Happily ever after

Happily ever after

Already 200 years, humanity knows how to give meaning to their existence, but not abusing that knowledge. Tata OLEJNIK hopes that at least ELLE readers will be able to apply it to life

In response to readers’ letters, I was faced with a curious fact. About seven out of every ten letters comprise one and the same question, formulated with variations. Here’s a roughly: «Hello. I am fine. I have a wonderful family, kids, husband, job, friends. There are even some money. And health did not seem to complain. So why do I feel so sad and boring, and why I go to bed every night with the feeling that life is passing? «

I decided to seriously consider the proposed issue and has long sought a recipe guaranteed happiness for wealthy and prosperous people. And, oddly enough, I found.

It turned out he was actually in the finished form is contained in the works of many British writers of the Victorian era (and a little earlier). It was at that time on the green island divorced a great many citizens of an independent state, which could lead a life with pleasantness, not particularly caring about their daily bread. They also developed a rule of «the happy quiet private life.»

Modern ideas about happiness is very far from the old respectable standards. We usually think that a happy person to be many things: sex, placing, success, luxury, parties, friends. With his mobile toiling invitations, he travels constantly and much fruitful work. And in his spare time flying on a hang glider and dive for sunken treasures of Spanish caravels. In general, live life to the fullest. It was a picture of happiness we draw the popular media, movies, and even contemporary literature.

But Victorian ladies and gentlemen, would be horrified by such a sad picture. In their view, to spend a life of constant social events, active public work or curtailing business Mountains are required only poor people who have to fight their way in life.

So that gives us «a happy quiet private life»? It is based on eight rules, each of which — a mandatory brick in the pyramid of your mental well-being.


Walk every day at least five kilometers

«Walk — Anglo-Saxons have a national idea» — Henry David Thoreau wrote in the preface to his famous book, «Walking». The British have always loved to walk, and sturdy shoes English ladies have long been the subject of jokes on the part of all of French and Italians, which seemed unthinkable that a lady of society does a few miles every day on foot. The ability of a lot of walking has become a kind of national prowess British. Today proms obvious physical benefits, but the British were walking and something more important: that they might meet one of the five first instinct of man, the so-called instinct lizard — the need for Scouting. Most animals are focused on what to move, learning environment, is the oldest of our programs, only slightly inferior to the importance of self-preservation instinct of procreation pi. If you are doing a daily five-kilometer forced marches, periodically changing the route and looking at passers-by, shops, parks, fields, or cars, your lizard will be pleased. If you exist in the mode of home-office machine machine-building, Raptor will start to be depressed, and you-together with him. And yes, the vicissitudes of the climate should not interfere with your walks. As the English proverb, «there is no bad weather — there are bad clothes.»

Rule number 2

Do not ignore the gossip and socializing with boring people

The tradition of ‘little visits’ to tea together — another British informal joy of life.

And the British will not be limited only to the visits of those people who he really interesting. Good tone of good-neighborliness and obliges chat with boring old Miss Smith, pi with grumpy Major, who will taldychit hundredth time about how he hunted a tiger in Jaipur. Of course, you may feel regret that the Tigers did not manage to bite a major, but your subconscious at this time will properly process critical information. It will mark your high level of socialization in the group sufficient frequency of contacts with members of this group to re-examine the status of your hierarchical status and make a lot more action that you are most likely not even notice. Just feel calm, confident and cheerful.

Rule number 3

Care for plants

The fact that the British are obsessed with gardening, and prefer to dig into the ground with his own hands — the same time well-known. Indeed, what could be nicer than two or three hours carried in the garden by planting seedlings in a mixture of peat, sand, compost pi? People extremely indifferent to our green vegetative friends are unlikely to understand the deliciousness of this activity, and yet it is also an ancient, evolutionarily justified human trait — the desire to cultivate plants. Man — is not the only species on the planet who knows how to do it. Ants bred mushroom plantation and members of the family Corvidae, say, sometimes quite deliberately seated tree seeds. But this man was a true genius crop. And a sense of satisfaction at the sight of planted and obihozhennyh plants — a very ancient evolutionary reward for the right thing, which is important for the survival of the species. From the perspective of our subconscious that knows very little about the supermarkets, freezers and modern agriculture, but is well aware that the smell of fresh-skopannoy land and planted our seeds — this is a very, very good.

Rule number 4

Help others

Donate money to help dyslexics? Personally knit booties for babies in Somalia? Participate in Charity Bazaar in favor of single mothers? The right to private life quiet assumed that the lady or gentleman will certainly engage in at least moderate blagotvoritelnostyo. In the most luxuriously furnished living room you could always our basket for the poor, which the noble lady passed each other, filling it with a simple but decent, underwear and children’s little things. Even the most cash-strapped gentlemen considered it their duty to put during a church service a few pennies in the cup for donations. Philanthropy is an indispensable attribute of life of Victorian life. And benefited from it, not only the poor. In ethology there is the term «indirect retsi-proknost.» It denotes adopted in many social species principle: individual occupying a high position in the hierarchy, it shows concern for those who are below it. That is, for example, starling, which occupies a leading position in the pack will feed those who are weaker than him. But if a weak attempt to shove the male grasshopper in a beak of the alpha male, the risk of post short of such abuse in the tail feathers. «Who is the stronger one and cares about all» — that is indirect reciprocity, which has become a winning evolutionary strategy in social species. When we help others, we begin to assess their higher social status and feel happier.

Rule number 5

Observe the mode of the day

«Early to bed, early to rise — grief and ailments will not know you.» In fact, does not really matter how early you get up. British gentry loved to stay up past midnight playing cards and talking, so early rise was not in their priority. Where more importantly — measured daily routine and nutrition strictly by the hour. Let you go in the morning and get up at ten — but you always do so. Temporary predictability is very important for our inner lizard, it is extremely conservative in matters of sleep and waking hours eating. If you reduce the pangolin crazy, eating and resting when necessary, he will avenge this bad mood, sleep disorder and digestive system.

Rule number 6

Keep things in order

Accounting for the laundry, sorting cans of jam, recording costs and order in everything — British pedantry in economic affairs could only challenge the Flemings with the Germans, and even then with great reserve. But this Victorian houses were not too boring or scrubbing the contrary, Victorian interior — it is eclectic, cluttered areas furniture and all sorts of little things. (Emptiness and nudity Victorians did not appreciate any public areas.) But it is the mistress of property knew exactly the location of all things in the house if the shoe brush is stored in the scoop for coal and tea — in the tin with the word «tobacco», hence the and the other will always be there.

Recalculation of groceries and inventories pillowcases British women could ecstatically engaged in each week, even if there is a good housekeeper housekeeper felt it my duty to control the process personally. And it has won from this psychologically. Magpie can spend hours admiring the glittering deposits wrappers in the nest, squirrels love to test their nest egg nut, monkey with delight arranges balls in groups by color — for they have inherent talent collectors: accounting, control, storage and sorting. Even if we are too lazy to do it, in the process, we unconsciously turn dormant in our program collector and get the maximum satisfaction from the well disassembled drawer or cupboard. Conversely, the presence in the house of «dark» places: cluttered closets, shelves or cabinets — causes us concern and dissatisfaction, even when we are about them and did not remember.

Rule number 7

Communicate with children or animals

The presence of a number of creatures in need of your care, especially for young representative of your species — a good reason for the body to minimize any metabolic reactions that could lead to depression. All species with sexual strategy, involving a limited number of long growing pups, the appearance of offspring imposes on parents such serious responsibilities that without additional biochemical support they could with them and can not cope. Although the idea that the children — it is almost guaranteed happiness does not belong to the Victorians, and far more ancient societies, that the Victorians were the first to discover the pleasure of simple communication with children. It was in this era the first time in human history, the child was not regarded as a small and silly adult, but as a creature with special needs. Children’s parties, children’s literature, clothing, children’s rights — all this was conceived precisely in Victorian children. Games and conversations with children — or your neighbor — were considered quite respectable occupation for any adult. What do you do when you are not near children? Their role may partly take on companion animals that also need our help, protection and also amused us with their naivete.

Rule number 8

Every evening, write down the events of the past day

I guess we all know that dreams — even the brightest — are rapidly forgotten after a minute or two after waking up. The best way to remember the dream — to tell it, even to himself. Verbal reinforcement of fleeting images in the memory directly translates more reliable memory cell. The same principle applies when remembering real events. Want lived life perceived by you as something very long and eventful? Keep a diary. Or, as the Victorians did, write letters about everything that happened to you. 3-4 extensive letters a week were the norm. Usually the letters immediately shot up, then to store it with the response, reading in his free time.

Now this goal could well serve multiple blogs. But the old familiar way of recording experienced pen on paper is quite cope with the task in your mind to turn life into a fascinating novel, even though its effect on foreign opinion will not shine a variety of themes and exhibits.

writing posts about cosmetics tested on their behalf.

Universal equality

We have fought for equality, and we got it. In total some 50 years — and a woman become competitive in the labor market. A list of criteria of ideal applicant naturally included «good looks» and «aesthetic.» At the same level of education, professional experience and number of the woman hid a strong trump card — on it a pleasure to watch. To meet the stated bar, men willy-nilly to make to the standard «gentleman’s set of» self-care. They even anorexia start to hurt, you can imagine? But for over three hundred years, since the disease was first described, it suffered only women.

A patriarchal idea that man must be mighty and smelly thing of the past once and for all. The modern interpretation of the fairy tale «Beauty and the Beast,» the main character would not have the slightest chance — with some degree of his hairiness and the lack of a shower. Science look good and the development of his own style is not about one seminar courses pickup ditch. There budding Casanova told that a woman meets a man well-groomed, sometimes wonders how much he earns. And when he sees the slut, she thinks about it instantly. Housekeeping tip: think stereotypically bad for the dolce vita — eg the billionaires Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are included in the list of the most slovenly rich planet.

Today, a man tries new to the image — an object that can be admired. It appears certain rituals, he starts to feel better and understand your body, evaluate it from the outside. Not only estimate the size as it was before, but to capture new, unfamiliar feeling: to think about wrinkles, lipshem weight, dry skin and excessive vegetation.

«I do not consider myself to be effeminate or too fixated on the exterior — tells a familiar Dima. — But I was always important to take care of themselves. Do not look any certain way to make an impression, namely, to pay attention to your own body. As a child I was a frail and sickly, doctors were forbidden to play sports, but I’m still a little run, swing and loved it warm muscles after a spill in the deadlift. Interestingly it was the feeling, not the shape of the biceps in the mirror. And then there were the first in the Moscow School of Yoga. When I got there, I had long been the only man in the group. Girls in leggings on adjacent pads looked at me warily and even frightened. They thought that bend in different directions, «to stretch», as they called it — is not a man’s job. But I finally got to really feel in your body. Every muscle, every cell. For me it was a revelation — I do not know that is able to feel such deep feelings. I was taught that emotions should be contained, it is preferable to think a head and not listen to the heart, and so on. Together with yoga and the rest of it «anti-male»: regular massage, aromatherapy, certain preferences in clothing. And softness, tranquility, absence of pronounced aggressiveness. For me, the beauty — this is a deep understanding of yourself. Whether you were born male or female. «


Once, during a trip to Madrid, I visited the Museum of Spanish fashion brand Loewe. Among the ancient trunks and valises wearing the male beauty-case beginning of the past century. Leather, massive, with built-in mirror and plenty of pockets for shaving brush, shaving soap, combs, lotions, powders … A hundred years ago, in the arsenal of Spanish men was more beauty supplies than the average modern Russian. Two centuries ago, we were walking around London dandy, corseted and with full make-up. At the same time Lord Byron became famous not only poetic talent, but also the irresistible dimple in his chin, crazy aristocrats. Aristotle, Leonardo da Vinci, Albrecht Durer tried to enter in the framework of computational perfect male body. And you can imagine how the medieval feudal measured his own reflection in the mirror, from the hairline to the eyebrows, from the eyebrows to the tip of the nose, from nose to chin, comparing the data with the canons of male beauty. And playfully winking ideal itself, if all three numbers match. Subject male attractiveness is not new — it is slightly faded on the background of wars and revolutions of the XX century, but in a relatively peaceful time there again.

However, many surveys show that a woman looks her lover still plays a secondary host. At the forefront confidence, sense of humor, charm and sexuality. «On the face of the terrible» Adriano Celentano, Jean-Paul Belmondo and Serge Gainsbourg, the lack of female attention did not complain. Alexander Pushkin, about someone loving legends, wrote about himself: «Vrai singe par sa mine». Mat, sheer monkey. Perhaps eastern handsome Omar Borkanu betting on a beautiful, it is worth reviewing the PR strategy. In the long term, it is unlikely to work.

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