In each, probably, even the most run-down village has its «duty Crank», a kind of Shchukar, and even Bob himself Terkin local flood. We are in this regard especially lucky as we have these two. It Kostya Gritsenko, nicknamed Crutch, and Bear Dudkin, it — Michel Dude. And if the first does its amazing «exploits», the second informs our public about them and does so with comic details that added time from time. Well, no, of course he can, with a little, and stretching the truth, but it is — for the style. It only remains a mystery: where he learns about Michelle kostylёvskie adventures? Moreover, in such times of juicy details, though he still shot on a hidden camera. For some — if not most — of his adventures Crutch hardly would advertise. Unless drunk. However, this happens to him with an enviable constancy. That is a rare day without it … Especially since all this his «deeds» rather be called if not «Skoda», it really «dirty trick» — exactly. And that is remarkable: with all this on crutches — well, did not get to hold a grudge. It is if you want this very nasty, then without a second thought. And carried it on its breadth of his pure soul and a light heart. Whether it is at least in the form of impromptu, so to speak, in the course of life, even on the contrary — a well thought out action. The reason for that is his artistry, equanimity and, of course, unconventional methods and techniques. As an illustration of three stories, told us (at different times) Michel Dude. And as you yourself vote correctness of my words. So …
…Third day sblatoval Crutch lisёshek drive. Why, they say, until the beginning of November two weeks to languish, waiting for the opening of hunting? Later will be too late. Competitors porazvelos like dogs nerezanyh: Colca on such a noise will be — even the saints fans. Not so much the fox will kill many porasshugayut. Look for them later. Fistulas. «And I, — urged on — the right place know Ida piece fox litter. They have yet hunters nenastёgannye — take them even with their bare hands so hats necks. The fur is something they have now completely went. » Persuaded, in a word.
Went three: Fedot on his motorcycle, I, well, Crutch — in charge. In Zabludёnke Wetlands. We combed her. Crutch lisёshku shot. And then from Kosharskogo Colca — police UAZ. Looks like the shot heard. Vlupit siren, flashing lights, and — to us. Crutch: «Drive to the willows!» Rush. Chasing the tail. Just caught up with bushes Rakitov — Crutch jumped out of the carriage. On the run. In one hand, gun in the other — mined boa. And most arboretum. Only it and see. Do not we drove two hundred meters as UAZ we caught up with Che … talk, you know: rifles confiscated protocol dashed. Tomorrow go to the commission. Well, if you got off with a fine. If the gun does pootbirayut? And all Crutch … get caught then he — would have killed … Yesterday meet him. «What are you, bitch hitromudroy, we knocked on poaching and have the same bases, and he leaked?» And then he otbrehalas, say, fools themselves — it was not necessary to hold the race, but also in the broom siganut. And look for the wind in the field! Only then, if Che could say that that’s, like, scared: what if it is for us something «werewolves in epaulets» pursued. Vaughn say on TV — how many of them now porazvelos! .. So we told him more «thank you» have to say. After all, he tried to have the same, has not pitied: the most important piece of evidence with a carried away. Illegally taken game. And because we acre guns, no other and there was no compromising. I mean: lack of poaching and environmental damage. «Just think, — he says — go to the country with their guns. And maybe you were going to shoot those same guns? On the subject of accuracy. And where else? The settlements do not permitted. And so I return to you your «kocherёzhki» get off, maybe a small fine. Besides, you got home from Conforti — on a motorcycle, and I had seven miles off-road marathons. And half way through the broom wade. All poizodralsya there. Yes, with a gun, but with a fox. Yes, almost in pripryzhku, it is necessary to have time to train to the village while they are there with you loiter — scribbled protocols. » It turns out that he is not for us extracted a fox, but, on the contrary, we have — it is also a liter of must. For the salvation of our «kocherёzhek.» How is it there in a fairy tale: «Broken unbeaten luck …»?
These have ranged New Year holidays. How many are possible revelry thread? No health on such holidays is not enough! So I decided to present old new year a little breath of fresh air: to drive on skis to Rakitov. Zaychishek drive, and if lucky, for the festive table to kill oblique. Yeah, like, I kill time … and feet. But as they say: I rest well … but really, really tired. At dusk or just crawling on bent, half-dead from fatigue priplёlsya home. He kicked off his skis in the yard — as if freed from the shackles. The gun in the hallway left and only had decided to take a nap … I have no idea how there in the cities, and we, you know, as usual, that the people of the old new year hanging around from the court to the court and … Christmas Carols. With evening endless procession to the house burst with the children (and the later in time, the older age) with sentences like: «Uncle, give me candy (coin), and then we want you here now! Ka-ah-to ponasypem across the hut : sow, sow, posevayu «(and showed a bag of grain fodder) … I would first like to pay off from such an unenviable prospects: poke a broom after his hunting watch … But then, when after midnight went jamb knocked drunken villagers and began to extort with me already and drink (together with cash requirements), I decided not to open his door. For which he was punished. Prodryhnuv with ustatku almost until lunch, went outside and found in a snowdrift your mailbox, cut off from the gate that is called «meat.» In addition, the stolen my favorite hunting skis, thoughtlessly left on the porch. In short — the holiday was a success!
While the old place pritorachival mailbox, looking — and on the track of my yesterday’s rushing to some unknown type in camouflage with a gun and holding each other. That is, according to the form, — a hunter. «What else for the intruder?» — I think. He drove right up and grabbed me by the lapels. Yes, even my person at the same time and fire. On what was worth. At first I was taken aback, even. Then Coy how strayed from his melee attack. «What’s the problem, dear?» — Interested. It turned out that he was from a neighboring village. The other day in ponastavil willow traps for foxes. This morning thought up their check. Neither Fox nor traps. Looking in the direction of our village some hunter removed. On mahah. He followed him, the beaten piste. Well, you see, «track» hurry somehow beguiled — my yesterday jumped to my hut and rolled. Hardly she impresses him that there had Oshibochka out. What I myself innocent victim. Vaughn trails else is, and has ski … bye-bye — also skommunizdil. As well as its traps, you see, we turned up here some serial killer … on ohotnytsky gear. And that — easily! Today anything surprising is not necessary.
Well, who do you think it turned out to be a serial killer? Crutch! The next day I walked into our boiler room. Men congratulate the last holidays. And they sit there and roared with laughter. «What is the reason?» — Interested. Well, they have given me. It turns out that the previous day suddenly flies into the boiler room Crutch. In complete hunting ammunition. Without a word, he knocks off his ski cap, duffel bag and a gun — and stuffed it all in the economy cabin. Then scoop handfuls of furnace soot, «washes» it and then grabs a shovel polunegrityanskom and — well, poke it in the oven. At this time, in bursts stokehold another visitor. And also in the hunting outfit. Stokers even at first thought that this, too, on help to them in a hurry. But he is on the threshold: «Guys, here to you in B-hour nobody ran?» — «What’s that?» «Yes, that’s — is responsible — some skunk posymal my traps. I chase after him. He is somewhere in this side skhovalsya. Ski trail, like, here leads. Catch — kill you! «No sooner had those and mouth open, and Crutch» Then do not you thoroughfare, and high-risk venture, and necha outsider zdesya hide and seek play-lightning! Go from here to the ski trails — svovo sniff out thieves and do not disturb the working people! «Only to remove this … robbed — firemen to the crutches,» What? How? «And he said:» A necha their traps in nashenskih Rakita bet! Who called here? Here I am of him and seized — as an instrument of illegal fishing «,» What are you running away from him then yes we Hove-hsia? «-» We need a mine extra disassembly as hare stoplights. And I came up with a cleverly clothe you? «» Catch-to-it can, and cleverly — they agree — so you would have to yourself too at the same time removed the cartridge belt. And somehow miraculously: nakoy fireman belt instead of a full cartridge belt belting jersey? Moreover, «the company increased danger!»
…Well, I’m not that outlandish mountain hunter, but because I know the track on which it is best to catch Crutch. In the evening at the tavern he caught. And what is it I pulled skiing — and to his grandmother to seek. Its something he has never had it. So a couple of days my skis again at the old place of residence — in the closet on a nail — hung. However, with one torn fixing. Looks great crutch to them from the pursuit scratched! Well, it does not matter. Especially since the winter season ends and the next — a new fastening handle. Better than the old ones. And I will not continue their skis anywhere to throw. And then suddenly even a maniac until they show up!
…Last night, coming home from work. I jump over puddles thawed. It seems to be dirt, debris vytayavshy, all street impassable ruts, and kindly soul: Spring! The first green hatch. Vaughn already starlings showed up — from skvorechni that the ridge kostylёvskoy hut nailed, sparrows survive. And rightly so: necha occupy someone else’s living space! While rotozeynichal around, almost under the wheels of a motorcycle is not pleased. I jumped out from somewhere in the alley and, splash mud at me, drove to the house of crutches. I follow — on dismantling. What’s going on: the innocent bystanders dirty ?! Lo and behold, as it Petyunya Slezkin and on his decayed zakorkah — Crutch, in person. And both to the extent smeared with mud, I suprotiv them, though he had just stepped out of the laundry. Mere whites of the eyes and can see. Crutch — even pozdorovkavshis — enough of the carriage two such weighty and also «plastered» bag. And immediately whisked together with them in their driveway. So I took Petyunchika in turn: «Where are you so uvazyukalis? Stoll took a mud bath? Right at the top clothes? «Well, Petya nude generally do not talk, from it more than three words in a row is difficult to squeeze out. But this time, you see, it has got helluva lot. And just then I turned up. As a confessor.
To persuade him, it turns out, Crutch to drive goose swamp. It must be said, there are traps posymat that muskrat delivered. And the very muskrat there, I suppose, they are now ponabilos — nemeryannom! Tea does not have one day, if not checked. «Let’s go, Pe-tyunchik on your motor-cycle, but then my tires completely bald — at such mudslides not get. And I’m for it hides in the molding stand out. How ever. They, you know, in the spring — the most valuable fur. In the earliest days of the Politburo all in caps of spring ondater standing on the mausoleum. » That temptation. What, say, Petyunya-chik worse Politburo ?!
Coy both got to the Goose. Not so much they are on a motorcycle, as motorcycle riding on them. Dotolkali before landing that half a kilometer from the swamp. There he skhovali from prying eyes. After all, as all are, I suppose, poaching. And the formation of muddy hiking plowing — to the swamp. With pood — from adhering dirt — boots, crawled to the extreme Ples. Washed boots — it became easier, «as if on wings.» Crutch explained to what and how: «Seek traps each hut, they markedly: to kolushkam so tied to the reeds. Collect everything: empty and with muskrat, but in the bag added together. House face it. And here — Nechaev tarry! «Well, and set about fishing. There are several plesin straight stretches and lodges on them … with the flight — just be! They wandered off with bags. And in common, shtob each-other out of sight is not lost. In the reeds, and then lost no wonder. Well, how is it? Normally, Petyunya? «-» Al-Leach-on, Constantine! «Petyunya already three dozen traps posymal. Almost half of them with the loot. And the crutch of Bole. Do you think of him, long-legged, theft!
And suddenly … the sound of the motor. Looking to the swamp «Niva» roll. Knead the dirt from the wheels and the last forces directly to the place where they made the washing of feet. Crutch bent — nose almost to the water — and Petyunya: «All the crane you! It must be the legs to do … in a hurry. Not caught — will we then: bambarbiya-kergudu! «And for clarity -chirk edge of his hand across his throat. Petyunchik him: «What panicking for nothing? It’s not the cops and rangers. Maybe, like us, about the fur came. » A Crutch, «Aha! And about what? Whose .. I think we-traps now Sima? Pushkin Stoll? «It turns out, Crutch looked after that Glubokovsky men Nawada here muskrat catching, well, and decided, so to speak,» fall on their tails. » And at the same time kapkanchikami podrazzhitsya. Who knew that they, too, it was at this time the itch? ..
So far, three guests wandered into the swamp, Petyunya with crutches — almost on their bellies — drapanul in the opposite direction. We decided mahanut through all Goose. But further — deeper, not just in boots scored. Especially since all trudge through the swamp … but it is almost two kilometers of ice water and the reeds! And more to shove myself bags «prey.» Petyunya something like, was his trophy already quit, but so it Crutch pritsyknul! Well, still would: for the «live healthy» take and voluntarily give up such acquired overwork? Not those attacked! .. Get out on the land for three hundred meters from the competition. Only it was targeted to the landing, where the motorcycle hid as those — well, that competition — also from the reeds povyskakivali, jumping into their «Niva» and — for our would-be fishers. We decided to see, give them a race and the fight melee as the final outcome. Crutch immediately turned their shafts 90 degrees — in most serёdku arable land. Petyunya little something wondering him. And — go, arm in arm with bags! And there — already knee-deep mud. «Niva» and shoved after … stuck. Tightly! Enraged triple attack rushed to the pedestrian pursuit. But apparently, our thieves had a greater incentive in this race. Especially since the long-legged crutch were regularly encouraged to slow down the pace Petyunchika using hefty (due to dirt clods) kicks. And Petyunya itself is not very liked muddy prospect meeting with the owners of the contents of the bags …
Falling, but rising again and again, with great effort, pulling out of the mud bogged down limbs, making a hefty arc and still increasing distance from the persecutors, on its last legs, they got to the bike … but the bags with the trophy and do not quit! By Petyuninym estimates, about five kilometers, they wound off. Well, that, I think it is slightly prizagnul. Although there … who was measuring this distance? Especially for a helluva lot of cross-country …
As a conclusion.
What do you think: how many musquash skins received from Petyunchik Crutch after spring marathon? ..