DEMONS in Arizona

DEMONS in Arizona

Famous farmer race "Speed ​​Demon".

Unbelievable but true! Chartered silver "Ruslan" successfully moved our charming special correspondent in far Arizona — back where participants take the start of the race. Limit to the role of Michelle purely supervisory function? Or is she still be able to personally take part in an extreme race on the prairies and deserts? What is the weather in Arizona? Is there enough comfortable hotels and welcome whether reception of the organizers of the competition? Finally, as there are good races, as they painted the Western media? Read her exciting reports from the scene!

FIRST REPORT: they saw a UFO!

Heck, in this country fucking hot! On the advice of the Lord PeZhe actively assents to him Fraga S. had brought a bathing suit, T-shirt, pair of shorts, toothpaste, toothbrush and makeup (to the aircraft it helped drag Misha Sudakov, for which he separately). Upon arrival, he settled in the near three-star hotel (the other was not, alas and oh my) and immediately phoned the organizers. The tube was raised a man, judging by his voice, forty years of commercials, hereditary farmer, balding blond loves scotch, smoke "Luckies", Uses a microwave oven:

Chivo want?

Hello, you’re out of the organizing committee "Speed ​​Demon"? I’m Michel Rybakov, I was invited to watch the competitions. It is possible to call you? Today? In what time? And what better than to take a — a swimsuit or shorts?

Ah … Uh … — it looks like snapper mixed. — I do not understand you, baby, I repeat what you said?

I say that I wear — a diving suit or kimono ‘

What? Who says? People need to call? — Unshaven lout came around and asked the first reasonable question. I repeated the text slowly.

Of course, come, baby! Tomorrow, at twelve. I think the shorts will look on you, as the zebra stripes …

Vosche my one boyfriend! Tomorrow I otoshyu it. Sure.

By the way, by the way! According to eyewitnesses, whom I met in the evening in the hotel bar, afternoon over the entire Arizona along with cloudless sky observed short-term UFO. Contacting there the night with representatives of the press (almost all live on the same floor with me), I have received from them the exclusive right to publish multiple mini interview eyewitnesses. Here they are:

Garry B., 21 years old: "It flew something … that … Well, you know … non-standard forms! And this … to moo, damn it. I tell you: moo, well, finally, a lot of them there were … Yeah, about five. In general, Khrenova cloud UFOs!"

Gloria, 37 years old: "I went to the store … No, not for food. For cassettes. My husband and I, you know, the fans.

Well, I went to the shop — buy … I’m saying? About UFOs? What are UFOs? Oh, those flying things … I saw, of course, you are my blind do not hold! They have bleated so weird … I’m not some old woman, much bleating from mooing can be distinguished!"

These are contradictory and are not afraid of the word, weird UFO evidence, on the eve of the competition. Believe it, dear editors, or not — solve itself

SECOND REPORT: God, I’m scared!

Finally I got to the launch site. My interlocutor yesterday, this scrubby Arizona farmer-herder, did not even bother to pick me up from the hotel (bed bugs the size of a penny !!!), but when I arrived on the scene — was right there:

— Hi, honey. You’re not too late! Racing will start from minute to minute. Do you want to drink cola and ride with me? I’m too fucking party — bearded bumpkin, about which we speak "just from the cow"Clumsily tried to smile.

I smiled back. I said I would accept his offer with pleasure. I added that if he tried to put his hand on my knee or something like that — in the course of forest pepper spray. He understood everything.

The machine on which I had "go for a ride", Does not inspire confidence (as did everyone else, the benefit of them was enough). Imagine something ancient and dilapidated, with almost completely thrown out the innards and something behind, reminiscent of a nozzle, or … God knows. These things I have seen in a magazine "Powerslide"But really, in those units it was maybe more taste and elegance. Farmers that are vozmesh.-

The competition began, and John (yes as it is able to call something?) Was extremely cautious and gentle — he drove slowly, constantly chattering, in every way I entertain, and hands had not dissolved. From his monologue, I learned the following: these events did take place every year — something like a tradition or a national holiday. The entire contingent (about eight people, probably) — whether friends since childhood, whether with young people, or do not know — that I’m sorry, I do not remember. Sami race — their only entertainment for hundreds of miles around, and the opportunity to ride on any terrain very exotic to sell his own mother, children, and the bull-producer in the bargain.

But in the second round sweet chatter over. This bourbon realized that the lady could cost him his place and gave the prize on gases.

Holy Virgin Mary, I was scared !!! To say that the speed of this plague on wheels is great — like calling our Misha little thin. We rushed like mad, covering for some seconds unimaginable distances. Sometimes bearded carrier shows his teeth in the insane smile and pulled the lever inconspicuous — nozzle fire exploded and the car accelerated and a half times more …

On this day, dear editors and personally Mr. PeZhe, I returned to the hotel exhausted to the limit, and too nervous, took a shower and went to bed immediately.

Report Three: UFO — Myth or Reality?

In the morning accidentally caught a local radio station, and … and that’s what I heard!

Garry B., 21 years old: "In short, my friend, I tell you what: today they reappeared. It cost me, damn it, to go with the guys out of the city, to drink a beer, have fun with the girls … Again they are. Custom! .. Mama your mumbling! And those — there is something in their language squeal … "I-huuuuu!" or "Wah!" — Flew out of my head. And some are the others were at that time, just tell you".

Cindy K., 19 years old: "No, you know, I can not repeat such (blushing) … Mother learns — kill. But the UFO, in my opinion, not very similar".

Anita P., 34 years old: "I wanted to spit on your plate. My son began cursing dirty. Such phrases screws, brat, even Dad lost. And most importantly — where? Well, let him go out of town yesterday, right in polite company — educated children from good families … I can not imagine. A UFO — it’s you people finish a fool! Nope them is a natural phenomenon — my husband always says".

New facts UFO excite the blood and made to believe that extraterrestrial intelligence — not just the fruit of a sick fantasy writers, but the most that neither is the everyday reality of Arizona. Before the race you are, dear editors …

fourth report: you know, I’m beginning to annoy here …

The devil pulled me to agree on this trip! No, of course, John — a very nice little man, where no foul language and shouting as if he had just given birth. But these races … From them I had my head is spinning.

Such frenzied speed kill anyone they want — and in fact killed, believe me. How many cows, sheep and other animals to send to veterinarskie heaven — Holy Greenpeace! The normal reaction of farmers standing (chewing grass, for example) the obstacle — press "turbo". A heavy blow on the wrinkled body hindrance flies to heaven.

Flying here at all in the price. Flies all — cars, barrels, stones, columns, sheep, wheel … Each encounter ends "travel" almost every poltrassy. And that is the opposite, according to the rules we should start from the point where you started your trip. At first there, then (forcibly) — back. John swears in these moments more than usual.

The strangest thing — all these machines manage to go after such a collision? The other day, one poor fellow embedded so that the time lost both wheels and a few pieces of the body, but rovnenko landed on the track and went on as if the way it should! Farmers edrenapassatizha …

And the people who paved highway … These people would be … Yes, a few days, we traveled almost the entire continent (the hotel had to move out, spent the night where no hitting). Yes, we were at sea, in the savannah, in the crater of the volcano, and even passed the medieval castle. But those who managed to choose such diverse races and both deserted and primitive place — it is necessary to send … well, at least to the museum (as seems to advise our readers). Let pouchatsya beautiful and acquire at least a modicum of taste. It is clear that at this speed, nothing really can not see, but that for a freebie, I beg you! What a freebie!

And in general, as John manages to understand anything in this Katabasia! I struggled to discern the direction of at least a drive with one eye to look at a map … It is useless. The machine is rushing like mad, John incessantly yelling war cries, the wheel had some antsy (at the slightest turn deploys the car almost 90 degrees) … It is not surprising that the track is very often consists of straight sections,

You know, dear editors, I am already beginning to annoy here …

the fifth and final report: Farewell, Arizona, goodbye forever!

I’ll kill that bastard, who advised me not to take warm clothes! I’m just not today, but at the moment I feel lousy, I’m tired to go all over the country, by golly. I decided to ask John why he gave this championship. "Sweet, but as I still get a license to ride on all routes, when I want and who I want?" All clear. Definitely — a maniac. He did not even care that he wins most of chance — in fact, when you talk to him about it, is offended and begins to show himself a superman: "Yes I am fifteen years behind the wheel, sweet! Yes, I control the situation entirely! .."

Such Milyaga and a phony, I saw him … "control". They all get-together one really does not know how to drive. Press on the gas, and occasionally to touch the steering wheel (it is to touch, slowly and carefully) — this revered for their professionalism. Everything I’ve had enough, dear .moi. I return home to Arizona more — or foot. See you in Moscow!

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