FIGURE YOU!» Mikhail Zadornov

For a long time the most popular words in the world were, in the first place — "Kalashnikov", the second — "Cocaine", the third — "Gagarin"! Now most often in mankind pronounced the word "crisis." It even won an undefeated for many years, "Kalashnikov". A rating of "cocaine" in general has fallen to half the rating of "crisis." Is not that reassuring? Finally, people started thinking about how to survive and not kill yourself like! Not for nothing, many today believe that the crisis — a sobering effect. And Cleansing! [Cut] First of all, start to improve ecology. Many businesses are closed, and that really did not produce anything except hazardous waste. Began paying more economical gasoline. Reduced the number of cars on the streets. The air freshened! Roads are no longer resemble the artery atherosclerotic stroke patient before. Even during the day there were places for parking cars on sidewalks. The discipline of drivers has increased markedly since many traffic cops in connection with the fall of the ruble went on bribes in U.S. dollars and euros! Chemical industry around the world is suffering losses due to forfeits nedoprodazhi, hamburgers, chips, popcorn and non-alcoholic beer. And, thank God! After all, non-alcoholic beer — the first step to a rubber woman. I bow to the crisis — in the "McDonald’s" is no more queues! The children began to lose weight. Adolescents from the skin when the crisis began to fade acne. People reached out to the natural food! On the ice, Russian rivers and streams this year was seen fishermen twenty times more than in the past. Again woke savvy folk! As "undoing" the electric meter to the end of the month the State Surcharge? As of three guests to cook sausages first, second and dessert? Even on television went the process of self-purification. Even fewer ads. Reduction in the number of domestic insurgents — has become expensive now imitate Hollywood! But more and more intimate show old Soviet movies. If a crisis, God give him health, will last another couple of years, the next generation will grow on these films decent and bright! Radio stations are ruined. DJ’s are not so happily blunt the air. Sponsors do not give money pop stars on the new album! Finally, we do not see and hear the new songs Timati, Katya Lel, the group "Via Gra", "Shooter", "stud" and other "shnyashek" and "figashek" … One Vitas, say, got out of the crisis — has sold his vote for a car alarm. Ratings of all TV pop programs, as well as the popularity of pop stars down! Even the viewer and he wised up. To deliver a special treat intellectuals, Channel, with a view to reducing the number of "stars" in the country, has begun to develop a new super project "Duel With The Stars"! Land of the crisis is self-cleaning! Casino go bankrupt, banks are closed, the bankers are shot. In the West, a few billionaires planted. Two committed suicide — could not survive that have become millionaires. From businessmen go bankrupt mistress and security guards. Moreover, often a mistress go to the guards! Thrown back to their wives. Restored family. Husbands become true! To "infidelity" they do not have enough money. Who would have thought that a bankrupt small and medium-sized businesses will be the material basis for the revival of the family! Before — casino, wine, women, restaurants … Now — "Tetris", beer, sandwiches and wife! Parents are now more likely to be with the children. Instead of devoting weekends expensive shopping, work to finally "kindersyurprizingom", "karuselingom" and "akvaparkingom" … And how many motorists to bike, body healthy self and the environment? People are more likely to be outdoors. Less than hang around on the Internet. On the website of "Classmates" and then hang up only "odnokletochniki." In a forest near Moscow in the autumn were seen two bankers who collected mushrooms without the guards! The owner of the bankrupt supermarket began to grow flowers. Shareholder of the oil company planted his ten acres around the villa potatoes and radishes. So, just in case. Trying to get his mistresses fertilize beds. The phrase "Kucheryavykh live!" Now refers only to the monument to Pushkin! Love for profit everywhere giving way to the love of nature. In one of the supermarkets advertisement appeared: "Give up caviar — sturgeon save!" Apparently, the next will be: "Give up caviar squash — zucchini save!" Joke, businessmen began to think about eternity? Officials, and those drawn to the romance. Learn to enjoy sunsets, not only setbacks. And one of the former oligarchs do uchudil — married a girl from an orphanage because she has no relatives! Less started talking on mobile phones! Even the blonde. Cherish the brain. Confident gait crisis sweeping the planet — the Savior! The journalists were fired from their jobs! Is this not a revival of spirituality?! Drop the price of real estate. And those who have bought this property prior to the crisis, slowly transformed themselves into real estate. Migrant workers are leaving for their respective countries-holes. Superintendents have ceased to threaten customers that will leave to others. Construction workers lose their jobs, are decent people. Hooray! After all, if someone was recently Unscrupulous politicians, so it is — builders. Clairvoyants predict: in the case of a prolonged crisis will become even decent designers, image makers and managers dismissed from everywhere will learn to master at least some profession. Travel agencies have forgotten about the Maldives, Seychelles … Advertise exclusive tours to Altai, Ural, Baikal, and only for very expensive VIP-clients abroad … — In the Crimea! Speaking of foreign countries … West and he grows wiser by leaps and bounds. Europe refused loans Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and other countries of the "Big Six." For this heinous betrayal of the past are disappointed in Europe and realized that the need to love their homeland, not the state. Thanks to the crisis, the world’s last, forgotten Saakashvili! Although, due to the decline of native languages incompetent managers, Barack Obama is going to fire Saakashvili from the post of senior manager of Georgia. That’s just forget about Yushchenko Europe fails. Thanks to him, Ukraine has strengthened its position in Europe as the "Russian Gaza Strip." However, after the election of the new U.S. president, Yushchenko and Tymoshenko outlined barakorazvodny process. On the 200th anniversary of Gogol is "The Story of how Viktor quarreled with Yulia Tymoshenko." Does not sleep and I’m glad. I am glad! As part of the anti-crisis program at the third attempt deputies adopted a very important anti-crisis law "On protection of bats in Europe." More effective anti-crisis measures had only the mayor of Kiev. When "Naftogaz" disconnected at the City Hall heating system, he blocked the building of "Naftogaz" sewer! Wittily while remarking: "It’s better in the cold than in the shit." However, all was wiser Ukrainian people, summing up all the latest developments in one sentence: "Who will complain about our troubles? President of Ukraine or directly to the U.S. ambassador? "You can still go on the list of crisis" merit. " However, this dostratochno to him as a true hero of our time, to put a monument on behalf of the grateful contemporaries. After all, he revealed today who is who! No wonder there is a new modern sign: "If you are hit by the crisis, then you are stealing from the Motherland. If not injured — has managed to remain a decent man! "Frankly, given all the above, I would put a monument to the crisis, and on
the pedestal wrote:" Figure you! "

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