About my mother

Natasha Vilkina

All my adult life I felt that my mother’s fate is a tragic imprint Six months before her sudden death I always wanted to touch her, hug, say «Mommy.» As if afraid that miss something without restraint, nedolyublyu …

I think my mother had a presentiment of his imminent departure, and therefore chose dramatic roles, and played to the limit. When she was gone,

Vitaly Solomin admitted: «Without Natasha empty. Theatre Moscow has lost a great actress. «

My parents loved each other, but their relationship is hardly idyllic. One could, of course, now everything is glossed, but my mother always taught to speak the truth.

Dad — Igor Ohlupin leading actor Theatre Mayakovsky — very homely, terribly shy and still hot, sometimes angry, so that it became scary. He flares up like a match. Mother — Natalia Vilkina, leading actress of the Small — easy, convivial not imagine life without communication with friends and colleagues. I could go on a spree at night after the play with them and to come home in the morning. Dad was jealous, although there was no reason to.

We are waiting for my mother out of the theater. Four in the morning, five. Dad does not sleep, my grandmother in the sticks. Rides taxi comes out of it, a woman, after her mother. Included in the apartment a little tipsy, grandmother immediately begins to scream:

— What is the b … with long legs was with you ?! Where are you walking ?!

My mother in horror:

— You what? It’s Dobrzhanskaya! After all, today the premiere of «Uncle Vanya»!

When my mother told Lyubov about this story, she smiled: «My God! Such compliments I never said that! «People’s Artist of Love Dobrzhanskaya that audiences remember how my mother Detochkin in» Beware of the Car «and in Mother Lukashina» Irony of Fate, or Enjoy Your Bath! «, Then it was sixty.

Dad that night, too, was shouting. Then with anyone for several days did not speak, he did so often, angry. Once after school met a neighbor, heard from her: «Your quarrel again.» I thought: «My God, what to do something ?!» regretted and mom and dad, but what could I do? In truth, they often behaved like children, especially my mother. Once upon its theatrical passions, not really paying attention to everyday problems. Life in his hands firmly holding my grandmother. Tamarochka, as we all called her.

In his youth, my grandmother was incredibly beautiful. The Second Medical Center, where she studied at the surgeon-gynecologist, said: «Go look at Tamara Bundikovu, freshman, she was more beautiful than the Lyubov Orlova!» Beauty and elegance inherited from her mother Wanda Miklashevskaya, polka, circus acrobats.

The war began, the institute was evacuated to Omsk. There Tamarochka and met her future husband Michael Vilkina. A few months later they were married a year later a son, Alex, and two, twenty-eighth day of May 1945, in the

Moscow, daughter Natasha. Tamarochka then was only twenty years old.

After the war, my grandfather began to complete their education at the urologist, and his grandmother, to feed his family, went to work in the State Security Committee, was deputy chief of the sanitary and epidemiological station, was responsible for the quality of food at banquets. Receive free form, rations. They lived five of us (even my great-grandmother was alive) in the room near the Pipe, the last lane. And then my grandfather there was another woman. Tamarochka long endured, but when the affair became absolutely frank, broke down and drove her husband. She was thirty-five, Alik — seventeen and Natasha — fifteen.

Grandfather left, taking everything out of the house: furniture, dishes, books — they had a unique library, one of the best in Moscow, while a great value. There was only the refrigerator: the neighbors do not give to make literally snatched from the hands. I did not know my grandfather — Tamarochka categorically did not allow us to meet. I could not forgive him, he was proud. Marriage is no longer published, do not even know whether there are fans of her, she never confided on this subject.

Natasha was very fond of his father, so against the wishes of my mother saw him quite often. I came to him one day in the hospital — in fact happened next, fifth or sixth stroke, and even diabetes complications, and he pulls out tables cognac and cigarettes. Natasha says:

— Dad, you’re crazy! Just yesterday from intensive care.

— Do one constricts blood vessels, another expands.

My grandfather was a man of great passions, probably because he died very early, in fifty years.

After high school, my mother decided to enroll in the Shchukin School. But it did not take, saying: «You are a talented girl, but very beautiful, what role will you play? Go matured, and if pohorosheesh, come. » And she got in the design office. I can not imagine my mother sitting at the drawing table: patience and punctuality did not in her nature.

In 1963, at the New Year’s holiday to visit friends Alik came, and among them was a young actor Igor Ohlupin. As soon as he saw Natasha, immediately I fell in love. Very soon Igor made an offer, and they got married. When I was born, my mother was only nineteen. By the time the neighbors moved and we got two of their rooms from the communal apartment became a single.

The following year, after the wedding Ohlupin persuaded the selection committee Shchukin School Vilkina skip directly to the third round. She came to the exam much make up, and have accepted it, now with a completely opposite formulation: «Girl, frankly, weak, but these stunning data that must be taken. Then we’ll see. «

Natasha studied on the same course with Nikita Mikhalkov and Anastasia Vertinsky, but no friendship with these stars were not: Mikhalkov left the school to the fourth year, and Vertinskaya kept apart. But my mother’s other fellow students — Nikolai Burlyaev, Nonna Terentyev, Victor Peach — constantly going to have in the kitchen as my mother joked, «open doors in the house.» Often, they were joined by her childhood friends — Vladimir and Alexander Gorelik (Sasha went on to become an Olympic medalist in figure skating). Throw off ten cents on a pack of ravioli, a loaf of bread and a bottle of red wine. Plans for the future, to exchange books, my mother was already enthusiastically collected his library.

The role of Sergei, one of the biggest in the play «Irkutsk Story», the Pope brought incredible fame, fans gave huge bouquets, went after him in droves, and when seen together with Natasha, shouted at her threats and curses. My mother was very proud of the success of her husband and did not pay any attention to these cries.

In general, lived fun, but poorly. My mother went to school, father — the young actor, paltry salary. Tamarochka, however, have worked in the 9th City Hospital surgeon-gynecologist, but almost all of the money went to pay for the loan of furniture, because my grandfather took even the bed. In cooking, then sold burgers: seven cents and fourteen small — large. Dear grandmother did not take, can not afford. But in the payday Tamarochka parade: buy your favorite cake «Prague» and certainly some gift to me.

When my mother defended her diploma, it took the troupe of the Soviet Army in those years, oddly enough, the most free from censorship. Military authorities did not always guess overtones and sometimes was missing pieces with sharp social tone. Even Lyubimov could not afford it.

It was the happiest time in my mother’s life. He played in the performances: «Two Friends» on the play by Vladimir Voinovich in «Uncle Vanya» by Chekhov. Together with director Leonid Hay fetsem and Sergei Shakurov they constituted the absolute Union could move mountains. Sergei, «cunning Tartar,» as he called himself, often came to our house with his wife Natalia and son Vanya cervids. In Shakurov very strong masculine charm, charisma is crazy, it’s hard not to feel. One day my mother said Sergei in love with her — maybe she would like to think so … I think they had a spiritual connection, as many long-term partners.

There are emotional actress, there are feminine and have smart as Demidov, and Kupchenko — Vilkina. Natasha was twenty-one, but Love Dobrzhanskaya and Alina Pokrovskaya, older and more experienced, treated her very respectfully, valued her intelligence and courage to tell people the truth.

Without hesitation, after Heifetz and Shakurov she went against military officials when removed from the repertoire of the play «Two Friends». All three of them to resign, and the same day left the Army Theater. For a young actress to voluntarily give up his beloved work, lost wages and go nowhere — it is an act

Fortunately, Heifetz invited to make a film-performance «Open» on the novel by Ivan Goncharov, and he took on leading roles and Shakurov and Vilkina. In 1970 my mother entered the Mayakovsky Theater.

There are friendships she formed with only Babanova. Maria Ivanovna was a brilliant artist, but with character: all around it was to spin. Fly through the corridors of the theater in the lush dress with crinoline, chasing colleagues: God forbid someone decides to break. Once they were with Natasha rehearsing the role of mother and daughter in «Uncle’s Dream» Dostoevsky. Babanov Vilkina dictates where to stand, what to say. Natasha do not like it, and she asked:

— Maria Ivanovna, you have children?

— No.

— And I have a daughter and I know how that scene should behave.

Babanov shocked — for her it was a sore subject, that no one dared to touch. Differing with the scandal. The next day, Maria Ivanovna Natasha phoned home and said, «You were right.»

The Theatre Mayakovsky mom worked two seasons. In 1971, Heifetz was appointed director of the Maly Theatre. One of the first productions of Leonid Efimovich was the play «Before Sunset» Hauptmann, and he offered to Mikhail Ivanovich Tsarev, while the director of the Maly Theatre, invited the main role Vilkina. It is absolutely contrary to the order prevailing in the Small. It was arranged as a theater? There is prima, and it was built repertoire. At the time, I considered a star Nelly Kornienko Ivanovna, favorite actress Tsarev. But Leonid Yefimovich has shown courage and the will, and Natasha got the role. She played great.

The new team had uneasy. Artists Small — old school, accustomed to the powers that be to bow down to the floor, and then there was some kind of puny and calmly said all that it sees fit. This Small was not accepted. Everyone was afraid to say the word, and Natasha — No! Mum and behaved differently than others. He is sitting on a windowsill with a cigarette. In jeans. Lath. Boris Ra-Vienna, the chief director, approached her and indignant:

— How’s Artist of the Maly Theater can behave this way?

Natasha replied:

— Boris, I can, why not ?!

But the great Gogoleva highly valued Vilkina. We communicated they are absolutely equal. Mama Elena Nikolaevna called «ma tant — an old maid.» «Ma tant» — in French «my aunt», their favorite word of some plays. Before the artistic council, if there was some problem, such as to produce a play or not, Gogoleva called my mother and she enjoyed it, that someone speak!

Women smaller kind attitude to Natasha with jealousy, apparently with her felt like in the background, and because my mother was not some kind of incredible beauty. Sexuality Vilkina, which many have said, is not determined by appearance and wit and charm. When you start something to tell, it fell in love with everything. Vasily Bochkarev and Vitaly Solomin just adored her. My mother made it clear that she likes to be the center of attention, said: «I’m on the red carpet!»

Andrew Podoshyan now a wonderful actor and an artist, and then a student of the Shchukin School, was so fascinated by Natasha that constantly call us home: «Hello! Alenochka, hello, this is Andrew Podoshyan. Natasha at home? «I passed my mother up the phone and heard him persistently tries to be invited somewhere, but she refuses. He was handsome as a god, and gallantly courted, but my mother treated him like a little boy.

With Valerie nose, God rest his soul, my mother a long time to make friends. For a time he lived in the dormitory of the Maly Theater theater. One calls:

— Natasha, come, we must rehearse.

— Good, but not for long! Mom dressed and leaves.

Night falls, it is not. Tamarochka worried: «So, all I went to the hostel, something happened!» He goes out and disappears, too! Already in the morning my mother came.

— Where Tamarochka?

— Come on you!

Mom, is met with Valera and immediately went to another place. Then I’m going to have in a hostel, and there promenade: Spout brought from Astrakhan bag of fresh cucumbers and he assembled theater artists to celebrate such an important event. Tamarochka sitting cheerfully together with all washes cucumber vodka.

Holidays have always good fun. To collect a lot of people, about twenty or thirty. Somehow came Rufina Nifontova in a white T-shirt with the inscription, then they only came into fashion, proudly turned his back on me and said: «Look!» And it says, «Well, wait a minute!» By the end of the evening Rufina D. multiple substitution habits, and it was taken home by car. She lived on the tenth floor, the elevator, of course, was not working. And Dad was carrying her in his arms! Nifontova husband opened the door and ordered in a firm voice: «drifts!»

One day, a wonderful actor Roman Filippov was after a feast from the kitchen into the room and not come down, lay down in a narrow hallway and fell asleep. He planted a pillow, something covered, it was impossible to move: it is a huge, two hundred kilograms of pure weight, had to step over. So walking Soviet intelligentsia, and it was not anything bad, it’s the beauty of our past life.

Dad did not like noisy parties feel free to leave, was wandering somewhere for hours, thinking about their roles. He then played a lot: in the productions of «Mother Courage and Her Children,» Brecht’s «Oedipus Rex» by Sophocles, «The Death of Tarelkin» Sukhovo-Kobylin, «Talents and Admirers» Ostrovsky. Even his birthday did not complain. But Natasha, twenty-eighth day of May, is widely celebrated with them. In general, all the attention was focused on the mother. About her worried sick about her, about her suffering. If the evening was planned performance, I knew that two hours have to cook dinner for Natasha. After dinner, she went to sleep. By five o’clock should dial tub and wake my mother. She lay in a fragrant foam, I sat side by side, we are discussing something. Take care of it was absolute bliss. Natasha appreciate everything I did for her, and often presenting familiar, he said, «My sister — and adds: — The eldest.»

All my life somehow I was worried about my mother. Twelve years during the performance «Golovlevs» it’s terrible child realization that she might die. I remember sitting huddled on ladders chair, he stared at the scene where Natasha was, all alone, nothing and no one is protected. And then a sudden thought struck like lightning: it can be taken from me! I will never forget that feeling.

Mystical fear, perhaps, we can find quite a sensible explanation: Mom often ill. And with the light she had problems with blood, she suffered infectious mononucleosis — a short-term loss of immunity. But probably my immature child’s mind acted other events.

One day my mother noticed that the window curtain yellow thread on a yellow background embroidered with two letters — «NS». A neighbor accidentally be present authoritatively explained that this means «Death». I was still small, about ten or eleven, and terribly frightened. I think Natasha, too, although he gave no sign.

Another time I open the front door and suddenly I saw on the carpet strewn with burnt match sulfur heads.

— Mom, what is it?

— Hex bad. Then we figured out that the whole «black magic» — the handiwork of her mother’s high school friend of Lena. I envied, perhaps, that Natasha’s family, work, a lot of friends and could not cope with his jealousy. The more we it in the house is not allowed. Lena then became a doctor, but her fate did not work, God judge her.

I loved my mother crazy, but to me it has always lacked, she seemed always somewhere escapes. Once even he chided:

— All parents go with their children to the circus, to the movies, go somewhere else, and you’re not with me! What kind of mother this ?!

— That’s the I’m bad. But do not think of my mother can be judged by how many times it is you go to the movies, well, I’m sorry.

Have I paid attention, she slips clever books, the theater sends, talking as an equal? I consider it for granted!

Many times she rescued me. When the school was asked to write home work, I tend to be pulled until the evening, and then, realizing that sleepy and nothing good has not come out, he left a note: «Mother, dear, write an essay on the novel» How the Steel Was Tempered » — and went to bed. In the morning beside the bed lay a notebook with an assignment and a short message: «Dear daughter. If this continues, you will not achieve anything in life. Mama».

In seventh grade, I almost stopped eating, really wanted to be slim as she is. And the result was in the hospital with a diagnosis of «anorexia». Natasha came into the room, sat down on the bed and looking into my eyes, with the hope of asking:

— Alenka, you eat today?

— Yes, I had lunch.

She knew that kid and tried to reason with:

— My favorite girl, my rodnulka, remember: you’re the most beautiful, nothing that plump, grow — grow thin.

She was very worried that in three weeks she lost five kilos.

Natasha has always been my ideal. I could spend hours admiring her amazing beauty of hands, considered thin fingers, nails, covered with red paint, some unusual ring. It all looked very impressive. In the theater, said: «Look how Vilkina dresses, outfits comes up out of nothing.» And she taught, «Even if you have a coat, throw it on the floor and go for it, let everyone think that you have hundreds of them.»

We wore one dress size, often changed clothes, got to the point that someone got up early, he is better dressed. Quietly, so as not to wake my mother, I crept into the room, gently opened the closet, something fished out, and soon put on the house. When he returned, found the angry letter: «Thank you so much, my dear daughter, I wanted to wear something and then some, in the end did not find.»

After high school I decided to enter the Shchukin School, where he studied in the fourth year Zhenya Dvorzhetsky in which it was terribly in love. «But first — I think — go to Schepkinskoe it at the Maly Theater and is considered cooler, I put a check yourself.» And had the impudence to try, even the program is not fully learned. Came into the audience, monstrously read a poem, I, of course, do not miss the next round, I left. As a result, he entered the Moscow Art Theatre School. Later Nikolai Vereschenko (actor Maly Theater and teacher Schepkinskogo School) said: «We look Tsarev profiles, and it says:» Mom — Vilkina actress Natalia. » — «A! Return! «, But you were already gone.» Looking back, he smiled, and I could not find the place myself, «How could so disgrace the mother, it’s Galoot of me!» After all, the world of theater is very tight, everything instantly becomes known.

My mother had a wonderful girlfriend — a powerful women’s battalion: Arkhangelsk Natasha, Tanya Aseykina Masha Volovikova Inna Churikov and Alla Pokrovskaya. Unique style company, an incredible concentration of talent per square meter. Together, we went to the bath, went to rest in Sochi sanatorium «Actor.» The theater season we were going home. Ten minutes talking about the high life, and then all evening about the theater, and in every phrase felt tremendous wit. Mom at that time played a lot, I have been busy in the performances of «Before Sunset» Hauptmann, «Conspiracy of Fiesco in Genoa» Schiller, «Zykov» Bitter, «Love Spring» Treneva.

Tamarochka at the bachelorette party has always been the center of attention, after all, a surgeon-gynecologist. She was doing any operations. Those who could not get pregnant, too, came to her. Grandma said: «Let me see — in a few minutes: — Well, go on, then, with only maintenance I do not ask!» And pregnant! Mom heard about someone’s problem, he immediately advised: «Go immediately to Tamarochka to inspect.» All theatrical Moscow she observed.

It may well be that in this close-knit women’s battalion, and there were some clashes of local importance. No wonder my mother often quoted Dostoevsky’s «close friend among women does not happen, because there is always a moment of jealousy, which can destroy a relationship.» But nothing like that do not know or do not remember.

But I remember well as Natasha spoke with Inna Churikova. They are not just friends, it was a surprisingly powerful spiritual penetration. Could all night on the phone say on any topic. When Inna came to us, I canceled all sat down and listened to the contrary. When I was told, as a rule, the theater, cinema, literature, it was very interesting, and alone, I’m sure, share the secrets of women. But no matter how I was curious, my mother never gave out other people’s secrets. If the table wine appeared, the last sounded corona toast: «For us, and … with them.»

Once we waited Churikova, and I told Anton Tabakov — at the peak of our romantic relationship — that I can not come to a meeting, they say, study and so on. In the after-blowing day had caught Anton: «Well, and what lessons have you been? I climbed a tree near your home and the window saw your mother, Churikov, you and grandmother sat in the kitchen and talked. » In one, he made a mistake — I only dared to listen.

Tabakov wonderfully looked after. Every day, I gave flowers. Parishes in the Moscow Art Theatre School with gladioli, I can not stand them, but embarrassed to say. When I worked in the «Contemporary», he went on tour with the theater in Prague. I met him at the station, he got out of the car, holding a bottle of Coke, and her rosette. That was awesome.

If late linger at home Tabakov Tamarochka called and demanded: «Alain, once home!» A couple of times Oleg Pavlovich took the phone and said, «Well, let her stay, do not worry, they’re not on the street» — but my grandmother was adamant. Sometimes that slyly:

— I have a heart, quickly come.

Returns — Tamarochka asleep! Wake:

— Are not you ashamed? You’re just a blackmailer!

After finishing the first course, I told the parents:

— I’m going with my friends to Yalta. Grandmother became hysterical:

— No, I do not shove, you’re only seventeen!

Mom took more than that, of tolerance and wisdom. I gave a plastic bag with a small change and said:

— Well, then, here’s a bag pyatnashek, call twice a day. Go.

Did I could not justify her trust ?! Of course, we smoked, and drank the wine, and the night in Yalta was carried out on the pier, and Anton came to me, appeared once on the beach with a huge bouquet of flowers — and nothing criminal, thank God, did not happen. All then grew quite decent people. With Tabakov our relationship soon ended. While we even submitted an application to the registrar, but did not sign. It was just a lovely moment of youthful courage. And then life has already made his own, I — his own.

After graduating from Moscow Art Theatre School, I received from Vladimir Sedov, director of the Maly Theater, offer to try for the lead female role in the play «The Dream of the White Mountains» on the novel by Astafieva. I Ohlupina surname, my mother — Vilkina not surprising that Sedov did not understand that we are mother and daughter. And I did not tell him. Never used the parental ties, I have always had their place, and, I think, deservedly so.

Often I am sitting in my mother’s dressing room and saw how lovingly treated her costume, props. How many years have passed, and they still remember her words: «Here’s how you just insert a pin into the hair, and will play a play! From your golden hands all depends. » Yet Chekhov wrote: «Intelligence — a state of mind.» Natasha never in my life could not humiliate anybody, always only «thank you», «be good», «if you do not difficult.» This differs from some of the folk artists who talk with those who are lower in status, like a servant.

In 1988 Heifetz invited the chief director in the theater of the Soviet Army. But this time he was not called with Natasha, forgetting for some reason, the unique harmony of their talents. And for a very long time, Leonid Yefimovich not develop work with other actresses, it was not such a powerful good luck as a Vilkina.

My mother stayed in the Small and gradually began to lose its role. First filmed performance of repertoire Heifetz «Zykov.» Then, when Natasha discovered subclavian blood clot and she went to France to be treated — the situation was critical, her role in the play «Love Spring» gave Elina Bystritskaya not want to wait for the return.

The mite introduced and Vladimir Andreyev.

The entreprise «The Lion in Winter» played four of his students and Natasha. After the premiere came a lot of reviews of the performance, and all praised Vilkina. I have a feeling that Andreev was unable to survive. After some time with this performance troupe goes on tour. Mom no one says she accidentally finds out about this, calling the assistant director and asks, «So are we going or not?» And it turns out that Andreev has introduced its role actress Olga Fomichev. I did not bother to even call Natasha!

In general, a director who is ready to put on plays «on Vilkina» was not found in any theater in Moscow. Afanasievich Boris Morozov, the current chief director of the Theater of the Soviet Army, told me after the death of Natasha: «I like to put it,» The Seagull. » So attracted to ask: «What prevented you, Boris Afanasievich?» After all, how it is: this season there are no heroes in your role in the next, third, fifth, and the actor begins to blow. Even Yuri Solomin admitted: «I have seven years of not getting new roles.» Another thing is that it is realized as an actor in the movie. My mother then, too, there were some films, but with its «socially unsuitable appearance», as critics say, they were few. This is, unfortunately, the tragic fate of many talented people. Someone in this situation becomes an inveterate drunkard, someone has a stroke or heart attack, and it can be understood — an artist very active nervous system.

Natasha was the cause of our endless excitement: it is not called, then paused. Somehow missing for two days, we even got a call from the police, «the young woman found Tyr, come to identify the body.» Thank God, my mother found, spent the night with friends, but we had the feeling that she was walking on the edge.

Once, when my grandmother was seriously ill, my mother asked a familiar gypsy who is very trust:

— You tell me one thing — what will happen to Tamarochka?

— That’s her, I can not see anything!

Mom, I’m sure, I guessed what she had just hinted Soothsayer.

Not to say that my mother does not drink, it would not be true, my Uncle Alex (still alive, thank God, the director) has said publicly about it, and still plenty of witnesses to be found. Hence, the reason, and this is not anything to worry about. And who does not drink? Go into any theater, go to the dressing room! That Misha Efremov, my friend and fellow student, by the way, a wonderful person, drinks and does not hide it, openly says: «Well, I drink, so what?»

Is it worse he plays?

Natasha had a girlfriend, also an actress of the Maly Theater, it is no longer alive. A few hours before the performance, which played a mother, she provoked her to drink, and then in this state, led to the theater. Of course, you can always say: «Could not drink if you work in the evening» — but for friends who have committed such deeds ?! The performance is still held!

Sometimes my mother attributed the sins of others. The troupe of the Maly Theatre had to go to Germany for a tour. It was supposed to show the play «conspiracy Fiesco in Genoa.» Mom was in the first team, but just before leaving she was informed that instead goes Irina Pechernikova. Nothing is explained simply made aware. Natasha remained in Moscow. Before the performance Pechernikova drank so much that her condition is seen even from the gallery. And in the program forgot to change the names of actresses, and soon there is a huge review, where it is written: «The actress Vilkina came on stage drunk.» Mom terribly offended, but did not find out anything. All that it hurt, it could be discussed among friends, but she never went to complain to the artistic director of Tsarevo. She said to me: «You hurt, but you do not answer! All leave himself on the stage in handy! Form their emotional memory. » Many years later, Vladimir Andreyev, who was then the chief director of the theater, apologized to me for the case in Germany: «I’m sorry, my fault overlooked.» But all this after the fact, and in fact such «misunderstandings» killed Natasha.

When in «Contemporary» left Tatyana Lavrova Galina Volchek offered Vilkina role Ranevskaya in «The Cherry Orchard.» Mom turned to Tsarev:

— Mikhail Ivanovich, I do not play for a long time. Honestly tell you, Volchek offers go to the theater, and it gives a role.

Tsarev almost crying:

— No, Natasha, in any case. Do not let go!

He appreciated my mother and knew: the actress, like her, in the theater, and there is unlikely to be. He offered the role of Natasha in the collective farm chairman «Willow neplakuchey.» The image scale is incomparably smaller Ranevskaya, but my mother could not refuse, she felt sorry for Tsarevo.

By the time the parents have not happened conflicts and scandals, but also a special affinity was observed. Each lived his life. The Pope drew tremendous and often bitterly says: «I wish I’d become an artist than an artist.» Once molded from clay army soldiers from sawed metal visor, spears, guns, it turned out great. Still communicate with people preferred solitude. My mother complained that beside it feels «immense female ma-yaty.» By the age of forty, many women there comes a stage when you have to decide: go with the flow or to change something. Mom is at a crossroads. And then came the Cyril.

I introduce them to French Bianca, a chemist, a prominent scientist. She was often in Moscow. Colorful lady — spoke in a hoarse voice, smoked «Gauloises» and «Gitanes» without taking the cigarette out of his mouth, in quantities of wild drinking red wine, bought in «Birch» sausage Miko-ray plant and somehow ate them raw. Externally, Annie Girardot was spilled.

And Bianca calls us home:

— Natasha, I have a nephew, Kirill Chubarov physicist, terribly boring and repetitive people, the whole of science. Arrives at a symposium in Russia. In Russian he says. You can invite him to the theater?

— It is not difficult for me. Kirill arrives. My mom morning show «Willow neplakuchaya» where she plays a sheepskin coat farm chairman, and in the evening — «Conspiracy of Fiesco in Genoa.» And she invites a guest here this coat. Horror. But it was not important. As then told Cyril, when Natasha came on the scene, he fell in love with the same second.

Kirill hails from an aristocratic Russian family that looks incredibly similar to the last Prince Romanov, the same elongated, thin, aristocratic face. At the time he was fifty, twelve years older than Natasha. Their relationship began as a light novel, but Cyril was not enough. He is so in love that he moved to Moscow, leaving in France, his wife and two adult children, refused the post of vice-rector of the University of Orleans. I made it very quickly and Natasha conquered his folly, made the consent to marry him as a decent man, my mother could not send it back.

Once the parents returned home together. I was in the kitchen, something the Pope said, and he replied sharply:

— Not now!

Offended say

— What are you shouting at me?

And suddenly I saw — he had tears in his eyes. Then she learned that they were divorced in the day.

When my mother said that Kirill and she decided to live together, I was not a young girl, a scandal:

— What are you doing ?! Choose between me and Cyril!

— Of course, Kirill. Natasha — a very wise man, one phrase put me in my place. I rushed to her in tears: — Mom, I beg you, forgive me, but do not leave me!

They married the twenty-eighth day of May, especially podgadali to triumph had on my mother’s birthday. They began to issue a visa: they wanted to go on a honeymoon trip to France, and then the call came from the KGB — Natasha asked for cooperation. She refused, and her edification, was denied a visa. Cyril contacting the embassy, ​​with difficulty, but got permission, he did in life persevering man

They left, then came back, and my mother went to Cyril, and we were three of us — me, my grandmother and father. What dad lived with us, much later gave rise to the terrible rumors allegedly stole Tamarochka the daughter of her husband. Brad and abomination! Grandma was then already an old woman, so to hint at her dishonesty — disgusting dirt. Mom and Dad are very sophisticated people, with their strange, but everything in between was decided at a high spiritual level, this still need to learn.

Except for personal things, my mother left us all, even his library, which was collected many years. We have, thank God, nothing is ever divided. Almost every day he came with a bag full of products that are bought in foreign currency «Birch», helping in every possible way, and Cyril did not depart from it.

Despite the fact that Natasha has not disappeared from our lives, Dad was very hard. I have a feeling that as long as my mother is gone, he is not allowed into their lives of other women. He loved her and could not get rid of that feeling. Yes, and my mother for a long time after the wedding, with Cyril said: «My husband is one Ohlupin more men there.» Only shortly before his death confessed to us Tamarochka: «It took me a while to really love Chubary ‘.

Cyril was working at the school at the French Embassy physics teacher. Academician two minutes gone, as we said, «to torment students puzzles.» They lived on Kutuzov Avenue in the home of the Office of the diplomatic corps. Cyril himself did repair, choosing furniture, he could create Natasha’s living conditions, which were not in our family. Their apartment was going to the set of her mother’s friends. Kirill was famous for its hospitality, the people there and boarded, and spent day and night. I am all the time. Roman Filippov read his seditious verses: «What killed my grandmother, what a life cut short …» Just imagine: summer, open windows, near the entrance to the post of police and law enforcement officers, asks to crawl out of the house guests: «Excuse me, please, and you have You come? We do want to hear your poems. «

Kirill watched every performance, in which he played Natasha, or sat in the dressing room and was sharpening her pencils grimirovalnye. He knew all the mother’s preferences, divined her every move. House tried to instill in the French tradition. We began to dress as he pleases, is much easier than it is at the Muscovites at the dining table sat only a certain time after the main dishes ate a green salad, and then the cheese. Cyril was not gourmet, delicious roast meat and potatoes did not exist for him. Mom loved the duck. It literally was shaking when she felt the smell of duck meat, eat it whole.

Unbelievable but true: even before meeting with Kirill mother had a premonition that he would live in France. She had a very developed intuition, she was able to speculate on the arm and up to date can predict what will happen to a person.

Once back in my early childhood, we went for a walk with her on Tsvetnoy Boulevard. We walked and dreamed as find ourselves in France, we’ll drink coffee in Paris, in Montmartre roam. And then we get to a small island in the Atlantic Ocean and settled in a tiny hotel twelve rooms, where in addition we will have only the French. After a few years together have gone to Koktebel, he had been a closed city border. Marching along the promenade and playing in foreign women. Not Englishwomen, not Chinese women are not in the Spanish girls — in French women! Held fully abracadabra, but grassiruyuschim «p», imagining that we are on the Cote d’Azur When my mother married Cyril, the first time I got in my life abroad and once in France. From Paris we went to a small island Ile d’Aix in the Atlantic Ocean, a width of four meters, where there was only one hotel with twelve rooms …

In recent years, the life of my mother played in a single play — «Long Day’s Journey Into Night» — the role of drug addicts. It was brilliant, sometimes we Tamarochka not understand where reality and where the game is a great actress, so Natasha was able to reincarnate. One grandmother even had a heart attack. Of course, my mother was close in one, albeit a remarkable role. She suffered from the lack of demand for creativity, but could not find the use of his boundless energy. She was invited to teach, and she did not dare, he said: «The very still not prepared, I can give the students ?!» Yes, just yourself!

However, once I rushed to help Lena Tsyplakova. They met while filming «School Waltz». Lena fell in love with my mother absolutely backhand! I hearken to every word. Natasha treated her with great sympathy and as a dear person gave advice: «There is nothing for you to stagger the movie, it is necessary to work in the theater.» Resulted in small, he showed a secluded place on the stage near the curtain, there on the floor with silver studs small cross was knocked out, put on his knees and blessed.

Lena then we disappeared for days and nights, all elicit the best way to play a role. Mom sometimes complained: «Here we sit, sit, run complex tomorrow,» Zykov, «I did wind the words clever saying. And she comes in the morning: «Oh, I could, and then all night brew terribly sleepy!» Hv and what I then invest in it? What for? Where? Nowhere! «Obviously, when you’re twenty years old, it seems that everything is still ahead. Yet all have time! But my mother something to understand that life goes — her forty-five, and she was a mere seven years!

At some point, all of a sudden started to prepare various complex dishes. Apparently, out of despair! Present Vilkina as a housewife is not possible and not necessary — passion for cooking rather quickly disappeared. Mom rescues books, start again to collect the library We even brought from Paris, rare editions, bought in Russian store in the Latin Quarter. Solzhenitsyn smuggled across the border with his belt for jeans. Once we bought Limonov «This is me — Eddie» in Russia, he has not yet been published. The same evening I heard — oh, horror! — Mom Kirill foul language, I think, «Nightmare, they quarrel!» Then only I realized: Kirill mother read aloud Limonov fact that no word, then — mat.

Once abroad during the banquet Natasha asked, «What are you an actress?» She did not hesitate: «I-folk.» One letter, and an entirely different meaning. This was her feature — limited means to express the idea in life and on stage.

Mama do not «Soviet». Its formation occurred in the sixties, all went from there. I remember how the whole family gathered around the old yellow and radiograms through interference «jammers» listened to «Radio Liberty» and «Voice of America». If Natasha died so early, she would go to the barricades to the White House, would be in the forefront.

Cyril often gave her jewelry. But one day in the south of France all his gifts Natasha successfully stolen, it remains only a single ring, which is then passed to me by inheritance. And my mother bought jewelry to anything worn at a reception at the embassy. Experienced course. I thought, «Well, have already paid!», But she bravely endured. Just I looked sad: «This only could happen to me.» It became terribly sorry for her.

Cyril parents went to the estate in the foothills of the Alps. They went there with Natasha, were going to build a new house and move into old age in France. We thought through every detail. Cyril even designed the paper and ordered the foundation. But their dreams have sunk into oblivion.

His property in Moscow has not formed: whether it was not affordable, or desire arose. From the «diplomatic» homes in a year — long stay there was not allowed — moved into the hostel of the Maly Theater, the room with the crumbling ceiling and lived there for five years, until his mother’s death. You could say: «Vilkina died in the dormitory of the Maly Theater.»

Gogoleva asked the guide:

— Natasha Why can not give an apartment?

— What for? Her husband Frenchman.

— Natasha did not deserve his corner?

Mom little troubled housing problem, the absence of her tormented roles. Another trip to France, where Natasha went to the entreprise «The Lion in Winter» brought hope. After the performance, she was approached by the French writer: «I have a story about the last day of Mary Stuart. Almost one-man show. I want you to play it. It is supposed to make two versions — Russian and French. » Mom caught fire, in Moscow received in the mail text and asked Cyril translate it as soon as possible, she could not wait to get started. Kirill sat at work all night. My mother made herself a literary adaptation of the evening and agreed to meet with Viktor Korshunov, who was already the director of the Small to convince him to put a performance on the basis of the theater.

It was the seventh day of April 1991, at Easter. Accompanying me to the theater — we Kornienko Nelli Ivanovna played in the play «The Cherry Orchard,» she Ranevskaya, I have Anya, my mother warned: «We will come with Cyril, talk with Korshunov, and then take you home.» It was a little weak, limp as if wanted to sleep, apparently, the pressure fell.

During the performance, I suddenly felt that my mother went into the auditorium. And then someone pushed the curtains tightly at the exit to the corridor. Then he learned: do not want to, I saw my mother lying on the floor unconscious. Only when the curtain fell, I was told: «Natasha spoke to Korshunov, Viktor gave the nod, she stepped away from him and fell. Stroke. Cyril took her to a hospital outside Gilyarovskogo. Yes, do not worry, everything will be fine. » It is surprising that my mother Nellie Ivanovna on this day, too, suffered a stroke, and she died without regaining consciousness.

Very soon Kirill is back, and we had to call for a grandmother. I begged her: «Tamarochka only pray, please!» — But she seemed petrified.

And here we go on the hospital corridor creepy — gray walls, low ceilings, linoleum, torn to pieces by iron gurney, and I hear from ordinatorskoj: «To Vilkina only let her husband and mother.» So, I should not have to wait. Tamarochka Kirill sent to the elevator, go, suddenly again the same voice: «How to die ?! To her mother she had just come. » My first thought: «I must be close to Tamarochka. I can not lose her. » Rushed into the elevator, thank God, he has not yet closed, and while we went to the fourth floor, did not utter a sound. Tamarochka entered the room, she said: «Natasha died.» From then on it was necessary to take care of her grandmother.

Just a few days before my mother read the horoscope. About it was written: «You have a long road.» She was surprised: «I wonder, where is it? I’m just back from France! «

She was only forty-five … The doctors said that broke the pulmonary blood clot. From time to time she complained that the pain in the chest, I said:

— Mom, check!

— Not now.

— At least not to smoke two packs a day — it’s awful.

I do not listen to me.

Dad called from the hospital, he immediately came. Then they met with Cyril. Then he saw a funeral, nine days, fortieth, and in August Cyril returned to France. He left us a car he had bought for her mother, she was on it, and almost did not go, furniture, dishes — I have another ten years in marriage enjoyed their things.

We stayed three completely helpless. Tamarochka still worked, but was completely internally exhausted and demoralized. Pope this tragedy just killed. I understand it is necessary to hold on, even she could not cry properly.

Very soon I got married, I had hoped at least for someone to lean on. Even Alan, her husband, could not give vent to feelings. One time fell and roared, he was very surprised and stopped talking to me, he did not like. Alan lived next door to the sister of Cyril, in the town near Paris, where we met. Is painted very quickly, did not really know each other. Two years later, the eighth of December, I gave birth to a daughter and named in honor of my mother, Natasha.

Moved to her husband and to leave dad and grandma alone could not, it was immediately agreed, so Alan moved to Moscow. We bought a cheap apartment in the same house where our family lived, but one floor below.

For forty years the Frenchman accustomed to civilization, to get to Russia in 1991 — is «Mom, do not worry!» Catastrophe! Still, he managed to organize in Moscow a construction business — an architect by profession, Alan design. On the one hand, it was convenient for five hundred bucks through customs without any problems, the truck with the goods, on the other hand — he did not understand how it is possible to lower the impurity of sewage directly into the river. His brain could not stand the «charms» of our reality, and I was going crazy from a sense of responsibility — Alan, because of the kind of life I chose. Unlike Cyril, a man highly educated and sensitive, he could not understand why I want to work in the theater. In his presentation evening wife must wait a spouse at home to sit down to dinner together. He needed another woman! As a result, I and he freed himself.

Our parting daughter blamed me, out of pity for her father, probably. She was then twelve, age complex, it is not surprising that we often quarreled. I remember, I went to rest, and she secretly took her diary my mother is very dear to me vesh. Notebook quite mysteriously vanished from a hotel room. For me and my daughter it was a terrible loss, it seemed, we were three sheets to the quarrel, but, oddly enough, the relationship began to improve, blog join us. I believe that it is far from my mom decided to bring us together in this unusual way.

This year my daughter turned eighteen, she is a sophomore journalism MGIMO, but I think she’s still looking for myself, do not be surprised if one day Natasha Little said he was going to become an actress. Fortunately, no longer condemns me. I began to realize that the family troubles are no one to blame.

Alex, my mother’s brother, a year after high school he studied in medical school, and then followed his sister went to the Shchukin School. Now he is the director and artistic director of the Moscow theater «The Cherry Orchard.» He has a wonderful family — a wife and two grown children, I love them all very much.

Tamarochka died in 2003, broke her hip and could not get up. I had a feeling that her body is tired to live. Kirill returned to his first wife, and I am extremely pleased. They are already elderly, both eighty together raising grandchildren.

Last year, the Pope has a new role in the play «Mr Puntila and his Man Matti» by Brecht. Throughout his life, he devoted one temple — Theatre Mayakovsky. Now we live with my dad at one entrance, his apartment on the floor above, we constantly see each other, which is infinitely glad.

My mother often said: «The main thing — to have time during the life of a man to say how much you love him!» I’m happy that I managed to — to say, and to hear the answer. Leaving the stage of the Maly Theatre, which my mother gave her soul, mind always turns to her with the words:

«Bless me with your love.»

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