What a man feels when he finds out about the pregnancy of his wife? In a beautiful film Happy Father fills up the mother-million scarlet roses and thrilled at the hands circling the room. In fact, as a rule, a man, of course, pleased and proud, but a little confused. He understands that there will be big changes in their lives measured and streamlined, but there is not quite what to expect.
Often the wife's pregnancy is perceived as a disease. By the way, our society has actively supported the idea. It is no accident in the antenatal clinic in the "diagnosis" they write, "the pregnancy, the period of such and such."
Often, the future Pope believes that its role in procreation, he had already done, and now suspended because no man this thing — go to the doctors and counseling, as well as to study the characteristics of prenatal development of the baby, not to mention being present at the birth.
You put up with it or maybe you gnawing resentment, reinforced by hormonal changes of pregnancy (because the woman in this period is particularly sensitive and sentimental)? It is very important to understand that your husband is driven not so much reluctance to actively together with you to experience pregnancy and childbirth, as fear of the unknown, your exclusion.
Is there any way to influence the situation?
We are waiting to
During pregnancy, a lot can change. And here we would like to talk about courses to prepare for the birth. Of course, now the sea of literature on pregnancy and childbirth. Seems to read a couple of books — and you're fully prepared, and do not need any lessons.
However, the valuable lessons of his very special atmosphere — love and joyful expectation. And dad is not just in itself dad, and part of the "pregnant couples." Of course, in the conditions of modern life, which is often filled to the limit of work, important meetings and negotiations, is not easy to find time for lectures and exercises on "pregnant" courses. But consider whether the meeting is more important than the one that will have you in the near future, is there any talks more important than talking with your own, as yet unborn baby? On courses prospective parents are assigned almost equal role in raising the child before birth. They listen to lectures, watch films about childbirth, and the fear of the unknown is gradually disappearing, giving way to a calm and bright expectation.
Think of the books and films, which usually makes a caring and loving husband of his wife during childbirth? The stress smokes one cigarette after another, wandering beneath the windows of the hospital, sitting at home on the phone by calling the reception desk every half hour, so that at one point of a completely alien and indifferent people hear about one of the most important events of his life. In our society for centuries formed a stereotype: a birth — it's rude, nasty and scary process, in which a man is not the place. Break this stereotype is not so simple.
"I did not want her husband was present at birth, that he saw me in the taco-of-th state! Childbirth — this is not aesthetically pleasing … And I want to always remain for him a woman. "
What really think about this man?
"My husband, watching a couple of movies about childbirth, said:" What, in fact, in labor-so-terrible? "
In ancient China, there was a ritual dating from the father. At the beginning of pregnancy of his wife's father told the kid about what awaits him after birth, talked about his future family, himself. If, after this baby remained in the mother's womb, so he agreed to stay in the family, took her as his own.
Roughly, the twentieth week when possible, putting a hand on my mother's belly to feel the baby bumps, Dad is already a full-fledged dialogue with him. The child hears fine and remembers his father's voice, his stroking or light tapping. By the way, after the birth of contact with his father, too, can soothe a crying baby, because in this way the kid remembers the familiar sensations.
"When my tummy was already evident, our dad was also a" pregnant ". Talking with the belly, stroking, kissing, all very gentle and sweet, but not baby talk. "
"My son has had a distinguished before birth, who touches his" house "- the parents or some stranger. With strangers, he is tapping refused and immediately calmed down when he was asked to respond. And with my dad, he had a great rapport. When the baby began to vigorously push the night, then it could only reassure war songs in my father's execution. "
And when the Pope feels the movement of the kid, talking to him and he sings songs of war, which only happens to his fears and anxieties! As if by the way, there is the idea that labor, like birth, is a collaborative process that requires the active participation of the Pope.
"Now our dad -" pregnant "in full: want to be aware of everything happening, went with us to the ultrasound, now, by the way, took the antenatal clinic my analysis. Makes for a walk, doing gymnastics, is worried when I'm tired at work.
Together we are engaged in a course, are going to give birth alone. After the story about the types of contracts it is uniquely focused on family houses and even, I think, offended that I assumed some other possibility (after all, family — the most expensive): "As I will not be with you from the start ?? " Moreover, imbued with the idea of home birth and trying to persuade them to me! "
On course for the future pope took a very active part in the process of preparing for the birth. He has to know everything that happens to a woman and child during childbirth. If Dad is prepared, it can be an invaluable aid. It will be for you and midwives present support (literally and figuratively), rather than a hindrance. Daddy will support you and emotionally, and physically (he can do the analgesic and relaxing massage).
"Childbirth happened in my life twice. What were different they were! The first time my training was limited only to the "self-education" by books and stories of friends. With my husband, we said goodbye to the hospital emergency room, and I was alone — alone with his pain, tearing me apart, alone with fear, in a cold bright light shining lamp. Next memory compassionately close my eyes and the next thing I remember clearly — as I have shown newborn daughter for a few moments, and then blew her off somewhere. I'm single again …
The second birth was quite different. We've been preparing for it with her husband. And we can safely say that we, too, gave birth together. I can not imagine what I'd do without him. Husband lit aroma lamp, made me a special massage, supporting me in combat. I bobbed and relaxed, arms around his shoulders. And second daughter, he took himself with his own hands. We did not leave for a minute. "
Incidentally, in primitive societies, it was thought that the husband and his wife is giving birth. For many people there was a ceremony kuvady (From the French. Couvade — hatching eggs), ritual simulation father birthing process. It depicts the birth "in the colors and paint" at a time when his wife gives birth. In the most "pure form" kuvady rite, the husband behaves like a woman in labor, and lying in bed, and the wife starts to fuss around the house almost immediately after birth. Thus, the evil spirits, who came for the mother or child, meets a strong man and Retiro. This form kuvady recorded among the Indians of California and South America, in South India, the Nicobar Islands, Celebes, Borneo.
The baby was born
Congratulations, you now have become full-fledged
parents! The pope, who was prepared to leave, quite naturally continues to communicate with the child, he has no fear of a tiny helpless creature.
If the Pope had no such experience, communication with your son or daughter can start right now. At first, the child is still not very well identify the faces of the mother and the father. While for his parents differ only in that mom smells like milk. Baby from the beginning to get used to your smell, voice, warmth (unless, of course, constantly giving him the sensation). In this case, the father also becomes a very important figure for the little man.
"My husband wears a lot of little girl in her arms. Recently, she even learned to fall asleep on my father's stomach, burying him in the chest with his tiny nose. Dad's big, strong and comfortable! "
Of course, Dad can not breastfeed, but he can perform other important functions for the child. In early child development is physical contact is very important, especially contact "skin to skin" feeling the heat from another person. Therefore, if the kid has to bottle feed, psychologists advise the pope to strip to the waist and pressed the baby to her breast. So it becomes a real nursing dad.
The American scientist GF Harlow in the sixties of the last century conducted interesting experiments with baby monkeys. Little monkey, cut off from his mother, he offered two artificial "mothers": one of them was warm and hairy, and the other — made of wire frame structures. The two "mothers" were equipped with bottles, of which the monkeys could suck milk. Kids-monkey gave a strong preference first "mother." But even more surprising is that when warm and fluffy "mama" was deprived of a bottle of milk, monkeys still chose it. So, warm body sensations mean to kids than actually feeding!
Overcome the difficulties of the first months together
The process of childbirth for women are very heavy, after which it is vital to have a rest. Often, the first year of life my mother marked depression. The reasons for this — a lot. This hormonal shift, and the accumulated fatigue, and sleep disturbances, and even dietary restrictions nursing mother. All the time, which was once devoted himself loved, now given to the baby. Often the mother feels guilty for the child that she is not involved with it, that sometimes gets annoyed at him. Feelings of guilt in the meantime further exacerbates the situation. And here and support her husband's hard to overestimate. At this point, it should be for his wife's safe stone wall and physically (getting up at night to the child, to give an opportunity to relax a bit during the day, etc.), and emotionally (she has to be sure that her husband always understand and will love) .
In this difficult first year of the spouses often raises very serious issues of communication, sometimes reaching up to the divorce. When dad is not ready for the birth of the baby, said that the baby is too small for a "full" of communication, then, and have thoughts about the fact that his wife has ceased to notice it. In this situation, communication with the baby daddy will not only be for the good of my mom and dad to save his own jealousy of the fumes, but also support your family as a whole, the Pope will not feel superfluous.
Here, for example, the experience of some of the couples:
"Our dad is involved in bathing, doing massazhik can dress your baby (if you ask for and give, what to wear), cradles in her arms, when the evening is naughty little boy. Can walk on the street to ask if ".
"In my spare time, Dad plays with daughter (she is now 5 months old), twirls in all directions, throws and tickles. They also each other for a long time "talking." And daughter likes to sleep with Daddy: is placed on the flank, the pacifier in his mouth, and lies down next to dad and hugs from behind, and so, under Papineau warm hands she falls asleep very quickly. "
We are growing
Although the child initially still the most important place in the life of my mother is, however, gradually appears range of topics, games, ideas that can be implemented only with the pope.
Perhaps it will be some noisy game, playful wrestling, forest walks, trips to the zoo. There are all sorts of cases you can come up with Dad! Just think — maybe this area is to provide a communication specifically.
Dad — the main man!
For the child, it is very important as the Pope refers to his mother, what role it plays in the family. Based on these experiences the baby is formed in the image of a man of his own future family.
Boys identify with the father at the age of four to seven years. Most clearly this identification occurs in 4-5 years when the son begins to reach out more to my mother, to present himself as her husband. Often, he says, he would marry only for my mother. Do not worry, this is normal!
Girls, on the contrary, at this age begin to show an increased interest in the pope. After all, Dad — this is first and foremost a man in their life! Hence — the naive and touching attempts to attract baby's attention to Dad's new outfit, his mother's bright lipstick and high heels. The girl image is formed by the husband, the perfect man. It is therefore very important that the pope does not have rejected it, given her feel beautiful and attractive.
So, drop your fears! Do you still have any doubt that you will be for your baby the most beautiful dad? For a child of any age are very valuable your attempts to communicate with him, he is sure they will respond. Pope to begin to communicate with the child is never too early and never too late!
Inessa Smyk, Daria Golubeva
According to the magazine, "My Baby and I"