Charlotte on the telly!

Geordie Shore’s Ms Crosby set to star on terrestrial TV!

YOU MAY recognise Geordie Shore’s Charlotte Crosby from her excellent work necking booze on reality TV and cavorting in not many clothes for her viewing public. So, a perfect apprenticeship for her rumoured gig in Celebrity Big Brother, kicking off next week.

There has been no confirmation at the time of writing, but we hope that right now she’s choosing some skyscraper high heels, some hot flippy and a hanky-sized outfit to hit that famous runway in. And a suitcase full of Newcastle Brown Ale. Hopefully.

Shark in a shark!

Like a Russian doll, only more bite!

ONE OF these sharks is not having a good day. For one thing, he’s just been snared on a fisherman’s hook, and then, to make matters worse, he’s been eaten by another, much larger shark. Hey ho. In a startling display of shark non-solidarity, the sand tiger shark (the big one) decided to snare the unfortunate smooth dogfish as it was about to be tagged by marine scientists. We’d imagine that tagging would now be very difficult, and a tad dangerous to boot.

He’s behind me, isn’t he?

Taken a polar bear’s fancy and, well, we doubt that he’s sneaking up on them to compliment their plumage. A snapper caught the act of ursine sneaker on camera in Spitsbergen, Norway. We predict that, at heart, one of these birds is now a big pile of bear poo.

EVER GET the feeling you’re being followed? We’re not sure if guillemots (they’re a type of seabird) have feelings at all, but if these ones suddenly experienced an “I’m about to be eaten” sensation, then they’re very astute. As you can see, they have taken a polar bear’s fancy and, well, we doubt that he’s sneaking up on them to compliment their plumage. A snapper caught the act of ursine sneakery on camera in Spitsbergen, Norway. We predict that, at heart, one of these birds is now a big pile of bear poo.

Hell of a headache!

Lucky Chinaman survives hasty noggin piercing!

WE KNOW what you’re thinking: there’s no way that the driver of this car escaped alive. His BMW had just been skewered by about 100 steel rods that fell off the back of a farm vehicle, one of them skewering not just his fancy car, but also his head. But, Nuts being the magazine where the only casualty is our dignity, we can report that the driver from Change City, China, was cut free with the rod still in his head — fortunately the hospital removed it successfully.

Penelope Cruz’s undies ad!

Hot new promo for Agent Provocateur!

AS WELL as being a top actress and all-round sexy Spanish senorita, Penelope Cruz has added “creative director” to her CV, having recruited chums like Irina Shayk to appear in a video to promote her new L’Agent underwear range collaboration with Agent Provocateur.

It’s a heart-warming tale of man goes to party at a model agency, man finds X-ray specs, man has best time ever. They obviously blew the script writing budget on biscuits and Opal Fruits.

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