How to survive the separation from a child

Rival-separation, or how to survive the separation from the child.  Photo from http://creative.gettyimages.com

Sometimes in life there are situations where parents and children have to leave for a while. The reasons may be very different — trips, trips to visit relatives, education, hospital …

How to prepare for the separation, experience it and to meet again?

Mom on vacation or business trip

The hardest hit are experiencing separation toddlers up to three years. The whole world for them concentrated in the mother, and her disappearance they take quite seriously. After three years of baby become more independent, and my mother's absence will not be so traumatic for him. Although, of course, the circumstances may be different, and sometimes can not be choosers.

It is very important to a child who will be without a mother. This is sure to be familiar to him man — dad, grandma, nanny-tested. Before leaving, calmly explain to your child that you, for some reason you need to leave, and you are sure to come back to him, and while he will live with his father or grandmother. If the child leaves without you to another place, let him take with him "a piece of home" — a favorite toy, a cup from which he used to drink, some of sentimental stuff.

Be prepared for the fact that at first the child may refuse to speak to you on the phone. This is a normal protective response of the body, do not scold her son or daughter and not be offended. Without a mother in a child sometimes gets off mode of the day, you may have difficulty in falling asleep, maybe even a worsening of allergic reactions.

When going on vacation or a business trip, think about the little surprises that kid every day will find in your absence. It could be some pretty trifles — barrette, machine, notebook, etc. Let Dad or grandmother every day gives a child a gift from my mother, and even better that he himself found it, for example, on a chair in the crib. Such simple little things brighten up waiting for your arrival.

Mom hospital

Of course, when her mother disappears for a few days in order to return from the hospital with a new brother or sister — that's one thing, but when seriously ill — is quite another. And, of course, the hospital — it's sad, lonely and hard. And not always in the office allowed children so that separation can last for weeks, and sometimes — and months. But in all there is at least some positive aspects. After all, you and your children are in the same city, and you have the opportunity to share with them letters and gifts. A dad or grandma "will work" temporarily postman.

The effect of presence

In order to create the effect of your presence in the baby's life:

  • Write letters. If the child is still very young and did not know how to read, the letters can be in the pictures. Draw, for example, a house, a bed, a nightstand, a nurse who makes you a shot or put a drip. Even if you have no artistic ability, and the pictures will be far from perfect, the son or daughter will be able to imagine it on your life and the environment around you. For him it is important that the mother was not gone "nowhere", she is still living in a different place. In response to child draw or write you about what concerns him at the moment.
  • Share your gifts. Think about the dreams your child. Perhaps now it's easier than fulfill his dream home, especially if you're a little knit or sew. My youngest daughter would certainly reason long green hare. Hook, the remains of a light green yarn, beads for eyes, a little batting — that's all it took for the realization of her dream to life. And then there were the chicken, cat, snowman, pig, cactus in a pot, again rabbit, blue … I just wanted to please the girls, and had free time — more than enough. Children, in turn, prepared gifts for mom. Own hand-painted cloth, striped bandana, sewn eldest daughter, the youngest drawings — all this warmed the soul and a reminder of home.
  • Think of games that can be played in the distance. Suitable, for example, all well-known game "Balda", when one of the letters of a long word to make as many other words. Words matched two players, struck out and count how many words left. When scoring takes into account the quantity and quality: the longer the word, the more points you can get for it. Let's say, for the three-letter word — at one point, with the four-letter — five, and for the five-letter — by ten points. On the phone you can negotiate about the original word, and then share the results and calculate how much each other's points. The elder daughter, we still wrote a story about the adventures of a puppy named Tarzan. Wrote at a time — a paragraph or page in a specially harvested for this notebook. If you like this idea (by the way, it can be done in the "peace time", this is a very useful exercise), keep in mind the following. When it's your turn to continue the story, so try to build a story to make it to continue. Stay on the most intriguing moment, and the child will want to come up with a sequel.
  • Try to actively participate in the life of children. Be interested call their school or kindergarten chores, friends and buddies. Child looked new movie or a play — even share with you my impressions, grandmother gave a new doll — knit for her blanket, etc.

For the parting will be a meeting

It will surely come! But keep in mind that it will be again (albeit positive!) Stress for the child. So when the first enthusiasm fade away, it can become moody, irritable, may sleep and appetite disturbances. Do not worry, it will pass with time. It will take one to two weeks for life returned to normal, so be patient and do not abuse the crumbs. The first time after your return it can literally hang on you, without leaving a single step, constantly checking your presence. This, too, is a normal reaction to gradually get used to the baby that her mother again at his side.

Do not blame yourself apart — you do not really blame her, just as the circumstances and guilt — the feeling destructive.

Inessa Smyk

According matrialam magazine "Lisa. My Baby "

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