Anecdotes on the subject of Mars

29.01.2004

29.01.2004


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Planet Mars: no water, no vegetation, populated by American robots!


 


Epigraph:
— Mr. Bush, what do you know about the Taliban?
— It's such a rock band?

Joke:
— Mitera Bush, what do you know about Mars?
— It's such a choc.


 

According to the press service of the NASA Mars Rover Contact lost as a result of the fact that after several unsuccessful attempts to continue the journey to Mars, and the inability to find the first 18 numbered stones, "Spirit" was depressed and wanted to be alone.


 


 


News. Another device, launched from Earth, has reached the surface of Mars. On the Martian acceptances prices fell sharply for scrap.


 


 


2004. Mars rover "Spirit" does not communicate …
With the help of a telescope "Hubble", managed to make out the inscription on the monitor:
"Not UDALEHHY not find server" …


 


 


2015. Once the satellite is launched to Mars. However, this time manned.
Communication session:
— Earth, the Earth is the "Spirit — 776"! Refused to board computer! I repeat refused onboard computer!
— "Spirit-776", it's the Earth! Play as long as the backup! I repeat play the backup!


 


 


2030. Arrives American expedition to Mars, and there at the airport waiting for their Russian paratroopers.
Americans are at a loss, how is it that you should not be here, and our answer, they say, and would be happy to fly, but diesel fuel is over.


 


 


Computerized image analysis of Martian photographs purportedly figures in stone with absolute certainty showed that the stone does not figure shows a 19, and the letter N (upside down). This fact is irrefutable proof that water on Mars really was, but was over, and that the Martian civilization destroyed by drought. Full inscription on a stone slab, which is a fragment of the letter N was in sight, "Spirit's" began: "If there is no water in the tap …"


 


UFO flies incredible beauty. She comes from an alien in a luxurious suit with a huge diamond on the belly.

— Where are you from?
— I'm from Mars!
— And, what is there and you have Mars in all such great flying saucers?
— Yes, all.
— And these luxury suits at all?
— Yes, we all are.
— And, well, and diamonds at all?
— No, that's diamonds only from the Jews!


 


 


The Martians were surprised to observe the meeting of the robot with the Soviet flag.


 


 


After the successful demonstration of anti-aircraft missile launches in October 2001, and the sensational results airshow in Lviv in July 2002, the government of independent Ukraine decided in 2003 to send an expedition on a goodwill mission to Mars. Martians hold urgent evauatsiyu population.


 


Reception of the U.S. President. Included spokesman, smiling from ear to ear:

— Mr. President, the Russian Mars!
— How?? After all, agreed on a joint flight! Again ahead … And you feel glad that you, an idiot??
— Mr. President, they're on Mars!


 


Mars. On the surface of the planet leisurely stroll two maaalenkie Martian greenbacks. A thoughtfully looking at the stars, asks the other:

— Look, .. and you believe in the earthlings?
— In EARTHMEN?! Do I look like an idiot? And in general — you've already got with his pink little men!


 


 


Clearly that NASA employs many Russian. For only Russian, are familiar with dry trees could send to Mars in search of water device called the "Spirit."


 


"In the middle of next week, U.S. President George W. Bush is expected to deliver a new program initiative on outer space, which will include a proposal to send humans to Mars and build a permanent manned base on the Moon. This is with reference to the right of three unnamed senior representatives of the U.S. administration announced American broadcaster Fox, which will be engaged in the shooting. "


 


In NASA's Mission Control Center to panic: it turned out lines on the map of Mars that Americans believed paved highway, in fact — dried Martian canals! Urgent decisions on sending to Mars two asphalt and crews working on the road. On completion of the Mars rover "Spirit" can finally begin the journey to the Red Planet …


 


Mars. The lander Beagle 2. The inscription on the control panel: "Windows has found new hardware" Planet Mars. "Install disc that came with the planet and sit back waiting for the driver installation!"


 


If humanity decides to visit Mars …

If humanity decides to visit Mars, the mission will have to prepare the world.

The money will give the Arabs, the Germans built the rocket, the Japanese electronics assemble, calculate the trajectory of the Americans. They will equip the rocket body advertising Coca-Cola. The French will be offended by it, but be satisfied with creating patterns ceremonial suits. The Chinese will provide mass, the Swiss — precision, the British will come in time, and Roma late. Israeli residents explain why we all need it. A fly Russians — God knows what kind of living conditions on Mars. Well, there survive Ukrainians, had infiltrated into marsolet illegally … :)))

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