About the german army or as i have served in the bundeswehr

Preface: 

I had the pleasure to spend 9 months in kindergarten with pay, allowances and uniforms with. This kindergarten proudly called the Bundeswehr and the rest of the house is combined with a playground for the young and not very much, and even older children. The German army, gee. After three months, you get the title of uchebki gefrayter (such as corporal), regardless of the merits or behavior, or the level of cognitive development, and after six months of service become obergefrayterom. Each title brings about a hundred extra per month.

Generally this is the case with payment chic .. In a nutshell: the so-called salary is about 400 euros a month. Ezhli barracks is more than stopisyat miles away from home, then charge a day for three euros for separation from home. If you refuse when equipped from underwear (panties Homer Simpson Style, T-shirts and two blue pajamas), then you pay for it tridtsatnik such as for the fact that saved the Fatherland costs pants. Then again, if not in the barracks zhresh (many of laziness refuse breakfast) receive for each unit of food is not accepted for 1.30 euros.

Well, plus hundreds a month for each title, plus a «muster» prize of 900 euros.

The service also — heavy and hard. Many recruits are suffering and miss my mom and go to the barracks to the priest who performs the role of a psychologist and takes all soldiers, regardless of their religion. He has a voice and can claim this or that, for example, so that the next razgildyaya allowed to go home for a week because of a mental disorder (and this despite the fact that every weekend «soldiers» to go home — Friday at twelve «end of life» and start on Monday six in the morning, travel paid by the state). Immediately must state that bullying is prohibited and subject to prosecution that horror, though what there is hazing if the overall service life of nine months? None of the commanders are not allowed to touch the soldiers (of course in an emergency can be, all in the statute), not that beat, or otherwise. Permission is granted to only a loud yell, and then, without personal insults, otherwise the report and cried career. For example some sort of ordinary Dodik, not sparkling intellect can not properly clap on his tower hat and looks like a Turk or a chef in his beret. Unter yells at him: «You (the obligatory form of treatment) seem to be a baker! Now, put a hat right! Perform! «Brake crawl their claws on a pumpkin with no visible success and poorat a little petty approaches him and asks, can touch you and improve your take? If hoopoe answers yes, then the non lovingly corrects beret. If you do not want to be hoopoe touch Unther, he said no (there were such cases, it’s a nightmare), while non goes down the line and chooses what some dolt who takes good looks and gives him orders to take to correct the hoopoe. These are the pies.

Once the exercise, when we played Zarnitsa, some dunce behind and risked being «shot dead» enemy, our sergeant yelled, unable to stand — «drag their obkakanye same assholes here.» After announcing a smoke apologized «kameradami», referring to the fact that he was in the effect of stimulation and blurted out because it does not heat of the moment and they are angry because of it. They said no and he was overjoyed.

Under such conditions, it is no wonder that one e — Ian from my room (the rooms were for six — eight people) is sometimes cried at night and wanted to mother, interrupting her nagging words that go into the army the worst decision of his life and that he hates himself for this and wants to go home. The rest of his comforting.

On uchebke we ran, jumped, played sports together with noncommissioned because the statute states that the noncommissioned can not demand from the soldiers of any sports activities, which they do not … So if the poor fellow noncommissioned wanted us to be wrung out twenty times or run three miles at the time of he had to do the same thing. Taking into account that the noncommissioned not that dragged away from the sport, we are not too strained. We also learned to disassemble and assemble machines and crawl. And of course learned the theory of tactics and strategy. It was still to come .. And although it was the fear of how difficult it turned out that after uchebki worse. Call of the day was as follows: five in the morning with breakfast who wants to go who does not want to sleep. The main thing that the construction, which is six hours, all stood up. After the roll call followed the order: from room to room and wait for further orders, which sometimes had to wait for weeks. All expenses and doing nonsense. Who was asleep, who watched telly, who played in the top box (all you can bring to the barracks), who read the who … And just one Valiant equivalent of ensign (Spies) crept down the hall, burst into the room like a hurricane and sow terror, punishing all who did not behave appropriately order — sitting at a table on a chair waiting for orders. Forced to sweep and wash the stairs or hallway, collect candy wrappers on the parade ground, etc. But the fantasies he had little, so that the corridor and staircase were shining, and candy wrappers were at a premium.

Then at 17:00 followed the order: the end of life! And kamerady fun rushed in all directions. Who’s disco, who in the movie who bought booze. The only thing that is strongly depressed in the room can not smoke and plump. For this it was necessary to go to a special room or on our floor — with billiards and table tennis, or x — out in a bar, located on the territory of the barracks.

That’s a hardship and have been 9 months, of which 21 days of the official release, which was ordered to take up to Christmas.

Finally told the story of how all slovens Germans with my room had the good fortune to become the carriers of tanks and other garbage and drove off to the courses in Bavaria, and I was left all alone and slept for a long-awaited order once built and go to wash and clean the tanks (tank missile was us — anti-aircraft part with old Roland sixties). It so happened that all went to scrub the tanks and I slept another hour woke up and saw that one of my batteries in a building there. It will go nuts! I thought, and I was right. Weighing worse, taritsya in a room until they come back, or try to get into the hangar to the tanks unnoticed, I chose the latter, and almost brilliantly executed campaign, but the approach I had lit a petty bastard. He asked me why I did not come with the others, I am the person that answered Svejk not heard the order to leave. He read me a short lecture on how one must behave as a soldier and ordered (on the mountain!) After the end of the service to linger for an hour at the orderly and write an essay on «how to use an afternoon break», which I did, shit scribbled a report of that the soldier should damn clean their uniforms and all the garbage but did not sleep during his pauses.

After reading this creation of non relented and let me go.

I still remember with affection when I was in the Bundeswehr and grieve for the Germans idiots who do not know how they were lucky.

Prologue 

I was asked for a medical examination in which the army, I would like to serve. I replied that in landing on what I was told that these troops are the best in Germany and serve it will be hard, to which I replied that do boxing and all athlete and I answered — and well, then of course! Two months later, I was assigned to the Third Tank Missile anti-aircraft batteries.

Start

With the backpack and the order in the book, I was coming by train to a place of their service. The agenda was written that I should come by 18:00 at the station in the town where I will go active duty, and I will be picked up and taken to the barracks. It was a well that I need a double change of linen and two fasteners so lock your locker.

Coming out of the station at 17:00 I saw an army truck and pepper to form around him. With his willingness to put forth its agenda, I realized that fate is not so kind to me as I thought. He said that he was on the other side and that my part of all long drove off …

Yes … — I said. — What do I do?

Wait a while, maybe now will come again.

After waiting until 18:00 I gradually began to worry … The army is still not an elementary school, you can not be late … In general I found the phone number and started calling orderlies. He told me that he was not aware of that and connect me with someone who is aware of it, too, can not, and tells me to get to the barracks of their own. To the question «how do I get there?» He hung up. Conducting a survey of local natives, I came across his aunt who was on the way and she said she would tell me what the bus stop to go. So I finally got to the barracks. Gefraytery standing on the clock at the entrance, checked my agenda and passport and treated me kindly, explain how and where to go.

Having come into the building third battery I was horrified to see that my future brother-soldiers are dressed in blue — blue sportswear Bundeswehr with Nazi eagle has run panting and stomping down the hallway back and forth, and they loudly shouts a little petty to me on the shoulder about . Angry glance at me, he yelled athletes: Halt! tsuryuk! nohmal! Dust rose.

Stationery bloke in uniform rudely asked me where I came. I showed resourcefulness said that with the station. He was surprised, but a little reflection told that nothing can do for me, since I apparently did not get there because of the battery is fully completed and all the recruits in place with twelve hours of the day. Examined the contents of the summons, he was even more surprised. Strange — he said to me — it says here that you should report to us. I tactfully silent. Khmyr hovered for a while, then told me to wait and disappeared for a few minutes reappeared, bringing with him another bloke in uniform, which they began to argue about what de mess, why we do not know anything about him, and to his sent us, and so on. Nothing is decided, they decided to continue the discussion in private, and sent me to room number 168, assuring me that they were in all sorted out.

Thus began the story of my nine-month ordeal … By the way, I wonder why nine months? This is an allegory? Type then you become a man or born again? I do not know. It was like that send me into a room sent it, but to understand where I came from and why they are not the numbers in the papers did not seem tired to think, so that when the next day we went to the equipment, all caused by surname, until I was one. Then the bloke from the warehouse thinking hard how? What should have received a uniform 52 people, and why it came to 53 … In the end, I certainly was, but it lasted an hour longer than planned …

The next day, during a morning roll call, there was the first military incident. We stood in the hallway and yell «here» Unter shouting out names, when between systems and NCOs was a young man of our appeal, but in the civilian world, and with his hands in his pockets. Unter, for the time lost the power of speech yet coped with it and began to yell loudly at him saying that such construction is that it is not for you, his hands out of his pockets, quickly change into a form that two minutes gone!, A valiant warrior otvetsvoval proudly: «I do not want to be a soldier.» In Sergeant’s jaw dropped. «What is?» He asked almost sentimental. «I just went to the office of the captain and filed an application for conscientious objection to military service because I do not like to be a soldier» — has posted a former soldier now. «But this is just simply the second day of service, you are still not got everything right» — stammered warrant. «No» — said firmly conscientious objector — «a soldier I will not,» and walked away down the corridor. Twenty minutes later, he left the barracks for good things to step up alternative service in some sort of a mental hospital or a nursing home.

The morale of batteries reeled … Unter quietly sad.

Where it’s been ten days of service. Poobvykli. Acquainted. In my room there were six people with me. One huge inflated natured simpleton, two frail whiner, a bespectacled man — an intellectual and a Pole, which we immediately hit it off. In the morning, before breakfast, playing sports — going out into the hallway to do exercises — push-ups with Unther squatted, favorite exercise was pressed against his back to the wall as if sitting in a chair, keep your knees are bent at a right angle and so stand entire platoon (NCO course too) while despite the terrible cries of sergeant first did not fall to the floor. With the habit of course tired legs and shaking, but dropped the first one and the same — the fat man with the face of a down to the next room, which in the future was the misfortune to get into the room to me and suffer heavily from my Russian nature.

After charging — cleaning rooms and entrusted to the clean-up (our room it was a corridor and a staircase), then breakfast, then theory or where the tedious and long talked about something and you had to fight with sleep, or the practice — or crawling across the field begane in a gas mask and without automatic G3 — assembly and disassembly, and other hours to ten pm with a break for lunch and dinner, and then again cleaning and rebound.

The Germans suffered. «They can not yell at them when … no personal life, at any time, may be ordered to do something, and you should do it,» they complained. I laughed and said that this is all the toys … They sulked.

When we once again cleaned machines — standing in the hallway with his back to the wall, lay the parts on the chair in front of each one of our whiners leaned back against the wall, not seeing the sergeant walking down the hallway, and then it began. As in the American cinema right, I could hardly contain laughter. The sergeant-major went to the soldier, as brought his battle grin to his sad and frightened mug and started yelling, saying she is a wall, it is not necessary to prop up, so where are you from, you can bring a cocktail, as well, do not start back without orders, myrrh! Oral must say professionally. Loud and menacing, hanging over a fighter until he rested his head back against the wall, and then said a free and moved on. We whiner face was painted animal terror, trembling hands and knees, I thought that he is now weep. But he wept at night only. I woke up sobbing and excited whisper. Ghanaians huddled around his bed comforted him and asked what was wrong, he told me that he would not survive such a way that it had never been treated that he wants to go home or die. I was bursting, but I held back from humanity not to damage a sensitive soul of a fighter his hysterical giggle even more.

The next day was the theory … We were told the first law of the statute — kameradshavt. All types of Komrad should respect each other, help, etc. They told me an interesting fact that everyone is responsible for state property given to him by a car, and that one should always keep his locker shut, even when he is in the room and unlock it only when necessary. If for sloppiness you forgot to lock the cabinet, it is a crime in the army, known as «incitement to theft,» and that if you swipe something, then do not blame the one who stole, and those who had not locked his locker at the matter of his seduced .

At this time, we were in the training room looked sergeant, he called leytnanta, reveals to us the startling depth of the German statute, to himself and whispered something in his ear. Lieutenant cried aloud how? can not be! But look again at the blushing face the sergeant should be decided that maybe that’s why we were told to sit and wait and quickly ran away. He ran a couple of minutes, and it was not the face, and said everything was full alles, terrorists attacked the Pentagon and World Trade Center, and so we ran a lively dinner at all about all fifteen minutes, then back again, and there we say what’s next.

Quickly and excitedly, we tried to eat anything for ten minutes, while the entire barracks was panic and chaos. Crowds of soldiers ran up and down the court, and the parade ground, someone that is incessantly shouted, and above all this wound dense cloud of crows cawing. Among the Germans were discouraged … All war — sadly said one. (Oh very picturesque all running and screaming, probably is what happens when the war begins.)

— I’m not going to fight! — Said one.

— Yes, I have nothing more to do. — Other.

— And I also … If the war at once on the train and home, take away the parents and Greenland, there will be nothing. — Confidently declared the third

— And you Russian? — I was asked.

— I’m human, which ordered that will I do. — I answered honestly — though even if the war will be, we will not be sent.

But the gallant defenders of their fatherland said that all this garbage, do not send at once so then, and they do it all in a coffin seen and what you should immediately bring down.

Not dozhrav we ran to the TV room, where a non-stop synchronous Ahan military personnel showed the plane flies into a skyscraper. Cling. Confused, frightened faces around.

Yelled noncommissioned, saying that in 5 minutes total construction battalion in the yard, form: beret and overcoat. Lieutenant colonel, commander of the battalion pushed a fiery speech on world terrorism, which penetrates into civilian life and ruining the lives of thousands of civilians, and that it will not do so, it is necessary to deal with it. There, you see! — Whispered excitedly around. Also Colonel told us that Chancellor Schroeder has already responded and promised all possible assistance to U.S. allies in the fight against terrorism in a televised statement. Sweeps through the ranks sigh.

After the speech, we were ordered to go back to the training room and wait there. 20 minutes later, when the poor are left to languish for men from ignorance, then what will come as a lieutenant and not how it happened, continued to lecture. Outside the window was still running, but not so fast, and did not shout so loud … Even then I thought that perhaps the officers competed in agility, who quickly gather their own and pushes his fiery speech.

The lecture was another two hours, traffic stopped outside a little and did not prevent peaceful mind usual German barracks, standing on the Protection of the World Society of global terrorism, and also filled with soldiers, ready for any losses in the name of peace and defense of the fatherland.

In about a week all the excitement subsided, everyone forgot about terrorists, but ordinary as we suffered from this unprecedented terrorist act, because I had to carry sandbags, raising checkpoint near the parapet height of five feet, and even doubled all the posts for the enemy never sleeps . Suffered from this, we watch as the old bore 20 people, but all the posts were doubled, so that during the watch could sleep half as much as three hours a night.

Bundeswehr soldiers should look neat. Allowed to have hair, if they do not hang down over his ears and collar, bangs should not fall on the eyes. You can have a beard, but you can not walk with the bristles, so if you come with a beard, you can leave it, or grow a beard during the holidays.

Bundeswehr soldiers to be disciplined and obey orders. We long and tedious chew the feasibility of orders and what orders the soldiers must perform, and from what has the right to refuse. Every now and then ignite the debate unterofitserami soldiers that they must carry out orders or not, poor fellow noncommissioned screaming and sweating, but the sense of this is not enough. The soldiers know their rights. They go every day to the ears, telling the soldiers that it is also untouchable person in the first place and how to protect that person from harassment by superiors or nonexistent hazing. In the hallway hangs a box for anonymous complaints to the command staff or other persons, the key to which the captain, «chief» battery. To it is also possible at any time to come to talk about this and that.

Unter yet also not stupid, they came up with a chip how to get men to do what they should not. In the hallway is petty and yells that every room needs one volunteer. In the form of an order. Then volunteers sent on their needs — one in kafeshku for hamburger buns or someone in their office space to get out … What is characteristic of a lack of volunteers, usually not observed.

The first two months — it uchebka. Service to ten or eleven at night before, the rise in five, charging, cleaning, breakfast, then «formal service.» This is when you are preparing to swear. Drill. Putting on his coat and beret, brush your boots, on the orders of running away from the third floor at the front of the building. As long as you run up the stairs, what that monster comes to you on the cleaned boots. The toe of his boot viciously kicked him in the shin hissing curses, he apologizes, but nothing to do, trying to jam track sleeves can be seen anyway. On the construction of Sergeant carefully look around every recruit from head to toe, asking for permission to correct or take the hood and send perechischat boots. It looks like this: you run to the third floor, unlocks the cabinet, took out a brush and cream, lockers, running away down there clean boots, running to the top, locks the brush and cream, so you run down to stand before the bright eyes of the sergeant. He meticulously examines boots and if you need to send it again. Some running three — four times. Once I «ran» twice — ran into the building, around the corner, looked up there with the moment stands with tanks on the walls, out of his pocket brush, cleaning boots and ran out. Then he ran back around the corner, resting, hiding brush, ran, presented the boots. But it was punished. One of the same smart caught and long yell at him for a long time … After inspection march. Many problems with turns to the left or to the right. Screams, stupid jokes when things turn to the left, and some sort of sheep to the right and found himself face to face with the other. Unter gleefully ram runs up and asks him if he is another kiss. He is laughing. March for two to three hours, but every half-hour break, good discipline does not allow noncommissioned smoking when we march. And they want to smoke frequently. A month uchebki about the first time since the end of the service hours at six. You can go to town to buy beer. Drink in the room is strictly prohibited. Can be in the TV room or the «room of free time.» Well, or at the bar in the barracks.

Pole buys bubble «bison» and we go to the room Buhanov. Without a snack and a cigarette sticks tight, we buhie pint, and even on the bottom left on two fingers. In ten yell retreat, we are arguing about a Pole remains — he said and poured a bottle thrown from the window, I suggest to hide in my locker and drink up later. All anxiously trying to persuade me not to make a fool, they say storage is prohibited, and get caught us all a setup. I am proud to send my all away, saying that vodka does not allow me to pour my religion. One wise guy respectfully asks, «and what have you got?»

I put my spare bottle in his coat pocket, a locker, and in the following days, I drink to sip at bedtime. The Germans were shocked because I’m doing it.

On Tuesdays we run a circle around the barracks — about six kilometers. Dumb fanyunker — future lieutenant, running round screaming with us — «guys, Russian behind us, yielding to go!» (Interestingly, all Russian skedaddle associated with the word?) I succumbed to the move, catch it and yell: «Russian is here!» He stumbles. After jogging warm-up, during which our Turk — platoon jester podsirala smoothly and pukes his feet under the bill fanyunkera. At the time bent over puked a little bit on the two straightened, took two half-twist the body, bent at times, even puked. Fanyunker yelling at him to «come down! Blyuyte elsewhere! Over in the bushes go away! «After the workout, he invites me to step aside and looking me in the face, said that he did not want to hurt her cry about Russian, and that he is deeply sorry about this, and asks for forgiveness. I forgive him generously.

On Friday, after breakfast jog three miles in top form. The oldest with our call — Mommsen, he is 25 years old and he seems a little crazy. On a run, he is amazing and frightening people, I’m a Pole and delighted. Ordered to run, note the time — a circle of 400 meters. Mommsen runs through the first round, equal to the Unter have a stopwatch and yells at the event: «I am …! No ….! I can not …! Run …! More! «Unter in three words advises him to remain silent and to run on, and Mommsen runs, and suddenly begins to just cry. Right on the run, and it looks pretty weird, like running, long-drawn sob, then a drawn s-s-s-s-s-s, then again sob and s-s-s-s-s-s. And runs a circle, crying out loud, and is equal to Unther again. While non disbelief and his ears staring at him, he’s running on. Unter awakens from lethargy and yells: «Mommsen, do not run if you can not!». But Mommsen stubbornly runs on. And sobs. Unter out to hunt, catching up with him, running alongside and shouted: «Mommsen, stop, ‘and so they run peacefully side-by-side half-circle until the NCO finally realizes that it can last long and gentle gesture Mommsen takes the elbow and drags him away from the treadmill, and carefully removes the room. Mommsen rest of the day lying on his bed in his room and no one is talking. Compassionate Germans offered him a drink or talk, but he just shakes his head.

By the way when Mommsen first came into the barracks, he immediately told everyone that he did not have a son today, tomorrow and all the fussing about how to give him a couple of days time off when it happens. Every week, when Mommsen returned to the barracks, he was asked whether he was at last his father, and every week he invariably answered that yet, but this week for sure … he was abused, hooted and cackled when six months have passed, and he also spoke the doctor said that this week for sure and smiling like an idiot … Then I got bored, but after 9 months of service it so no one was born, and opinions were divided. Someone said that he was just down, people are also mildly thought that he had probably played out some sort of a tragedy, but the truth, we never found out.

After jogging up to twelve of the day cleaning the room and entrusted to the clean-up. Our territory — a corridor and staircase — I have been involved in cleaning only once in two months uchebki. Hansen’s every day for two times and washed the floors swept, and lamented the fact that I’m not helping … Well, I for conscience sake, but more for show once pretended to wipe the dust off the railing. What sort of dust?

Every time on Friday, the same bike, but the Germans with my room every time she firmly believed and almost reach hysterics, go all out. The bike is that up to twelve hours of the day in the room should not be left debris or dust, and then we were sent home on time. If, however, where there will be dust, then woe to all, for the force to get out ahead and detain us for an hour longer. The problem is that as you do not try, there is dust. In any case. And each time playing out the same performance — about eleven test comes in the face of usually two NCOs and are looking for dust, and which are quite fast. Professionals — on the ceiling of the ceiling, or lint on the chair leg, between the frames in a window or on the window sill outside, on the door hinges, a trash can, on the soles of his boots, and so on. They know a lot of hiding places, and even if the long-suffering Germans remember them all and carefully wipe all, Unter easily find another. Then follows a well-played offense NCOs. They’re just in shock, what’s the piggery and two minutes yelling and resent that out for us now the whole battery is delayed for another hour.

Panic among the Germans, bordering on despair. They blame each other, but mostly me, because I do not show much enthusiasm for cleaning, is that we are now, but because of us and the whole battery miss the train. I say that they are one and the same say in every room, and let us go as usual, regardless of whether the dust is found or not, but I do not believe … The performance is repeated once more. Germans just do not cry. Finally, at twelve o’clock again check with the approval of the Unter say «would have long since,» and in a couple of minutes yelling that the service is completed.

All happily change into civilian life and rush to the bus stop. On my «well, what did I say?» No one pays attention.

Next Friday it repeats again. Is that the episode with Momzenom is unique because of the runs he is released.

The food here is bad. According to German standards.

Breakfast and dinner consists of bread, bread rolls and a few varieties of cheese and sausages. Well and vegetables such as tomatoes — cucumbers threaded and weight of fruit: apples, pears, bananas, melons sometimes. Every Thursday, a hot meal — or fried potatoes with onions, or a slice of pizza, or baked Hawaiian toast with ham, pineapple and cheese plate. For lunch, a standard set — a piece of meat with sauce diluted, boiled potatoes and what some boiled or steamed vegetables. Well, sometimes there are of course pasta or rice … Every Wednesday soup day — give ayntopf thick with sausage are usually salted.

But it is in the barracks. In the same feed on more. Bivouac — a beautiful, Eseninskiy word. On the fourth week, we’re going into the woods to «fight.» On Monday night we were awakened huge inflated simpleton with our room and whispered excitedly, that something is wrong, that would probably be lifting the alarm in the hallway because the light is not as usual, and the dark and the corners are small svechechki. People are beginning to worry and panic. I’m indignant, saying not to interfere with sleep, that if the anxiety, we did not miss it, so shut up. Muscled says he will not sleep more, and will have to wait … I tell him that he waited in silence and do not sheburshal and fall asleep again.

In an effort ears unbearable howl. Siren. Awake jump up on the bed, do not understand. Muscled turns on the light and tossed across the room. No one knows what to do, because we are worrying about and never heard of before, much less how to behave. Someone yells, «ABC-Alarm!» (Atomic-biological-chemical alarm) and we all as a grab masks — they benefit from a locker at the edge — and get into them. At this time the door swings open with a crash and a scream «alarm, all built!» Flies warrant. At first, he still yells in vain that we have included the light, but stops in mid-sentence, because he sees the five idiots in shorts and masks and one in uniform but also in a gas mask (it’s funky jock clothed form, filled the bed and sat waiting until everyone else was asleep) . NCO is trying to make a formidable person, but it is clear that it was bursting with laughter. Building! — He yells and takes off. Flies and other shouts: «Building! Turn off the light! Anxiety, «but also notes the comic situations and begins to laugh openly, though shyly covering his face unterofitserskuyu palm. Runs out. We are still in a stupor, standing in gas masks and can not move. Here runs shtabsunterofitser Schroeder, deputy commander of the platoon, completely devoid of humor and imagination and starts to yell loudly and angrily that it’s a mess, why do we pull on the masks, when it is not ABC-alarm and alarm, quickly remove the masks, dress form, soon building. And no light thing! Slams the door.

Only then did I realize what was going on and I start to laugh, strip off the mask, feverishly to pull on his pants and boots. Give orders to the construction, the shirt I puts on the run. In the hallway is a motley crowd. Who is in the same pants and sneakers, but who is in the form of bare feet, there is even a special one in a tunic and boots but no trousers. Schroeder glumly pacing down the line. «Such a shame I have not seen!» Ruined it. «Do not crowd of soldiers and peasants! Quickly from room to room, put on the form, as expected, take paper and pencil! Who turned on the light, spare! One minute, let’s go! «With genuine anger he shouts.

A minute later all dressed in form, are worth. Schroeder yells that he will now read out the dispositions once, all silently record, he then everyone personally inspect. The disposition is such that X country, bordering with our country Y, pulls troops to the common border on the River Z, possibly a violation of the border, our battery ordered to take a position on the right bank of the river, and Z is embattled. Try to write down anything standing in formation on a sheet of paper with a pencil. I do not even try to rely on memory. Then write it down.

Schroeder commanded to disperse the rooms immediately hear the order «to prepare for the construction before the armory,» pause, «to be built armory!». Stomp the stairs. Our armory on the floor above. Stand in front of her, in turn, go, tell the machine room, we give a card with the same number, he hung up on the spot where stood the machine. For record-keeping. When you return machine, you get the card back. My machine ’64 release, a well-worn. At the shooting range, where we were taken to this, there was a problem: in order to determine the point of impact (no machine does not shoot well as it should, and a little to the side, at least ours) with a hundred meters to produce three bullets on the big one and a half to one and a half meters of the target, aiming for the top ten. If all the bullets went over mene heap, for example on the left of the seven scores, the aiming point (which is labeled to get into the top ten), respectively, for the seven on the right. I released all three bullets, aiming at the bull’s-eye, but the target is not a single hole was found. They asked me where I was labeled, I said that the top ten, as it should. Unter pouhmylyalsya, palnut ordered three more times. I fired with the same result. Unter on physiognomy which was clearly written that he thinks about me, with the air of superiority took the machine, and casually took three shots, he said, «Now I’ll show you went to this point.» When we got to the target, it’s my time to smirk. On the target was not a single hole. Unter pear-scratched his head. In the end, this point has been found — you need to aim at the ground below the right lower corner of the target to even get into it.

Once we got the machines were ordered to go back to their rooms and wait for the order. We had to wait a long time. The alarm was four in the morning, about half past four we went from room to room with machine guns, combat gear pinned (two pouches with cages, shovel, a bag with a gas mask, rubber cape and rubber gloves, a bag with a bowler hat, a flask — a belt and a backpack with extra stuff and strapped him a sleeping bag), and sat down to wait. Made a sortie into the hallway — a smoke. Everything is quiet. Gradually dawned. At six in the morning was the order of construction, we were told to go to the canteen for breakfast, just so laden and went, pushing, crowding, clung to each other, with tables, chairs and other household items at gunpoint and backpacks. After breakfast, we sat still for half an hour and then was ordered to construct the building, finally filed a colorful green Icarus. Were taken.

Each fighter has a half tent. Choose a mate from his department, along with it raise this building and you rejoice. Rejoice, because one left once and it is only half a tent. When asked what he should do, it is reasonable notice — bet half! He put the poor guy half, but as luck would have it in the evening began to drizzle rain and nasty north and walked the next four days that we were there and stuck it accordingly could not sleep, it was too wet, so it was not given to play soldiers (lying in a pool at night ambush for two hours, to circumvent the position with guns blazing and so on), and to put to the fire, after which he was to follow. Round the clock. So he was there and sat by the fire, and it was very, very harmful and not a good person, so that all kameradshavt spitting and no he did not offer his tent. On the third night, he fell asleep and fell into the fire and probably scared to get burned if not held by another change at the clock, which he promptly pulled out, he just singed her eyebrows, eyelashes and visor cap.

Send fighting everyday — four days. In the afternoon we learned to disguise grass and branches broken by the wind — the tree can not be a rip off, rubbed muzzles with black paint, crawling, running, jumping, shooting blanks, gas masks and rubber poncho shot — clothed, trained capture and disarm suspicious individuals (who are mostly played I am a Pole or — coming with a gun under his shirt, to meet thee patrol, yelling «Stop, hands up,» and you yelling «Fuck you all there is and there is», according to Russian of course. Patrol opeshivaet and stands agape, and you at the time of their kroesh obscenities, commander of theirs, the entire German army, and everything you see. then a gun aiming at you (like, actually targets the people can not, so he just pretends that aims at you, and he aims to ground) and the other is suitable searches, takes a gun and you gone. resist me categorically banned, and the scenario was always the same thing), well, just sharilis around with a gun at the ready and when Unter, the squad that it occurred to me he filed a special mark, all hiding in the bushes or behind a tree gunpoint and drove back here — they say the enemy never sleeps. Once pretended to fight. At first, we were sitting in the forest, and the other branch through clearing for us to run, we shot blanks and distilled, then vice versa. At night, there were two tasks, or two hours patrol — Bypassing bivouac in a circle — together, and sometimes noncommissioned simulated attack and had to react properly — shots to raise the alarm and wake up all, grabbed the gun and fled in all directions, scorching blanks, and shoot without ear in my ears was banned — defacing state property, which is the soldier, because there were on patrol with ears to shut up (issued special plugs), and there were three stations where you had to stop, pull the plugs out of your ears and listen, not stealing if the enemy. Then again, plugging his ears and on. Another task — just ambush — lying and looking in the direction of the perceived enemy, if you see it, you raise an alarm shots.

Not far from the clearing with tents stood two red plastic transportable loo, in which he had to go with the cover. Sneak in general, two soldiers — to sorting, then one knocks off the machine and the belt with the equipment, while the other sits on his haunches and keep looking around, protecting the rest of the first.

With the food was also very romantic. There was an order to find a long strong stick, making her nadpily on the number of soldiers in the unit and hang pots on a stick, wrapped in scarves, so as not rattled. Truck came with grub and the movement was initiated two soldiers from the compartment, with the bowlers on a stick snuck into the car, which stood in the middle of the field. Next to sneak at least two with guns at the ready, covered those with a stick. Approached the car, get the grub, snuck back and ate, then sat at a large fire and smoke.

Every day, we lose approximately two — three men in the platoon sick. They were taken to the barracks.

On the third day of a camp, on Wednesday we were loaded onto a bus and taken to the barracks to wash, and then how three days without a shower? At the same time there have taken a second pair of boots, because the former does not dry out from the rain. By the way in the barracks also reigned romance — those patients who are not severely ill (there is the concept of an internal service, this is when you serve inside the room, and you can not go out), set up tents in the corridor, stretching them as something on the tape and slept in them, they brought piles of grass from the street, so they disguised themselves, they smeared themselves faces in black and also patrolled the corridor at night, where they sometimes waited insidious petty, or lying on the clock near the room with a gun. Only now it was impossible to shoot them in the hallway, so they just pretended that shoot. Also, two of them with the bowlers on the handle of a mop went to the canteen and brought to devour the rest. In general equality. Everyone has to go through camp during uchebki and everyone passed it, just some of the building.

When we went into the shower and changed into a clean (each had three sets of forms), we were taken back into the forest and we went on a heavy field service. If it were not for the September rain lingering, ever-wet things, sleeping bags and legs, it would be all fine.

On Thursday we had a little celebration — brought stacks and pickled sausages from eight o’clock in the evening was the grill — each on a stack and two sausages and two small jars of beer Faxe. Who would not want a beer could get two cans of cola, respectively, or forfeits. Then to bed at five o’clock on a Friday last alarm — Unter were running, shouting, shooting and throwing firecrackers foam in the shape of a pomegranate, we fired back and recaptured reptiles.

And then dismantled the tents, packed up and march to the barracks — eleven miles in full battle regalia and with a gun on his shoulder — and behind the camp.

After the march — bloody blisters. Boots — new, of good leather, hard and unusual, wash his feet in the blood. There is a huge bubble, immediately bursts, then the new, the next layer of the skin, breaks too, then running out of skin and worn on the heel itself. But nothing, eleven kilometers is nonsense, and reach almost everything. Those who say they can no longer receive orders to stop and wait for a truck that runs on the road. They do not yell, but hinted that they are weaklings. I put up with. Russian can not be a wimp.

When I finally got to the barracks of relief rented boots, both in the brown sock blood above the heel, and about the middle of the foot. Carefully take off from their body — it looks bad, but it’s better than I thought. The Germans were staring at me, asking why I did not go on the truck. I proudly chuckled, shaking their heads, they chuckled. After cleaning and cleaning of uniforms end of the service. Carefully go limp in sneakers to the bus stop.

On Monday, many go to the infirmary — show calluses, they are washed, give out special «corn plasters» and provide relief from the boots. Specialists with the release of walking or in slippers or sneakers. Above them laugh — still Vidocq still that — in uniform and sneakers. On the drill on the parade ground, where we are preparing for the upcoming inauguration and then heard screaming, full of pain. Do not know how to march, stomp like a flock of sheep on the heels, and the people who are in trouble with sneakers. Boots still slightly soften the pain, but pleasant enough. Turks coming from behind me one of those. After he kicked me in the heel of the second time I turn to him and say, «keep your distance!» After the third time I turn and push him in the chest, angrily hissing «tread again — get right here in the face!» He tushuetsya , the look on his face shows that he does not doubt in my words. Shout at me petty. Turk behind by step, breaks formation, yelling at him, but I’m for it scarier than non. So he and the cries of notation is half a step away from me than it should and looks longingly at the screaming his noncommissioned eyes.

Before the oath — the so-called conscription examination. We again raised the alarm at four in the morning, but this time our fussy and suspicious jock sets the alarm for a quarter to four, out into the hallway, he sees that the light is off and the corners are svechechki and wakes us up. After that, he takes out his locker stockpiled in advance, such as svechechki, lights them, puts on the table, so there was enough light, and we were careful to dress, making the beds and sit down at the table. When the siren starts to roar, the door swings open, runs noncommissioned officer and his gaping mouth to shout «siren, to the construction of» slamming her again, shakes his head and goes again. Runs the other, yelling that the disorder, and takes away all the candles out. We sit in the dark until they hear the order to the construction. Again, yes same disposition, but immediately upon receipt of the machines and vestments in combat gear we take away …

The essence of the test is that the separation of ten men, under the command of one of our favorites is «vice squad» does march with orientation on the ground, having a compass. Map gives exactly this very moment the deputy named Tyurman (he still kamerad, arrogant, cocky) and blind luck to me. We at this moment to remember the map, then it was taken away, give a piece of paper to jot down what they see. Order — is the direction. Department — in full gear, with blanks in vending machines, march. Each compartment chafing from the truck in different places and examination began. Compare the maps drawn before. They are completely different. I am a long dispute with the factory committee of which one is correct and where we are going, and then he sends me to be closing.

The military situation. This means, paint the face with black paint bristling with helmet grass and twigs and go on the prowl in a given direction (in response to orders blunt Tyurmana who felt the power and then saw suspicious movement or hears something), and every now and then, jumping into the bushes, bristles at gunpoint. I get bored. Firstly, I believe that we are not exactly where it is needed, and secondly it dawns and we should already be in place, after two hours of wandering about in the woods. So when he once again ordered to hide in the bushes, I cheerfully releasing three shots in the direction of the edge. Knotted brisk skirmish. Each shoots five or six rounds, then silence … The enemy is not visible. I say that it seemed to me, do not hide the smirk.

Go ahead. Finally we come to a fenced field where cows graze peacefully. Tyurman reports that we have on the other side of the field, they say we climb over the fence, I resist, I say that it is forbidden doctrines and teachings, and the owner of the field will not be happy if armed soldiers are subjected to stress cows. In the end, climb, step over a very broad cow dung, I’m back in full voice moody tone notifies all about what this most Tyurman in my opinion an idiot that came up with it, I was one of two people who saw the map of the area sends back instead to consult with me, and eventually we shlyaemsya on the manure, instead of for a long time to be in place. Tyurman angry cries out to me, «Shut up,» I say — «what is true after all! Is not that right, comrades? «Comrades are silent, but I feel that the truth is on my side. After another three minutes, a deliberate broaching whining, Tyurman broken voice yells, «Shut up, that’s an order!»

I answer — «their orders …. can you imagine, you’re nobody, and do not be rude better.»

It breaks down to squeal — «I’ll tell noncommissioned officer Vitshtruku — what did you shoot without the need that you do not fulfill the orders.»

And here I am, enjoying, telling him that Vitshtruku course will be without interest to know that his choice of his deputy utter moron, ordered us to climb through private property, is led by the private field and proving their cretinism ordered us to keep quiet and do not tell him for he made mistakes. He is silent.

On the other side of the fence finally seen the situation — we did a little detour — just three or four kilometers, and came to the first checkpoint in the rear, a lot of surprising the sergeant, who was lying in wait with a machine gun and was preparing to arrange our field conditions, where we show you. At this point we had to collect — to disassemble the machine guns for a while, but then out of season on the horizon, there is another branch (the gap was planned in about an hour — a half, but so far we strayed, they caught up with us) and non attracts us to the creation of combat conditions. We hide in the bushes, and after letting them close, open rapid fire on the unsuspecting enemy. Hammering them into the dusty ground at the edge of the forest for its idle bursts, we’re having fun with might and main. All the same, much more tempting to ambush than they get. It looks very impressive. Machine gun chirps and growls, machine-gun fire department plunged into panic, the soldiers rush about, oblivious to the fact that it is necessary to fall and shoot. When they finally begin to occur and volleys, the fire from our side subsides team noncommissioned officer, and he cries, «which department and who is your deputy commander?» — «I, Second Division» ¬ — small voice is heard from the high yellowed grass. «Stand up!» Shouts noncommissioned. The poor man gets up, and falls again under the joyful laughter of sergeant, which releases on it long bursts. Then he read a short lecture that the enemy never sleeps, the separation is broken, deprived of command and virtually destroyed.

After that, he tells us that we have successfully demonstrated their ability to assemble and disassemble the machine gun and gives us a new direction. At the next checkpoint, we find ourselves in the area of atomic-biological-chemical attack. Requires hold your breath, get up on one knee, and put the machine to rest on the shoulder, remove the helmet, fasten it on his knee, and get to wear a gas mask (this was given twenty seconds — who had not declared killed) to pull out the rubber poncho and to put on a hermetically tighten the hood, on top of a gas mask and a hood to fasten the helmet, and finally pull the rubber gloves with a separate index finger — so you can shoot it. Half of the time does not administer the department and non tedious says that the war they would have been dead, it’s a mess, what a shame, and so on. Then he shows us the direction — about three hundred meters down the next checkpoint and accidentally ends in the same place infested area. Move!

Run in a gas mask and rubber poncho is very unpleasant — gasp and sweat terribly, form two minutes completely wet. Finally reaching the edge of the forest saving, we have the team take protective equipment. Gently spread out all long stretches, we are back to the wind. Noncommissioned officer extends to every bag of white powder, it is reassuring that the decontamination agent and pour it offers richly all things, especially the mask. I mus powder in the fingers, sniff and suddenly realize that it is torture. Another joke for educational purposes — a little mound of flour into the wet gas mask and then, in the barracks, pick out from it dried up the dough will take you a lot of fun. I dip your fingers in flour, spend their gas mask on top and sprinkle with a poncho. We are saved. You can combine all again in a bag and follow on.

We will have the following items: assembling-disassembling machine guns and pistols, a group on the defensive, stop and search suspicious persons, orientation on the map with a compass and a ferry across a narrow channel on the rope, stretched between two trees — naturally with insurance. All that we go through easily, but Mommsen during the crossing began to sob again, hovering around the middle rope and saying that he is afraid of heights. He was invited to move on, because half of it is gone, but he is sobbing harder, just opened his arms and hung on the insurance — two meters above the water surface. Of all persuasions and shouts, he was responsible hysterical sobs. Followed by a grandiose event of salvation Mommsen. The easiest and most logical way was to throw him a rope and pull him to the ground, but he clung with both hands frantically for safety rope, which hung and therefore could not catch the rope. A brave rescuer had to climb a rope in order to hold on to Mommsen’s saving the earth, but Mommsen made in this plan a lot of complications, as time released the cable and grabbed his savior, having achieved that in the end they were hanging next to tether a savior was firmly embraced by the dead soldier’s grip. But of even hands-free, so that he was able to catch the end of their rope and finally pulled ashore. Yet even after this long Mommsen had to be persuaded to let go of the other, he just sobbed and shook his head. Unhooking, he was taken away.

Along the way, we had lunch in the order of battle — cold fried chicken thighs wrapped in foil, mashed potatoes and stewed fruit, rest for half an hour and moved on.

Trips between points were complicated by hostile raids noncommissioned officers, from time to time to arrange an ambush. I had to shoot. When the ambush was not a long time, I am, so that separation did not lose vigilance, they imitated. He started to shoot and arranged in such a way shake his comrades, but they do not like it and appreciate offended.

Beating all items platoon gathered for a large meadow, held a roll call. The platoon commander, Lieutenant ordered the deputy commander of the offices to hand over the remaining rounds. Our Tyurman went to him and has reported that his office no bullets left, then came back to us and said that we bury them. Since I was with him in a confrontation, I said that I will not bury the ammunition and invited him to go and inform the lieutenant that patrons still remained. The rest were buried in the meantime the. Tyurman came up to me and tied me next casual conversation:

— «You’ll bury them!»

— «No.»

— «Dig in!»

— «No.»

— «That’s an order!»

— «Fuck you with your orders»

— «I complain that you do not follow my orders!»

— «Go on, go ahead. Heard about the damage to state property? «

— «Bury your ammo!»

— «No.»

— «Please, bury it, and I have already said that we do not have» — in the voice of anguish.

— «There is. Who are you pulling the tongue? «

— «But why?»

— «It’s a pity. Yes, and bad for the environment «

— «You’ll bury them!»

— «No.»

— To «bury» — with the threat. Takes a step towards me, grabs my rifle with two hands. I critically look around him, wondering where to punch — in the jaw, or a pit of my stomach. The Germans are a warning shout, «Hey, hey,» are around, say «leave it».

«And what do you do?» Sad Tyurman asks, letting my rifle.

«Go to a report that the branch delivers ammunition in such a number.»

It comes with the cartridges to the lieutenant, who tells him about the long discipline, kindergarten and responsibility. Returns pale with anger — «I flew out for you!». «Own fault» — I replied laconically.

Comes enthusiastic grandfather — a lieutenant colonel, commander of the battalion. Runs among the soldiers, shaking hands, asking how it went, we were not tired, there are no blisters, and more. Many say that yes, the tired, and the corn is. Grandfather pushing it that the plan we had to march eleven kilometers to the barracks, but as we have shown themselves very well and are well equipped with all the difficulties, he decided that we deserved a little comfort now come trucks.

Glad we are perched on the car and drive to the barracks. Next week the oath.

After a successful «conscription examination,» we are preparing for the inauguration. March, learn synchronously execute the command «left,» «right,» and «Circle!» In the face of great difficulties. But commanders are not losing hope and never stopped yelling still teaches soldiers where the left, where the right and what’s all the same left shoulder to make it through ’round! «.

The day before the oath dress rehearsal. Reprezentantov selected six of the battery, which will have the honor to come to the flag, to touch a pole and read the formula of the oath, which by the way is very short, and, as it should in a democratic country, not a vow, but «a solemn promise.» It sounds like this: I solemnly promise to faithfully serve the Federal Republic of Germany and bravely defend the right and freedom of the German people. Our battery commander progressive man and is there to protect peoples’ friendship, so six reprezentantov real Germans only three. The others — I, German, Russian, Polish and Italian Shodrok Impagnatello. All battery solemnly marching to the parade ground, built on the space provided, and costs about half an hour for exercise. Then the team honored six soldiers (that’s us) fails, follow the center of the parade ground, where is our corporals with the flag of our battery, touch him, say the text of the oath, and then sing the National Anthem. After this, we return to the ranks, stand still for half an hour and the battery solemnly marching back to the barracks …

Friday morning — the day of the oath — a church service. In the Catholic Church, of course. Turks began to swing right, he is a Muslim and can not and does not want to church. First, it is reasonable to try to persuade, they say you can not pray and just sit there, nothing will happen, but he rested. Then wily lieutenant tells him that he respects the religion, but then he, Muslim, will have to stay in the barracks and scrubbing the stairs and hallway under the constant supervision of noncommissioned officer Steinke, a Turk who can not tolerate. And all the others in this time after sitting in the church, then popyut coffee with biscuits and arrive two hours later, when he had the Turks had just finished cleaning. Turks immediately goes back down, says it’s okay if he went to church, the more he has always been interested in how the Catholic service.

Near the church is a minister, gives little books and hymns, prayers and songs. We ceremoniously go and take their seats. The priest tells the long and tedious that «we are a peaceful people, but our train is on the siding,» then get up, read the Lord’s Prayer, then he rants about the important role played by the German army for peace in Europe and throughout the world , then get up and sing the song «Thank you for this beautiful morning, Thank you for this day,» and so on. After the service we drink coffee with biscuits and go back to the barracks, where there are going to relatives and friends — walk, consider tanks and manual arms, staring at us. We march to their building and we dismiss half an hour, in order to talk with visitors, show them the barracks, to introduce the comrades and so on.

Then the building, we march to the parade ground, and grow as it should stand. First, it pushes the mayor of the city, a military band played a march, then the commander of the battalion march again, then commandant of the barracks, march, then General, and so on. It lasts about an hour. Muggy and windless. First start to fall — standing motionless hour circulation is disrupted and followed by a short pass out. Behind series are ready medics with stretchers, water and first aid suitcases. Lucky for those who fall back, they pick up and carry. Those who fall forward lay himself noses and hands, a broken jaw. The biggest losses were sustained by a guard of honor — those who do not participate in the oath, but simply look beautiful, twisting machine guns and helmets glisten in the sun. Until the end of all the ceremonies of them was carried out about half of our battery dropped only three.

But we honor reprezentantov lucky — after an hour without traffic we m willing to march to the flag, it is tilted, everyone lays down a gloved hand on the shaft, the battalion commander says into the microphone formula of the oath, all of them are repeated. Sing the national anthem, then the six of us greet, shake hands with the Mayor, General, commander of the barracks, and invite us to participate in the banquet of honor at the end of the oath. We march back into the system, carefully measured pace, stretching his legs and waving his arms.

Then another hour of speeches, marches and finally congratulate us, after taking the oath battery beeps three times, «Feuer Frei!» — The battle cry of artillery, to which we belong. Let’s go to the parade ground and all. The oath taken, we give out red army’s stripes and accessories from now on we do not recruits — we are soldiers of the Bundeswehr.

We go to the officers’ club at the banquet — noncommissioned officers in plaid pinafores tray of champagne on trays, various snacks, we congratulate, once again pushing the speech, it quickly becomes boring, we’re leaving, after drinking several glasses of champagne. Not every day so treated.

***

Shooting range. Shooting range — it’s always good. Shoot at targets. When not shooting, sitting smoke, converse with kameradami. Shot with almost everything. Lot and be happy. Shot with a pistol, with Uzi machine with an old brand — G3 and a new, G36. Burst and. Lying down, kneeling, standing freely or at a wall, putting her arm. Shot even with the Panzerfaust. Grenades were thrown fighting, fragmentation. Only now with the gun was not possible. At all — it’s a pleasant variety of shooting in viscous and lazy service.

Here we go, after breakfast at the shooting range, our chief lieutenant. We arrived and set up a target, spread coconut matting to shoot lying down, got in line. The first approach to the booth to receive ammo. Hitch. Where’s the ammo? No ammo. Forgot to grab. Chief lieutenant in a panic. Calls to the battery commander — what to do? The one that is yelling into the phone. What a pleasant enough, judging by the puckered face of our brave platoon commander. It goes somewhere. We’re sitting.

After about an hour and a half brought ammunition. Finally! Again stand in the queue. Hitch! No shopping for vending machines. Not given … Lieutenant Aubert pale, then red. Uncertain twists phone in hand, cautiously dials …

After another two hours brought shops. At this time, do not stand in the queue. Lunch — after lunch hour break. Can not shoot. Afternoon «quiet time.» Sitting. Hour stretches — it is boring, I want to sleep. Finally become in turn, receive the first stores of ammunition, go to the mats, lay down. Ready to shoot, waiting for the team, but the keeper comes shooting says — are you saying that staged? You only have till noon is reserved … Change came to collect. We’re leaving …

Be one of our Tipoca — Kruger. With the lack of communication, and generally not very confident. A warmonger. Ponakupal yourself of junk. Poncho bought special — in camouflage spots, for 70 euros. And wear it did not allow it — stand out from the masses, and it is necessary that all were equal. Grays. Or he bought himself two pistols — a model. Vozdushki. And every morning under their shirt hanging in holsters like febeerovtsev. At the foot by wearing trousers in a sheath knife desantsky. I bought myself why even then Kevlar helmet for 200 euros. Fool. But in its own way. His dream was to serve in the army — applied for unterofitsera stay — refused. Without giving reasons. Although the reasons why, if he really turned on the army and weapons? These are not even in the Bundeswehr needed. Few people talked to him at all, more laughing, opaquely alluding to his dementia. The girl left him, that he is limp.

Once, during an afternoon break — basically everyone was asleep — an unexpected order based on the corridor. Frowning non commanded divisions: the first — to the attic, the second — in the basement, the third — to go around the building, and so on. Well, I’m with my office in the basement. Came from. Stand. What to do? They stood for half an hour and back. And there passions. The story — Kruger did not go to dinner with his room the Germans back into the room — and then his farewell letter. They say I’m out of this life, I ask no one to blame, and so on. Well, they’re in a panic to the authorities — they say Krueger voluntarily from the life out … What to do. That’s us, and sent him to look in the basement — but did not report on the subject quest to not create panic. They say if we find themselves on the site of a look. But we found it — was sitting in the TV room with a knife in his hand. How to sergeant went ¬ — he threw the knife aside and ran to open the window. The fourth floor. But did not. Was seized by the collar and sent to a mental hospital bundesverovskuyu. A month later came back as healed. As is typical — no effects — just went with all the shooting range — shooting … I told him when he was thirty-martial — «you say crazy, if we shoot down here, I’ll wring your neck.» He lybitsya and slyly at me, and the Germans hiss at me — you’re human, you fool? And he really can! «Well, that’s why I warn you, because he is crazy» — I say. Five people were frightened and ran to the commander told not want to be here when Kruger armed. He tried to persuade them long … But nothing happened.

And then there’s «Vahe.» This is when the day hanging around the checkpoint. Happy easier — two o’clock in standing with a gun and a bullet-proof vest at the gate or at the gate where the staff goes hiking, or for fear of terrorists who checks the documents strahuesh — you sit in the bushes or behind a huge boulder (a monument in honor of the dead-air defense during route runner the first of the two world wars) with a gun and radio. They say if the one who checks the documents zamochut, open the cover of fire. Two hours defended, then an hour’s respite. You can eat or lie down, but without losing the combat readiness. And worse at night. There’s still a need to go to a night patrol. Shlyaeshsya the barracks in the dark, looking for criminals. Or sit on duty if the car goes, the two pop — one checks the documents and opens the gate if anything, the other for the parapet of sandbags yawns. Managed to sleep for the night on the strength of three hours and then in fits and starts, in half an hour.

Under the charter between these watches for a soldier at a minimum day respite should be, but it turned out that all the barracks where it parted, and we stayed. People are not enough … I sat there for three days straight. Served. From lack of sleep and clear stupidity going on the roof is not just moved out. On the second day I still had fun — scared to death of the old, to curry favor with Lieutenant sergeant. He rides a bike — I’m standing at the gate. The first time I am applying to it a sign that he stopped, and he was not looking past rides. Well guess. On the second day of the stand, he goes. I raise my hand in it by. And here I have a loud voice, «haaaaalt!» And unbuttoned his holster. As he was ejected from the bike, just lovely. Threw it, ran over, pulls out a document. I scolded him severely so — say, if a soldier carrying a watch tell me to stop, you have to do to avoid such misunderstandings. He assents. Escaped. And the mood has improved.

And on the third day just got worse, and the questionable success. It began with that defended required two hours ten to twelve, I pulled the bullet-proof vest, looking forward to lunch and rest time … But then comes up to me on duty and said — «you that it is located? You now order on the gate — to insure for stone «

— «No, I have a lunch»

— «No, you outfit!»

— «Yes, just came to me right now relies lunch»

— «I order to get up and walk!»

Then I got angry. What the fuck? All nervous, all tired, but that’s so then why? I said: «I do not care. Lunch and everything. » He has balls on his forehead — «it is disobedience to order» yells! And I’m still a hurdy-gurdy — «I do not care, I have lunch.» He ran, rustling, yells say you’ll be sorry, you do not know what it is, disobedience, but during the watch, but it will go on disciplinary lines! And I’m sitting, I prepare dinner. I think fuck you, nothing I will not. Hazing’ve got three days to go, even without lunch to send two shifts in a row to stand. Shish! How am I going to harchevatsya?

Well here noncommissioned escaped. Snitch. To the most important thing — the chief sergeant-major on duty watch barracks. He came, summoned me into the hallway. I think — still have … And nahamlyu him, let him put on his lip, but the rest. But the man — apparently a man cunning. Immediately to me — I know, tired, do not put no lunch break, and so relies, I know they say, corporals on you should not have to yell, you had to talk normally and be done with it, I understand, do not be angry they say, Now we give you fifteen minutes for lunch, eat quickly and then replaced, standing and then we’ll stay two o’clock. All right? Please … So I touched it please — I say okay. I will go. Okay. They do not blame the people that are missing. I see. It is necessary that there is some sort of dolt behind the stone stood. I see. Army — a delicate matter. I understand everything. But it makes it no easier. Come for the stone, and the machine took off the radio, put in the pot. Sat down, leaning back to the stone, I think the fire burn it all. So good was — but I feel that I sleep. And it’s unnecessary. Well to dispel stood there like here … Lyrical mood attacked. Took out a pencil and on the stone, carefully, in large block letters brought «do not be sad leaving, coming not be happy.» Forty minutes drew. I think that’s you, greetings from the Russian (by the way, I’m lucky as it turned out — a week about one style with our battery standing near the ill-fated stone spat on him, and what that officer noticed this and there is started! Blasphemy, disrespect, desecration — it on three days on his lip and a fine of three hundred euros … I do not want to know what would have happened if I had caught those, like me, sticking his tongue deduce Russian letters)

Then yet two o’clock I was given a rest. And then I went to the gate of the car braked with General to check the documents. And should have been able to pass without question, if stopped, to report to him … But what? Yes, I am tired. Tormozhu this Mercedes, a brash driver jumps out — the captain and let’s yelling at me: what is it you stop the car, check boxes that you do not see the future? I see — I say (in general, I have these flags only three days later he saw and understood what they are for.) He yells — if you can see, why stop? I say, ‘so! There is no need to shout at me. Come out to the window if you have a problem and have a talk with the duty noncommissioned officer. » Showing his hand on the window and I see that there is the same attendant handed me a desperate signs. That hand near the throat leads, in the direction of the gate waving. Here and I thought for a moment, looked into the Merc, and there mug generals. Frowning like that. It to us every day in the photo shown, so we knew who to bow if you suddenly see. Then it hit me. Since then, General Well-father is ours! Well, I’m not the carcass said the captain, «thank you, you can follow on.» He turned away and clear step proceeded to his post in the booth. Captain, what is grumbling, slammed the door Meurs. Poor duty sergeant suffered so … Shame. It was replaced by stop. Sad walked all day until the evening. In the evening, I have the same general braked again. Once he was traveling on a different machine … How should I know? Stupidly stand … Machine. Raise your hand, it stops. Trumps. The driver shows the documents that are not looking to flaunt the next. But the general mercy, I see that I understood a little crazy. He opened the window, even to me his general’s identity revealed. And here again the situation is non-standard. Well, I glanced briefly at the license, and there is the same picture as in the hanging wall in the duty room. It struck me as a shock, looked closer — just, again, General. And he sits lybitsya, looking at me. And I thought feverishly, we must now report to him or not? I just checked his documents, then it’s too late to report? But I must, according to the ordinance. But it is stupid … While I was thinking, he asked whether it is possible to go. Ride, I say.

In the Bundeswehr is the mass dismantling and merging parts. Not enough staff. Despite the fact that unemployment and mass of young people do not know where to start my adult life, less and less sign contracts. The reason is clear. If you will sign a contract — has six months in the so-called hot spots, where our pro-American government happy to send peacekeeping troops to clean up after a valiant Americans. Of deaths occur, and it does unattractive, despite a lot of money.

We are in our part of the last call. After that, the battalion ceased to exist, and command of the material and distribute to other parts of the defense. So it turns out that we are and do nothing. But why bother if it is still all down the drain? Throughout the battalion so-called apocalyptic mood. For days on end sitting in the basement or in a tank hangar and check the staffing tools, weapons and other material to a month to go to the destination. As always half is missing. Sergeant sluggish steal each other’s missing, because to say exactly where what is missing is not considered feasible. So goes another month. All honor to produce in Ober gefrayterov (Senior Corporal), give chase with two oblique stripes. This means that left to serve another three months.

Discouragement … But then comes the good news! In Germany come for a friendly visit several U.S. warships led by what is there new super secret military staff liner. They arrive in the port city of Kiel, where the German military? Naval base. Well, because the Americans are deeply afraid of all sorts of different terrorists and other disturbers of the peace tranquility that country — the owner must organize a welcome safety expensive and distinguished visitors. And since we do still have nothing, then decide to send us. Inform guests that we have specially trained security unit hastily conducted exercises with us — learn to push aside the unarmed crowd — in case the pacifists in protest at the base area will burst, and sent to Kiel.

Everything is ready. We arrived in the morning, the Americans arrive in the evening. Our mission: we are so-called cannon fodder. On the basis of the two checkpoints. That’s right in front of the gate are such houses out of sandbags with porthole, in which sit two by two with our machines. Twenty rounds of ammo, guns loaded and cocked, but it’s worth the fuse. In the case of the so-called break-out (if anyone? Then will try to break into the base territory by force) have orders to shoot to kill without warning. Four more are sitting in the booth itself PPC ready. This is the first strip.

The second band is already seasoned noncommissioned officers who have been in Kosovo for six months and in the surrounding area. They stand just before the entrance to the pier, popular among Americans. Houses made of sand they do not, but there is three rows of barbed steel wire twisted spiral and folded pyramid. And two machine guns.

Oh, and then settled down already by the Americans themselves. Blocked the entire pier, and declared it their territory, and no German can not go in there. There are huge negros in flak jackets with guns and huge mirrored sunglasses in front of them instructed what? Barrage that there are two shields and armored personnel carriers with heavy machine guns. Such is the security.

Well, our business is small. Dress helmet and vest for protection from splinters racy, take guns and follow the on position. Proceeds service as four hours a cabin checkpoint, two hours in the sand at the lodge. Then six o’clock break, and again six o’clock watch. At night, boring and hard. Need to be secured so as not to fall asleep. Interesting entertainment are outlandish men who, it appears, after four months on board the first time, got out and is extremely interested in the German beer.

Inquire about a bit, then go straight can not. One instance caused a lot of positive emotions, when about twenty minutes, could not get through the gate. The gate is on the occasion of the late hour, were closed. First he tried on two legs and taxied to the gate to take the course, but it led to one side, he clung to the bars of the gate, and while going to his thoughts. Then he made a second visit, but missed again, it skidded to the other side and he buried the body in a flower bed. After lying for a little romance in the colors, he tried to get up but could not. Then it dawned apparently happy thought. Glad hihkaya he went to the side entrance on all fours. But different limbs do not want to work in sync. Then tucks one arm and he rested his head on the pavement and shoulder, the legs did not want to follow and remained behind and he stretched to his full height. Ironically, the idea to move on their bellies had not appeared. But the wicket he? Still took of attrition. Crept to the window, even got his license and handed it up, but could not raise his head, that represented a challenge to control because they could not compare his identity with a photo. But nothing happened, and he went on, still on all fours, and we have long looked after him, watching his zigzag bumpy ride on the ship home.

Not without its excesses on the part of the valiant, I mean us. One gay man, tired of standing in the silly house of sandbags, decided to diversify their leisure time that pushed the lever fuse on the position of the «turn», put his finger on the trigger and began to carefully aim at people outside the gate, gently escorting them gunpoint, until they were hidden from sight. His partner noticed this and gave up his military post, along with a gun and a walkie-talkie and ran to complain to our lieutenant, arguing that he did not want to stand next to a dangerous idiot and even said that he had a shock, and he refuses to continue to participate in the watch. As usual, they were removed from the watch, and me and the Pole, instead of lunch and the remaining three-hour rest was sent for replacement. We’re a little upset and began to forge evil plans, how to get revenge this very fun person who so adroit manner evaded service. He incidentally as mental instability forbidden to touch the weapon, and no weapon on the watch does not come out, so the rest of the time he was lying and resting in the barracks, and kicks ass and plywood derived stole from us when they met in the hallway, and proudly bore the fun as befits a soldier.

The logical result of this accident was the decision not to cock the machine to intercede for the service, since too dangerous and can cause an accident, as we were informed our sergeant.

Interesting there was confusion as to our militarist Krueger. Take over the watch to the house, he found that it would not hurt to retire on small need, but as a soldier, he was disciplined, he decided to bravely endure this little reverse service. What and carried out successfully within a half hour. Then it became unbearable to endure what he said on the radio at the gate, asking to replace it for a few minutes, but was laconic refusal. They say patience for half an hour, then we change, but if they can not, then pull up saying it all up and spit it out, gee gee gee gee! Kruger bravely endured another fifteen minutes, and then valiantly naprudil in my pants, because discipline is above all, and leave the military post without permission for such details is just nonsense and unworthy of Bundeswehr soldiers. This tragedy was over the fact that our commander found out about it through complex reasoning came to the conclusion that mental unbalance Kruger and the consequential fact a ban on carrying weapons.

Despite all the difficulties encountered, we have continued to reliably protect our allies until they finally deigned to leave our cozy berth, then we are new reserves of energy and zeal of the service back in our home barracks in order to continue to carry a heavy bundesverovskuyu share.

But we had to be bored for long. At the end of our life we finally come for a two-week exercise. And we have moved a long column on teaching. We arrived at the former barracks gedeerovskoy People’s Army, where everything was status respectively. And dilapidated facilities and furnishings antediluvian and fed as in socialism. But to shoot plenty. Night shooting tracer, Department of protection when in the raised weight automatic target moving closer and closer, and the department for firing him from the trenches.

And combing the forest chain, when the target is raised, all fall down and thrown into it from the machine — by the way I shot in the heat of battle, the two techs — moves the target with a large red cross, and I was in her single bam, bam, bam and no nurse scolded … me. It was fun … Patrons were hassled a lot, locals scared — crowd is armed to the teeth with black paint izmalevannyh soldiers through the village of? For heat at all according to the order of rolled up sleeves and a vending machine on the neck, neither give nor take invading Nazis — «go to Ukraine Soldiers of center. » And after each day of shooting beer … such service, what do you want

In general, the conditions close to the military. And yes noncommissioned officers officers, because of separation from loved us running into melancholy and human interest to us. That captain will put a case of beer, then lieutenant for those wishing to raid a brothel organize delivery to and fro, the lieutenant conversation is who will be what to do in the civilian world … but I hurt him deeply when he asked me what I do I will … I say go to university, and then I was thrown back into the army, Lieutenant go on. With me he did not conduct more interviews, which is good, but the beer is no longer put that bad. So we rested there with a week and back to their home barracks.

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