How to tame the tantrums

06.02.2004

06.02.2004


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At the time, I worked six months in office spokesman on board the floating Svyatoslav Fyodorov Eye Clinic in the United Arab Emirates. All operations are done by our doctors, but Svetoslav attracted to assistants and local experts.

With one of them, known in the United Arab Emirates Zayed Al Haydanom psychologist, I-friendly. He graduated from medical school in Kiev, graduate school in Moscow, trained in England and the United States. On the boat "Peter" was on duty every day and had to relieve stress in our patients, if they arise. Sometimes it happened. However, the work he was little. The more we talked about something else: about psychology, about education, which often becomes a cause of illness and stress. Well, for example, about anger. How to tame him?

— By the way — said Professor Haydan — sometimes anger and healthy. It helps to adequately respond to problems, serves as a signal, a warning of the trouble, is mobilizing people to protect. This occurs when a person aggression gives new strength, helps to cope with emotional or physical danger. For example, at the time of physical threat or attack. Here is a typical example. During the internship, I was shooting in the U.S. stress in the patient, which occurred here is such a case.

The woman was alone on a dark deserted street. Behind her a man had come. In the beginning, there was the fear of the ladies, who quickly gave way to anger, "How dare he! I prepared for the role of the victim rapist?". The woman instead of running away, slowed steps. When the stalker approached her, she spun around and shouted with all his might, "Get out, bastard, or I'll kill you!" Forward ran … Stress is a woman, unfortunately, has received, but survived.


This man saved the flash of anger. But it is known that some of the anger makes people angry. And with angry people always uncomfortable to be around — at work and at home.

— Yes, anger, anger, anger costing us dearly. A person becomes a hard-hearted, he himself bringeth forth emotionally and physically. After the anger people initially justified. Then there is a feeling of guilt, remorse, he begins to execute itself. He berates himself, going through, it overwhelms the sense of self-pity. This internal struggle, unfortunately, does not carry any positive charge. Moreover, it can push to repeat mistakes. Instead of calming the soul is heavy sediment, pain, alienation.

Anger reflected in our relations with almost all. The house turns into hell. Alienated children, there are difficulties in the relationship between the spouses. At work, in relationships with colleagues there is a chill boss starts to look at you askance. Leave friends, loved ones.

Anger is always a reciprocal resistance and resentment among those with whom you are communicating. Frequent outbursts of anger lead to the fact that you cease to be, you start to shun.


And how can you tame the rage?

— This is a science. There are special techniques, tips, even the schools. It is best treated by flashes of anger under the supervision of a physician. We need constant training. For once impossible to pacify the anger. Need to learn a great many things: the nature of anger, and this is the result of biochemical reactions in the human body, it is necessary to learn effective ways of taming his irritability that it did not cause damage to health.

When the situation is heating up, I want to immediately respond blow for blow. But this should not be allowed — will be worse in the end you also. Better make yourself a list of brief reminder that you can choose and learn. They will teach you>

restrain excitement. Telling themselves in the event of force majeure, two or three sentences to choose from:
* None of us is right and not to blame. Everyone needs their own.
* No matter what they say about me. I know myself better.
* If I do not Tear down, then let the master of the situation.
* Do not blame or condemn.
* Use only neutral words and expressions.
* Speak calmly, quietly and without emotion.
* There was no sarcasm and no aggression.
* My anger — is a signal to me that you need to calm down.
* Even if I give vent to their anger, I still did not achieve. So it is better to calm down.
* When I fell, the anger will cost me … (Clearly imagine the consequences of their flash).


Many to contain his anger, count to ten.

— And rightly received. We, the Arabs, we add to the bill breath. When we feel that we are starting to get angry, we do a deep breath and says to himself, one figure. Then I take a deep breath and relax all your muscles. Repeat this process — inhale and exhale — a two-count. And so on to 10. If you're really angry, keep the score to 25. The combination of accounts with deep breathing is so relaxing that after the exercise is not to get angry. In this case, we are using more and bone beads. One hundred percent distraction.


Experts say there are two types of anger — directed at himself and others.

— That's right. Anger toward himself destroys health, leading to a deep depression. Then basically you are suffering yourself. But when your aggression directed at others, you discharge a part himself, but deals damage on another person. There definitely need to learn to control your thoughts, controlling emotions that provoke anger.


Often provoke anger situations that we are not subject to. See how many of aggression on the roads, not only here, but also you, and in other countries. Driving a car is dangerous pastime for millions of women and men who own trucks.

— Yes, in America, I also drew attention to it. There were no modern Freeway roads and racetracks. Aggressive driving is dangerous for at least three reasons. First, when you are nervous behind the wheel, you will face death for others. Second, aggressive driving provokes stress. The pressure jumps. The driver, gripping the steering wheel is strained to the limit.

He is not a pleasant ride, and hard work. And third, getting to your destination, you did not save any time. A hundred times observed on the roads of New York, Seattle, Los Angeles, aggressive drivers who are rushing around, rearranging of the series in a row, then abruptly starting, then abruptly slowing down. I always went smoothly and in a row. Very often, I remembered a hurried driver, and miles in forty saw him again looms and twitches under my nose. Me great pleasure to ride. And he? I think he made it to their destination in a lather condition.

I came to the conclusion that to get rid of aggressive driving, we must learn to relax in the car. Instead of straining muscles, I learned to relax them. I drive so far with a tape with recordings of lessons on muscle relaxation. Learn to look for a ride in the car did not like the need to get somewhere, but as an opportunity to be alone and think.

Get rid of excess excitability. The excitement does not carry a positive charge. They seriously degrade the quality of life and make you unattractive in the eyes of others. By reducing the level of its reactivity, you'll get much more enjoyment out of life.

Alexander KURBATOV
"Women's Health"

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