"Radiant energy smile envelops your rectum, and it starts to glow … kind smile penetrates the pancreas … In your beautiful cerebellum, pituitary and pineal … The young man in the sixth row, stop snoring! Yes its a wake anyone "-" Huh? Who's there? "Thick aunt grabbed me by the arm and shook her viciously, as if nashkodivshego cat. Beatific vision of a glowing rectum disappeared, and I found myself sitting in the audience, along with fifty meditators aunts. Oh yeah, I'm on the editorial mission … Tibetan massage and all the things …
High spirituality low-flying
WALK to the Tibetan guru I was afraid. Was left Roerich example — that, too, was at first an archaeologist digging old Russian mounds, and then got in touch with the Buddhists and went roof. But the fear of fear, but the job is not canceled. I am slowly but surely approaching the county Shambhala, localized in the lecture hall of the Palace of Culture AZLK. "Young man, you know how to read? — Aunt in a breathtakingly lilac sweater with lurex laid down her knitting and looked at me over his thick glasses. — Here Russian language is written, that the occupation is worth a hundred rubles. Where do you pretend to? "Exquisite style Buddhist impressed me, and the fate of hundreds was solved. I slipped into the room and began to look around.
Be present petticoat. Aunts loitering, knitting, reading, munching, spread the smell of cats, garlic and some spices, talked about the highly spiritual matters. I heard snatches of conversation: "How much took the scarf … No, I next to the Astro-… Yes, read, and even twice … the conservative mantra … I barley put there … I have to raise the pressure, the chakra is open, here I am, and her broom otherachila … "It looks like they all knew each other, and for a long time. In the circle of seasoned Buddhists I became acutely aware of his inferiority. For me, Buddhism has always been associated with the ability to pour two full glasses of vodka from the empty quarters, with vodka drink and pour into the glasses do not …
"My friends! Today is a wonderful day for the subtle energies! — On stage at the microphone materialized woman in white. — Come on, before I begin the lecture, Popo and get some! "Then she recommended belly breathing, vaguely remembering some Milorepu who could breathe very cool, and everyone should take his example. Aunts together puffed. My plump neighbor kept looking at me disapprovingly. It can be seen from ideal Milorepy I was far away.
The air was shaking. It seemed to be working bellows. Smells of garlic and spices intricately mixed … But it was not so bad. "Okay … Now sing the mantra Aoum and Ram … What is it, young man?" I put my hand and asked, when will the actual massage. Hissed at me from all sides. "Massage is at the very end of the session. We do not Mnemonic body hands, and working with the subtle energies! And without meditation, without enlightenment you will not work! The energy of the cosmos will not pass on your chakras, and there need extraordinary powers thought … How Milorepa said … "When I Milorepe jammed, and I almost stopped to think. However, I was breathing, probably rightly so, because I was suddenly visited by an extraordinary force thought, "Where to take a salary?" I was not sure that this thought is necessary, therefore, thought it best to remain silent.
Balls and sticks
The next hour was very entertaining: aunt of fifty sip howling their "aoummmm" and "rrrrammm", and very smartly — sometimes it seemed to me that the car factory "Moskvich", located across the road, yet earned. I sometimes howled, enjoying the beautiful spectacle there was masterfully composed of ikebana fools and rogues. My sincere spoil the fun just thinking about what I still boring and mundane: the energy can only see in the socket, enlightenment feel mostly at the ATM … And as I began to snore most beastly manner, while all honestly meditated … N -Yeah, Milorepa of me while out lousy.
"We turn to the practical exercises — an aunt in white shook hands and rubbed his hands, apparently in anticipation of fifty hundred-dollar bills. — Today we have a plan massage Ku Nye at buy-hui. If anyone is unclear, explain: Point buy-Hui — a "soft spot" on top of the head. It was for her, we are suspended in space. I warn you again — and she looked sternly at me — making the massage, it is necessary to want happiness. Happiness for all, otherwise your energy … "And in her speech again flickered Milorepa. And then it hit me: maybe, Lenin and was Milorepa — he, too, wanted happiness for all …
"For Ku Nye need and stick ball — continued aunt in white, distracting me from such a promising analogies. — Doing massage wand, as if we poke through the point of buy-hui, opening a communication channel with the cosmos, and the ball, making a circular motion, expanding the channel … With the ball potreniruetes home, and now stick can replace an ordinary pencil. Try it on your neighbors … "Her aunt moved her to my left is solid, removing the pencil out of the bag. I shuddered. Dimensions she had something like the famous wrestler Ivan Poddubny, and its ability to pierce any part of the pencil with the skull is beyond doubt. But it was too late to escape, and ashamed, and I dutifully framed this Buddhist his head off …
At first I did not feel anything. Then I wanted a beer. Then another beer and go out to smoke. Then I imagined the whole picture of a wild side, and could not resist. My joyful foal neighing Trailbreaker concentrated among aunts, poke each other with pencils. "Young man! You are hindering us! If something seems funny, good riddance, we will not keep! That's what I'm looking, meditation today, did not work! "I quickly hid behind the door. Following me, gradually dying away, swept Milorepa.
Photo by Oleg DYACHENKO
AIF Moscow 5,2004