How to be the perfect parent of a teenager?

How to be the perfect parent of a teenager?  Photo from

  1. Living in a family with a teenager is like a pair dance with the change of roles. You take on the role of a leader, then as a slave, in the role of authority, the role of the "teapot", does not understand anything in the contemporary youth subculture. Moreover, the role of these — do not mask (most importantly — does not "play"), and a real willingness to parents adapt to the ever-changing situation and mood, a flexible attitude to the opinions and views of their own child and respect for theother the individual.
  2. You'll have to admit that during the "indisputable authority of parents" will never come back, so please stop to command and lead. This is a losing strategy with respect to any teenager. Try to re-earn the former authority. In this way, should be guided by the fact that the child is no longer believes abstract words and declarations, it analyzes your actions, strategies and status.
  3. Try to not only listen to the child, but also to observe his reactions. Sometimes, his posture, gestures and facial expressions better than talking about his condition than the usual verbal (verbal) teenage protest. Ask yourself the question, "why is it so inadequately responding?", "What can I do to smooth out the opposition? '. Believe me, he does not want to fight, he wants to understand and invites you to follow him.
  4. Do not plan on a particular result "educational impact", and do not dwell on it. It will still be another. After all, this pair dance relationship. You conceived the one, but it turned out completely different — Rejoice. Your You have saved a child from one stereotype. Thus, it contributes to your personal growth, provoking a spontaneous reaction.
  5. Remember that one of the characteristics of adolescence is a need for risk, sometimes not justified, prompted by a desire to prove himself. If you still have not learned this, the time has come. Do not be afraid to take risks with your child, but in their territory. The more persistent and resourceful you in your desire to try out new ways of interacting with the child, the sooner you start talking to him in the same language. The main thing is to make sure that teen not cease to be amazed of your ingenuity.
  6. Keep your sense of humor and try to give your child at least a small part of his optimism. The fact is that all of the changes occurring to him both physical and spiritual, Your teen takes a very tragic. If you do too, are starting to get stuck on the analysis and analysis of children's issues and the prospects for their resolution, the situation at home is similar to the continuous production meeting. In order to better see the situation, step back from it and try to look at it with a pinch of humor. "Big is seen at a distance", preferably with a lighter and more optimistic positions. You should not make fun of teenage emotions, much more efficiently ironic about the situation itself. Joke a little help defuse the situation.
  7. Try to "filter" the information coming to you from the media and literature on the problems of adolescence. First, she is far from ideal in terms of depth of analysis. Secondly, good form of recent publications are "horror stories". Believe me, that is not all that you have read, refers specifically to your child. Try, however, to try to read it, and you will see that the "suit" does not always have to fit. Not all the "horror stories" that happen to teenagers, have to happen to your child.
  8. Think about those family values and traditions that exist in your family. Analyze what this baggage has become common for you and your child, and where the apparent watershed. It will collate and compare the two points of view on the age-old question of values: "What is good and what is bad?". Moral and ethical values can not be mechanically transmitted and so, the more imposing, they are formed and become his or remain strangers during their childhood. And if, some, very important for you to value systems, were for the child in the list of strangers, do not grab the head and "Saw." Think, do not like to tell and declare, and how to show and convince of the benefits of a quality or property. Analyze what you would be able to borrow from the child, which could learn from.
  9. One of the main aspirations of teenagers — the desire for independence. But independence implies full responsibility for themselves and for all possiblelife family. The main problem is that the teen seeks to account only where it is beneficial to him. Your task is to learn to share this responsibility with him and the other "unfavorable data", at first glance, areas. You need to let him know that everything that happens in his life and in the life of the family, is now not only because of you or your fault as it was in early childhood, but also because of / in spite of his actions.
  10. The teenager — not clay, and You — not a sculptor. Unfortunately, you can not afford to fashion a sculpture of the "ideal" of the child, embodying all your aspirations, dreams, fantasies and ambitions of a real son or daughter. He — is another "ideal self." Your goal — to help him change and grow based on its real intentions and goals.
  11. Help your child to take concrete steps towards its goals. It is very important for self-determination. As a teenager goals are global, and the possibility of a little more behind, his "ideal" and can remain in the dream of the impossible. Help your child to believe in themselves, and, if necessary, develop a strategy to achieve results together. Remember that the leading role in such work, and the responsibility for it belongs to him, you — only the "elder", able to share their own experiences on request child.
  12. Adolescence — it's so intense phase of change in the child's life that it absorbs all of it. Allow the teen to feel the continuity of life and the continuity of change and self-development, and this step only as one more, perhaps the most complex and realistic, step to adulthood. Show the relationship and interaction of children's life experiences (past), turbulent change (present), and self-determination (the future), because life scenario — this is the result, combining all the ingredients.
  13. Teach your child not to be afraid of our own mistakes and to treat them as may not be the most enjoyable, experience for later analysis. Banal "is not wrong only one who does not do anything" helps to realize that. It is desirable to show the experience of the "ups and downs" in the examples from his own life and the lives of other people important to the child, not the pronunciation of the constant and never-ending "analysis of its operations."
  14. Note teenager that anyone inherent internal inconsistency, ambiguity, conflict of desires and motives. The concepts of good / evil, loser / winner, freedom / dependence, the will / lack of will, the truth / lie, etc. sometimes there are so relative, ambiguous and unstable, that each new situation and in adult life requires their review, analysis, and sometimes a complete overhaul. Then they are easier to handle because of a number of unique and personal problems they go to the level of the universal. The position of "all go through it," much less vulnerable and more secure than the position of the "I'm so inconsistent."
  15. Self-knowledge — the prerogative of any thinking and feeling person, no matter what his age and status. Associated feelings and emotions that have arisen for the first time — this is just a starting point, a reference point on this long, difficult, but such a spectacular way.

Irina Danilina,

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