed.
— Why not?
— When was the story of the Columbine shooting, the students in our school made a list: who may be a terrorist. Once I came home, and then the police, and I thought, perhaps, my mother died. But no — they said they wanted to search the house. And of course, like every American, I was aware of the Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: that they need a special document from the judge to see the house, called a warrant. I asked the police officer: "Where warrant?» And he said, "I do not." He was a typical American Democrat, and he did like this, — Tim suddenly and shockingly sweet smiles — and said: "If you let me go now, everything will be polite, but if not, I will return with the resolution, but then I'm in the house destroy everything. " And all this — with a smile.
Suddenly I realize that Tim Kirby is still almost smiled. That is probably smiling when we were talking about something funny, but it was not smiling this duty rubber American smile, which, in any case, they do have.
— It was easy to leave America, because I have never been accepted in America as a person. There I was always by shit.
— It's hard to explain. I have almost no friends in school, I hated all black for the color, but white is also hated. I'm pretty sure that those who make this list of terrorists, were white. Black can not think who the terrorist and who is not. They have a different culture, they do not care at all.
— Why did you dislike her?
— In America, I was a loser. It's just the feel of the person. It is impossible to explain it as a belief. One day in class one African-American teacher said, "Go on dick» — fuck you, and I said the word "hell» — hell, and I was punished for "racism", and she had nothing. Or any fights at school: I have white skin — then I am guilty. It's like in the Arab countries — a group of men raping a woman, then it is being punished for it, because it is a whore. But in the end, I still was formed black mentality, because I have lived among the blacks. They have orders, like for example the prison, but it's understandable. And the white is not working. When I grew older, I understood why black hate them.
— And why not?
— Oh, there is always the smile, it's scary.
— What about after school?
— Graduated from The Art Institute of Pittsburgh with honors, and then created his own advertising agency, and then dropped everything and went to Kazakhstan. I lived there for two years, from 2004 to 2006, was a government volunteer in the Peace Corps. I had to help. Teaching English, environment, yet provide education about sex … And then I went back to America, hoping that I had changed and everything will be better. But no. I was still shit. Shit on my feet. I found a job, but again dropped everything and went to Russia.
— Why, for example, not to Western Europe?
— I have cousins Slavs. My uncle — he was a lieutenant in the army, and he was told at the time of the Cold War: "You need to get out of the army, because we found your family in the Soviet Union." They did not say where, but I do know that the family is. So I want to be at home in Russia is a great country. And I really do not like this trend is that the Russian hate themselves, and that "all the shit in Russia," and "all the cattle in Russia …" Redneck — everywhere! Here is the English rednecks killing each other on the streets of London, and yet tomorrow I will say, "Oh, the English-speaking people — they are cultural!"
— Where do you work in Moscow? Some podcasts do not eat.
— I can not say we have high corporate secrecy.
I have yet to open my mouth to ask about espionage, but Kirby anticipates the question:
— I do not work for the government — either the United States or Russia.
— And what is your nationality?
— American. But I want the second, the Russian is in the process. I already have a temporary residence permit.
— Oh, tests take? To leprosy?
— Yes, many times, and bronchitis as well. Well, that. All procedures are logical and I do not mind.
— They say it's all you can buy — and resolution, and citizenship — have already said, I understand that, in fact, I'm joined Comments on "in Russia sucks".
Tim Kirby is his animal instinct picks.
— I confirm I love Russia, — he says.
— Well, like, okay, but you would have bought yourself citizenship?
— No, but I was offered. But I do everything a hundred percent legal.
— What do you think about illegal immigrants?
— I am against globalization and against open borders.
— Your parents live in America?
— Yes. My mom said she always knew that I'm going out. I even asked her, "Mom, why I was by shit in America?" She said, 'I do not know, but you always had the other … "
Tim finishes his beer and eats a salad, and I decide that it's time to move on to the subject of the civil pop "flavor":
— You know, Tim …
— I've been watching your podcasts, and stumbled upon the transfer of "Let's get married."
— And there was you. When you go there, understand that it is generally for the program?
Looks without the slightest embarrassment
On the show, "Let's get married" bride-Tim offered the Russian "brides." One sang some folk songs, the other pouring the vodka, the third spoke about the Russian snow. In the interludes were some hellish matchmaker, experts and konsultantki. The show finally ended with a moderately happy marriage and Timothy loshadolitsey beauty.
— So why go?
— Well, just decided to try it. TV suddenly find me someone good. Then I just came.
— Well, the girl with whom you have chosen each other — how it all came together?
— She did not want to, she just wanted to be on TV. She asked me after the program: "What car do you have?" I said, "No car." It's all over the conversation.
— So, at least, your wife — not out of the program?
— No, no. Typically Russian girls, who meet with the Americans, they want English or passport or money. And I found a wife who loves Russian, Russia does not want to leave. And we never talk at home in English.
Tim's daughter nine months. My daughter dual citizenship, "so that she can choose."
— What's the next "king podcast," what are your plans?
— I want to remove about "giving" — with a sense says Tim. — This is a unique Russian thing. But in principle, in the future I want to do not just podcasts, but a real program in politics. I want this country to improve.
— And do not you afraid that you people will not like? Decide that you mishandled? — About "mishandled" I'm not talking out of his head, before just read a couple of discussions about Tim in this light.
— I want to win and power, but not in order to build a castle, and for the people. I think it will be clear. As they say, "evidence — in the pudding», proofs in the pudding. All will be seen — well, I'll be in the grave. Every governor must deal with the Mafia to negotiate …
By some miracle, I managed to not choke chips. This cute, naive and stubborn man in posting YouTube podcasts about the Kremlin and Exhibition Center, hates Gorbachev, who sought a wife, with the mediation of television matchmaker and love my country, cherishes in his heart the wonderful American dream.
— So you want to be governor?
— For example.
— What is the area?
— Does not matter. This is the best area in the country.
— Why not?
— Because of all stolen, and I will steal less. If I'm going to build the road, so I would say the mafia, "Guys, usually on the road give so much, and of this amount, you are stealing. And I want to give you more than you would have stolen. " Must not live in illusions, better throw another ten percent. Still effective way to improve the economy, and the cheapest way is more expensive, because it will then have to build again.
— Well, if you offer more, and they just steal more?
— Then they will have to buy the money wheelers.
— What to buy?
— Well, it's called? — Tim masterfully portrays a disabled person in a wheelchair.
Wheelers. I like it. Imagine how much they could be in our beloved country with Tim …
— Russia's problem is that there is no ideology — says Tim.
— Spin doctors are struggling with this problem, but so far nothing has come up, — I say.
— Because they do not have passion.
— And what would you come up with ideology?
— I'm still not ready to formulate a manifesto. But that's what is important: when was the first day of Russia, as well? In America, the day is clear, and it is associated with the myth of freedom, about the best constitution in the world … But the beginning of Russia now — it is the breakdown of the USSR, and betrayal. Each culture has a myth — where they are, and in Russia this myth is awful. If only we had a red flag — Tim takes in hand a red restaurant's napkin and waving her lovingly — it would mean that it all started in October 17 th year, and all those who have died for the sake of communism did not die in vain. People built underground Komsomol, hands free! They fought, they suffered … The first time women voted for the first time free medical care — Russian did it all first!
I listen to Tim and I think that he just moved to Russia love, which, in his own words, any American has for America. His love of my country, of course — as the love of a father for his daughter, the love his son to his mother. This love fanatical, it does not tolerate doubt, it does not set conditions. I'm not sure that she would love for his own country. But I'm sure in one thing — the main thing — he's right. "It's time to get out" — not the best for the future, it is — the slogan for the losers.
— Need a red flag — Tim stoke napkin. — Whether it is called communism or not.
August 17, 2011, "Russian Reporter» № 32 (210)