YOUR PLACE IN LIFE
1. Let’s go around the world.
The average level of self-esteem in women, surprisingly, may vary significantly depending on the place and date of birth.
According to a survey conducted in 53 countries by experts of the World Health Organization, the highest self-esteem in the world have:
Our compatriots are approximately in the middle of the list, and it’s short women godforsaken Australian tribe, who did not know what and how to value themselves, but feel quite happy and satisfied with their lives.
Why is American so appreciate yourself live better than anyone on the planet, reaching some extraordinary success? No, they regularly take courses of psychotherapy. In the US, even a National Association for self-esteem. And in California, training on self-esteem people in the state are paid from the state budget.
82% of respondents scientists residents of New York, Chicago, Los Angeles and Detroit could immediately name the 8 most important criteria by which they evaluate themselves. In other countries have coped with the task of 3 to 7% of respondents. Do you work? Do not peek! Drinking himself was at the height of American women can not be said about those who did not recall a single criterion. But if you do not know what determines the self-esteem, how to influence it?
PUSH UP FOR-British.
British psychologists have noticed that women’s self-esteem often has a decisive influence of the little things that others do not give value.
One of these factors — MODEL BRA!
If you do not have enough self-confidence, it is simply to put another bra and see what happens. It would be the model was the effect of push up. As a result of the London survey among Englishwomen from 20 to 55 years, a bra, a maximum lifting breasts, increases self-esteem 75%.
Psychologists University of Rome have found a way to justify the need for a long afternoon rest, here called siesta. According to them, it is necessary always to women, but especially of the fair sex in dire need of a siesta in the middle of the week.
It turns out: in the third hour of the day on Wednesday, they feel downright inhuman fatigue and lose faith in himself, because the biorhythms of the female body at this point go into a deep minus.
Increase self-esteem at this critical moment the Italians helps full-fledged TIME RELAX, sex or SHOKOLOAD. Effect smoothly enough until the end of the week. Do not believe it — see for yourself!
Discount for self-esteem.
How much we appreciate ourselves, it depends on the date of birth. This convinced astronomers and scientists. Specialists from Sweden have offered thousands of compatriots to pass 2 tests for self-esteem. Summing up, they noticed that the respondents were born in the same time of year often respond to the same questions. Another discovery: women born between February and April, marked decreased level of serotonin, which can be regarded as a prerequisite to the development of depression and lack of faith in himself. But according to astrology, low self-esteem have born under the sign of Pisces, Cancer and Virgo. Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Sagittarius and Lions put themselves at times too high. To adequately assess themselves Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius.
2. egoism: WHAT WEIGHED?
A sign of high self-esteem — self-love, which is to be shown constantly. However, this is a case where the number of counts. The excess of selfishness hurts as much as the lack of it. In any situation. For example…
Women who have low self-esteem and ego (we call them conditional DOE) rarely get to know yourself. Feel the stress and, even if the person they like, do not offer to meet, to exchange phones. Then worry blamed himself that missed the opportunity to communicate. Those who have an excessive amount of selfishness (SE), are not familiar with. It is beneath their dignity. Moreover, they rarely have an interest in other people when self-esteem is too high, worthy of communication, you will agree, is not enough. Those with healthy egoism (GE) like to communicate with new people. Showing a certain selectivity, they operate on the principle: «Getting over does not happen, but we’ll see.»
What is on the scales? When selfishness is normal, communicating all right. We do not suffer from loneliness, we are surrounded by wonderful people.
How to learn? To communicate on an equal footing with all kinds of people («a very interesting man, and I for him, too attractive personality!»), And support the process, he told the story, and you — the story …
In SITUATION criticism.
ME offended, maybe even cry. Any unflattering remarks at work, at home, even on the street by strangers unsettle long. It happens that even the DOE refuses activities undertaken, if not get good support after criticism. In SE resentment combined with aggression. «Oh, I do not like? Look for the best! «Or» Look at yourself! «- She says, and slams the door. Those wishing to criticize the SE is not enough. Only when someone really wants her to shut the door and left. GE differentiates criticism. If it considers the result of irritation, bad mood, you do not pay attention. If you feel that the situation is serious, it clarifies details that do not like and why.
What is on the scales? Only people with a healthy ego able to work on them, to personal growth. And, accordingly, to significant life events.
How to learn? A sheet of paper divided into two parts. From left to write all your good qualities, right — negative. If one part is clearly outweighs, then finish second.
I do not know what to write? Think! Exercise is very conducive to the development of self-esteem. It is enough to make one once a month.
When there is jealousy.
ME This situation oppresses can bring to a nervous breakdown and disease. The husband responded well to the new employee, but my head is already DOE scene changes occur and care of her husband … a lot Jae deaf ear, past the eyes. The idea that a partner may be interested in another woman, even thought prihodit- so great confidence. But GE so directly and say, «Something you’re talking about a new employee so often says it wants to see, and it has something to it accidentally topple.» This, of course, not serious. Just such people tend to, firstly, to express their feelings, and secondly, many turned into a joke.
What is on the scales? Healthy selfish able to forgive and forget — their self-esteem from such situations is not suffering.
How to learn? Do not interpret any actions of others as a manifestation of disrespect.
WHEN something asks.
DOE can not refuse for fear that people would treat her worse. Of course, all this is actively used Jae … like when asked about something — it’s so nice to refuse. But turning to her rarely — an arrogant look to it does not have. The requests of the surrounding Jae initially operate willingly, but then they start in every way to evade. GE loves herself asking, and perform other requests, considering the reason for the request of pleasant emotions and important part of the relationship.
What is on the scales? The basis of good communication — reciprocity. GE unlike SE and ME it is assured.
How to learn? It is not necessary to keep a record of good deeds. Just do what you can for others and do not hesitate, if necessary, to deal with requests.
«The first performance was the voice of you behind the scenes and now-stump?» ME this situation touches. But to find out why this happens, it will not. Or tell a child: «Do not go more on these classes,» or will reproach: «Why do not you ask a normal role?» Jae has long gone to the teacher and on her mind all realized that the child should only play princesses. Otherwise — the alleged violation of the rights of children and the lack of professionalism of teachers in all instances. GE may behave differently. It will say, «Well, but you’ll be the best stump» that will deal in person. If you feel that really violate rights.
What is on the scales? People with adequate selfishness are the best teachers. They feel much need freedom as protection, care and guidance.
How to learn? Try not to see similarities with the child, and the differences. This helps to avoid the transfer of their feelings on it («I’m sure he will love it»).
Chose hair dryer, I decided to buy, and sellers are and talk to each other. DOE will humbly wait until her notice. In an extreme case, it will come the next day. Jae scandal: «How long must I wait ?! Call the manager! «- And without buying the store will not leave. And its nice warm feeling of superiority and power over people. GE situation divides into two parts: the action itself, and emotions. When the feeling that emotions interfere with (cause to be nervous, to do what was not originally planned), it is their upstage: «I need a hair dryer, I went after him. Therefore, contact the seller, his reaction is not important to me. «
What is on the scales? Healthy selfishness reduces conflict and the number of acute angles in conversation. Cooperation in any sphere of life becomes more efficient and enjoyable.
How to learn? I try to look at what is happening on the part of even a little down. It teaches in difficult situations, to behave nicely, with dignity and, as they say, in the circumstances.
DOE willing to share problems. But not with those who can give advice and support, and with those who will lament: «People have absolutely no conscience,» «All men are the same.» Jae rarely complain: she always everything perfect. Well, almost perfect. GE solve the problem itself. Girlfriends in the affairs committed, but only for emotional support.
What is on the scales? People with a normal level of self-esteem, even serious crises perceived positively — as a new experience.
How to learn? Normally in a crisis situation, we say: «I do not know what to do …» And it is necessary to imagine! And in three different embodiments. And each should be a plus. Optimism — a distinctive feature of confidence.
If you want to change jobs.
DOE will not change anything, «Yes, do not like. But it’s better than nothing. » SE or not working at all, or find a job that does not work …. Although she is sure that working hard, and all the rest simply find fault with her. It is easy to change a job, as always am sure that elsewhere it will be better. For GE satisfaction is very important thing. It just feels physically ill if there is no joy from it. Therefore able to decisively change not only jobs, but also a profession.
What is on the scales? Healthy selfishness lets make life rich and interesting. Such people always have something to do, they never lose the meaning of life.
How to learn? Present in all details and little things your ideal life after 10 years. And then mentally wind off time ago.
What you need to do and change right now (one year, two …) in order to achieve what you want? So dreams turn into plans.
►YA admit mistakes
►YA accept and express their feelings
I ►YA rejoice in the success of everyone
►YA remains itself in any company
►YA KNOW their pros and cons
►YA not compare yourself with others
►YA compliment OTHER
►YA love myself and I appreciate their society
(The more «yes», the healthier self-esteem.)
3. The self-esteem in 60 seconds.
Oksana, 26y.o.. I know why we women are so fond of roses. They enhance the sense of their own attractiveness and relevance. I once worked on a flower stock. And all the color I like, but next to the roses, I felt like a queen. You come into the hall, where they are stored, and a minute later the mood is changing. I looked in books on aromatherapy — it turned out really smell the roses increases self-esteem. The main thing is that the flowers are fresh. Suitable and rose oil — two to a room. But the smell of dried roses has the opposite effect.
Jeanne, 41 years old. Do body-ballet doctor advised me from osteoarthritis. It helps! But the most important thing — I got rid of the state «all terribly» when you walk with his head down, cursing himself and angry. Probably because it cost me so poniknut, I immediately straighten up (body-ballet habit!), And after a moment understand: how beautiful the world when you look at it from this angle! And how easy and gracious me! Prior to that, 6 years old lived alone — could not recover from a divorce. Now that no month, a new acquaintance. But I have already made a choice.
Maria, 35y.o.. Somehow watching a program that famous cover girl said, «When I feel ugly, pull out your best pictures". I felt better right away. Firstly, because until then I was sure: low self-esteem is the problem of people with non-standard forms. Such as I am. Secondly, I went to a photo shoot for the professional photographer. And now, when I feel fat and unattractive, also got their photos. Yes, I have the figure and are not ideal. But did I look just fine!
Irina, 31god. I have an old beautiful service — a gift grandmother. I use them often. And not on holidays, and in the most drab. When self-esteem tends to zero, I get it and drink a cup of tea while admiring the delicate flowers on a white background. I do not know the secret. Maybe because the Tea Party is acting or feeling of expensive porcelain in the hands affects the self-esteem, but it gets better. A friend recently learned that her husband regularly conceal from her earnings. All changed her mind! And I drank my tea from the magic of the service and said, «I’m sure he wants me to be a surprise.» And so it happened!
Julia, 42 years old. I had a difficult childhood, and probably why self-esteem is very vulnerable. Even now, when all is well at work, in the family, with friends, there are times when you simply do not know where to hide from the fear that I’m worse than others. At this time, I like to hide, so no one you have not seen. The corner of course, I do not score. Just I wear glasses. In the summer — dark in the winter — with lenses without diopters. I go to them for a while, look at the others as if through a protective screen. And it helps me find balance.
Elena, 32 years old. I heard many times that the high heels improve self-esteem. But for some reason it does not help. On the contrary, I feel even more vulnerable, insecure, all the time thinking about how my legs look from the outside. But the boots — is another matter! They are my 8 pairs. Even the summer there. Whenever there come the dark days (with the business does not work, the problem at home, and everything is bad), I immediately put on a suitable and turn to Amazon. Going clear step, I am listening to the sound of heels, count to 60 and every second I feel that rise above problems to develop in their own eyes, become more decisive.
Galina, 24 years old. My friend — a maniac for bags. She buys bags of different shapes and colors, in shops and flea markets, expensive and cheap. Once I was visiting her and decided to «try" each bag. It turned out this accessory strongly influences the sense of self, and in seconds and no less than clothes! I found out that the soft bulk bag helps to relax. Vintage — to pull away from everyone. Strong, with clear forms gives confidence. Personally, when I’m going with this bag, I have no doubt: I will succeed!
Christine, 25 years. In our office we have a chair that does not fit anyone. Too it is cumbersome, high, some cold. We simply put aside, sometimes we offer visitors. But this is what the chair is trying to take at least a minute each, when the work is not to argue that the project is not formed or when the boss is not particularly pleasant making notes. That’s because it seems to me that the chair allows it to rotate slightly, resting his feet on the floor. This movement gives confidence, you start to feel impressively. Besides sit above.
4. Physiology confidence.
To raise self-esteem, not only to readjust psychologically, need to change their physiology. It is no easy task. However, if you want you can always find a compromise with her is not the case complexing body.
The root of the problem often lies not in the emotional sphere, and much deeper: in the individual characteristics of the nervous system and metabolic deficiencies affecting the internal organs or even in the genes.
After all, they are programmed not only how we feel, look, and how perceive ourselves. Fortunately, any program — even genetic — may be partially rewritten. These are going to do.
The rating for the constitution.
All, of course, they know what the constitution. The Basic Law, for his country lives. The billions of cells that make up the human body, do the same: there are under the unified internal constitution, written in the genes. You’ve probably noticed that the children often inherit from their parents not only external features, such as thinness and especially fluffy hair, but also specific behavior, perception of the world and ourselves. How this inherent from birth, and how much education has brought, no psychologist would say. But that heredity influences, no scientist doubts.
Doctors thousands of years have tried to link the characteristics of the structure of the human body, with its psychological portrait and self-esteem. Thus, Hippocrates divided all people into two constitutional type. First he called strong. To him belong to people who are resistant to adverse factors, do not lose faith in yourself under any circumstances. Representatives of the weak type baffled by the disease, and not just so discouraged. But what is interesting: the strong type of people Hippocrates attributed to the nature of the slender figures, and the weak — those who gain weight easily and hardly getting rid of unnecessary kilograms. It turns out that fat girls with low self-esteem negatively perceive themselves not because their figures are far from ideal. Psychophysiological fatties constitution is such that, even losing weight, they do not take themselves better. Weight decreases and increases self-esteem does not: that’s the paradox.
However, the classification of Hippocrates not quite fit the full ladies with a strong, strong-willed character and the desire to dominate, that does not bother their size. By the weak type of can not carry, but the problem with self-esteem and they are. Such women do not have enough recognition, so they tend to fill in the space, not only psychologically but also physically. Dimensions person symbolically represent his authority, therefore, having achieved success, we are proud to say that increased their weight in society. And if you do not appreciate that surround us, and we do not appreciate ourselves, the body controlled by our deepest unconscious impulses, begins to do this for us, and lift the weight — if not social, then at least the physical.
Let us think over the following: if the body is able to rebuild their physiology-time gave the breadth only to help raise self-esteem, then the opposite is true — improving the attitude to yourself, you can easily become leaner.
TIP. We tried a bunch of diets, but the weight is still there? Perhaps he has never been a major problem — for him hiding others deep. Parting with them will help the therapist. It’s amazing how easily go to excess waist should learn to appreciate and love yourself.
The rhythms and hormones.
American scientists over three years have seen the change in self-esteem during the day at three hundred young women. It turned out that in the early morning when biorhythms are on the decline and the level of estrogen secretion, sets us on a positive, is reduced to a minimum daily, 68% of women see themselves in the «medium», and 11% did set themselves «unsatisfactory». But by 16:00, when biorhythms are at the peak, and in the blood to additional portions of estrogen, 89% ladies overstate their assessment!
Often hormonal expectant mothers get trapped on the second or third month of pregnancy. Women dream of the kid, and — lo and behold! — Test nakonets something positive. But there comes disappointment in doubt: «All of a sudden can not handle?» I’m sorry progesterone — an excess causes the feeling of uncertainty in their own abilities.
TIP. No action — take a break for a few weeks. Drink tea with St. John’s wort, peppermint or chamomile (these plants, research phytotherapeutists, improve mood and raise self-esteem). By the fourth month of pregnancy hormones stabilizes, and it becomes clear that you’re the best mom in the world. By the way, on this term self-esteem is the highest for all 9 months. But! It may be reduced before the birth and immediately after them because of the powerful hormonal difference. Again, do not give in to evil thoughts — hormones will soon come back to normal. In addition, you now have a powerful tool to increase parental self-esteem — the kid. It is necessary to pick him up, as the pituitary begins to throw in the blood hormone prolactin, causing a surge of happiness to the heart and milk to the breast.
In mothers who are breastfeeding, problems with self-esteem are much less likely than those who turned the child on artificial mixture (8% and 54%, respectively).
Hormones and age.
Self-doubt because of hormonal imbalances often visits the ladies after 40 years. Hormonal storms raging in this period, are as powerful as during puberty or pregnancy. But that mature the fair sex in the prime of internally returned to the teenage «squeezed» state, often none of the others had no idea. And the woman hiding behind feigned aplomb experienced ladies doubted myself a girl, is this, to put it mildly, is not ready
TIP. Will … fragrances! Neuropsychologists found that the odors of certain plants have the ability to calm the hormonal storms and raise self-esteem. These wonderful properties of essential oils of orange, marjoram, basil, cinnamon, lemongrass, juniper. They inspire self-confidence and self-esteem, relieve irritation, directed inward. A geranium and chamomile help to cope with a complex of inferiority and dependence on other people’s opinions.
Low self-esteem can be the result of shortage of some important substances: folic acid (it rich in herbs and leafy vegetables), vitamin C (in a lot of wild rose, currants, lemons) and tryptophan (found in chocolate, bananas and meat). Doubt themselves and turn into pessimists we sometimes make some drugs, particularly drugs Rauwolfia, which is prescribed for hypertension, and high doses of retinoids (natural and synthetic analogues of vitamin A), they are recommended by dermatologists for acne. Adversely affect the self-esteem are also capable of some antibiotics and allergy medications. Therefore, since the course of treatment, watch carefully for the psychological well-being. It began to change for the worse? Ask your doctor to prescribe a different medicine.