The crisis of three years

The crisis of three years.  Photo from

Three years — a very special age. First, it is the boundary between infancy and preschool years, and secondly, it is the moment when the self-esteem and self-awareness is born.

It would seem to us that these psychological terms? We would find out why chadushko favorite beats in hysterics, no one wants to listen to and how we survive in this nightmare and save the remnants of peace of mind and balance. Meanwhile, all these things are closely related — in fact the kid came at a critical age. What awaits us?


"Unkind no doctor Veterinarian Do not sit under the tree does not" — just that in the age of three well-known tale recited a three-year boy.

If the child does not agree with you in anything on your offer to put on the red suit will put all the other things besides a suit, known as the green cloud and the snow black — this negativism. He does this in order to express their attitude to the world, to show that it had "its own" and he has every right to be.

The tactics of the struggle

Take a moment and play with the little wrangler in a special game, "Do the opposite!". It is, incidentally, more attention and develops fine. Show on the nose and comment: "This is my mouth!" Problem child — to promote a chain in the opposite direction, ie show on own mouth and say, "This is my nose." Now showing on his left foot and said: "This is my right leg." The child shows his right foot and said: "It's my left leg."

In everyday situations offer stubborn to wear something, but not the red suit. The goal is achieved, you'll see.


"I want that!" or "I do not know how, but not so!". Stubbornness — this is when baby only valid at will and can not hear your exhortations. It is very close obstinate stubbornness — when chadushko does not want to abide by any requirements of adults. In a word, a favorite kid turns into a resistance army, concentrated in a single person.

The purpose of this behavior — to show themselves and the world that you are no longer a helpless infant and adult and independent person. Bouts of stubbornness begin from one and a half years and last an average of four years before. In a time of acute crisis, there may be five to twenty per day, and the boys tend to be more stubborn than girls. So get ready!

The tactics of the struggle

In those cases where the child stubbornly insists on his own, even though you know perfectly well that this is over for him is not the best way, the method works quite natural consequences. It is only your your experience and your knowledge — that time is not infinite, but a sharp needle, and hot tea.

Of course, we do not encourage you to allow your child to learn first hand the danger of traffic or pushing to experiment scissors into the outlet. But too often we do not expose our children from domestic problems. For example, there is nothing wrong in checking in practice that if it is too long to clean up toys, you do not have time to read a favorite book. A if your finger to touch the hot pot, the feeling will not the most pleasant.

By the way, when the child is convinced of your innocence in the details, he may not want to check it in situations that involve a risk to life and health.

Depreciation of property

The fact that yesterday was important, it now seems too much trouble. For example, a three-year Sasha's mother, who loved books since childhood, says that her son is now even look at the book does not want to — it would all be worn on the court. Another option depreciation — unexpectedly harsh words to adults: "You — you fool!".

Is this too must be treated as self-evident and release with it? Of course not. Otherwise, a couple of years you will not be able to cope with the little bad language.

The tactics of the struggle

As for books and other favorite activities, it makes sense to just wait. Perhaps the child has now come a time when he needs a break from the cognitive process, then he'll come back to it.

With rudeness to act differently. First, pay attention to your speech and the speech of their loved ones. If the child, rolling on the floor their cars, shouting: "Where you're going, asshole!" You are nothing like? Do not slip you have towards a child buzzwords like "Dummy," "idiot" and so forth? If not, then, secondly, to explain that to your family so to speak is not accepted. By abusive words, "born" out of the garden or the street, take the same — do not react to them calmly and say that intelligent people do not use such words.

How to behave

  • Establish a clear and simple daily routine. The child who rushes from one extreme to another, it is important to know that the world is all arranged in a certain order: first, he wakes up on a chair waiting for his clothes to put on, then wash up, eat breakfast, etc. Similarly, in the evening (say, after the transfer of the common favorite, "Good night, kids") comes the harvest toys. So opened! Waldorf educators say that from the age of three years starting reps — the child will behave as it is accepted and, more importantly, how you behave. So without further ado, try and do to keep order in their things, the room did not appeal to the conscience kid (he's in chaos and bad!), And day-to-day with him live on a clear rhythm.
  • The system of restrictions must be reasonable and clear. Let them be not too much (in fact, the things that affect the security, life and health of the child is not really that much), but they must be followed strictly. This is a solid frame, walls, on which you can rely on. Within these walls the child can do anything you want. But he should know that under no circumstances it can not, for example, include board or iron, to take over the match, leaving the roadway, etc. Keep in mind that a child will constantly check how hard the scope of your inhibitions. Maybe that prohibit the morning, the evening allowed? Or that does not allow mom, dad will? Be firm and unanimous — and you need it, and even more — your baby.
  • Especially for fans of liberalism. In modern society, it is believed that a progressive parent should always consult with your child, ask his opinion on any subject and to explain his every action. But there is a certain cunning. Complete freedom assumes complete responsibility. Ready to three pipsqueak fully responsible for himself? Of course not. Him, despite all his "I myself!" Need parents to help him support and, eventually, will take the pen. And if you are a child needs to go somewhere, to tell whether to ask him if he wants to do that? And so the conclusion is very simple — take serious decisions for yourself and put the child before the fact, and for less serious offer an alternative. For example: "We are going for a walk. What is your bear go for a walk — in a wheelchair or in a truck? "
  • Come up with a pleasant outlook to not the most pleasant things. For example, as follows: after cleaning the toys you're going to watch a cartoon (drawing, reading a book with her mother and so on).

What you can not do

  • Screaming, spank, punish and force the power to do what you want. These methods you only aggravate all the manifestations of the crisis.
  • Do instead of the child that he is able to do. After all, he so wants to feel like an adult! But at the same time, do not give it too complex tasks. For example, if the first time in his life he was able to pull a shirt and tights, that is no reason to demand from him that every day for a few minutes, he did it. Remember — crawl, sit and walk, he also studied gradually!
  • It is not necessary for any reason to give a long and
    boring explanation — more to the point! Otherwise, the kid did not understand why need all this talk.

And remember — for the baby it is vital to know that you love him. Always. Even capricious and harmful.

Inessa Smyk

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