A sign of high self-esteem — self-love, which is to be shown constantly. However, this is a case where the number of counts. The excess of selfishness hurts as much as the lack of it. In any situation. For example…
Women who have low self-esteem and ego (we call them conditional DOE) rarely get to know yourself. Feel the stress and, even if the person they like, do not offer to meet, to exchange phones. Then worry blamed himself that missed the opportunity to communicate. Those who have an excessive amount of selfishness (SE), are not familiar with. It is beneath their dignity. Moreover, they rarely have an interest in other people when self-esteem is too high, worthy of communication, you will agree, is not enough. Those with healthy egoism (GE) like to communicate with new people. Showing a certain selectivity, they operate on the principle: «Getting over does not happen, but we’ll see.»
What is on the scales? When selfishness is normal, communicating all right. We do not suffer from loneliness, we are surrounded by wonderful people.
How to learn? To communicate on an equal footing with all kinds of people («a very interesting man, and I for him, too attractive personality!»), And support the process, he told the story, and you — the story …
In SITUATION criticism.
ME offended, maybe even cry. Any unflattering remarks at work, at home, even on the street by strangers unsettle long. It happens that even the DOE refuses activities undertaken, if not get good support after criticism. In SE resentment combined with aggression. «Oh, I do not like? Look for the best! «Or» Look at yourself! «- She says, and slams the door. Those wishing to criticize the SE is not enough. Only when someone really wants her to shut the door and left. GE differentiates criticism. If it considers the result of irritation, bad mood, you do not pay attention. If you feel that the situation is serious, it clarifies details that do not like and why.
What is on the scales? Only people with a healthy ego able to work on them, to personal growth. And, accordingly, to significant life events.
How to learn? A sheet of paper divided into two parts. From left to write all your good qualities, right — negative. If one part is clearly outweighs, then finish second.
I do not know what to write? Think! Exercise is very conducive to the development of self-esteem. It is enough to make one once a month.
When there is jealousy.
ME This situation oppresses can bring to a nervous breakdown and disease. The husband responded well to the new employee, but my head is already DOE scene changes occur and care of her husband … a lot Jae deaf ear, past the eyes. The idea that a partner may be interested in another woman, even thought prihodit- so great confidence. But GE so directly and say, «Something you’re talking about a new employee so often says it wants to see, and it has something to it accidentally topple.» This, of course, not serious. Just such people tend to, firstly, to express their feelings, and secondly, many turned into a joke.
What is on the scales? Healthy selfish able to forgive and forget — their self-esteem from such situations is not suffering.
How to learn? Do not interpret any actions of others as a manifestation of disrespect.
WHEN something asks.
DOE can not refuse for fear that people would treat her worse. Of course, all this is actively used Jae … like when asked about something — it’s so nice to refuse. But turning to her rarely — an arrogant look to it does not have. The requests of the surrounding Jae initially operate willingly, but then they start in every way to evade. GE loves herself asking, and perform other requests, considering the reason for the request of pleasant emotions and important part of the relationship.
What is on the scales? The basis of good communication — reciprocity. GE unlike SE and ME it is assured.
How to learn? It is not necessary to keep a record of good deeds. Just do what you can for others and do not hesitate, if necessary, to deal with requests.
«The first performance was the voice of you behind the scenes and now-stump?» ME this situation touches. But to find out why this happens, it will not. Or tell a child: «Do not go more on these classes,» or will reproach: «Why do not you ask a normal role?» Jae has long gone to the teacher and on her mind all realized that the child should only play princesses. Otherwise — the alleged violation of the rights of children and the lack of professionalism of teachers in all instances. GE may behave differently. It will say, «Well, but you’ll be the best stump» that will deal in person. If you feel that really violate rights.
What is on the scales? People with adequate selfishness are the best teachers. They feel much need freedom as protection, care and guidance.
How to learn? Try not to see similarities with the child, and the differences. This helps to avoid the transfer of their feelings on it («I’m sure he will love it»).
Chose hair dryer, I decided to buy, and sellers are and talk to each other. DOE will humbly wait until her notice. In an extreme case, it will come the next day. Jae scandal: «How long must I wait ?! Call the manager! «- And without buying the store will not leave. And its nice warm feeling of superiority and power over people. GE situation divides into two parts: the action itself, and emotions. When the feeling that emotions interfere with (cause to be nervous, to do what was not originally planned), it is their upstage: «I need a hair dryer, I went after him. Therefore, contact the seller, his reaction is not important to me. «
What is on the scales? Healthy selfishness reduces conflict and the number of acute angles in conversation. Cooperation in any sphere of life becomes more efficient and enjoyable.
How to learn? I try to look at what is happening on the part of even a little down. It teaches in difficult situations, to behave nicely, with dignity and, as they say, in the circumstances.
DOE willing to share problems. But not with those who can give advice and support, and with those who will lament: «People have absolutely no conscience,» «All men are the same.» Jae rarely complain: she always everything perfect. Well, almost perfect. GE solve the problem itself. Girlfriends in the affairs committed, but only for emotional support.
What is on the scales? People with a normal level of self-esteem, even serious crises perceived positively — as a new experience.
How to learn? Normally in a crisis situation, we say: «I do not know what to do …» And it is necessary to imagine! And in three different embodiments. And each should be a plus. Optimism — a distinctive feature of confidence.
If you want to change jobs.
DOE will not change anything, «Yes, do not like. But it’s better than nothing. » SE or not working at all, or find a job that does not work …. Although she is sure that working hard, and all the rest simply find fault with her. It is easy to change a job, as always am sure that elsewhere it will be better. For GE satisfaction is very important thing. It just feels physically ill if there is no joy from it. Therefore able to decisively change not only jobs, but also a profession.
What is on the scales? Healthy selfishness lets make life rich and interesting. Such people always have something to do, they never lose the meaning of life.
How to learn? Present in all details and little things your ideal life after 10 years. And then mentally wind off time ago.
What you need to do and change right now (one year, two …) in order to achieve what you want? So dreams turn into plans.
►YA admit mistakes
►YA accept and express their feelings
I ►YA rejoice in the success of everyone
►YA remains itself in any company
►YA KNOW their pros and cons
►YA not compare yourself with others
►YA compliment OTHER
►YA love myself and I appreciate their society
(The more «yes», the healthier self-esteem.)